Seungwan s up and her world tilts on its axis.

After a long day of appearances and photoshoots she‘s about to pass out. Faces were blurring and sounds echoed strangely inside her head. Joohyun slings an arm around her and Seungwan buries her face into the crook of her neck, nosing into the silent, comforting spot that she adores.

She phases between consciousness and sleep, curled against Joohuyn, marvelling at the softness of her skin and enjoying her warmth.

It is a tiny mistake; a momentary lapse in self control. Her lips softly brush against the pale skin of Joohyun’s throat and it changes everything.

Joohyun jerks her body back with a sharp inhale and stares at her with wide eyes. The shock in them is not surprising, but the fear is.

Seungwan has looked into Joohyun’s eyes a thousand times and seen a hundred different things. She has never seen Joohyun afraid.
Before today, she had never seen fear in her eyes. Not when they performed their debut song on stage for the first time. Not at their first public appearance. Not even when she had been confined to a hospital bed, pale and fragile, with shattered bones and torn tendons.

Seungwan knows Joohyun. She knows that she is caring, hardworking and very, very brave. Even when faced with the possibility that she many never dance again, she was not afraid; that her career may end then and there, she was not afraid.

It terrifies her to see the fear in Joohyun’s eyes for the first time. And knowing it was because of what she had done, Seungwan feels hurt pierce her heart, sharp and agonising.

Joohyun draws back into her corner and leans against the window without another word. There’s a look on her face that she has not seen before; that she cannot read. Joohyun spends the drive staring out the window and not looking back once. Seungwan knows this because she keeps her eyes on Joohyun the entire time.

Something shifts between them, it lingers heavy and unspoken, gradually stealing away Joohyun’s smiles and sapping away at Seungwan’s strength.

Everything has changed and Seungwan is too much of a coward to confront Joohyun about it. It wears away at her, sure and slow, there’s a lethargy in her limbs and a gnawing sense of detachment inside her head.

All she needs to do is talk to Joohyun. And then all will be well. Seungwan does not talk.

She dreams about them, Joohyun’s eyes. Often they’re twinkling crescents, playful and warm and Seungwan wakes with a smile on her face.

As of late, more often than not, it’s wide, fearful eyes that haunt her when she succumbs to sleep. Always scared and never accusing. She sleeps less these days. She ends up on the balcony more often than not.

In the silent, calm hours of the night, when the world is sleeping and Seungwan cannot, she slips into her softest hoodie, long sleeves keeping her fingers warm and sneaks onto the balcony to bathe in neon lights.

There is a muted calmness to Seoul that is absent during the day. Under the moonlight, and only under the moonlight, beneath the star soaked sky, it’s something out of a florescent fairytale. And so Seungwan sits with lights dancing across her face and a certain weightlessness that makes its home in the hollows of her chest.

It’s a stark view, all concrete and glass, but it comforts her. The empty, winding streets are illuminated under the streetlights and tracing them with her eyes puts Seungwan at ease. It always seems so surreal to her, like taking a glimpse into another place, in another city, one where she’s living a different life.

She’ll sit on the balcony and get lost in her musings until the sun breaks the horizon with its morning light. Seungwan sits on the balcony when she cannot sleep and Seungwan sits on the balcony when she is sad.

Joohyun always seems to pick up on her sadness. She would be on the balcony, lost in thought and Joohyun would wrap deceptively strong arms around her waist and pull her back into a warm body. Seungwan would go limp in her arms, feeling safe and content.

Joohyun would press her forehead against her back and Seungwan would luxuriate in the comfort of her warmth. Joohyun would hold her until dawn shatters their cozy little bubble and they have to leave.

Seungwan does not bring it up. Joohyun does not mention it. She is not as sad when Joohyun holds her.

After the shift, Seungwan no longer spends her nights on the balcony. She grabs her phone and sneaks out of the apartment. She sits alone in the stairwell, listening to sad songs and tries to ignore the persistent ache in her chest.

Seungwan shifts uneasily on the plush purple couch. She feels as if she’s walked into a den of predators, body on edge and ready to flee. The lighting is dim and it would be intimate if she wasn’t so terrified.

They sit opposite her with matching cheshire grins and she suddenly regrets everything. It’s too late, she can’t escape. She’s seen that expression on Taeyeon before; it’s Tiffany that surprises her. She feels as if they’re cats and she’s the poor canary that’s walked into their kitchen and popped herself onto a plate. And they’re trying to decide what’s best to season her with.

Seungwan shudders when she catches a glimpse of pink tongue and edge of a sharp canine. She’s not terrified. She’s not terrified. She’s not terrified.

“Welcome, Seungwan. We’ve been expecting you.” Taeyeon tents her fingers and leans forward, eyes gleaming behind a curtain of dark hair.

Well, that’s ominous. Seungwan thinks that if Taeyeon had the physical strength to carry a chair that could spin all the way down the stairs to her basement, she would. She did mention that she was really into the villain aesthetic once upon a time. Her wardrobe had been monochrome for a week before Tiffany had put a stop to it.

Seungwan is pretty sure there’s still fansites dedicated to Taeyeon’s dark aesthetic. She might have subscribed to a few.

“So, it’s finally come to this.” Tiffany leans back and daintily takes a sip of  the drink in her hands, pastel pink nails curling around the glass. Her drink is a lurid shade of pink and it terrifies Seungwan.

“Don’t worry. We’ve done this a lot.”

“We pretty much guarantee happy endings.” Tiffany practically purrs.

