Sejeong knows it all along. She might be rarely spend her time with Gugudan due to IOI and her a bit too much solo schedules, but she is good at reading people, especially with her members.

She’s close with her Gugudan members, more than people might thought. It’s shouldn’t be a surprise because Sejeong spent her trainee days with the girls for years, and the girls always support her in whatever activities she have. They’ve been together and yes, she loves them so much. Gugudan is her family. 

Hana is always there, along with them. Hana always slipped a message for them during the Produce 101 days through their manager. Always encourage them with a simple words that Sejeong sometimes can’t help but wish to leave the cruel show and back to Jellyfish, back to her members whom she missed badly. She didn’t have to do this show, did she? They can go back to Jellyfish and debut normally like other groups.

“Hang in there, Sejeong-ah," Hana said on their secret phone call during Produce 101, “Just a little more and you’ll back with us, okay?"

So she tried her best to endure everything, along with Nayoung and Mina, till the end of the show. The future of Jellyfish’s girl group lies in their hands. They have to do this, for the sake of the other members. 

Nayoung grabbed her hand, firmly. “We can do this, Sejeongie, okay?” and Mina hugged her. Sejeong nodded, glad that she have her members with her. Yes, we can do this. 

So Sejeong wasn’t so sure how to react when the final episode filmed and Nayoung was not on the line up member for I.O.I. Only Mina and she made it to debut, along with the other 9 members.

Nayoung was always there with her, for the long and hard of 4 months of Produce 101 filming. Nayoung, despite everyone else failed to see, was the reason for Sejeong to stay till the end. Because she believed the three of them would debut together.

Sejeong even considering to withdraw from I.O.I.

“Don’t do anything stupid, you hear me?” Hana said, when she called her using the manager’s phone. “I’ll take care of Nayoung so don’t worry about her. More than anything else, you should focus more on yourself, Sejeong-ah, you’ll have a of thingsto do after this.”

“But Nayoung unnie…”

“I’ll take care of her, Sejeong-ah. I promise. Take care of yourself and Mina, okay?”

So Sejeong, believed in Hana’s words as she always do, decided to continue. That’s true, she still has Mina with her. Mina, who wanted to debut that she had to bear the pain of the diet program from the Produce 101’s trainers, endured the harsh scolds and yells from the teachers, Mina who needs Sejeong by her side to continue. Sejeong can’t leave her for the sake of the baby girl.

So she started living with the IOI members, practices and practices and more practices, and finally released their debut MV and album. She really debuted now. 

The Jellyfish girls congratulated her through the video call, thanks to the manager’s phone (again), saying they missed her. Sejeong tearing up at the noisy call, she missed them too. Badly. 

So when the CEO called and told them that Sejeong and Mina will be back to Jellyfish temporarily and they will debut as Gugudan, Sejeong almost can’t hold her squeal. Almost, because (Im) Nayoung unnie, Chaeyeon, Yeonjung, and Mina too was right beside her, and she didn’t want to looks so disrespectful to her leader and her current teammates (but she knows Chaeyeon can’t wait to go back to DIA too, if you look at how the ending fairy non-stop smiling widely during the meeting). They listened to the manager who explained everything. IOI will be in hiatus and continue with 7 members for a while meanwhile the other 4 members will back to the agency.

Sejeong hopes the van goes faster because she can’t wait to see her members, especially one certain member. Mina chuckled seeing her unnie who was so excited. Well Mina missed the Jellyfish girls too, it’s been a months since the last time she saw them.

“Guuuuuyyyysssssss, we miss you!!” Sejeong and Mina yelled and attacked the members with a tight hug as soon as they arrived at the dorm. Some of them hit her, protested that they can’t breathe, but the laughs and the cheers continued at the living room.

“Bora unnieeee!”

Hana barely have time to react when the two turned and jumped at her.

“Oof!”

“Unnie, we miss you the most! (Im) Nayoung unnie was so strict to us!”

Hana laughed at that. “Don’t say that. I’m pretty sure she takes a good care of you two.”

