January/4/2010

It was Monday, the first day of the week. Peoples were busy with their work. Even if the snow blanket covered almost everything, many couldn’t get bothered at that fact. Unlike the half majority of male students complaining about how many layers of clothes they were forced to wear or how hard it was to leave their miss beauty 'bed' alone in such weather. Boys weren’t complaining brats in many occasions, indeed they were always found calmer than girls in different situations. Specific in this whether, they couldn’t do much to shut their mouths close.

Girls were happy though. They like how snow beautifully takes its place on anything it falls. It’s so cold but that’s how they could show their new winter fashion. To show off their clothes that they start preparing in the mid of summer while some didn’t even bother to care for weather. They just need anything that could cover them up and save them from suffocating cold.

And then there was Kai.

He was different than most boys. He didn’t feel like complaining, nor did he feel particularly happy. It was just another season that he has to survive. He doesn’t know when god shall decide to take everything from him. He, from his childhood, learns to always live with what he had. The moment. Death word in next seconds is like wearing clothes for Kai.

He silently sits inside the bus. It’s been long he didn’t ride in a bus. He felt at peace once he watched out the window. It’s been so long he didn’t travel; he had been living in hospital for about three years. Fortunately his sister was nice enough to find someone to tutor him. At least he’s not left behind in education. Yet he believes everything must have changed in the school he attended before leaving for long time sick leave.

Kai get off the bus, his boots kissing the snowy ground. His dark expression stayed as he looked at the familiar building. He exhaled and walked inside. Who knows if he didn’t have any career after education, that he might die? He would die either way; he just needs to spend his boring time into something more useful, for example education. He might meet new peoples as well.

Kai walked inside and- nothing actually changed in the internal or external design like he thought it would. It was the same like before. So he was wrong in this one, hmm.

Kai walked towards his first class. Nobody was in corridors as first period has started about twenty minutes ago. He knocked his class door and entered. The teacher observes him and told him to introduce himself. He did and even teacher added for students to look after him. She must have been explained his problem by principle or something.

Seats were all occupied expect a few ones. This pokerfaced guy was alone and at the other end, there’s this girl, seems so lonely? He chooses to sit with the guy even though that guy seemed quiet intimidated from his expression and his body language.

He didn’t say hey and quietly seated himself.

The teacher explained on the board while Kai could care less what she was talking about. Her voice sounds more like lullaby rather than a lesson.

Boringly he turned to look at his side, the guy beside him was texting someone, in the middle of the class. Wow, such a bold act. Kai wondered sarcastically.

“I’m Sehun, if you need to know anything, ask away. I’ll help you.”

Sehun guy introduced himself quite nicely. It doesn’t fit with his features but who was Kai to judge? Appearance can always deceive, yes?

Kai gave out a small nod, faking a smile for he wasn’t in the mood to actually smile and this Sehun guy was being nice so he deserved one after all. He might as well force himself.

His eyes turn to look at the girl on the other corner. She was staring blankly on her desk. Why teacher doesn’t tell her to stop doing that and focus? Her long brown hair stayed on her frail shoulders. She seems lonely. Or maybe Kai was studying her too much. He was a mere stranger for her; he shouldn’t act or think that way and the nudge beside him make him look at the culprit.

Sehun lean a little closer to him and whispered. “I know you find her interesting. Don’t.”

Kai remained calm. Kai wasn’t interested, he was just curious. And why not he should be interested in her?

“Why?”

“She’s really a weird human. Her name is Jiyeon. I warn you to stay away from her. She’s... How to put in words...”

Sehun stopped to think how he should explain without freaking the new boy out.

“She talks with air. She’s... I don’t no... ? I heard she sleeps around. She killed a student too, as the rumors say so stay away from her. She’s no good for your reputation in this school. Everyone knows about her.”

Even if Sehun tried to not freak Kai, he did. Still she doesn’t look harmful. And beside Kai wasn’t someone who actually believes rumors so he decided to ignore what Sehun said. Because if you truly ask him, he could say all the things Sehun described Jiyeon with to Sehun himself. For Sehun’s appearance was anything but friendly.

Kai stared at the girl. She seemed innocent. Blink of an eye, she looked up and right inside his eyes. This actually made Kai flinch and turn away. He was shocked at the coldness of her expression. Her eyes... Those eyes were... Empty... Blank. No feelings in them. Yet it managed to shake Kai’s whole being. He was for some reason scared. His heart starts beating fast. And it hurts.

He clenches his shirt where his heart is located harshly, to substitute the sudden pain. He doesn’t want to take medicine. He thought the pain would subside in few seconds but it didn’t. Sehun caught that and immediately asked if he was okay. Kai shook his head. He wasn’t but before Sehun could scream teacher Kai grabbed his pale hands. Sehun stopped, worriedness written on his face. Kai pointed at his bag pack and uttered 'medicine'.

Sehun grabbed the bag and search for any kind of medicine packet but he fined a bottle. Shakily, he grabbed it and opened the cap for Kai to get as many as necessary was. Kai get two out and swallowed them. In few seconds he stopped struggling. His heart starts beating at normal pace. Why the pain was too much this time? It’s been a year? Or so he didn’t fall under so much agony. Thoughts filled himself, he forget the girl who didn’t stop staring at him. With those cold empty eyes. Bell ring and students start getting out of the class to eat their lunch. Kai was silently sitting. He and Sehun got along for both were man with few words. It’s like they could understand each other without words, they weren’t needed and surprisingly both were pleased with that. Well that was until Kai met with Sehun’s friends. Especially that Chanyeol and Chen. They were something Kai couldn’t get his hand on. They talk and talk and talk none stop. Useless talk. Why the hell they talk unnecessary talk? Why the hell they were telling about a girl who did plastic surgery? Why they needed to make fun of something that didn’t relate to them in the first place? It was annoying but he was grateful for having Sehun with him, he seems to ignore their gossips too. Kai wasn’t alone.

They were walking to cafeteria.

“I need to go to washroom. Excuse me.” Kai said as he turns around to walk.

“Do you want me to accompany you? You might get lost. You don’t know much about this school...” Sehun asked. His face shows no emotions but his voice was that of concern.

Kai smiled. “I use to be student here, so don’t worry. I can take care of myself.” he assured them, mostly Sehun because other seems busy with each other. Sehun barely smiled. And it was the first time Kai saw him with some other expression then annoyed-at-world look. Kai walked away to the washroom.

When he steps out of the washroom, the corridors were empty. Where did the students go? Weird.

He walked to the garden side. A fresh air was needed for his lungs. He step on the grass and walked further inside. His eyes roaming on the green place. He caught a girl sitting alone under the trees on a mattress. Curious he walked towards that direction.

Wasn’t that girl Jiyeon? The one Sehun warned about? Still he was curious. So he walked further towards her.

Indeed this was her and she was drawing.

Unintentionally he keeps staring and couldn’t help to look away.

“Staring is rude.”

Kai widened his eyes at the soft spoken words and jerked back. How would she know he was here and looking at her?

Jiyeon looked up and smiled brightly. She stands up and held her hand out for shake. But he was too shocked to move. “My name is Jiyeon, your classmate.”

When Kai’s hand didn’t move from his sides Jiyeon retreat her hand back, not even a glimpse of awkwardness visible on her face. He thought it was mean to not say hi and so he did.

“K-Kai.”

Jiyeon nodded thoughtfully.

“Do you want to sit with me?” She asked.
Kai wasn’t sure. The rumors Sehun told him about. What if they were true? What if she was actually a killer? What if she was witch who talks with ghost or a psycho? And about thing...

“I’m not forcing you.” Jiyeon muttered with a hint of coldness after a minute of silence. Students must have already informed him about a rumor that was going around the entire school.

Kai was caught off guard. He was thinking hard. And then finally he decided what he’s going to do.

“Can you show me what you’re drawing?”

Jiyeon smiled at that and nodded eagerly.

Well, Kai wasn’t someone who believes rumors. He might know the truth if he spend some time with her. What could go wrong? She was after all a girl. If she tries to attack him or something then he could probably defend himself.

Kai observed the drawing. He was surprised at her talent. She was awesome. Unintentionally Kai asked.

“Would you draw me too?”

“If you want.”

Kai smiled at that response. She wasn’t bad.

Kai was walking back to his class with Jiyeon beside him. She seems a nice person. Why people avoid her for rumors was weird. If she would be a then she would’ve at least flirted with him even once but she didn’t. She was more like a lonely soul needs someone to be her friend that she could share her secrets and all these friends stuff. Kai felt sympathy for her. She was calm and talks nice things. Things that made his heart feel at ease. Like there’s nothing to worry about. He knows all that just talking once with her, and for sure he’s looking forward to his meetings with her.

Right now she was beside him, clutching the hem of her shirt, eyes down, blank face. She avoided the peoples stare. Well everyone was surprised to see that someone wanted to be her friend again and they were too sure he would leave her in few next days, alone. Like how the previous three boys did. It’s just its really rare sight so they just watch the two walk.

Unfortunately Sehun and his friends caught that side and Sehun was anything but accepting this act from Kai. Why was he with her when he already warned Kai? Did he have death wish? Or he was too naive? Though, Kai seems like he knows what he was doing. Then why?

Sehun still wasn’t that kind of mean to drag him away right in front of Jiyeon. He would but when Kai wouldn’t be in face of Jiyeon. He at least has that much heart to not steal Kai away in front of her.

“Sehun, did you tell him about Jiyeon?” Asked Luhan who was annoyed.


Sehun only nodded. Oblivious Kai was walking to his home when someone pushes him on the wall with such strength and Kai could do nothing because of the surprise attack. He was shocked and fast movements weren’t good for his heart so he didn’t. After a close look at the culprit, his face relaxed.

It was Sehun.

“What do you want?” Kai asked calmly, boringness filled his voice.

“Didn’t i tell you to stay away from Jiyeon?! Why did you talk with her? Don’t you care about anything?!” Sehun hissed as his grip tightened a little bit on Kai’s collar.

Kai sighed. He brought his hand up and pushes Sehun’s hand away. He quietly makes a distance between them and stared at Sehun with judging look.

“You did. But that doesn’t mean I’ll do whatever you want. I’ve my freedom if you don’t realize, Sehun. Please.” Kai softly said. He doesn’t want to sound harsh for Sehun was only caring for a friend. Still just because someone told him something, doesn’t mean Kai have to freak out. He always deals calmly with situations.

Sehun frowned. Kai was right. Just because he told him to stay away doesn’t mean he’ll listen. But Sehun know better. Sehun witnessed it. Why Kai can’t believe him? It might hurt Kai in near future. Yet Sehun wasn’t going to force him. He’d let Kai have his freedom.

“If that’s what you want then go ahead. But remember don’t be too comfortable with her...” Sehun muttered hopelessly.

Kai smiled and nodded. At least Sehun understood. He gets off the bus and headed straight to the garden located inside the school.

As he was so close he heard Jiyeon talking. Hmm who was she talking to? Not like it’s the first time and so he walked more inside but at the view his eyes widened. Was she talking with air? Her hands were moving, like trying to explain something and her eyes, serious and dark.

This make him creeps out and when he decided to watch a little bit more and hear what she’s talking about, his eyes meet the cold and empty eyes of hers. He jerked back, frightful. He had just been caught while staring, again.

He ignored the creepy stares from her and walked forwards. Eager to ask who she was talking to, while being this serious.

There he sat down on the usual place where he and Jiyeon always stay.

He stares up at the light blue sky. It was such calm whether. So beautiful with clouds covering the sharp sunlight. The air was cold, pleasantly moving the grass and tree leaves. His hair moving with the air direction.

He sighed in bliss at the freshness of the air. Then he looked at Jiyeon who was curiously eyeing him. She has that calmness that wherever she went, animals hide in fear, air start moving quiet harshly while no sound could be heard. At first, Kai find it so weird but with time he got used to it, not wasting a further thought on it.



“Hey.” A quiet greet come from Jiyeon and he nodded in acknowledgement. Not in the mood to greet back.

