Unlike what people normally think, it wasn’t a sudden thing. He didn’t wake up one day and have an “aha!” moment. It was more like puzzles pieces that came together slowly, revealing the picture a little each more as a piece is put into place. Which was worse. Way worse. Because that meant he saw what was coming before the picture completed. And even though he knew what was coming, he couldn’t stop it. He didn’t want to stop it, but at the same time, he didn’t want to acknowledge it because if he did, he knew he would everything up. Things would change. And that was what he didn’t want. He didn’t want things to change between them. What would he do if he lost his best friend because of it?

He wasn’t sure when it had started. When he began to notice the little things about him that he couldn’t forget. The way he would work all night, not sleeping until it was just right, and even then, he would continue to work until he passed out. The way he would fall asleep anywhere, and yet still be able to function like was wasn’t taking cat naps instead of having hours of sleep. The way he would act grumpy, but smile fondly at something the other boys had done. The way he would get pissed off for the boys, defending them with just the right words, never making a scene but making his point clearly. The way he gulped down his food like he hadn’t eaten in months. The way he claimed that he wanted to not be alone and touched, but would stay near enough to keep an eye on everyone and subtly comfort each member with small touches.

The way his hair looked when he woke up, slightly off kilter, yet he still seemed to pull it off. The way he drank his water, taking small sips with his lips slightly parted, or in big gulps, puffing out his cheeks in such a way that is was cute instead of unpleasant looking. The way his eyes showed his real feelings that he either didn’t know how to communicate or didn’t want others to know about. The way he would try to get away when he was feeling down or depressed, but would try to act like he was fine. The way his hands were soft and comforting yet strong and confident when rapping. The way he would share small smiles with him whenever the other boys did something ridiculous. The way he would look at women with lust in his eyes. The way he talked about wanting someone to be with. The way that he would sometimes come home with lipstick on his collar. The way that he looked at Jimin. Like a bother. But nothing more.

Jimin wasn’t gay. He didn’t look at guys like that. And yet, when he looked at Yoongi, it was different. It wasn’t purely lust when he looked, no. Yoongi was hot, yes, but that wasn’t what Jimin fell for. It was how he acted when he thought no one was looking. It was how he was when he woke up and was pissed that the world. It was how he cared for the other members. He liked Yoongi because he was Yoongi.

All of the members were touchy; it was part of being good friends in a boy-only group. They were close, and it would have been fine, but then he had begun to see the puzzle coming together, and he panicked. He spent a whole week trying to not be near Yoongi or even look at him. He stuck with Jungkook most of the time, and stayed by himself more.

The others, he knew, were becoming concerned by his behavior. Rap Monster had told him that Jimin could talk to him if anything was wrong. V tried to make him laugh or get in trouble with him. Hoseok asked for dancing help, or he would just want to dance with him. Jin had these worried glances he threw Jimin’s way; he had asked what was wrong and if he needed anything, too. Yoongi, though, had looked at him with a flat look, giving nothing away. But Jimin saw what everyone would miss, the hurt that flashed in his eyes; the worry that would stay longer than the hurt; and the apology and confusion because he knew he had done something, but he wasn’t sure what exactly he had done wrong.

And Jimin felt like and because he made Yoongi feel bad, for something that he hadn’t done. It was Jimin’s fault that he had begun to have feelings for him. So he began being his old self. He got in trouble with V for doing something stupid on set to the others. He joked with everyone again. He smiled more. And he stopped ignoring Yoongi.

It was easy at first, to pretend that everything was okay. He had to pretend. He didn’t want to make everyone worry, yes, but the main reason was because he didn’t want to lose Yoongi as a best friend. He just … if he had to pretend for his whole life that he didn’t have feelings for Yoongi so that they could continue to be best friends, then dammit, he would. He would do whatever it took.

Of course, though, that was much easier said than done.

They were getting ready for a concert coming up, which wasn’t anything new. But Yoongi had dropped his mix tape a bit ago, and everyone had loved it. It was heartfelt, well written, and well rapped; of course everyone loved it – he had the whole thing on his phone that he listened to so much he had it all memorized. So it wasn’t a surprise that they wanted Yoongi to rap a song at the concert. It was a surprise that Yoongi had suggested having someone do it with him; specifically, that someone was Jimin. His reasoning was that his voice had a great contrast to his, and that the fans would eat it up if they did it together. Jimin was honored, of course. Being asked to rap with Yoongi was like winning a medal, it was a big pat on the back that Yoongi had suggested it. As honored as he was, he was also sinking within himself.

He was going to have to spend time with Yoongi, alone, to get his part down. Then they would have to practice over and over until it was perfect for the both of them. And then they would have to perform together.

The first time they met at the studio, Jimin was nervous. He respected Yoongi as a song writer and a rapper. Jimin was known for his singing, not rapping. And he didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of Yoongi. He wanted to do it well so Yoongi wouldn’t regret his decision.