The members cooed when Nayoung went to hug Sejeong and Mina.

“Nayoung almost looks like a zombie when she got back, lifeless and all. Bora had to coax her with all the not-good-for-diet foods to get her to eat,” Mimi giggled, and resulted with a pillow threw at her from Nayoung.

“Shut up, unnie!”

“Yah! I’m your unnie!”

Hana had to stop the two before they pick a real bloody pillow fight. “Okay enough, no more throwing pillow here. Sejeong, Mina, you can put your baggage first and then we all go to meet the CEO, okay?”

They all nodded.

***

Sejeong smiled all the time, she finally back to her members, to her family. They will debut for real, it’s really happening. The most important, she will debut with Nayoung.

“So what have you guys been doing while Mina and I was in IOI?” she asked in the middle break time of their one of the intense dance practices. They were going to debut in couple of days and has been spending their time in the practice room a lot more than in the dorm. 

Nayoung wiped the sweats in her forehead before answering. “Nothing much. Just the usual what trainees does, you know, practicing this and that.” She grabbed her water bottle and drink it. “Will you be okay with this? Working for two groups?”

Sejeong nodded and leaned on Nayoung’s side, resting her head in Nayoung’s shoulder. “It’s not like we’re promoting right now. You know IOI will comeback with 7 members.”

She missed her Jellyfish girls more honestly, and it does feels nice to be here, with her members and Nayoung. She felt the girl beside her shifted a bit before wrapping Sejeong in her hand. 

“It’s nice to be with you again. I missed you, you know.”

Sejeong almost burst into tears when she heard the soft voice but managed to hold herself. As if they are in their own world, only Nayoung and Sejeong and no one else, and she kinda forget her surroundings.

“Excuse me, but we are still in the middle of practice,” They heard Mimi called, standing in the front of them, “can you stop the lovey dovey things and get your asses up here so we can continue?”

“Can you give us like five more minutes?” Nayoung whined. “We’ve been dancing since 8 am.”

Mimi rolled eyes. “And we will debut in few days. Now stand up.”

Nayoung keep whining at the older girl (and it’s actually cute, Sejeong thoughts, it’s so different with the earlier Nayoung who treat her with such gentleness, she smiled to herself) before Hana appeared beside Mimi who’s about to snap at the 95 line member. 

“It’s okay, Mimi, how about we take a lunch break? Everyone’s starving.”

Mimi rolled eyes while the other members cheered. Nayoung suddenly have an energy and jumped to hug the leader. 

“Shin Bora unnie the best!” She said excitedly along with the members. 

After the permission from the manager (who had to give up at the pleading eyes attacks from the maknaes), they ordered Chinese foods (thanks to pleading eyes attacks, no diet food this time). The amount of the foods would make the manager regretting his decision a lot but what to do when you have 9 teenage girls with such a big appetite after a long dance practice sessions.

“Yah, you big baby, you have the jjajang sauce all over your mouth,” Hana scolded Nayoung who was too busy eating her bowl of jjajangmyun. She grabbed tissues and wiped the sauce from Nayoung’s lips.

“Sorry, unnie,” Nayoung said with a grin before continuing to eat.

“Until this day I don’t understand how Nayoung survived from Produce 101 for 4 months without Bora unnie,” Haebin said. “You are really like a baby.”

Sejeong raised her eyebrows. “What do you mean, unnie?”

“To put it in simple words,” Haebin docked from the tissues Nayoung threw at her, “she is a baby and Bora unnie is like her personal babysitter. Even Hyeyeon doing better than Nayoungie.”

“I’m not a baby and you have to stop calling me a baby.” Nayoung attempted to threw another tissues at Haebin, but Hana held her wrist, trying not to let the peaceful lunch time turn into childish war.

“Well… I never see Nayoung unnie acts like a baby so this is something new to me,” Sejeong said with grin, somehow looks interest at this new discovery. 

“Oh, Sejeongie, you would be surprise then,” Soyee grinned, and Nayoung threw chopsticks at her. The rest of the members just laughed. 