He moved a little in comfortable position. “Jiyeon, were you talking with someone?”

Jiyeon looked up from her book inside Kai’s eyes. “You saw, didn’t you? Anyway i was talking with myself out of boredom.”

Kai nodded in acknowledgment. He had to, he asked right.

“So do you have any plans?” Kai asked again.

Jiyeon looked at him and nodded. “I guess i have. Sorry.”

Kai frowned. Is there even a day she didn’t had any plans? From the day he meet her till today, she had plans after school. So he could only hang out with her in school. She also never cancels her plans no matter what. He didn’t even see her outside of school before.

In dead silence, animals cries, dogs barks, trees snapping forward and backward with thunders on the now dark sky, they enjoyed the cold air brush their skin. Perhaps Kai was use to this and shrug it off like it was ordinary. Yet it was anything but that.

It’s just Kai choose to be oblivious to his surroundings when he’s with her, Jiyeon.

It’s been few months now for Kai and Jiyeon’s friendship. A miracle because they didn’t see anyone with her more than three weeks. They would freak out. They wondered if Kai was so bold or what.

Jiyeon and Kai were sitting together in the garden. Kai eating his lunch while Jiyeon reading a book. It was their daily routine to be here on lunch time. Wordlessly both were there, most of the time. When one of them is busy, they would message the other that they can’t come or will be late. Even when sitting together, words weren’t exchanged much. The comfortable silence was all they need.

Today was the same too. That was until Jiyeon asked a question without turning her face away from her book.

“Do you believe in the rumors? I want honest answer.”

Kai breathed heavily at this. What should he say for he wasn’t sure himself. He won’t deny that sometime he think of her like other students but sometime those thoughts fly away. He personally doesn’t know what to believe and it wasn’t the first time Jiyeon asked this question. She would ask this question from time to time. And like always, Kai didn’t answer. He chooses to shrug his shoulders. It was better than breaking her heart or giving her false hopes that he believe the rumors were lies. He didn’t believe she was innocent. Nor he believes the rumors. He was just confused.

“What if the rumors are true, would you leave me?” She approached him in different way.

Kai looked at her. Why was she asking this? He somewhat doubt her even more with this question.

“I don’t no. It depends what i would feel that time. Why do you ask?” Kai asked back.

This time Jiyeon shrugged. “Just asking. For no reason.” Then she smiled brightly.

Kai smiled back. He knows she was only smiling from her face. Not from her heart. Kai did realize this because her smile could be as bright as it could but her eyes stay empty, her eyebrows reach a little down. They curl a little from the middle.

“What... What if i kill you?” Jiyeon asked once again.

“You talk too much. Be quiet.” Kai demanded.

He wasn’t going to watch her like this. Why she was asking these questions in the first place? It was true; she was asking too many stupid questions that were hard for Kai to answer. He wasn’t heartless nor could he tell her straight forward too. As much as she acts like she don’t care what people think of her, she’s still a human with feelings. If she don’t care about her feelings then Kai have do this for her. It was almost late at night but Kai couldn’t sleep. It was one of those nights that whatever he do, sleep couldn’t find its way to him. His mind was occupied by many things. Things have changed around him. His health unreasonably getting better and better. Why? He couldn’t simply put his finger on the point. Was it because of Jiyeon? Does her presence heal his weak heart? Before few months, he was a living corpse, the idea of dying the next second had conquered his mind before, that he couldn’t do anything useful. But now, thinking of death make him shiver. That’s because he want to live more. He wanted to live more to see the beautiful little things in life that he refused to see for the past few years of his life.

Knock Knock


Kai stared at the door for a while then looked back at the ceiling. The door opened, as the girl looked inside.

“Kai, you aren’t sleep yet? You have school tomorrow.”

“I couldn’t.”

The girl let herself fully inside with a worried look. “Do you want me to bring hot milk or something to help you sleep?”

This time Kai looked at her inside her eyes and sighed. He needed to talk with someone about his feelings and so he motioned the girl to sit on his bed as he gets up to sit properly on the bed.

“Victoria, i... I’m confused. Things are changing around me... I don’t get it.”

Victoria, his elder sister stared at him for few seconds then shook her head before smiling sweetly.

“My baby brother, you know i can’t be like our mother. I can’t understand you like she used to. But I’ll try all i can for you. So tell me anything and I’ll listen.”

Kai smiled at his sister. When he lost his parents, got terribly ill, facing the moment between life and death, only she was there for him. She always was, no matter what. She never left him alone to face the problems alone. Yet after going through all this, she could smile and laugh like she was the most childish girl who doesn’t know about life sacrifices. Only Kai know what she has go through after losing her parents, then almost losing her brother. He admired her.

“Don’t you feel it’s weird that I’m getting all healthy? I mean when i was living in hospital, doctor said i don’t have much time and now this...?”

Victoria’s eyes softened. “Kai, you don’t control the fate, nor you heal yourself... It’s something we can’t. Think of it as a fate gift to you and to me.”

Kai smiled at her, not fully believing her yet, she pulled him in a bear hug and both laughed like the old times. Time where they have nothing to worry about. When everything was fine and they live like a one happy family.


Bell ring and the students start rushing out of school.

Jiyeon slowly packed her stuff. Kai was absent today and so she was lonely once again. She a breath then sighed. Some were eyeing her, probably wondering why she was alone and things like Kai ditched her. She didn’t bother to spear a look at those pathetic gossipers. She had nothing better to do, really but she was never the type to go around talking about recent rumors. It’s not like someone even wanted to talk to her. Yet few months back, when she was just living like a normal human being, she wasn’t the gossip type girl.

She silently walked out of the class, pulling the strap of her bags tightly. Her eyes as usual down.

“Oh look what we have here, finally he left you. It was about time you see.”

She knows who was talking with her and that’s why she decided to meet his eyes.

It’s Sehun.

“So?” Jiyeon asked with usual blankness.

Sehun frowned as he grabbed her collar, not aggressively but not gently either just enough to annoy her with humiliation.

“So you say? Listen, it’s for your own good to leave this school. You have to because nobody’s going to talk to you anytime soon. Do you want to think about your high school life as lonely?”

Jiyeon didn’t answer and just stared. Sehun leaned closer to her ears and whispered. “Change the school and remember your high school days as the time to look back and smile not cry and get depressed.”

Jiyeon almost smirked. He was being kind but if only he knows what Jiyeon was going through. Then Sehun pushed her body against the wall and walked away scoffing.

Jiyeon silently pulled herself up. Some boys and girls staring at her. Some with hatred, some with satisfied look while some with sympathy. Even if they feel bad how she was getting treated, they couldn’t do much because the majority of students hates her so few students around had no choice.

Jiyeon sighed and give a small smile at those who actually showed concern. They weren’t all heartless, just bunch of cowards.

She let out a deep breath and walked in the open field. She smiled at the air and shook her head then the smile faded with sigh escaping.

“So he really wanted to avoid me now. I guess, i didn’t raise my hopes high that much to get hurt but still I’m disappointed.” She talked with air like it was human she was talking to.

“I know, you told me about fifty times already. No need to remind me my misery but thanks anyway. You’re always with me.”

Kai grab his jacket to walk out. He was absent today because he couldn’t sleep last night. And when his alarm rang, he didn’t even stir a little. And here he was, wandering out. He couldn’t spend the whole day in the closed house. He needed fresh air.

He walked silently and unknowingly his feet dragged him to the school direction. School has been closed by now as students left and it was seven p.m. already.

Just as he reaches there, he was met by the silence that was no different than any cemetery. A few leaves flying, a fog in front of the school and dark garden that could be anything but safe.

It never looked like that in morning. It looked creepy and abandoned place which send shivers down his spine. This was the moment he decided to think why he came here in the first place. No way was he going to spend another second in such a petrifying location.

He starts to walk backward, eyes still on the terrifying view that looked no different than cemetery. The sounds of animals growl was coming from the school garden didn’t help either.

He felt cold sweats falling down from his forehead. He wasn’t imagining stuff. He can feel something is wrong with this place or someone out of human race is here. He can sense that. Leaving from here was the best option because the dark aura was so strong to pretend everything was okay. The air was also getting heavier and heavier around him that he thought he’ll choke. Yet his body refused to act along. He couldn’t just move his body.

He felt breath on his neck. It was warm and spine-chilling breath. One that cannot belong to a mere person. He felt his eyelids start getting heavy. It’s like he’ll die very soon. If it wasn’t worse enough, he heard a faint laugh and shadows around him. True, it was dark and hardly he could see but those silhouettes were too obvious. By now, Kai know it wasn’t the place he walks to each morning. He heard some painful cries of a female. His heart starts pounding. He turns around to look at the source of the voice and he saw a few meters away, women in white gown, her shining black hair surrounding her fragile body as she limbed towards Kai, her hand reaching towards Kai’s direction.

If only Kai didn’t see those twisted feet, he would’ve run to help her.

Kai take a few steps backward oh-so-slowly, still his body refusing to work with him. His heart started to ache and he thought he’ll get another heart attack. The female reaching out to him in a way that he wanted to shout but his months stays shut.

A pale hand tap his shoulder lightly which made Kai to turn around in a speed of lightening, ready to defend himself only to come face to face with...

Jiyeon in here at this time?

He had many questions from her but he needed to leave that place with Jiyeon. He grabs Jiyeon’s dead cold hand, probably from cold, and wanting to run away. For a last time to check the scary female he looked behind.

She was gone.

There was no one but mist.

The growls and cries stopped all at once.

With Kai’s heart beat falling into slow rhythm. Slower than time, faster to dying. No hope of waking to see the bright morning.

Jiyeon stared at the almost lifeless body in concern. She bent down to grab Kai’s body. She tried to lift his body to bring him to hospital because he fainted. But she was weak to do that. Kai has quite a heavy body for a fragile female like herself. She knows Kai has weak heart. She knows he couldn’t handle some news. She saw him swallowing pills many times to ease the pain in his heart. She just couldn’t lose him, not now when she had someone who actually bothers about her.

“K-Kyungsoo... Please help me... To bring him to the hospital... Please...” Jiyeon begged to a certain Kyungsoo for help.

Then her eyes looked at the direction Kai looked at, her eyes turning dark from rage but decided to let it go for now as Kai was much more important.

Kai slowly opened his eyes and groaned once he realizes where he was. Hospital. In the same room where he spend past three years of his life. He was sick particularly from this room. He doesn’t want to stay in here another few weeks, months or years. He looked at the surrounding and there was his sister, in the couch sleeping.

Kai checked the clock on the wall and it was two a.m. No wonder she looked tired. She came from home to here for him. She has to get to her work on five a.m. Poor her. Then his eyes landed on the monitor screen where his heart beat was showing. He sighed. It was normal.

He gets up from the bed and grabs the blanket then walked towards Victoria to cover her body with it. He smiled at the peaceful features. He leaned down to kiss her forehead and walked to the window.

The moonlight was brightly shining in the dark sky. He wanted to shut the window close again but before he could, his eyes landed on Jiyeon, sitting in the grass while smiling and... Talking? To who? She was alone.

He shrugged it off and decided to go to her himself. He opened the door of his room and walked downstairs then at the outside door. He looked at the direction where Jiyeon was and get closer to Jiyeon who was sitting.

“He’s... Almost prefect... Don’t you think s-”


“Jiyeon?”

Jiyeon looked at her left with quiet nervous look. Like a deer caught in headlights.

Kai looked around to make sure if there was anyone. Yet he found nothing but grass.

“Y-You wake up. You just fainted in front of the school. I brought you to the hospital. Then called your sister. Because the doctor need some documents so she came and then brought you here saying your documents and every other information’s are here. I just tagged along. Y-you okay now?”

Kai realized she was trying to distract his attention from view he saw. She talks with air. He thought it as a habit and decides to play along.

“Yeah i just woke up. I’m fine now.” he said and sat down next to her.

“Thanks... for your help.”

Jiyeon looked at Kai, her eyes bright, unlike every morning where she’s soulless body walking around.