“All you need to do, is tell us everything.” There’s an almost manic gleam in Taeyeon’s eyes.

Seungwan swallows nervously. She tries to start small.

“I have feelings for unnie.” That is not small at all.

“We know.”

“Oh.” She hadn’t predicted that.

“Honey, everyone and their manager can see that you have feelings for her.“

“Oh.” Seungwan doesn’t think she was that obvious. Apparently she’s wrong.

“It’s a miracle that she hasn’t picked up on it already.”

“I’m pretty sure she knows.” Seungwan feels her face grow warm, feels hot tears gather at the corners of her eyes at the admission.

There’s a beat of silence and she can tell that they’re thrown.

Taeyeon and Tiffany’s figures are blurry through her tears, but Seungwan cannot bring herself to wipe them away. She doesn’t want to see the pity that she knows will be present in their eyes. Neither of them are particularly adept at hiding their feelings.

It’s a balm really. She does not like the confrontation that supressed emotions bring. They’re such good friends because they are expressive and she is reticent, it’s who they are and why they work.

Joohyun is not one for words. Seungwan isn’t either. She bitterly wonders if that’s why they were over before they could begin.

She slides onto Taeyeon’s lap, wrapping her arms around a slender neck and buries herself in the soft looking material of her sweatshirt. Small hands start rubbing circles onto her back and Seungwan feels something shatter.

Seungwan sobs, harsh and resentful, in the protective circle of Taeyeon’s arms. She’s a storm of repressed emotion and it rushes through her veins and bleeds through her skin. She’s tired. She’s tired of Joohyun’s distance. She’s tired of her own unwillingness to act. She’s tired of holding herself together. She’s kept her emotions on too tight a leash for too long a time.

A storm is a force of nature. You cannot avoid it. You cannot stop it. All you can do is weather it.

“That’s not romantic! That’s just plain creepy!”

“Are those snowflakes on his tie?”

“Oh. His abs are delicious. I just wan-

“Yerim! No!”

“Yerim! Yes!”

Seungwan is in the living room, squished between Sooyoung and Yerim, watching some dating show that they like and enjoying their commentary. She’s had a tiring day and all she wants to do is relax.

Her phone buzzes and she slips it out to check the screen. Her entire body tenses and her fear must have shown on her face.

“Unnie? What’s the matter?"

“Unnie? Unnie? Unnie?"

She’s trapped between them. Seungwan needs to escape before things can escalate any further. She manages to rise off the couch a little, before powerful arms grab her hips and keep her seated.

They have matching demonic grins and Seungwan really needs to stop being trapped by twin terrors.

“I was just going to get some water. Because my throat is dry. It’s dry because I need water.” Seungwan is terrible at making up excuses and even worse at pretending.

“Water?” Yerim looks disbelieving.

“Really, unnie. Water?” Sooyoung sounds disgruntled. She raises an eyebrow accusingly.

“It takes more than that to fool the Mighty Yerim.” Yerim's taking in third person again. Sometimes she worries Seungwan.

“You think water can fool us? Water?”

She should have thought of a better lie. She should also really learn to control her face; it always gives her away.

Sooyoung leans in until they're face to face, eyes fierce and uncompromising. “You tell us what’s up, unnie, and we let you go. You don’t tell us and well…” Her arms tighten around Seungwan’s waist for a fraction of a second, just enough for her to feel it.

Seungwan sighs, resigned to her fate. She knows how this is going to go. She either lets Sooyoung and Yerim in on it and hope that they keep it to themselves or they’ll wreak havoc on her sanity until she’s begging for mercy.

She holds her phone up and shows them the message. Your date is tonight. Look pretty. Pick you up at six. Look classy.

They scream in her ear, shrill and excited and Seungwan feels a shiver run up her spine. This will not end well.

She doesn’t know what Tiffany was thinking. Suggesting that they set her up on dates. It’s supposed to help her out, it’ll be a positive outlet for her feelings, she’ll feel much better after a night out, they had said. Seungwan isn’t convinced.

She’s been feeling slightly better this week, a little bit lighter after crying it all out. She had apologised profusely for the embarrassing stain on the front of Taeyeon’s sweatshirt.

Tiffany had handed her a set of pyjamas, pastel pink, and tucked her into a guest room. Seungwan hasn’t slept that well in months.
They had asked for her trust. And though she’s a coward, she still takes risks. She knows Taeyeon and Tiffany. She knows that they genuinely want to help.

Seungwan sighs again. She’ll take this leap of faith.

“Sooyoung, Yerim, please help me pick an outfit.”

They send a dark car with tinted windows, powerful and sleek, to pick her up.

Seungwan sits quietly and waits. She’s in a delightful little black dress that falls to her knees. Her heels are slight, but enough to emphasise the lines of her body. It’s not what she usually goes for, but Sooyoung had been very insistent. She knows she looks good.

She fiddles with her clutch, zipping and ping it. She is so distracted that she does not notice the car stopping.

“Ma’am we’re here.” the driver opens her door and extends a hand.

“Thank you.” Seungwan takes it and steps out into the crisp evening air.

“My pleasure Ma’am.”

Her destination is a an pleasant little restaurant. It’s between two corporate giants and Seungwan thinks that it is an odd place for a restaurant to be.

There’s a familiar figure standing nearby, austere and elegant, clad in a dark suit. She towers over Seungwan, who has to look up to see her face.

“Krystal?” Seungwan expected many things. But Seungwan did not expect this.