***

It’s indeed a surprise for her. Well, not really, because she knows how close Nayoung with the members, sometimes a bit clingy, but during the time when Sejeong was with IOI, seemed like Nayoung got a lot closer with them. 

With Hana, especially. 

Along with Gugudan's debut promo, Sejeong still going for her solo schedules. A sight of Nayoung hugging the leader when they sleep welcomed her almost every night whenever she came home late, thanks to her solo schedules. If Sejeong out for a while, she would come home to find Nayoung cuddled with Hana on the couch, watching and laughing at the random drama on the TV together. 

She can’t help but feel jealous at the two.

Luckily for her, Nayoung would always noticed her presence and hugged her then, all happy and excited when she saw Sejeong as she left Hana on the couch. For a second, Sejeong forgot all the jealousy feeling earlier with the sight of Nayoung’s smile.

Because the spark in Nayoung’s eyes is still there whenever their eyes met. 

Yes, she said to herself, Nayoung unnie didn’t change. She’s still the same Nayoung unnie. That’s what she thought, until her eyes accidentally met Hana’s eyes. 

And oh boy she’s beyond surprised. 

For a brief seconds, Hana let all her expression showed on her face. For a brief seconds, Sejeong saw all the pain, hurts, and jealousy from the leader’s eyes, something she never saw before. 

It was only a brief of second but the but the stare was so intense that Sejeong almost pulled away from Nayoung's hug until Hana turned away to Mimi who called her from the kitchen and the leader already put her smile back to her face.

Everything happened too fast and it was shocking enough for Sejeong that she didn’t hear Nayoung’s calling repeatedly for her.

“Sejeongie? Hey, you okay?”

Sejeong snapped from her daze and saw Nayoung looking at her worriedly. “Oh… Yeah, I’m home, unnie.”

Sejeong thought she was hallucinating. It was a brief of second after all, maybe her eyes fooling her? Why would Hana unnie looking at her and Nayoung with such pain, hurts, and jealousy?

So she watched them closely, as much as her a bit too much solo (or IOI's) schedules allowed her, how Nayoung interacted with Hana. Nayoung still close to Sejeong as usual, Nayoung always made sure Sejeong got every rest she needs, Nayoung always there to listen to any rambling Sejeong need to let out. Nayoung always knows how to make Sejeong feels special.

But Sejeong also noticed how Hana is Nayoung’s first option whenever the tall girl needs comfort. She noticed how Nayoung turns into clingy baby whenever she's with the leader. And she noticed how Hana treat Nayoung with such kindness. 

"But Nayoung unnie..."

"I'll take care of her, Sejeong-ah. I promise."

“She's a baby and Bora is like her personal babysitter."

Her heart clenched. 

Just another day of her coming home from her solo schedule at late night with the sight of Nayoung hugging Hana in the leader’s bed, as she watched them from their bedroom’s door.

***

“Sejeong-ah, anything bothering you?” 

Sejeong looked up from her novel in her lap and found Hana standing in front of her, her hands busy drying her hair with the towel as she just finished shower. 

“Hm?” Sejeong put her smile automatically. “No, I’m fine, unnie. What do you mean?”

“You are still in the same page since I got into the bathroom,” Hana said as she pointed the book. “You should sleep if you tired.”

Sejeong blushed. Yes, she’s tired as , but sleeping rarely comes to her mind these days, not when her heart is in mess. She closed the novel and sit straight in her bed. Hana took a sit beside her.

“Are you sure you okay? You are strangely quiet these days.”

Sejeong turned to look at the leader in surprise. If anything, Sejeong always proud of her skill of hiding her emotion very well. She thought she made sure to act normally whenever she was with the members.

“You can pretend all you want with the kids, but not with me. You know that, right?”

Hana’s voice was so soft and gentle, and sometimes Sejeong wondered if Nayoung likes her because of that. Maybe it's one of the reasons. 

Hana often acts as if she’s done with the kids, rolling eyes and gave up at stopping them doing some mess in the dorm, but Sejeong knows she cares a lot. 