“You don’t have to thank me, Kai. I should be thanking you instead for staying beside me... When everyone else left me behind. I’m thankful for having you in my life.”

They both stared at each other. Their eyes sparkling under the moonlight. The cold breeze passing by the two in slow motion, tickling there soft face skin.

Kai slowly but surely lean forward to Jiyeon, eyes directly staring inside Jiyeon’s eyes as he leaned even more closely.

Jiyeon lightly gasped at the new side of Kai. He was never one to touch her randomly. But him getting closer like this to her made her restless. She felt her long dead heart start beating loudly. How? Kai could do wonders with her, with such a small gestures.

Nervously she moved a little back. She wanted Kai to kiss her. She wanted to feel his lips so much but she was scared. Scared that it might be a dream and when she wakeup everything will be back like it never happen. She just doesn’t want it to end here. Not now, not ever.

Kai didn’t stop leaning towards her lips, even after witnessing her moving back a little. He knows if he stops now, he might do it in future rather harshly with buildup frustration. He decided to stop once she tells him to or push him with her all body strength. Otherwise, her discomfort or nervousness won’t stop him. He sound selfish but this was something Kai wanted in his life. There were very few things he wants but seldom has he got them.

Kai was few inches away from Jiyeon’s lips. His warm breath on her lips and instantly she felt like she’ll faint with all the feelings she’s going through at the moment. Feelings that she never knows existed, feelings Sehun, Luhan nor Baekhyun gave her.

She turns her head at the side, not able to look at the handsome features so close up but Kai had other plans. He grabbed her face in his strong hands and leaned in closing eyes. Just as his lips touched hers, he felt how she slightly moved backwards. He felt her uneven breath. He sensually moved his lips on hers. She wasn’t kissing him back. He her bottom lip and she gasped sinfully at the wetness. Her hand automatically rest at Kai’s firm and muscular chest. She felt his tongue entered . Weakly she tried to push him away but Kai tightened his grip on her face, refusing to let go. She tried again to push him with last attempt but failed, again. Slowly she gave in, letting all the unfamiliar feelings spread in her body system. Instead of pushing, her hand grabbed the fabric of Kai’s hospital shirt in her delicate palms. Kai smiled; happy she didn’t protest anymore then deepened the kiss. Their lips moving as their kiss was anything but innocent.

They kissed under the moonlight. Their first kiss with each other. Their first intense touch with each other’s body. Something none of them thought they would do with each other.

Kai was all manly and gentle while Jiyeon was fragile and shy. Their lovely moment was caught by Victoria who smiled from the window at them.

It was a night either Jiyeon or Kai shall forget. Jiyeon was sitting on the ground. A bright smile on her lips. Everyone could see the difference from her old self to now. She smiled a lot for no particular reason. She still had that blank look around but for most part, it was hardly mentioned. Things have changed for her after the night Kai kissed her. No, she and Kai weren’t dating. Not yet at least. But Kai become more of a lovely person with her. Before he was like a friend and treated her like one too but now, he treated her like a women, not friend, not sister, not any random girl he encounter with in his daily life but a women that he could love with need. Love with passion, love with lust. He would treat her like she was made of glass and one carelessly thrown word on her she would break. Kai was being extra careful about her feelings, about her wellbeing, about her whole self. He was such a gentle man, his smile made her heart melt instantly. She was already deeply in love with him before she knows it. She might get hurt in the end but she could care less about that. She let the time and fate do their wonders.

He randomly made skin ship when they are alone which is majority of the time they are.

She looked at her side and stuck her tongue out. “What if I’m so in love? What can you do? Jealous much huh?” Then she shook her head smiling.

“Talking with yourself again?”

She looked behind at Kai. Who was smiling gently and quickly came beside her to sit. She blushed and looked at the other side, to hide her pinkish cheeks from Kai. She has to because it was embarrassing.

“Why do you care?” She asked.

Kai chuckled. He leaned closer to her ear, his hand slowly creeping on her small waist which sends electrified signals in her body.

“You should look at me when i talk. Its rude you know to look at other side while someone is talking.”

His warm hand going lower and lower until Jiyeon push him away, making him fall on his elbow yet all he did was laugh at her clearly embarrassed face. She muttered 'ert' making him laugh more. She was just so cute for him to bear. He could eat her as if she’s a fluffy candy if he was a monster.

When they calm down, Kai wanted to ask who she was talking to but she refused to answer while changing topics. “Tell me who you are talking to? There’s no one. This can’t be a habit. The way you talk is like... You’re talking with someone... Not with yourself.” Kai was desperate for an answer. He needed it no matter what. It’s been six months and he was sure now that it wasn’t a mere habit. He just wanted to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating so he read books and made search about that kind of behaviors. Her body language said like she was talking with other person. This means... She’s talking with someone... But who? He can’t see who she’s talking to because there’s no one in the first place, at first he tried to shrug it off but with time, it become impossible to pretend he didn’t see when he clearly did. With his very own eyes. At this point, it creep Kai but he just don’t want to leave and wanted to help her out. Yet she refused to tell a word to him about this. Sometime she would even walk away in the middle of the talking, like just now. She walked away like he wasn’t even talking. Well, he won’t blame her. This was something that disturbs her so much and made her uncomfortable more than anything.

Kai sighed. When will she ever gonna tell him? Will she ever? One day, Kai was walking to the school library until a certain name was called. A name of a person he was trying to reach for a few months now, what a coincidence.

“Byun Baekhyun, your behavior is intolerable. Next time you shout on your teacher, you’re suspended. Understood?!” The gym teacher shouted at the boy who nodded in response. Too weak to answer back to a bulky man. Who knows what might happen to him.

The teacher left and Kai take his chance and walked towards Baekhyun who was massaging his head, probably from headache that must have caused by gym teacher’s shouting.

“Excuse me but are you Byun Baekhyun?” Kai asked to make sure.

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows. “I never know i was popular between random peoples. But yeah I’m Baekhyun. Why?”

Kai smiled in relief. Finally, he found him. “Look, i wanted to ask you few things. Can you please answer me honestly? It’s about Jiyeon... You’re ex-girlfriend.” Kai said calmly but the Baekhyun who was calm before mentioning Jiyeon’s name wasn’t calm anymore. But a rude spoiled brat.

“What? So you’re the freak that hangout with that . No wonder you have the look. She must have sedu-”

“Could you please mind your language. We’re in school and i expect a better behavior or I’ve to beat the out of your face.” Kai yelled at the boy. No way could that Baekhyun talk about his Jiyeon that way. No one can.

Baekhyun chuckled mockingly. “What you wanted to talk about anyway. Just finish this and let me go, i don’t want to be seen hanging with a freak.”

Kai frowned. This was the Baekhyun Jiyeon talked about because he seriously can be a punching bag of Kai in this condition.

Yet Kai decided to be a little patient with him and talk it out. Who knows if it might help right. Whether to prove Jiyeon’s innocence or her true self which now Kai doubted was true. Even if she was like that before, she has changed now.

“The rumors... Are they true...? What happened between you and Jiyeon? Please tell me.”

Baekhyun thought before carelessly answering. “Well, honestly rumors aren’t all true but some are. Like the one that she talk with herself. Also her murdering a student here. That part has a prove... But one.... I’m not sure. When i was dating her, i never saw her seducing me... Or anyone in this case. She was... Very specific who are allowed to touch her. She avoids any touch from any boy but not from girls. Also her ex-boyfriends. Yes, so that’s why I’m not sure about this.”

Kai was silent for a while. Really? Her killing a student? Yes he witness her talking with herself like everyone else say but murdering was different case. Also was impossible, for now at least.

“Give me a prove she murder someone.” Kai demanded.

Baekhyun shrugged but smirked. Knowing after this, Kai and Jiyeon’s relationship won’t be the same.

“Come, I’ll show.”

They end up in the classroom that Kai had never entered before. The class was filled with dust and all the old chairs and tables. Many files, newspapers and blank papers at the end of the class. Baekhyun walked there and start searching for a particular file with the name Park Jiyeon on it. When he find after twenty minutes, he brought it to Kai and throw it on the desk.

“Check them out. I believe after this your relationship with Jiyeon will change forever. Put the things back in their places before you leave.” Baekhyun said as he left.

Kai frowned and opened the files. A few newspapers. He grabs them out and read the one with Jiyeon in the heading. As he read more, his eyes widened. The photo of Jiyeon in cuffs with police taking her to the police car.

He get envelop out and opened. A few photos fall down from the way he opened so carelessly. His eyes widened even more at the pictures. There was Jiyeon. She was shown in the picture behind the victim, then in next picture, her hand on the back of the boy, then in next the boy stumbling forward as Jiyeon’s hand pushed him while Jiyeon seemed to be smiling at the view.

Then in next she was waving from where she pushes the boy, smiling. Bloody smile.

She pushed the boy named Kyungsoo. She killed the boy. The... Prove was in his hand... She wasn’t innocent after all. She wasn’t someone Kai thought she had been. She killed someone and then had the nerve to act like a victim. Kai was so mad. Yet he wanted to hear it from . And so he take the photos with himself and ran away to the garden where Jiyeon stays when she skip classes which she do all the time.

He needed to find out the reason. He trusted her. He was mad, for being so foolish of a human being but he was and nothing could change that.

He reaches her and for the first time, he harshly grabbed her arms, lifting her forcefully up. She stares at him with hurt at the sudden aggressiveness but at the moment, Kai was blind by anger to see the hurt expression.

“You ing lied to me! WHAT IS THIS?! HUH?! ANSWER ME!!” when Kai yelled, he didn’t focus how loud he was.

That broke Jiyeon’s heart into pieces. Why was he so mad at her? She did nothing wrong for him to act that way. She tried her best to hold back her tears from falling.

Kai made her grab the pictures and demand her to look through them and when she did. The realization hit her. The fact that she avoided to look at. She don’t know what to feel anymore, she slump down on the floor. Her blank look, empty eyes, pale skin, came back to her. The same mysterious look that Kai had seen her when he first saw her. So this is how it’s going to end? Him moving on and she... Stay where she was? Alone?

“I beg you to say something, Jiyeon. SAY SOMETHING!!”

Jiyeon looked up at Kai but this time, her tears fall down. One by one they did like a river.

All the time she was with Kai, she forgets the important thing. How could she not? Kai made her so happy that she forgets everything. Even if Kyungsoo reminded her, she didn’t focus enough. The Kyungsoo that’s now witnessing the rage in Kai and the lost Jiyeon.

She should’ve listened to Kyungsoo and stopped.

But she didn’t. And here are the consequences now.

“WHY DON’T YOU ING TALK TO ME, JIYEON!!? I-I’m... Lost here... Tell me... Please...” Kai muttered weakly as he fall down on the grass too.


The rage that made him blind to see was slowly fading into disappointment. Sadness. Hurt. Betrayal.

Jiyeon looked at him with eyes full of tears. That’s because reality hit her so hard. She had lived in dream for the past few months. Thinking she could live normally but reality is where she lives. It was time to be lonely again. The feeling that she forget to feel once Kai entered in her life.

“Say something...” Kai sound so defeated when he said that. He looked so hurt and Jiyeon know the fault was hers even if it wasn’t totally.

She wanted to laugh at her misery. How history repeated itself with her. It was Luhan who left her for this, it was Sehun who left her for this, it was Baekhyun who left her for this and now it was Kai who was going to leave her like they did. The difference is, Kai is going to know something Sehun, Luhan nor Baekhyun know. Something no one knows. She trusted Kai that much to spill something only she knows. Well, Kai deserves to know because he actually came to her and wanted to hear it from her. The other three ditched her once they know the fact but Kai once again proved that he was different. He has all rights to know.

“You wanted to know... Yes... I killed that guy...” Jiyeon said emotionless clouding on her misery face.

Kai stared blankly. That’s it? Was he here to listen her say that yes, she killed that guy? End of story? That couldn’t be it. There’s more and Kai know that. He can feel that.