Yoongi had written a part in the song specifically for Jimin. Jimin could feel the flush on his neck, but had just thanked him and praised him on it once he had read it through. It was perfect, as usual. And they began to practice. Yoongi wanted to hear Jimin rap it so he could tweak things as needed. The first time he sang it, he ed it up. The second time, he ed up even more. Before he could try again, though, Yoongi had spoken up.

“You’re thinking too much. Whatever you’re thinking about, you need to not. The best way to rap is to have the lyrics down, like second nature, and just speak them. Focus on the music, not the words or your thoughts. Again.”

Jimin was embarrassed and mad at himself for ing up. For many things, really, but he tried to do what Yoongi had said. He had put everything into a door in his mind, and locked it behind him. Then he focused on the music, the lyrics which he had already memorized, and the motivation behind the song. The reasoning being the words he was saying. The feelings that Yoongi had put out to the world. Yeah, he could do this. Not for himself, not to get praise or recognition, but for Yoongi.

The third time, he nailed it. The fourth time, when Yoongi had done his part and then Jimin did his part, it had become something different. It was pure perfection. And the look on Yoongi’s face when they had finished for the night was worth everything.

They worked hard the next two weeks before the concert to tweak things that Yoongi had not liked, wanting it to be perfect, and Jimin never complained once. He loved how Yoongi worked, how dedicated he was. Watching him work was something else, too. He couldn’t get enough of it. He had fun working with him, even if they both got stressed out sometimes about the song and how it was going to be when they were on stage. They worked well together, too. Every minute Jimin spent with Yoongi, though, put another puzzle into place though. He tried to keep it in the locked door in his mind, but the pieces would slip in and the picture would get clearer. The picture he knew would never be reality, would never be shared by Yoongi. And he, no matter how hard he tried, never could get over that. So while he loved every second he had with Yoongi, he hated it just as much.

When they weren’t rapping, they were dancing with the other members. When they weren’t dancing, they were promoting. It was a busy few weeks, and there was a lot they had to do as a group. It was fun, and he couldn’t get enough of the other members – except when they were really annoying. They all had fun together. They fit, was the thing. If someone was too serious, another member would mess with them. If someone got stuck on a move, they all were there to help. If someone got too rambunctious, the others would stop them with stern words and a look. It was like they had been friends since they were little. Jimin loved it. And even though things were busy and stressful, he couldn’t imagine himself anywhere else.

The days went quickly, and before Jimin knew it, it was time for the concert. They went through rehearsals like normal, ing around a bit. But this concert was different for Jimin. He was nervous. He didn’t want to up. He wanted to do Yoongi’s song justice, give it the due it deserved. He was sweating more than normal because of it, and making small mistakes only he could see in his dancing. He almost felt sick. But the moment he looked at Yoongi before they were getting ready to go on, all of that disappeared because … Yoongi, the guy that never showed his nerves and his doubts, was looking green. His hands were shaking minutely, and he kept moving around like he couldn’t settle.

Jimin didn’t doubt himself as he walked up to Yoongi and hugged him.

“We are going to smash this. This is what you do, Yoongi. Let’s show them what they been missing out on, yeah?” He whispered before he let go, giving Yoongi his best smirk. Yoongi looked at him for a second, stoned faced. But then one of the happiest smiles showed up on his face, and Jimin felt his heart stutter. Yoongi squeezed his shoulder as he walked past, nodding at the other members’ words of encouragement. Jimin noticed Jin, Rap Monster, and Hoseok share a look, but Jimin was too enthralled with Yoongi, that he didn’t give it a second thought.

When the time came to do it in front of their fans, the other members gave then smiles and pats on their backs, telling them they were going to do great before Yoongi and Jimin walked where they had to do. Before he left to go by the stairs out near the stage, Yoongi and he looked at each other. Jimin was about to say “we’re going to be awesome” and “they will love it,” when Yoongi spoke.

“I’m happy you agreed to do this. I – It means a lot that you did, so thank you.” It was spoken with a soft smile, and Jimin felt his heart stutter again. He gave a small, sincere smile back.

“I can’t imagine doing this with anyone better and more amazing than you, Yoongi. Let’s go smash it, yeah?” He asked, holding his hand out for a fist bump, smiling as Yoongi gave a small snort at it but still bumped his fist against it.

They were in the middle of rapping in sync when Jimin saw the last puzzle fall into place as he watched Yoongi absorb the crowd loving the rap, loving him. Yoongi was too into rapping his lyrics, too into the feelings he felt about it all to show everyone exactly what he was feeling, but Jimin saw. Jimin saw how his eyes sparkled in delight. How he wasn’t worried about his moves he was doing. How he was relaxed, going into every verse with new energy. How he was having fun. How happy he was.

It was in that moment that Jimin realized that he loved Yoongi. It was then that the puzzle showed just how much in was in love with Jimin. It wasn’t the love he felt the other members, whom he loved like brothers. It was an eternal love. A heart-bending, life-altering love.