“Unnie…”

“Hm?”

Hana looked at her with such concerns in her eyes and Sejeong bit her lips. Do you like Nayoung unnie? was in the tip of her tongue but she can’t say it. The fear of hearing Hana’s answer was too much for her. 

What if Hana unnie really does likes Nayoung unnie?

What if Hana unnie has been suffering all this time? 

She can’t bear the thought of Hana suffering because of Nayoung and her. Sejeong loves Nayoung, yes, but Hana didn’t deserve the pain she and Nayoung might cause to the leader. 

Instead, she changed her question.

"Unnie... I got an offer for solo debut."

To her surprise, Hana nodded beside her. "I know," she chuckled when she saw Sejeong’s face. "Of course I know about it, Sejeongie. I'm still your leader. Of course manager oppa told me."

"Oh, right..." Sejeong felt stupid. "So... what do you think? Should I take it or not?"

"You are considering to reject it?" Hana widen her eyes. "Don't be stupid. None any rookies got an solo offer a few months after they debuted. You are special, Sejeong-ah, of course you have to take it."

Sejeong didn't say anything. She knows she will accept the offer no matter what. She should be happy about the offer. But-

"Unless... You have something in your mind? You aren't ready for it?" Hana asked. "If you afraid you gonna be so busy, I'll talk to the managers to do something about it, so you don't have to worry."

No, unnie, Sejeong thought, I'm too afraid to leave the dorm too long and left Nayoung unnie with you. 

Sejeong cursed in her mind. How dare she is to think like that, when Hana always help her since their trainee days. Hana always believe and support her, even when Sejeong didn't believe in herself.

"How about I make you warm chocolate milk? To help you to sleep?"

Sejeong didn't say anything but Hana already left the bed, and Sejeong knows the older girl will insisted to make the drink even if Sejeong says no.

And Sejeong bit her lips to prevent her tears, because Hana deserves the happiness with Nayoung. 

***

“So I heard about your solo... Are you gonna take it?” Mimi asked, as she mixed the vegetables in the pan.

“Do you think I have a choice to reject it?” Sejeong said, her hand mindlessly playing with the empty glass in front of her. 

Mimi chuckled. “I understand. Don't forget to eat and sleep whenever you can. You still have IOI, right?”

“Yeah…” Sejeong said. "I wish I have a choice to reject it, Unnie."

"Yeah, it hurts me too to see you down with fever and had to go through a lot IV injection for a night and get ready to your schedules on the next day," Mimi said. When she didn't hear response from the younger girl she turned around. "What's with your face? Did I say something strange?"

Sejeong nodded. "It's weird to see you being nice, unnie." She laughed when Mimi threw one of the chopsticks at her. 

"Brat." Mimi faces the pan again. "Whatever. Just take care of yourself. Nayoung was so worried about you when she saw how busy you are with IOI."

There’s commotion from the living room, with the maknae playing games with Nayoung and Hana. Sejeong watched as Hana helped Nayoung playing with the controller, struggled to fight the maknaes. In the end, Hana had to comforting the pouting Nayoung as Mina cheered after releasing double combo or something to Nayoung’s character. 

Those two doesn't deserve any pain. Nayoung doesn’t deserve the pain from Sejeong keep leaving her over and over again. Hana doesn’t deserve the pain from such unrequited love. It's best from them if Sejeong just leave and let them be with each other. 

Sejeong had to bite her lips again.

***

"So you gonna take the solo offer?"

"Yeah, it's not like I have a choice to reject it, Unnie."

Nayoung nodded. And Sejeong trying to avoid her eyes because she doesn't want to see the hurts in Nayoung’s stare. She keeps playing with her laptop.

Nayoung grabbed one of her hands. 

"I'll always wait for you here."

And it’s tearing her heart. Because she's so happy, because she knows Nayoung still loves her, but she knows it will hurts Hana and she doesn't want that.

Sejeong leaned on Nayoung’s side, trying to find some comfort from the older girl’s warm side-hug. What should I do? 

.

.

Tbc ^^