“Why? Why did you kill him...?” Kai asked calmly while from inside he was down. He lost hope.

Jiyeon felt tears build again. “If i tell you... Promise me you won’t leave me. Promise me Kai...” her tone was desperate. Kai could only nod.

Jiyeon gulped. It was now the time. Kai had to know no matter what.

“He killed me first.”


Kai’s mind went blank. Nothing could be heard. His ears went deaf. He thought like he was being hit by a train. He killed her first? It was nonsense, bull. If she thought Kai will believe that then she’s wrong.

“What is this nonsense? I wanted to know the reason not some bull!” Kai thought he’ll actually leave her if she keeps playing around like this.

Jiyeon’s expression turned sour. “I don’t talk bull. I’m stating the truth, believe me! I have never talked whatever bull you’re talking about!”

“YOU TALK BULL! YOU ALWAYS DO! I ING NEED THE TRUTH YOU BI...” Kai stop in the middle of the sentence. He was exploding. But the disbelieve expression on Jiyeon’s face was killing him.

“You... You... think i talk bull all the time... You know what... Just forget everything... I don’t need you.” Jiyeon forced the words out. This was worse than how Luhan broke her heart.

The tears couldn’t fall down because she was still in shock that Kai could say that. This was the Kai who promised her beautiful things, who gave her hope then just like everyone he let her down. She stands up to leave, but this time for once and forever. She couldn’t just live like that. She was tired of getting hurt and broken promises.

Kai just realized his words and the guilt came after. Before she could leave, he grabbed her hand but she pushed him yet Kai didn’t give up. He grabbed her with a force that she couldn’t fight back. He stares at her face but she avoided his look.

“Look, I’m sorry. I don’t understand... This is very bizarre thing... I’m really confused... Please... Make me understand...” He said and engulfs her in his arms.

Jiyeon let the tears fall. She doesn’t know what to do. He just said she talked bull so how come she could say that again.

“Jiyeon... Please talk... I’m sorry... I’m just too messed up here... I know I’m a jerk and I’m sorry... I won’t leave you... Ever.” His voice cracked because of tears.

Jiyeon nodded, feeling somewhat relief yet a little insurance inside.

“It was this boy named Kyungsoo. He confessed to me many times... But i rejected him because i was dating Luhan at that time. He starts stalking me and one day i told Luhan about that. Luhan being Luhan beat him until he was bleeding. Then after that students start bullying him for being pathetic and for his unrequired love. Of course i never thought this is how it was going to end when i explained to Luhan. He was hated around, after sometime he confessed again and i wanted to make him understand that i don’t love him, Luhan saw us and he thought... I was cheating on him so he starts making scene and after that some start calling me . That was it until one day i was walking home alone. Kyungsoo came in my way and he was drunk. He tried to force himself on me... But i tried to stop him. In attempt of making me stop struggling, he grab my neck and he tightened it more and more even when i struggled and begged him to stop... He was too drunk to see that and then... That’s how he killed me.” Jiyeon paused.

She looked at her left with sad smile then looked at Kai again. “I don’t no... I wake up but only to realize I’m dead. I’m dead person and my first priority was to kill Kyungsoo. I went to school and i was surprised when the students treat me like how they always treat me. Even Luhan too. Only i know i was just a lingering soul. I find that Kyungsoo boy one day and pushed him from the roof top. Then someone took photos. After that everyone start hating me and Luhan tried to stay with me but with time, left me... After that i saw those dead peoples that you living human can’t see. Yes, i talk with dead people. I’m dead, Kyungsoo and me talked later and he explained how sorry he was... After that he’s always with me... He’s standing right here.” She pointed at the left side. She failed to see how terrified Kai looked.

Kai shivered. Yes, her story was true heart clenching but how could he live with a dead person. No way was he going to do that. He sound like a coward, like a selfish person but anyone would’ve done that.

“Kai, you okay?” Jiyeon asked worriedly. Kai looked so pale, the color drained from his face. His eyes show how scared he was.

“Kai i-”

“Look... I promised i won’t leave you... Don’t worry, i won’t. I’m just shocked.” Kai manage to say and weakly smiled. He himself doesn’t know if he’ll keep that promise. He just did because he doesn’t want to see her hurt.

Jiyeon smiled back. She knows it was hard for Kai, for anyone in this case so she don’t blame him. She’ll give him time. After all he was going to stay with her. Kyungsoo judged Kai wrongly. Kyungsoo told her to not depend on Kai too much, that he would leave her but Kai didn’t. He just need sometime. That’s all. She has faith in him.


Jiyeon was silently staring at the space. Waiting for Kai at the school garden. He was late, once again. She refused to look at Kyungsoo who was giving her disapproving look. Saying she should stop hoping for Kai to like her back. Kyungsoo was really cruel sometimes. He would act like she had no value. It hurt, really. Kyungsoo should stop treating her so cruelly. How could he say Kai don’t want to be with her? Kai promised her that he’ll never leave her. Why can’t Kyungsoo get that in his thick brain?

After twenty five minutes, Kai came casually. He seemed so nervous though. He waved at her and Jiyeon excitedly waved back. Happy that he finally came.

“Kai, i was waiting for you. You’re late once again.” Jiyeon said with little smile as she patted the place beside her for Kai to sit.

Kai laughed awkwardly and slowly sat a little further from her but Jiyeon didn’t mind. “So... Where’s Kyungsoo?”

Jiyeon smiled and pointed in front of her. Kai stared at that direction and waved blindly.

“Are you still busy?” Jiyeon asked after a while of sitting doing nothing.

Kai felt guilty but he nodded. “Yeah... I’m sorry.”

Jiyeon’s eyes got a little teary. “I missed talking with you like old times. I only see you at this time, even a for a little talking, you’re late. Why? Are you avoiding me, Kai?”

Kai’s eyes softened. “Hmm... Why would i avoid you? You think too much.” just then his phone rang and he get up staring at it then at Jiyeon in apologetic smile.

“Sorry it’s emergency, I’ve to go there. See you later.”

With that Kai ran away, not staying enough to hear the sigh followed by a little sniffing.

Jiyeon know Kai was scared and he need a little time. But how much more? It’s been two months he’s avoiding her like that. Yet she shrugged it away, all the way ignoring Kyungsoo.

The bell ring which means kids can go home now after a few torturous hours of lessons.

Jiyeon packed her bag and slowly walked out of the classroom. Her head down with dreamy look. She knows some students in the hallway were staring at her. She tried to ignore them until a hand grasp her wrist, quiet tightly. She looked up at Sehun who was smirking at her.

“What?” She asked, not in the mood to deal with him.

“What? Baby, why are you so alone these days? I’m observing you yet i can’t find Kai beside you. Where’s he? Don’t tell me he finally ditched you, did he? It’s been like almost a year he’s your boy-friend you know.” Sehun asked mockingly.

Jiyeon didn’t answer. It was useless to answer to peoples like Sehun. She wanted to walk away but Sehun grabbed her arm wanting to annoy her more.

“Why do you always have to walk away from me like this? Huh? Show some manners, will you?”

Jiyeon glared and pushed his hand away from her arm. “I told you to leave me alone!”

Sehun smirked as he winked at Chanyeol who was few meters away. Chanyeol nodded and use the oldest trick ever. He placed his feet in Jiyeon’s way and as angry as Jiyeon was, she fall down. Really, they had nothing better to do.

Some started laughing, with Sehun and Chanyeol the loudest. In the middle of this, she saw Kai. He was standing with few boys, ignoring her humiliation; he was busy in his talk. Then their eyes met but Kai returned his eyes to the guy in front. Acting like he didn’t even see her. This terribly hurt her but she collected herself and dashed outside. It was the same scene, for the fourth time. She went immediately to the school garden. She knows she’d get hell of a scolding from Kyungsoo about this but she really needed a shoulder to cry on or at least some lies that could make her feel better.


“Kyungsoo, i swear he looked me in the eyes yet he pretended like he didn’t. I thought he might help me like he use to before knowing the truth. I feel like everything is repeating itself. He’ll leave me eventually. He even made new friends! I think i should’ve never told him the truth, Kyungsoo. Please, tell me he’s not cruel like everyone else. I won’t handle heartache. I won’t...” She cried slowly, as she buried her head in her knees.

Kyungsoo did the only thing he was good at.

‘No matter what others say, no matter how they treat you, the fact is that you’re an angel. My angel who lit up my world. You talk, you shout and you cry I’ll always listen. So come here and throw your worries on me. It’ll make you feel better.’

He opened his arms and Jiyeon jumped on the guy crying in his chest.

For people, they only saw a girl in a hugging position, with no one around, while crying alone.


Next day, Jiyeon was again sitting in the same place, just her eyes bloodshot from crying and her nose light shade of pink alongside her cheeks. Her head buried in her knees, not looking into anything. Kai was late again. This time she didn’t bother to complain. She decided to just shut up for saying something won’t change anything. If anything then it would be a humiliation.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Kai came as he sat down.

Jiyeon didn’t lift up her face, only hummed in response. What’s the point anyway?

Kai felt that Jiyeon was avoiding looking at him. He knows the fault was his. Last day he should’ve gone to her to help her but he didn’t. He let people laugh at her. He let them get the wrong idea. Yet here he was, acting like he was all innocent.

“Jiyeon... I’m sorry about last day...”

She didn’t say anything, only looking down.

“I understand if you’re mad with me. I’m sorry. I... I’ve to go now. Take care of yourself.” He waited a little for her to bid him goodbye and when she didn’t. He sighed and walked away.

When he left, she looked up blankly. He really left her like this. The tears fall down once again but her face remained blank. Only tears were the prove of the hurt Kai brought upon her.

“Kyungsoo, you saw that?”

‘I did. Don’t worry, you don’t need him.’

Jiyeon weakly smiled. Kyungsoo always know what he had to say to make her feel better. If only his words could heal her forever and not just few moments.

“Kyungsoo, did i hurt you that way too?”

‘I don’t bother myself with past. What happen has already happened. Remembering it will bring nothing but unnecessary sorrow.’

“I’m sorry.”
 

‘It’s okay.’
 

For Kyungsoo, it was always okay.



It was Monday morning. Jiyeon came to school, her body as pale as any dead body could get. Her lips lifeless. Her long brown hair a little messy. Her uniform dirty with mud. She walked and walked carelessly. She bumped into many students but didn’t care enough to look at them and apologize. They don’t deserve it. If they could bully her for something they don’t know, then she could do the same with no regret.

Now she was sure, Kai was totally avoiding her. She decided to accept the truth. The truth that Kai don’t want her anymore. He was scared of her. Like she was scared of being lonely. He looks at her like a monster which she was with no doubt. She was a dead person, why was she trying to get something that doesn’t even belong in her world. A dead world.

She was upset about the promises Kai made with her. Why did people need to promise something they can’t fulfill it? It was such a stupid act from them. Why were promises made in the first place? To hurt someone with not much effort. This was very successful way though.

Like always few students here and there have nothing better to do but stare at her face. She doesn’t understand the meaning of their look. Fine, she was a killer and yes, she deserve glares but EVERYDAY? Now that was too much. Don’t they just get tired? Will they ever? There was a time she thought that her beauty forces them to look at her and when she had commit a crime, they could finally look at her beauty without feeling like a creepy peoples. But Of course it was a stupid thought which she ditched with time. They have nothing to do but not to this extent.

After passing hallways she met the scene she would’ve never wanted to see in her entire life. Her heart stops beating. Her ears blocked all the sound. Her body felt numb, out of her control. Tears that should’ve fallen by now were torn between reality and dream. It could be just her imagination. It could be reality. It could be anything.

Kai and another girl were making out.

In the middle of the hallway.

After they pulled away, Kai grabbed the girl’s waist only to lean in to give her a peck making the girl giggle. She even played with Kai’s collar.

Then they walked away.

Neither Kai nor the girl saw Jiyeon.



All Jiyeon could do was stare.