He allowed himself to enjoy the complete puzzle as they finished the song and went off stage, both smiling at each other as they listened to the crowd go crazy, as they hugged each other tightly. As they got rammed into by the others with hard, happy hugs that came with the compliments and happy words. He allowed himself that few moments, when their eyes locked and they both had mirroring smiles. He allowed just that. Nothing more.

When they had finished the concert and were in the car, going back to the apartment, everyone was tired, yes, but everyone was hyped from the concert still. Everyone still had the adrenaline pumping through them, the happiness. He was sitting next to Yoongi in the back, and Jimin tried to keep his thoughts at bay until they got back because he didn’t want to be a downer to everyone else’s happiness. Especially Yoongi, who was quiet and looking at the window, but he kept sending other’s smiles when they talked to him, responding efficiently, but kindly as well, and Jimin didn’t want Yoongi to stop being this happy, especially because of him. But as hard as he tried, the thoughts came, knocking down the locked door he created, smashing it to pieces as the puzzle came rushing out, wanting attention.

Jimin knew four things. He knew that showing or telling anyone about his feelings would change things, most likely for the worst. He knew that this changed everything for him, and no matter how much he tried to push the feelings away, they would never leave. He knew his love would not be returned. He knew that even though he had to hide how he felt, he would do anything and everything to make Yoongi stay happy.

He wasn’t sure how he felt about his new revelations, but he didn’t feel like celebrating with everyone when his heart was falling into an abyss that felt like it would never end. He was free falling in the dark, and he didn’t know how to stop it. Was this how Yoongi felt when he was depressed? He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t understand how anyone got over it, how they stopped falling and started climbing back up.

Jimin kept to himself as they neared the apartment, and even though he tried to appear like nothing was wrong, he apparently hadn’t been as inconspicuous as he had thought. He felt a hand touch his arm softly, making him stop looking out the window and turn towards Yoongi, who was looking at him with slightly narrowed eyes. He was worried, Jimin could tell by his eyes, and Jimin made himself smile, hoping it would ease Yoongi’s worry.

“Tonight was amazing, wasn’t it? We totally smashed it!” Jimin said with his smile, but as soon as he stopped talking, he realized that that had made it worse. Yoongi looked even more worried now.

“Something’s making you upset. Was it the … the performance with me?” Yoongi asked, taking a pause, like he didn’t want to know, but wanted to be able to understand what was making Jimin upset so he could fix it. Jimin immediately shook his head in the negative.

“No! Are you kidding me? It was the most fun I had in a long time. Everyone loved it, including me.” Jimin said, putting his hand on Yoongi’s hand, which was still on his arm, making sure that Yoongi understood that that wasn’t it. He had to make sure Yoongi understood just how he felt about what they did together. His words seemed to make some worry relax, but his eyes were still a bit narrowed.

“You didn’t deny that something was wrong.” He asked with an eyebrow raise, and Jimin realized then that everyone was quiet up front, listening to their conversation; they had, too, noticed something off. Awesome. He would have to come up with an excuse that was believable. Jimin bit his lip and took a breath, letting go of Yoongi as he smiled slightly.

“I’m just tired. I was worried I’d mess up the performance so much, I think the lack of worry is making me more tired is all.” Jimin said, hoping Yoongi would believe him. Yoongi stared at him a bit longer with his narrowed and concerned eyes, but eventually he let go and turned back to the others, who had begun to talk again. Jimin let out a small sigh and turned to the window, closing his eyes. He would allow himself one day to wallow in his downward plunge into the darkness. One day, then he would figure out how to stop falling and how to dismantle his complete puzzle. It was the only thing he could think of to do, so it would have to do. But first, he would mourn the loss of something he never could have.

After his one day of being by himself, letting himself fall in the darkness with tears falling down his face, Jimin had put everything into his knew purpose that he had figured out: keep Yoongi happy, not matter what cost. That cost was that Jimin would have to make everyone believe nothing had changed. It would be hard, but he would do it to make sure Yoongi wouldn’t be worried … and so the others wouldn’t be worried again, either.

He kept to his inner word, and for the next couple of months, he had done it. He joked around, kept up with his normal touches with everyone, including Yoongi. He didn’t ignore Yoongi like he had in the past because that had made Yoongi upset and concerned. That wouldn’t happen because of Jimin again. They had a few more concerts, shows, and interviews. They were busy, which was both good and bad.

The good was because they were so busy with everything, they had no time to themselves for long periods of time. That meant that they couldn’t get into conversations that went too deep or were about dating. The bad was that Jimin had no time to himself. Putting up a show all day was tiring, and he wanted, no, needed time to recuperate, but that didn’t happen as much as he needed it to. The result in rarely having time to himself was becoming more noticeable: he had circles under his eyes, his had lost a bit of weight because he hadn’t been hungry lately, and he found himself thinking of the door he had repaired in his mind, but was slowly breaking again.