Her outer body reaction was calm. So much calm then a normal reaction. She walked away. Outside of the school. Not the garden she normally visits. Just somewhere her feet could take her to. Her face blank. Her breathing just fine. Everybody could say she was like how normally she was.

But from inside, it was worse than an earth quake, worse than any storm, worse than any tsunami. Worse than any natural disaster could damage the world. The world has fallen apart. Her mind was all messed up, her thought were shredded little to nothing. Screams and cries, things breaking in her head, bridge in fires. That’s the thoughts were filled then lastly she felt herself drown in tsunami. Helpless.

She falls on the ground in the middle of the highway. Finally her eyes stink. The tears that were too shocked to fall out finally did. Her mind, her body, her heart refused to work with her as she falls into deep agony. Her cries getting louder and louder, slowly into nonstop sobs.

Cars passing by didn’t bother to stop.

Her extremely inhuman loud cries could have made one cry without even having to know her reason. Each second, her sobs become harsher as her chest aggressively rising and falling. At one point she forgets to breath.

A car parked at the side and the man immediately gets out of it to check the girl. He already passed by before but came back again; his heart didn’t allow him to leave her just like that.

The man scooped Jiyeon in his muscular arms then ran back to his car. By this time, the girl was unconscious.

That doesn’t mean the man didn’t hear her explosive painful sobs. He never heard someone greatly in pain like this before.

His phone ring as the other man shouted from the line. “MYUNGSOO, WHERE THE ARE YOU?! COME RIGHT NOW!”

Myungsoo sighed as he shook his head. “Sorry, i can’t come. Something urgent came. Try to persuade them that we’ll meet again, next time.”

He hangs up the phone and looked back at Jiyeon from the rearview. She was sleeping now. Her breath still uneven. She’s probably going to have a bad throat because of what she did.

Myungsoo wasn’t naturally a nosy person but he felt like he needed to know what happened to her, to make her cry like this.

She was a true beauty he thought and smiled.


Jiyeon was absent from school for the last few days and finally step her foot in the school, again. It was Myungsoo who took care of her when she wanted to give up everything. She wanted to shut herself from the world and live in Myungsoo’s house forever but she realized one thing about Myungsoo. The guy could be so cruel and dramatic when he wanted to be. Just like one time, she said to leave her alone, that he was annoying her. He start saying things like the world has changed, he helps people and brings them to his house yet they treat him like trash. In the end he succeeded in making Jiyeon feel guilty for saying that. Then one time, he gave her his bed, but she only cried laying there then he came and kicked her out of bed to sleep himself there saying she could cry anywhere else for he need the bed to sleep. She ends up lightly laughing at the weird behaviors of his.

This time many students around were eyeing her. Jiyeon thought it was because she was absent for past few days that’s why. Oh, how wrong she was. As she walked closer to her classroom, Sehun and Chanyeol were standing there. Like waiting for her.

She sighed and tried her best to ignore their presence but once they approach her, she knows they’ll annoy the hell out of her.

“Jiyeon, wait.”

Jiyeon stopped. Was it Sehun again? He sound concerned. Why? She stopped and turns to look at him and Chanyeol.

Sehun sighed as he walked closer to her.

“Everybody, leave to your classes. It’s out of your business.” Chanyeol raised his voice for students to listen and they left.

Few minutes later, only Jiyeon, Sehun and Chanyeol were standing.

Jiyeon glared at the two boys and decided to walk again. Sehun grabbed her wrist like he usually does.

“Look, i know it might break your heart... But...” Sehun paused, trying to search in her eyes if she knows what happened.

Chanyeol walk forward and placed his palm on her shoulder. “Your lover boy is dating Hyuna. Hyuna announced it before two days.”

When those words escaped Chanyeol’s mouth, Jiyeon felt her world crushing all over again but this time, it wasn’t worst like last time. She somehow in deep down knows that she had to eventually hear that news.

Sehun sighed and lightly pulled her in his arms, he could see she was shocked to do anything.

“You should’ve listened when i told you it’s about time. You should leave this school. You see, i might hate you, find you weird but... I know as a human you had feelings and this is not the first or second time you’re getting hurt like this. So leave, for the better.”

Sehun pulled away, giving her a long sympathetic stare then walked away. Chanyeol lightly patted her back, making a fighting sign and walked away too. She needs time. They were cruel but when time asks for, enemies could turn to friends and friends to enemies.

She just kept standing there, alone. So peoples like Chanyeol and Sehun can feel sympathy towards her but Kai didn’t even bother to show up. So only she was in love with Kai? Kai didn’t even love her? Not even a little bit? The kiss, the affection he showed was nothing to him? Was it all fake?

She was a fool.

She thought and walked towards her class, not blinking her eyes. She knows this would happen but why she refused to believe now that it’s happening?

Because she was already too deeply in love with him to act like she was fine without him.


In her way, she heard some noises and one of them is familiar. With a thought she could finally talk to him about all this, she walked faster. Unfortunately, Kai wasn’t alone. Nor was he with his 'new' friends. He was with his girlfriend, Hyuna.

Kai was back hugging her while she was swinging their body back and forth. Just like lovely couples so much in love.

Jiyeon in disbelieve stared, not moving an inch.

Just when Kai looked up, his eyes met Jiyeon. He pulled away from the hug and waved at Jiyeon. Hyuna turned to look at Jiyeon too. She slightly smiled at Jiyeon. Jiyeon didn’t bother to wave or smile or even look at her at this state.

Kai dragged Hyuna towards stunned Jiyeon.

“Jiyeon, she’s Hyuna. My girlfriend.”

Then he looked at Hyuna. “Hyuna, she’s Jiyeon.”

That’s it? Just Jiyeon? No close friend? Not even a friend?

Jiyeon thought if she didn’t leave now, she’ll probably wail like a baby who lost its favorite toy. She knows she’ll. Her eyes filled with hurt as her lips start trembling. She could take no more as she turn around and run away. Leaving Hyuna confused at the sudden behavior with Kai who sighed.

She ran to Kyungsoo and sobbed until she felt satisfied enough. Enough to not feel anything.

‘You can’t force someone to love you. Like i can’t force you to love me. If he chooses to be like this, then let him be. One day, he’d regret. And if he didn’t then believe me, karma will get him. He’ll pay for each broken promise he made with you. He’ll pay for playing with your feelings. Just go with the flow.’

Jiyeon laughed. “So this happening to me because of what i did to you? Really? This is happening to me because i made you go through the same things? Did you felt like how I’m feeling broken, hurt, disappointment and depressed. Did you?”

Kyungsoo laughed.

‘Yes, i did.’
 

This is it. Jiyeon has taken her decision. She’s going to ask him one last time, and the choice is his. If he wanted her, she’ll accept him and if he said no, she’ll break everything between them, she’ll break the knot that keeps her closer to him. Now was the time.

Jiyeon after school ran and ran until she find the figure walking alone. She find him. Kai seemed like he was day dreaming while walking. The sun light shining on his face yet he didn’t seem to mind it as kept walking.

“Kai! Wait!”

Kai stopped at the voice. Hesitantly he turned around and saw a panting Jiyeon.

Jiyeon compose her posture and smiled at Kai. Kai could see it was the fake smile she use to do before.

“Are you going to leave me too?”

Are you going to leave me too?

Those were the words that used to make him feel guilty at the moment. The broken and painfully shattered smile reminds him how cruel the world was for her. This also reminds him that he was going to be one of those who badly hurt her. Who made promises to break all at once.

But Kai didn’t answer. He was caught up to his thoughts and he was scared. Scared of her. She wasn’t human. But Kai know too he just can’t keep lying that he’d stay with her, forever. He’s not going to do that so this time he’s going to tell the truth. It hurt him so much, he loves her so much but his fears won against his love.



“I’m sorry.”

You’re not human.

“I can’t imagine my future... With you.”

Because you’re dead.

I don’t expect from someone dead to make me happy.

“You’re dead! You don’t belong here. Leave.” cruelly he raised his voice a little. Only to break the broken heart into more little pieces.

That’s because he thought he deserve better.

Kai turn his back to her and walked away. Leaving her all alone in her misery.

Jiyeon stared at his back. Just stared. Little rain drop start pouring from the sky turning into a whole powerful rain. The sky cried as her tears once again start falling down. Mixing with rain. She stayed there, staring at nothing all drenched. Shivering in the harsh cold.

Then she thought.

Is this all worth it?

To cry for someone who didn’t bother to explain himself properly.

‘No, not at all.’

Was the voice belong to no one but Kyungsoo, answering her sincerely as he slowly pulled her in hug.

That time, the sky witnessed that even the nice guy decided to be cruel with her. Leaving her alone.


But karma is , you know.



After that day, Jiyeon was absent for another few days. Days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. Eventually students around forget her existence. It’s like she was never a student there.

While in reality Jiyeon was sitting at the abandoned park, day and night doing nothing but staring blankly ahead. Occasionally few trouble maker would come by or some old couples but that’s it. No one bother her, not much.

She was depressed to the highest point. She thought herself as the lowest level creature that has no place, only to get pushed around for not being worthy enough to stay with creatures like human beings. Even if Kyungsoo told her over and over that she was better than how she treat herself, his words couldn’t overpower Kai’s words. Kai had stolen a large- Not large but her whole heart that it’s impossible to not think about him. The past months, her life revolves around him and him only.

“Why... Why I’ve to go through the same thing over and over? Why me?” She asked to no one in particular.

“It’s not only you. Everyone have their own problems. You can’t possibly know what other peoples are going through.”

She looked at her side, Myungsoo. He was here, again.

“How do you know? You don’t live with them!” Her tone was grudging.

A graceful smiled formed on Myungsoo’s lips. He gazed at the grass in front as his bangs moved a little with air.

“It’s not about what i know. I wouldn’t say i understand how you feel. Because in fact i do not. But do you know what i had gone through? I don’t expect you to understand because you weren’t in my place. We don’t know what other is going through yet we dare to say our lives are worst. It’s not.”

“If i say I’m dead, would you believe me?”

“You don’t even have to say. I know that.”

Jiyeon abruptly turned towards him. What the hell?! How does he know that? He can’t possibly be her stalker because she would’ve known. Shocked was all over written on her face.

As calm as an air, Myungsoo slowly turn his eyes to Jiyeon. A gentle smile playing across his lips. “Don’t be shocked. I’ve known this fact from the day i brought you in my apartment. You nearly looked like corpse.”

“N-no one ever know... Before...” Jiyeon forced the words out. Was it obvious she was dead? Then why no one till today suspicious of it? Only Kai know because she told him. This can’t be true. It just can’t.

A sigh escaped Myungsoo’s lips. “You didn’t meet my sister yet. I know that from her. How she know this stuff? Well, because she had gone through the same thing.”

Jiyeon’s eyes softened. “Your sister?”

“Yes, my sister committed a suicide after being bullied in her school. She chokes herself in her room with a rope. When i came, i saw a dead body of hers. I didn’t believe that she could do that, so i left her there, thinking if this was true. In the midnight she came back. I was shocked because i just saw her dead body that evening and now, she was standing in front of me. Alive. Later she explained she killed herself but for some reason, her soul wasn’t at peace. She asked me to help her. I searched around how to let her soul rest in peace. It takes few months for me but i never gave up.”

Jiyeon was focusing so hard. It’s because she can finally rest in peace after knowing how he did free his sister. It was the moment. She thought there was no way and she was supposed to live like that so she didn’t bother to find a way. But hearing from Myungsoo, she trusted him. He seemed sincere too and he doesn’t have a reason to lie for. One just doesn’t make up stories for fun. Especially if that story is about someone’s freedom. A soul freedom.

“It was no help though. In the end, it all depended on one person. Before i could find a solution... She was freed. Not with my help... But the required was done. I realized the reason was...”

Jiyeon was sitting on the grass in the school garden. Right hand on top of left, her back straight. The long brown hair flowing in the air, some sticking on her face but moving with another breeze wave. Summer was close. The whether wasn’t cold or hot. It was enough to make one comfortable without extra layers of clothes or without the need to wear fewer clothes.

The silent was abnormal. But for someone like Jiyeon, nothing was out of ordinary. She tucked the strand of her hair behind her elfin like ear.

“I’m back. I have nothing to fight for. Like always, I’d let the nature to take its course.”


‘That’s great.’

“I know.”

Kyungsoo smiled, leaning in to kiss her forehead. Assuring he’d not leave her until she don’t get her soul rest in peace. Until then, he’d be a lingering nice ghost.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you when you warned me about Kai.”

It’s okay.


Yeah, it was always okay for Kyungsoo.


It was Jiyeon’s last year. After a year of not coming, she step her foot in the school. She saw new faces. Of course the majority of students were changed. She could hardly see old faces, or maybe she just doesn’t recognize them enough to see if it were new or the same old. She can’t possibly know because no one bothered her. They were busy in their own life, laughing playing or just walking. It was weird; she was using to the attention she always gets whenever she enter.

She walked in the long corridors, walking to her class. Yet no one bothered her except a few looks from few students.

That was until she reached the floor where last year students’ classes are. It was then a few heads turn to her, it was then the nervousness attacked her. She wasn’t used to be judged about a year or so, it was strange now.

A one girl came and grabbed her shoulder from behind. Jiyeon sighed, already expecting a bully session to start.

“Umm wait, aren’t you Jiyeon? The lonely girl?” Jiyeon turned around and of course the face of the girl was no less than arrogant .

With expressionless face Jiyeon nodded. What could she say? She can’t be proud for being a lonely girl or something. It wasn’t something to be proud of.

Suddenly the girl smiled, her arrogant face was changed with... Friendly?

“Oh that’s great to know you come back. My name is Jessica.”

Jiyeon stared blankly. So what if she was Jessica? Jiyeon wasn’t interested, wasn’t it obvious? She had the blank look, to shoo people away and so Jessica was supposed to leave. But she wasn’t leaving. She keeps staring at Jiyeon. Maybe she was getting ready to bully Jiyeon. Yes, it could be true.

“Ah i know it’s awkward. I just wanted to apologize... About what happened before? It was immature act from us to bully someone. You happen to be the victim. Look, let’s start a new, i know it might not change the fact that we were bad but we were young to care about others. I hope... You don’t mind to be friends with us. I won’t force you but you’re always welcome.”

The smile on Jessica’s face slowly peeled off when she got no response. Jiyeon thought there might be some trick but she nodded anyway. The smile was placed once again on former girl’s red lips.

Jiyeon shrugged and walked to the class. Once she entered the students inside stared at her direction. Some with shocked, some with weak smiles, while other uninterested. And then she saw Sehun, shocked written all over his face. He stumbled down from the desk.

Knowing what was coming; she ignored him and walked to the last seat she used to sit.

“Jiyeon...”

It was Sehun.

Of course Sehun was the one who never fail to have extra energy in his body to move around with not much trouble in the lazy morning.

“That’s- It’s been long.”


The bell ring instantly and the teacher came in. Sehun was forced to leave her alone which Jiyeon was so thankful about.

One boy raised his hand to get the teacher attention. Too lazy to walk to her desk.

“Mrs. Park, Kai couldn’t attend the class. His sister said he won’t come for few days.”

Teacher nodded and starts the daily routine. Jiyeon didn’t blink an eyelash. So what if Kai won’t attend? It wasn’t her problem. She doesn’t care about Kai enough to ask why he won’t come. She doesn’t care about him anymore. It was a bad past, like a past she had with Sehun, Luhan and Baekhyun. Just like them, Kai mean nothing to her anymore like she meant nothing to him when he left.

“Why did you come back?”

“....”

Jiyeon didn’t bother to answer as she stared in front, emotionlessly. Sehun has been bothering for about five minutes now. She was sitting alone until Sehun decided to disturb her peaceful time with his annoying y face. Jiyeon thought maybe ignoring him would help. Apparently, it didn’t.

“Why aren’t you talking?”

“....”

“It’s rude to not answer.”

“....”

“You don’t like me?”

“....”

“Are you hungry? I’m curving for... Pizza?”

“....”

“Damn it. Talk to me!”

“Go to hell.”

Sehun’s uninterested face lighted up like Christmas tree.

“You talk to me! Omg the first word. Anyway now that you start talking, i wanted to know why you come back.”

“....”

“Noooo, not again!”

That was how Jiyeon’s first day was spending. She didn’t really understand why Sehun wanted to talk with her all of a sudden. It was true, nobody give her dirty looks. Most didn’t even care about her presence, while who did care, try to start a causal conversation and leave her dejectedly for not getting a chance to be friends. They admitted they were so childish before and now they grow up. Kai’s absence wasn’t of much importance. To her at least.

Few days later, it was same. Her day become much well. The people didn’t care about her killing and rumors. Now she believe 'The scars heal with time.' well it wasn’t really true because some scars never heal and beside, one get used to live with them so they become natural for those.

Also Sehun’s daily routine was annoying Jiyeon. She didn’t really understand why he was doing that but after two days, she let him do whatever he wants instead of listening and waiting for him to leave. He wasn’t going to leave so it was useless to wait for something that won’t happen.

Today was no different. Sehun was sitting beside her and today another girl, Minah decided to tag along. Minah was trying to start a conversation with Jiyeon while Sehun every time rudely cut her off to say what he wanted to talk about. Minah was being hard headed as she completely ignored Sehun’s annoying way and start talking all over again. They were both being childish. There was a time no one wanted to sit with her, and now they were arguing with each other just to get know about her more.

Sighing Jiyeon glared at Sehun then turned to Minah with forced smile, telling them to be quiet. Minah listened and walked off while Sehun swear he won’t be quiet. In the end he was quiet. Jiyeon sighed in relief.

She wondered why he was suddenly quiet. Following his gaze at the entrance, it turned out Kai has finally decided to come. Her face changed to pale. She remembered his last words to her.

I can’t imagine my future with you.

You’re dead! You don’t belong here. Leave!

You’re dead!

You’re dead!

You’re dead!

Leave!

The words repeated it over and over. She clutched her head, to stop those voices. The one that leave a deep scar in her fragile heart. She managed to pull herself together, put the pieces together, yet the scar was there, permanent.

Slowly she laid her head on the desk, not wanting to see anyone. Those words truly hurt her badly. She thought she overcomes them but why was she hurt now.

Sehun left to meet Kai. After a week of absence, Kai was able to come.

Kai was shocked when he saw Jiyeon in the class. After a year of not showing her face. And Sehun was beside her.

“Hey buddy, you feel okay?” Sehun asked as he pulled Kai in hug. Kai weakly smiled because suddenly his energy was lost.

“Yeah, just a little bit ill.”

Sehun pulled away, eyes concerned stared at Kai. “You’re not taking care of yourself. It’s the second time in three months. Is there’s something bothering you?”

Kai pulled him in headlock, knowing how worried his friend was. He doesn’t want to make him worried more than that.

“Nothing, just a little stressed out.”

With that both walked to Kai’s seat. Kai’s eyes drifted to Jiyeon whose face was covered by desk. Why did she come back? He thought she would never come back. He thought she realized she was dead. Doesn’t she feel like a liar? For staying between humans when she was dead. It’s creepy. The school wasn’t for creatures like her.

Still he decided to not give it much thought and settled himself in his seat with Sehun right beside him. Sehun kind of changed from all poker faces to sunshine face. He wasn’t that bright but he cared about peoples more which he never did before.

Once the bell ring, Sehun skipped to Jiyeon, ready to annoy her like usual.

“Babe, ready to meet Mr. Sehun?”

Jiyeon rolled her eyes then kept her eyes on her book. Not wanting to get disturbed. Kai’s appearance shake her all being, now Sehun talking stupid stuff was only going to make it worse.

“I’m not your babe, .”

Grinning widely, he lightly slapped her cheek. Receiving a glare was something he was use to by now.

“I know babe. I love you too.”

A chuckle escaped Jiyeon’s lips. A bitter one. Sehun use to date her, use to say he love her. And after he bullied her. And now he acts like a friendliest person she ever meet and jokingly confess to her. Maybe she shouldn’t ignore Sehun anymore. Maybe she should give him a chance to be friend only. She won’t fall for him, she won’t fall for anyone, let it be freeing her soul, she still won’t.

As Sehun laugh with Jiyeon, Kai stared at both with blank look. He somehow didn’t feel okay with Sehun talking to Jiyeon like this. Didn’t Sehun hate her before? Why was he being friendly now? She was ghost anyway.



“Kai, why are you glaring at them?” Asked Chanyeol when he sat beside Kai on the bench in playground.

Shrugging off, Kai muttered. “I’m not.”

Chanyeol raised a suspicious eyebrow at his friend then looked back at Sehun and Jiyeon, then again at Kai who frowned at the scene.

Sehun purposely push Jiyeon on the floor then laughed. Jiyeon glared at him, getting up and pushed him, only to fall with him as Sehun grabbed her hand, dragging her with himself.

Jiyeon smiled at Sehun and slapped his build up chest. Sehun got up on his feet and helped Jiyeon. Jessica, Jiyeon’s another friend greeted them both and starts talking with Jiyeon while Sehun left to the coach who was busy explaining some things to few students.

Kai stared at Jiyeon. She looked livelier. Happy even. Without him. Why students did accept her now? Didn’t they hate her? And she looked so happy with Sehun. Did she look this happy when she was with him? He don’t no. He never thought much about it. Maybe he took her for granted. Maybe he didn’t focus enough because he was sure no one would be her friend and she would stay with him no matter what. And in the end, he left her alone. Joining those who hated her even after knowing her biggest secrets. Even after knowing everyone left her behind and dared to promise he’d never leave her. Why did he promise when he wasn’t sure?

But she was ghost!

She was interrupting human peoples.

The fact was he was in denial.



“Chanyeol and Sohee, Taehyung and Minah, Baekhyun and Hani, Kai and Jiyeon, Sehun and Boram.” The teacher announced who’d partner with whom.

It was fine for all because the class was friendly with each other so no one ever mind who they were partnered with. But the problem was for Jiyeon and Kai.

Jiyeon’s smile vanished off her face as she heard her partner name. Why him from all the other? Hell, even the annoying Sehun would’ve been so fine at the moment. Why Kai from all people? She was happy. She was so happy that Kai avoided her. She was happy Kai acted like she doesn’t exist. Yet here the stupid fate has to put them together.

While for Kai, it was different. He was happy. Finally he had the excuse to talk with her without look like some jerk. He doesn’t understand himself though. He was the one who left her and now he was the one who was eager to talk with her. For sure, he knows Jiyeon was happy without him. She moved on from him. As selfish as it sound, Kai didn’t want her to move on, not from him. He wanted her to love him. It wasn’t like that before but it was now like that. He didn’t even bothered about her feelings when he left, from the fear and now he suddenly wanted her to like him, to love him like she use to when he left her so cruelly under the falling rain.

“Umm so... How are you?” Kai asked Jiyeon when the teacher left. It was obvious she wasn’t happy. She suddenly had that gloomy aura around her, her face dead pale. Her eyes empty. Even someone like Sehun would’ve noticed her unhappy face. That’s just how obvious it was.

“In the garden, in free period, we’d be doing the project. Find some books that can help us from library.” She coldly ordered and left.

Kai saw that. He saw hurt in her eyes. He was the reason.

“I’ll.”

He said when her figure disappeared.


In the garden, Jiyeon refused to answer anything that doesn’t involve their project.

“Is Kyungsoo here?”

Jiyeon didn’t answer as she kept writing. She didn’t even lift her head up from the sheets and books spread on the ground. Her grip tightened on her pen when she heard Kai ask that. Why would he care? He wanted her to leave before so why was he asking her this. She won’t answer to this. She won’t answer anything regarding her life. Kai don’t have any rights to know from the day he decided to break his promise and tell her to leave. He was nothing but a stranger to her from that day onwards. She always let people walk away from her but she won’t anymore. When Kai left her, she decided to not accept anyone, especially Kai himself.