Jimin had played it off to them being so busy to everyone, and they believed him because they all were feeling the stress of their busy schedule. But he noticed he got a bit more food than he normally would have gotten. He noticed that someone had taken his spare pillow and put in the back of the van – where he normally sat now, next to Yoongi – so he could sleep in between stops. He noticed that someone had messed with his phone, adding softer, slower songs, songs that had put him to sleep right away at night. They were little things that he didn’t really pay attention to, but he was thankful for whomever had done it because it had helped, not much, but he no longer had circles under his eyes, so there was that.

The days past quickly and before he knew it, they were going to start practicing new dances and creating music on their off time, which they now had since their schedule wasn’t as busy. They all had been writing a bit in their free time, and knew that they all would have new songs to share soon enough. Jimin did too, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to share his. He knew that everyone had went really personal with theirs, so did he, but his song was about his lies that he had been living since the puzzle completed. No, it was before that. He had been lying to himself much longer than he had been lying to everyone else. And he struggled to put it all into words, but he did. It had helped, but even so, he knew it might make everyone worry about him again. Make Yoongi worry about him, and he didn’t want that. He had even began gaining the weight he had lost back. He had been trying harder, making sure he ate all that he was given, that he slept, thanks to the new songs on his phone, and he had been joking and smiling more since he wasn’t as tired. He didn’t want to ruin all his work to make sure things were normal by showing his song to everyone.

He didn’t have a choice, as it turned out. He had been going to the studio to work on his song, getting the lyrics tweaked and the music composed, which meant he came back to the apartment at weird times. He knew the others knew since they asked how his writing was going. It was good and they all talked about how they were excited to get new music out to the fans. They were even excited about the new dances that were most likely going to be more difficult that the past dances. Jimin also didn’t fail to notice how Yoongi’s demeanor had changed a bit as well. He had been smiling more lately, joking and goofing off with the others. He also was touchier with everyone, too, like it was more comfortable to be near us than not. He still had his days where he was stoic and standoffish, but he was happy.

They had a meeting about what was coming up, and everyone was talking excitedly about it all. Jimin had expected them to talk about their individual songs they had been working on. Jimin didn’t expect the managers and even the members to want to hear everyone’s songs. Jimin saw everyone pull out their phones – or if they hadn’t finished yet, they were talking about their lyrics and motivation behind it. Jimin felt himself freeze on the inside. Though he tried to hide it, he noticed Yoongi’s gaze from next to him. The concerned gaze that held a bit of confusion too.

Everyone had played or explained their songs, and before he knew it, everyone was looking at him to showcase what he had created. He gave a small smile and explained that he hadn’t finished yet and wanted it to be a surprise. He had hoped that that would put an end to things, but he noticed Jin, Rap Monster, and Hoseok share a look with small frowns. Jungkook and V smiled and nodded like they understood, which they did because they hadn’t finished their songs either. He made sure to keep his gaze off of Yoongi, though he knew that Yoongi was observing him, looking at him with concern.

The meeting had ended and they went off to celebrate their last night off. They went out to eat and got some drink to have back at the apartment – not too much since they had to be up early the next day, but enough to celebrate and relax. Jimin had fun and joined in with all the jokes and goofs. It helped him forget about everything for a bit, and Jimin felt like he could sleep without his usual problems of thinking too much.

It was when they began talking about the new songs –both individual and group – that he tensed and wished he was already asleep. Not long after the conversation started, it was directed at Jimin. It was pointed out that he had been working on his song for a while now and they just wanted to hear a bit of it. Jimin had just shook his head and said it wasn’t done yet. He had thought the issue would be dropped, but V was having none of it, and lunged for his phone that was on the table with their drinks and leftovers. Jimin panicked and tried to get it back, but V was too fast. Before anyone besides V and Jimin had moved, V had gotten into his phone and found his song, which he had actually finished weeks ago. He pressed play, and Jimin froze in horror as his music began, his words beginning.

They all froze as they listened and Jimin tried to make it seem like he wasn’t panicking on the inside. But as the saw everyone’s expressions as they listened to his words, he stood up quickly, taking his phone back from a V who was staring at him with a wide-eyed expression. Jimin stopped his song, though he knew it was too late. He took a breath and went to speak, but Rap Monster beat him to it.

“Jimin, are you – do you ….” He broke off, not knowing what to say. None of them looked like they knew what to say, and Jimin knew he had to diffuse the situation before it got even more serious.

“It’s nothing, okay? I just got stressed and wrote this. We all have done that, right? Right. Now, if you excuse me, I am tired.” With that, Jimin turned and went to his room, not waiting for anyone to respond to what he had said.

It hadn’t been long before there was a knock on his door. Jimin sighed as he told whoever it was to come in. Jimin was expecting Jungkook and even V to come make sure he was okay. It wasn’t, though. It was Hoseok. When he came in, he shut the door and came to sit next to Jimin, looking ahead instead of at Jimin. They were both quiet for a moment before Hoseok took a breath, and Jimin braced himself for the worry, for the concern, and for the offer to listen if he needed to talk about everything.