She heard Kai sigh and turned to look at his book, reading it.

Few minutes later...

“We can’t work on the project like that if you keep ignoring me.”

Jiyeon scoffed when she heard that. Looking up, she crossed her arms. “Really? Then let’s leave it and get scolded. I don’t mind.” she packed her stuff hastily, not sparing a look to Kai who was shocked.

He abruptly grabbed her wrist, his grip so harsh, he almost fall in the process because of his own moving speed.

“Let go!” Jiyeon hissed.

“I want to talk!” Kai frowned desperately.

“I said let go, damn it!” Jiyeon glared and tried to remove his fingers that were squeezing her wrist tightly.

Then it happened.

A strong wind pushed Kai away from Jiyeon. Jiyeon gasped as she worriedly gazed at Kai’s fallen body. She jogged to him and helped him to sit up.

Kai was too shocked to even look at her.

His eyes were on the pale guy behind Jiyeon who appeared out of nowhere.

Like he was there all the time.

Kai’s fragile heart starts beating harshly. He clutched his left chest in his grip in pain.

Jiyeon widened her eyes and looked back, angrily.

“Kyungsoo! Stop that! Leave, now! You’re freaking him!”

In his painful state, Kai still heard her. So that was Kyungsoo she used to talk about.

Jiyeon searched in his bag for his pills. Hastily she brought it to him and made him swallow them.

Two minutes later, Kai’s head was lying on Jiyeon’s lap. She gently caressed his hair, muttering it’s going to be fine.

That was the time Kai saw Kyungsoo.

And he realized Kyungsoo pushed him because he tried to force Jiyeon. He hurt her wrist. Never after this is he going to touch her that way again. He was wrong and he deserved what Kyungsoo did. He just can’t force her to tell him about her life when he was so cruel. She deserves better and he was glad Kyungsoo did that to him. Jiyeon dorsn’t deserve to be treated like that.

“Why did you do that? He wasn’t supposed to see you! What if he tells others about you?! Or what if he could have died from heart attack!”

Jiyeon’s fist was curled and it was shaking because of the sudden things that happened. She was mad at Kyungsoo for almost being the reason of Kai’s death. And at Kai to for talking with her in the first place. Why Kyungsoo had to show himself? What if Kai went around telling that to people? Kai wasn’t this type of guy but how could she be so sure? He can break his promise like everyone so it was possible too. Nothing was impossible.

‘He won’t.’

“How are you so sure about this?” Jiyeon sassed while crossing her arms, a big frown on her eyebrows.

‘Because he lost enough to do that.’

“Huh? What did he lose? Don’t talk like you know everything, Kyungsoo. You don’t.”

‘But i always know better than you.’

“We’re not having this conversation again of who knows better.”

‘As you wish.’

Jiyeon’s eyes filled with guilt as Kyungsoo shook his head in disappointment and left. He was right. He always knows better than her. He warned her about Baekhyun and Kai. Yet she didn’t listen. He told her to not get attach to them because they’ll eventually leave her and they did. And now Kyungsoo is talking about Kai’s personality action. What’d he lost that Kyungsoo know and she doesn’t?


After that day, Kai maintained his distance from Jiyeon. He didn’t go closer to her. If he had something to say to her, he would tell someone else to say it for him. They also got a good amount of nagging from their teacher for not doing their project because apparently they were the only one pair who didn’t completed. All the others did. Of course some cheated but the problem was they didn’t even bother to do that.

“Why you didn’t complete it? I thought it was the easiest work i ever gave.”

In the response, both were quiet. They know it was easy but their ego was in their way to do the all work alone.

“This in unacceptable from anyone’s standards. This isn’t how seniors are supposed to act.”

Sighing, teacher massaged her head. It was written all over face that she was stressed. And Jiyeon and Kai were added up in her stress list.

“I’ll give you two days. Finish it whatever it takes. Just hand over it after two days, deal?”

Of course they both wanted to object yet none of their hearts were ready to throw more pressure at the already tired teacher so they ended up nodding and were dismissed by their teacher.

In the evening, Kai and Sehun roam around the city. Like their lives have no purpose so they wanted to do something creative but only ended up walking like some giraffe in the sea of people.

They reach an ice cream shop and ordered their curving flavors then sat down.

While waiting for it, Kai was curious to know something he wanted to ask about a time now from Sehun. Resting his back, he asked, acting like he wasn’t interested much and asked out of boredom.

“Why you start talking with Jiyeon? You use to not like her. What happened?”

Sehun shrugged. “I grow up, that’s what happened.” leaning in a little bit. “I feel bad for treating her like i use to. It was a childish act which i regret now.”

Leaning back, Sehun took his order from the waitress, not forgetting to wink to her. In response, the girl raised her eyebrows, in utter disgust.

Sehun confusedly, stared and dared to wink again. This time, a slap was what he got and the girl left them after muttering few curses on Sehun for being flirting shamelessly.

“Ouch, that must’ve sting.” Kai laughed a little louder when he received hard glare from his friend.

“Sir, can you please lower your voice a little. You’re disturbing our customers.” It was a waiter who for some reason, decided to glare at Sehun while his words were meant for Kai.

“Ah um sorry about that.” Kai apologized in the most insincere way yet the waiter didn’t give him a look.

Suddenly the waiter lean a little closer to Sehun, pretending that he was cleaning the table, he whispered.

“Flirt with my girl again and I’ll snap your neck. Stay away from her.”

Smiling sweetly the waiter left, leaving the shocked Sehun and an amused Kai alone.

“I thought i was too handsome to be treated that way. What just happened?”

Patting Sehun’s shoulder, Kai teased. “You just got rejected. Well, it seems like you’re not that handsome anymore.”

“ you.”

Sehun grumbled while forcing the ice cream spoon in his mouth.


“You’re friendly with Sehun.” Kai said on the next day when Jiyeon and he were doing the project on the garden that witness their love blooming before.

“And you’re lovely with human girls.” Jiyeon said to shut him up and continued work. She ignored the look Kai gave her.

“This isn’t true.”

Jiyeon didn’t bother about his presence and did almost all the work herself. The less she talk, the early they finish.

“Why are you ignoring me, Jiyeon?”

Jiyeon smirked. She lifts up her face to stare right inside Kai’s eyes. Placing the sheets and pen down, she placed her palms flat on the ground beside Kai’s thigh. Slowly she leaned in closer to his face. Five inches away from his face, she muttered.

“Wasn’t this you want me to do? You might forget but I’d gladly remind you that you told me to leave you. I left you and i come back not for you, but because this is how i use to live. Don’t act innocent. That time, you wanted me to leave; now i want you to leave me. Clear?”

Kai gulped. He remembered saying that to her with many other cruel things. The close proximity wasn’t helping.

“I was wrong.”

Leaning back, Jiyeon gave him blank look. “This won’t change anything. Nothing would change my mind to come back to you. I already moved on, Kai. I moved on. Just like how i forget about Sehun, Luhan and Baekhyun, i forget about you too. Don’t hope for miracle to happen, it won’t.”

“I’m not telling you to come back, I’m just saying don’t ignore me.”

Laughing bitterly, yet beautifully, Jiyeon whispered. “Why can’t i? Didn’t you ignore me when i wanted to talk with you? Didn’t you ignore me when students bullied me? If anything, I’ve all rights to ignore you.”

“I was scared of you. You are dead. What do you expect me to do? To actually help you and fall in love with you?! And ruin my life?!” Kai yelled at the end.

Jiyeon’s eyes clearly saddened. It was obvious. Her lips trembled. “If falling in love with me will ruin your life then why bother talking to me? I’m not... Human... But creepy creatures for you so stop... Stop like you care... Because you don’t.”

Jiyeon got up and ran away, leaving things behind. How could Kai say things like that on her face? He was too cruel. What did she do to deserve this? It wasn’t her fault she was killed and her soul wasn’t in peace. If she had a choice, she would’ve left long time ago. Who wanted to live like she lived? It was hurting oneself unnecessary. She won’t forgive him for that.


Kai stared at the disappearing figure. Guilt. Sad. Stupid. Idiot. Self-disappointment. These were the feelings Kai felt. Once again he succeeded in hurting her.

Looking down at the books on the ground, Kai sighed and collected all of it. Once he was done, he grabbed them and stands up, lifting his head up, he saw the pale dead figure of Kyungsoo. Staring at him with wide eyes. This terrified him to his bones as Kai ran away, but not too fast to hurt his heart. Of course he already starts searching for the medicine in his bag. He once look back to see if Kyungsoo was following him or not.
He wasn’t.

He just stared at Kai with creepy expression.

After that time, Jiyeon avoided Kai at all cost. Not like Kai tried to talk with her, he didn’t but she ignored his presence too. Whenever she was sitting with someone, Kai step a foot in there to join, she would leave. Thankfully, Kai saw that so he didn’t bother her about the project. He did it all alone.

Kai saw that and honestly he don’t blame her. He was the one who called her creepy. He was the one who told her to leave and he was the one who promised that he’d stay with her and won’t leave her like everyone else and then break the promises. If anything Kai was the evil one. She was just protecting her heart from another ache. She was a victim of the world and Kai added her misery. And Kai wasn’t pleased with that. He doesn’t want to be the evil guy. He doesn’t want to make others go through pain because of him. Kai just wanted to live in peace till his last breath that was closer than ever.

Fear.

The word is so small but the meanings of this word are bigger than any power in this world. Bigger than money and love. Fear could destroy anything and everything. Every single human being has fears. Everyone have their own kind of fears but either way, fear is horrible. It’s not nice because all it causes is destruction.

Kai was no exception. He was the victim of fear. His love proved to be weaker than fear. One needed to overcome their fear and face them to continue their life like any ordinary human.

But was Kai like any ordinary human? He was, but in a different way. He doesn’t have super powers but he saw a dead girl. He talks with dead girl. He falls in love with dead girl. Then he hurt the dead girl. And now he regretted hurting the dead girl. Dead girl. Who isn’t even alive. Whose heart doesn’t beat. How the hell she even falls for him when her heart doesn’t beat for anyone. Then how come it beat for him. Kai. What was so special about him? Nothing, he wasn’t even going to last, his heart would betray him sooner or later. It would stop beating.

Kai ruffled his hair in frustration. He wanted to talk with Jiyeon, he wanted to be with her but he was scared. He can’t have his future with a dead girl. She can’t give him kids. Kai love kids. He can’t live his life in fear, no one wanted to. And what if she turned into monster?

Sighing, Kai thought. He needed to do something about that because he doesn’t want to lose her, nor he was ready to show her his love.

Maybe Kyungsoo will help him. Kyungsoo might know what could happen when a dead person fall in love or how a dead person’s heart can beat for someone when it’s already dead. It wasn’t possible but he witnessed. He heard it himself. Kyungsoo can answer him about all this stuff. He can’t ask Jiyeon because she might get offended. She might feel more hurt. It was better to have this talk with someone who understands her, instead of the owner of his heart.

True, he was scared of Kyungsoo too but he thought, he talks with Jiyeon and she’s dead so he can also try to talk with Kyungsoo. Beside Kyungsoo didn’t hurt him in any way possible. He just stares at him. He was always there according to Jiyeon and he never hurt him before. So he doesn’t have reason to hurt him now too. After all, only Kyungsoo can help him. No one else.



In the class, Kai waited for Jiyeon. Not because he wanted to talk but simply because he wanted to make sure Jiyeon is in class when he had a talk with Kyungsoo. He’d excuse himself later by taking permission from teacher.

Jiyeon entered and a minute later, teacher came in. The teacher started the lesson while Kai waited for five minutes then made his way to teacher with his books. Teacher know about Kai’s fragile heart so when Kai pretended that it hurt and he needed to rest, she let him off.

That’s how Kai ended up in front of the school garden. He clenched his fingers tightly which held his medicine and slowly step inside. In the way, he tried to calm his heart, he really did but fear was there. What if Kyungsoo kill him? How was he so sure Kyungsoo won’t do anything? But he convinced himself, he was already there, it was too late to back off. And this could be his only chance, who knows?