“You remember that I was in a street dance crew before BTS, right? Hmm, yeah, it was probably a year before this all happened, and wow, has it been that long? Damn. Anyway, a year before I left street dancing, I came to a realization that made me stop and question myself for a long time. I was angry at myself and tried to make my realization be un-realized, you know? I didn’t want things to change because of it, and I knew it would if I accepted it. It was hard for a while, and I … I almost quit dancing. I love dancing, Jimin, you know this, so know that things got bad. But I had this friend, best friend actually that noticed things were off. He stopped me one day, and I almost bolted because I didn’t want to talk. But he didn’t want me to talk. He told me something that I won’t ever forget. It was something that helped me through it, and even helps me now sometimes.” Hoseok started, still not looking at Jimin, but staring ahead with a small smile, like he was remembering the exact moment in the exact same place where the conversation took place. After a moment of silence, he turned and gave Jimin a sincere, knowing look.

“My friend looked me in the eyes and told me ‘that fear that you’re feeling right now, it’s an illusion. Fear isn’t something that can stop you, shut you down. It wakes you up, telling you that you can hide and run from something forever, or you can stand up and take control of that fear. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are or what you feel; they will judge you no matter what, so it all and do you.’” Hoseok laughed a bit and shook his head as he looked away, taking a breath.

“I want you to know what whatever it is that is plaguing you, won’t do it forever. Just keep going, and you’ll to where you need to be sooner or later, okay?” He asked, looking back at Jimin, who stared at him. Did he know what Jimin had been going through? Did he know about his love for Yoongi? There was no way he could. Jimin shook his head slightly, but gave a small smile back.

“Thanks, J. I … I'll think about what you said.” He said, not really knowing how to respond to all of that, but thankfully Hoseok nodded and stood up to leave. He hesitated at the door, though, and turned back a bit as he opened the door, giving Jimin a big smile.

“Got some mad jams there, even if they were sad. Everyone loved it.” He said, putting emphasis on everybody before he winked and left, shutting the door behind him. Jimin had sat there in silence for a while, trying to piece together what Hoseok was trying to say to him, but he was too tired to think, he had gotten ready and went to sleep.

For the next few days, things were tense. He could tell the others wanted to talk to him, ask if he was okay, but they didn’t. V had apologized and hugged him, but then they all were busing with learning their new dance that they didn’t have the time to stop and chat, though they did goof off sometimes, though it was a bit stiff. Later, though, when they had gotten back to the apartment and were changing, he found himself cornered by Jin, Rap Monster, and Jungkook.

They had bluntly asked if he was okay and if he would like to talk. Jimin had stayed silent, wanting to say something and smile at them, but by the way they were looking at him with concern splashed on their faces, he knew they wouldn’t believe him even if smiled or joked. Before they could say anything else though, Yoongi had come in, raising an eye brow and Jimin.

“I thought we were going to the studio? You coming or what?” Jimin didn’t even care about his puzzle as long as he got out of the conversation he so desperately wanted to leave. He nodded and gave an apologetic smile to Jin, Rap Monster, and Jungkook before he hurried after Yoongi, who was almost out the door. As he was closing the door, he heard Hoseok tell them that they needn’t worry, that Jimin would be fine and things would work out with Yoongi’s help. Jimin barely absorbed what he said, too concerned with getting out of there and keeping up with Yoongi.

He had thought that Yoongi just did that to help Jimin, but they had actually gone to the studio. Yoongi said that he had some stuff to work on and Jimin could either go do his own thing or be quiet. It was then that Jimin realized that he was alone with Yoongi for the first time since their performance together. It was also then that Jimin realized that Yoongi hadn’t said anything about his song. He wasn’t sure what that meant, or if it meant anything, but Jimin decided he wanted to be near Yoongi and listen to his work, so he sat down and made a zipper motion across his lips to tell Yoongi he’d be quiet. That earned him an eye roll before Yoongi went to his work. Jimin would have thought that Yoongi was annoyed with him, but he knew Yoongi now. And he saw the sparkle in his eyes before he turned, along with the small tilt of his lips, like he was trying to not smile. It made Jimin smile as he sat back and watched.

He wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but he woke to silence and a gentle shake of his shoulder. He blinked and looked up at a tired looking Yoongi. Yoongi motioned to the clock and then motioned for him to get up. Jimin stretched and stood, eyes widening at the time. It had been four hours since they had come to the studio, which wasn’t not normal for Yoongi, but it wasn’t normal for Jimin to sleep that long – at least, not so much at one time since he normally woke up a lot during the night and had a hard time falling back to sleep. As they walked out of the studio, Jimin’s stomach growled loudly and he heard Yoongi cough at that, or was it a cough hiding a laugh? He wasn’t sure, but he smiled sheepishly at Yoongi as he looked over at Jimin with a raised eyebrow.

“Want to eat?” He asked and Jimin hesitated slightly before answering. He wanted to eat with Yoongi. He wanted to do everything with him: go out to eat, see movies, eat ice cream, cuddle, kiss, and date … Jimin wanted many things he knew he would never have. And he was scared that if he allowed himself to spend more time with Yoongi like this, he would get into a comfortable mindset with Yoongi and that he would slip up, making things crash and burn. If he couldn’t keep up the pretense that he was okay, how would be able to not say something he’d regret, something that would make things change. Something that would push away his best friend. Could he risk that? Before he thought any further, he say the look in Yoongi’s eyes change. It went from amusement, to questioning, to hurt, and then to nothing as he hid his expression. And that was not okay. He made a pact with himself: he would do whatever it took to make sure Yoongi stayed happy. He would make sure he didn’t do anything to up their friendship.

“Let’s go; I’m ing starving.” Yoongi stared at him with a look in his eyes, that Jimin couldn’t decipher, but it left quickly as a small smile showed up on his face as he nodded. They went and got ramen, and they talked about nothing in specific: their childhoods and how they did everything they could to make it to where there are now and how they wouldn’t change much – both Yoongi and he agreed that things could have been easier on their parents, financially speaking – and how they were happy with how things were now. When Jimin had said that, he knew he didn’t really mean it, and Yoongi seemed to see right through his lie, but he never said anything.

Once they were done eating, they went back to the apartments. Everyone was asleep already, so they made sure to be quiet as they went to their own rooms. Before Jimin could go into his room, though, he stopped, either because of how tired he was or because he was an idiot, he stopped Yoongi from closing his door by saying his name. Yoongi stopped and looked at Jimin expectantly. Jimin bit his lip and looked at Yoongi for a moment before speaking softly.

“Thank you, for everything.” I love you, I love you, I love you. Jimin took a breath and turned back to his door, opening it, and working his way inside. As he shut the door, he could have sworn he heard Yoongi say something along the lines of “-etter at saying what I feel.”

Things began to not be as stressed as the days continued. They all got back to joking around and goofing off while they practiced. He still got some looks, like they were making sure he was okay, but he played it all off. He had been trying to eat and sleep like normal, though it was hard at times, and he looked healthy enough that no one had reason to corner him again. He still had a hard time trying to keep his feelings to himself, and trying to keep himself from falling any further into the abyss – he never really stopped, but he could float slowly down sometimes, when he was around Yoongi. And that … that was something that was different.

Since they had been at the studio a few weeks had passed and since then, Yoongi had been around him more. He was sure it was because of the concern he felt for Jimin but didn’t know how to help. Before, Yoongi had sat next to him sometimes and accompanied him to the studio less, but now Yoongi sat next to him all the time and would ask Jimin to come with him. If there was someone sitting next to Jimin and there wasn’t room for him, he would either get this determined pissed off look or he would pout until whoever it was moved. He never explained why he wanted Jimin to come with him, and Jimin felt bad for not really doing anything when he did go. He knew that when Rap Monster or Hoseok went with him, they went over lyrics and beats. But when Jimin was with him, Jimin would either write his own songs or he would fall asleep on Yoongi, waking only when Yoongi woke him up. He had tried to mention Yoongi should bring someone more useful, but when he had gotten to that part, Yoongi stared at him with the look he had given Jimin the first time they left studio together. Yoongi didn’t say anything, though, and Jimin dropped it after that.

As the days continued, they memorized the dances and began rehearsing songs. They were getting close to releasing their album and everyone was excited about having their fans hear their music. They had released teasers, and the response was better than anyone had thought. They were all getting hyped up, and things were good, really good. The others had stopped looking at him with concern, his song was on the album, he was sleeping more, thought it was mostly at the studio where he slept, and he was able to be around Yoongi without getting lost in his thoughts, without trying to keep the locked door staying locked. Recently, things had been a bit easier with hiding his feelings from everyone and himself. He wasn’t sure if it was because he was getting better at distracting himself or if it was because Yoongi always seemed to know when Jimin was falling a bit more than normal and would make him come to the studio with him – or some other thing he wanted to do. Either way, Jimin found himself finding comfort in the new routine, enjoying that he was around Yoongi without thinking too much on it.

It was after they released their album and before they went on tour that something changed. They were at an interview, and things were going wonderfully. Everyone was joking around and laughing as they talked about their album. It was nothing new until the MC had asked Jimin about his song. More specifically, he had said that there were fans that had wanted to know why he wrote his song and if everything was okay. Jimin wasn’t an idiot. He had known that the question would come up, and he had thought that he had prepared for it. He had written a ton of reasons that sounded plausible to him down and picked some that were better than others. But when everyone looked at him like they were wondering too, it was Yoongi’s face that made him stop from saying what he had come up with. He felt his breath hitch and his breathing stopped as he found Yoongi’s eyes, the eyes that always showed Jimin the truth of Yoongi’s thoughts and feelings.