But he stopped in the middle. Closing his eyes tightly, Kai slowly sat down. He opens the bottle and took few from it to swallow them up. He waited for the pain to relief.


‘What are you doing here?’

Kai widened his eyes as he heard the voice and looked up. His heart started to hurt more. He bend his body a little to stop the sudden attack, few tears rolled down his cheeks. He thought he might die. He was scared and the stupid bang in his heart was taking his breath away.

‘Calm down, i won’t hurt you. Relax. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just here. I promise.’

Kai decided to believe him and his words. He tried to relax. Lying down, he tried to help himself.



“You’re nice.”

A weak smile spread on Kyungsoo’s face when he heard Kai compliment him. He helped Kai in calming down just now. Kyungsoo told him few nice things and made him believe that he wasn’t going to hurt him.

‘Thanks.’

“Now answer my previous questions, Jiyeon isn’t alive. How can her heart beat?”


‘I don’t want to tell you. But i can say it beat only for you. Only you can do that to her, no one else.’


“Huh? I don’t understand.”

‘I wanted to scare you away. Let you die in heart attack. But she love you, she won’t be pleased. In fact she might hate me forever if i did that to you. Beside you love her; i saw how you used to talk with her. You were sincere to have your future with her. You weren’t fooling around like the other guys did to her. You’ve my respect. You can be someone i can’t.’

Kai frowned. “What this has to do with her heart beating?”

‘Hear that well and understand it better: .... ’

Kyungsoo disappeared smiling. Leaving Kai alone to think about what he said. About everything. Jiyeon’s soul freedom was in his hands. Whether he throws it away or keeps it or helps her, choice was his to choose. All Kyungsoo hope for was Kai should be a better judgmental.


Kai waited in the garden few hours, waiting for Jiyeon. He decided that was it. Yes, he was scared of her; he can’t possibly have a bright future with her because she was dead. And a dead person can’t get life back. Kyungsoo’s words still rang in his head repeatedly. He finds a way to live with Jiyeon eternity, not just few years of his life that’s going to end soon anyway. He might be scared of Jiyeon, but there was something more powerful than Jiyeon and surprisingly he wasn’t scared of it. From his childhood, he learned to not get scared by it as it’d follow him until he doesn’t leave the world. It was fear for millions, but for Kai, it was his early destiny. And he was going to achieve it more than sooner. Before it’ll come to him like it come to everyone.



He heard footsteps on the grass. A smiled formed on its own. Jiyeon. He felt her presence as the birds chirping stopped. The air started a little more aggressively.

“What are you doing here? Leave!”

Lifting his head up, Kai waved his hands. Like she just didn’t tell him to leave so rudely.

“Hey, i was waiting for you. I want to talk with you.” As bright as Kai could get, he said.

Jiyeon glared back. She searched for Kyungsoo and he was nowhere. It’s weird because this is the place Kyungsoo never left ever from the day she pushed him down. Where did he go suddenly? He doesn’t have anything to do either.

“I don’t want to talk anything with you, and i said leave!”

“Please... One last time... I won’t ever ask again after this...” Kai pleaded.

Jiyeon huffed. She doesn’t want to but he looked so desperate so she let him do it. After all, he said it’s the last time he’d bother her. Sadness spread around her. He was giving up. This isn’t what she wanted from him. She wanted him to keep chasing her until her heart desires are fulfilled. Guess it was better because she wanted to move on.

“I’m sorry I’m terrified of having my future with you. You scare me. I could live with you like a friend. A friend I’m not so comfortable with. Yes, it’s hard to imagine living with a dead person. Did you ever imagine when you were alive to live your life with someone dead? You didn’t because you didn’t even know if it’s true or not. And if you want me to live with you like that, i need years and years to love you for you, accept you dead. Can you wait? You might wait for that long but i can’t, i don’t have enough time to live that much... So hear me and believe me when i say i love you... I really do. I can’t live with you like any ordinary couples... But i find my own way to live with you... For eternity... With no fears... But love for you... If you believe me... Then follow me...”

Kai finished with a sigh. He said it. If she said yes, he’d finish everything. If not then, he should live few months and die or maybe less than few months.

Jiyeon was silent for few seconds. Should she follow him? He said he found a way? What way? Did he ask Kyungsoo or Myungsoo? Because those were the only who know how to set her free. But he can’t possibly talk with Kyungsoo because Kai never did before. Still, she thought, nothing was to put on the line. She’d follow him and see. He already said he can’t love her and he even reminded her for times too.

“If it’s the last time then yes, take me and finish this.”

And a large smile formed on Kai’s face. This was it. He was close. He lends her his hand so she can grab it. Hesitantly, she placed her fingers on his open palm. Kai closed his palm and start walking.

They walk outside the school and Jiyeon turned her head to look behind her. She had weird feelings of this situation. The weird smile on Kai’s face. Like... It was the end.

End of everything.

“Where are we going?” Jiyeon asked feeling uneasy.

Kai squeeze her hand in his. “Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be fine. It will be fine. Just follow my lead.”

It was evening and they were still walking. Kai seemed to be short on breath but he kept on walking. The smile was vanished with a pain filled frown. Jiyeon noticed and she even told him to eat his medicine but he refused every time saying he’s fine, nothing to be worry about.


The sky was dark by now. Kai was breathing heavily. Jiyeon’s eyes were filled with concern as she stared at his tired figure but for some reason, he was persistent to not take his medicine and keep walking.

That was until they reach the largest building in the city. Kai weakly smile as he enter inside, Jiyeon follow him inside. Kai went to some girl sitting on the chair and give her an envelope.

“Please, give this to my sister next morning.”

Then he told Jiyeon to follow him. Jiyeon raised her eyebrows at the envelope he gave the girl. Slowly she was dragged to the elevator. Once the door closed. Kai pressed the top button.

“You should take your medicine, Kai. Don’t lie to me, you’re not fine.”

“It’s okay; it’s going to end soon.”

Kai said and the silence conquered the small space. Only Kai’s heavy breathing filled the space.

The elevator suddenly moved a bit and stopped in the middle of the tenth floor. Kai frowned at it and pressed the top floor but it didn’t work. Jiyeon stared at Kai as he press the button.

“What happened?”

Gritting his teeth, Kai murmured. “The elevator, it stopped.”

Then the lights turned off.

“! Something happen to the electricity. We’re stuck. Damn it!”

“Kai... What we gonna do now?”

Kai slump down on the floor because lack of oxygen and panic.

“Kai... Oh my god! Kai are you okay?” Jiyeon bend down to look at Kai but it was difficult to see his face in the dark.

“M-mobile... Light... Turn it on...” Kai breathed.

Jiyeon panicky took the phone out from his pants pocket and turn the light app on to have a look on his face. Her heart broke at the tears and sweat fall from his face.

“Wait, I’ll get your medicine...”

Kai weakly stopped her.

“Don’t.”

“Huh?”

“I originally wanted to end it under the moonlight... Guess... It’s not possible now...”

Tears filled Jiyeon’s eyes in worry. Who would be okay to see their loved one suffer like this while they’re unable to help? “What are you talking about?”

Kyungsoo’s word repeated in his head.

Once your heart stop beating, hers will stop with yours and she’d rest in peace with your soul.

“I can’t have you in real life, but... Kyungsoo told me i can have you once i die... Forever...”

Jiyeon’s eyes widened. No, Kai can’t do that. Not for her. It was true and it can only happen if Kai truly love her and now she realized he did really love her.

“You can’t! You’ve to live. I can’t let you die for me!”

Kai’s trembling hand grabbed her face in his weak grip. “My love, from my childhood, i was always told that i might die in any upcoming second. I was scared... But with time, i accepted my fate... I’m not scared of death... It is everyone’s destiny... I die now or i die later... It’s all same...”

Jiyeon let tears roll down as she remembered Myungsoo’s sister story.

Her lover died in car accident, then she rest in peace with him.

It’s all about the person who you love and who love you back.

“Please... Don’t leave me...” Kai pleaded as more tears fall down.

His heart was already in so much pain but Kai did nothing to relief it.

Jiyeon tearfully nodded. Wiping the tears with the end of her sleeve, she hugged Kai’s weak body in her arms. Gently placing soft kisses on his face. Once she reaches his lips, she let her lips stay on his plump one and whispered her voice cracking.

“I won’t leave you ever, my love.”

Kai forced a smiled as he stay still. He couldn’t even kiss her back.

It was really unexpected when the wires in the elevator buttons burned and the fire started.

It lighted the whole elevator; Kai could finally have a good look on Jiyeon’s face. He tried to force a smile, but failed to do so. His eyebrows were curled painfully as sweat and tears rolled his down his precious tan skin. Jiyeon in return smiled tearfully, the fakest smile ever. Her fingers grasping Kai’s both hands. She was sniffing badly. Her whimpers echoed around the small space. She was happy but couldn’t help to be sad. Kai was giving up his life for her. For a dead girl. Simply because they couldn’t be together like any ordinary couples. He must truly love her. No one in their right mind would do that.

In fast speed, the fire spread around the elevator.


Kai smiled in his last breath, Jiyeon had a tight grip on his hands.

It ended.



In next day news

“The boy was found dead in elevator. He was burned alive by the fire that caused by the old wires. His face wasn’t recognizable because the boy’s whole body from head to toe burned badly...”

The people around the building said there was a girl entered with him but she wasn’t there. Only his body was found.

Victoria’s eyes tears up as her neighbor gave her the letter. The letter was originally for Victoria but Kai couldn’t just give it to her.

'My lovely dear sister, Victoria.

I’m sorry for leaving you alone for someone else. But you’ve to know how much she meant to me. I’ve hurt her enough. I know i hurt you too but I’m sorry... Sorry for being a selfish brother. I left you like mom and dad left you. But trust me, i would’ve died either way, sooner or later won’t make much difference. Beside, i was sick of staying in the hospital and depending my life on few medicines. It was killing me from inside... It was like a torture to me to wake up each morning, not knowing if i can survive it or not. And be a burden to you.

I remembered you never dated anyone and rejected everyone who asked you out because you were busy making money while studying. I saw how you cried for mom and dad every night and talk about my health to them. You cried and cried but every morning, you acted like life can’t get any better.

I’m sorry i would disrespect you when you scold me for good. I’m sorry when i accused you for being the worst sister ever. You weren’t, if anything, you were an angel send to me.

I’ll always love you no matter what. All i want from you is continue your life, enjoy it and find the guy who would love you for you. Now I’m not there to steal your chips that you hide under your bed anymore so... Don’t be scared...

Forgive me for being selfish brother all along. I was stupid and naive. I still am. But in the end of the day, I’m your stupid younger brother who you should always love. I demand love!

I love you,
from K.Kai.'


Kai and Jiyeon were together for eternity.

They don’t need couple rings to be together.

Their love story wasn’t much different than any other love story. They had their fair share of arguments. They have their lovely and romantic moments. But their end was... What made them themselves.

While for Kyungsoo, he was finally free. His love was free soul now, so nothing was holding him back to stay in there. His love might have never loved him back, but he was happy to see his love happy, let it be with someone else.

Life was never fair.

Kyungsoo never got his love.

Kai had to die in order to live with Jiyeon.

Jiyeon was always left behind.

Victoria lost her family.

Yeah, life was unfair. Everyone have problems, it’s just some learn to deal while others cry over it. The difference is how they deal with it.

THE END

AUTHOR NOTE

Well is it sad? I’m not sure I mean in some way it is but in some way it is not… do I make sense?

Never mind, I wanted to say to everyone who subscribed and upvote this, I’m thankful to you guys reading my stories even though they are get quiet boring and all so I’m sorry yet thankful for you guys putting up with these things. I know no one needs depression and that’s all my oneshots are making you feel so I’m truly grateful to everyone. It might not mean much to you but for me… well I probably should stop blabbering hehe

Once again thanks for you who read my story!