While everyone looked at him, waiting for an answer, he noticed two things. One wasn’t a shock since Hoseok had already talked to him, basically telling him that he knew something of what was going on. The second was the understanding in Yoongi’s eyes. He didn’t look confused or concerned – well, there was a hint of that beginning to show as he continued to not say anything – instead he looked like he knew. Oh god, did he know? Yes, he did, Jimin realized. His eyes never lied. And Jimin felt the hysteria begin. He knew. When did he find out? How long has he known? Did Jimin slip up and say something? Why didn’t Yoongi say something about it? Did … was their friendship over? Oh god. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do this right now. He couldn’t. He was on air and everyone was waiting on him. Jimin looked away from the now concerned Yoongi as he felt himself begin to sweat as he clutched his fist so tight that he swore he broke the skin. Instead he looked at Hoseok, who was also looking concerned as he watched Jimin and Yoongi at the same time.

As Jimin held Hoseok’s eye, Hoseok mouthed something to him and gave him a small, encouraging smile. It made Jimin pause for a moment, forgetting about everyone around him as he focused on what Hoseok mouthed to him. It wasn’t … it couldn’t be, could it? There was no way that it had … No, if it had been, then … Jimin felt his eyes widen as he stared at Hoseok, realization sinking in. Hoseok smiled like he had just heard that they won some award and nodded. Jimin took a breath and looked at the MC, who was about to say something since it been a minute or two since anyone had talked, but Jimin spoke first.

“Ah, yeah, I had a feeling that that would come up soon. I bet it wasn’t what everyone was expecting I would release. I think the lyrics speak for themselves, really, but I can delve deeper into why I wrote it. A bit ago I realized a few things about myself I wasn’t sure I accepted, you know? We all have our insecurities and doubts, but this was different. I saw it coming and I wasn’t ready to acknowledge it or accept it, so I decided to run away from it. It didn’t work out so well, and the song basically wrote itself then. But I think that some fans may relate to my song, so I’m not regretting releasing it if it helps anyone in any way. Though, I’d think everyone will be happy to know my next song will be a continuance of this, but it’ll be much happier.” Jimin said, smiling softly as he looked at the MC.

Jimin wasn’t really present as the interview continued, too wrapped up in his thoughts. If what Hoseok was true – and Jimin had no reason to think he’d lie – then that changed everything. It also made everything that had happened recently make so much more sense. Jimin felt hope begin to creep up within him. He was nervous that that hope would make things worse if it wasn’t how he thought, but he couldn’t stop himself. He could feel himself stop falling into the abyss, still floating, but not falling. He would see the puzzle peak out of the door that was now unlocked and open. And Jimin wanted it to be true. He wanted it. More than anything, but damn it if he wasn’t scared. His hands were shaking and he couldn’t look at anyone. He was looking at the papers in front of him or at the MC, answering simple questions, but he couldn’t look at any of the members, especially at Yoongi.

The interview was over too quickly, and Jimin found that it wasn’t just his hands that were shaking. He did his best to calm himself down, but the hope that had been just a bud was now a field of flowers, growing bigger as fast as he was breathing. As they were walking in the hallway, Hoseok put an arm around his shoulders and squeezed lightly before moving on to Ram Monster who was leading the way. He knew the members were slightly worried about him because of how he was acting, but they couldn’t talk to him out in the open, so he was able to walk in peace – well, from everyone else but himself.

Before he could think on how his breathing was picking up the closer they got to the van, a hand grasped his, firmly but kindly at the same time. Without turning his head to see, he moved his eyes so he could see who it was, though had a guess on who it was. When their eyes locked, Yoongi squeezed his hand softly and held on, staring into his eyes with those eyes of his.

His flower bed exploded as his hope became something more than flowers. They became light. And Jimin swore that he saw that darkness that had been hovering over him disappear. The smile that showed on his face was one of pure happiness, and it only grew bigger as the smile across from him was a mirror to his.

Back at the apartment, the other members tried to talk to Jimin about what had happened, but Yoongi glared at them, grabbed Jimin by the hand, and took him to his room before closing the door. They were both silent as they looked at each other for a moment before Yoongi went to his bed and sat down, motioning for Jimin to do the same. As Jimin sat down, he noticed his hands shaking again. He also saw how Yoongi couldn’t keep still, like he was just as nervous as Jimin was. Somehow, that made Jimin feel a bit more comfortable. Yoongi ran a hand through his hair and sighed as he turned to look at Jimin. Before he could say anything, Jimin asked what he had been longing to ask since the interview.

“How long? How long have you known about how I – How I….” Jimin stopped, his throat closing in a bit as doubt creeped in. Before his mind could doubt anymore, though, Yoongi grabbed his hand and squeezed softly before he spoke.

“Not long. I – How long have you….” Yoongi trailed off and Jimin hesitated for only seconds before he knew he had to tell Yoongi the truth.

“Months. I – I took me a while to understand what I felt, but once I began to see what I felt, I may have panicked.” Jimin started, and he tried to take his hand away, nerves returning as he thought about telling Yoongi everything, but he held on tighter, looking Jimin in the eye, nothing but care and urging him to carry on.

“I was scared,” Jimin began, taking a breath to breath, but then hurrying to carry on when he saw something like hurt flashed in his eyes, “I was scared because I didn’t want to lose you as my best friend. I didn’t want to tell you in fear that you’d not feel the same way about me, ruining what we have, and I couldn’t do that, Yoongi. I couldn’t, I can’t have that happen. And it took me a while to even accept myself because I’d never felt like I do for anyone, let alone a man and my best friend to top it off. And I panicked. I tried to push it all away, but the thoughts and feelings never left. You saw what happened. And … then Hoseok talked to me, giving me advice, and I kind of just stopped thinking about it? Maybe it was because I was hanging out with you more or it was his words that hit home with me, but it was nice to be me around you, you know? But I couldn’t take it any further because of my fear, and –“ Jimin cut off when Yoongi snorted softly. Jimin almost became defeated by that, but Yoongi’s eyes showed nothing but warmth in them, showing Jimin that he wasn’t snorting Jimin.

“Hoseok spoke to you, too? Figures. Jimin, I … I’m sorry I was the reason you went through what you did, and the fact that I can’t express myself like you can. This is difficult, to say the least. It’s why I didn’t say anything. I wanted to, to tell you that I felt the same way, but I didn’t want to it up either. I had an inkling as to what you were feeling, but I could never be sure that that was what it was. I … I tried small things, trying to get you to be healthier, but it-“

“It was you who gave me extra food? Who put the pillow in the van? Who added softer songs on my phone?” Jimin asked, his eyebrows flying high. Yoongi blushed and tried to take his hand back, but Jimin held on like Yoongi had, and brushed a thumb across it. He found that he rather liked Yoongi with a blush on his face. It was cute. It took a moment, but Yoongi nodded.

“Yeah, I … feelings aren’t my forte, but I’m good at taking care of people, so I thought if I helped you by doing that, then-“ Yoongi was cut off when Jimin let go of his hand and instead hugged him. They were both silent as Jimin hugged Yoongi, and Jimin almost regretted his decision because Yoongi hadn’t returned the hug, but right before he left go, arms reached around him and hugged back, pulling Jimin into Yoongi, his head in Yoongi’s neck. They stayed like in silence for a while before Jimin felt steady enough to say what he had been feeling for a long, long time.

“I love you, Yoongi.” It was softer than a whisper, and Jimin was sure that Yoongi didn’t hear it after few moments of silence. Then the hug tightened as Yoongi’s rubbed his back gently.

“I love you, too, Jimin.”

Things changed after that. And Jimin was happy to say that he had been wrong; the change was not for the worst, no, it was for the best.

The other members had different reactionsthe next day when they announced that they were boyfriends. Rap Monster smiled and nodded at them like he had known something, telling them that they were good for each other. Jin had a smile on his face as he said that he was happy for them, though, he also wasn’t surprised by the announcement. Hoseok laughed and said that it was good they finally got their heads out of their asses and could be happy now; he was tired of seeing both of us miserable. Jungkook had been confused for a few minutes, not saying anything, but looking back and forth between Yoongi and Jimin; after a while, though, he had hugged both and said that they were rules about PDA, which made everyone laugh. V, though, was who shocked Jimin because he threw Hoseok a look and glared, saying that he was a cheater as he pulled out money and handed it over to Hoseok, who took it with a smirk, saying all was fair in love and war. V and Hoseok had to deal with Jimin’s pout and Yoongi’s glare for a week because they had bet on who would confess first and when. Jimin and Yoongi weren’t really mad, annoyed at first, yes, but they decided to milk it because both V and Hoseok bought their meals for that week.

Things between Jimin and Yoongi didn’t change that much, which was shocking because neither of them realized how much they had been with each other. They held hands and kissed, which amazing, but it was even more amazing that nothing important had changed. They were still each other’s best friends. Just with feelings involved. And kissing. And sleeping in the same bed together – Jimin slept better with Yoongi, apparently. They hadn’t told the public yet, but their managers didn’t really care, which made Jimin even happier that he didn’t have to pretend in front of them again. Yoongi was also happy with this.

It was a couple weeks later when Jimin was laying on Yoongi’s stomach, an arm wrapped around his shoulder, that Jimin realized something. He had known that the abyss he had been falling into was disappearing as well as the darkness that he had once been enveloped in, but now … now he noticed that they were both /gone. He was now on cloud nine, flowers covering every inch except the area where the door, which was wide open, showing a complete puzzle that hung on a wall, framed and hung with care, supports all over it. It was then that Jimin realized that, yeah, whatever happened next, good or bad, everything would be okay because he had Yoongi by his side.

The end.

Comments and upvotes are always appreciated (loved actually). Tell me what you thought :)

I am shocked with the ending, to be honest. Why did I end it so cheesy? My teeth are rotting.

Also, depending on how everyone receives this, I am going to post this on Ao3 with my account on there. If I do, I'll edit this and have a link to it.

Edit 9/23/17: Edits have been made and this is now posted on Ao3 :) Here's the link if you want it:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12173013

All the love Xx