“You should stop caring so much about him. I do not understand why you endure through his bad character.” The taller one among the two boys casually stated as he flopped himself down next to the younger boy on the bed and opened a bag of chips to nonchalantly inhale.

          The addressed boy shook his head. “But he’s my hyung.” He paused as he gnawed on his bottom lip. “I cannot, not care about him.” Myungsoo wanted not to care and just ignore every hurtful word Sunggyu ever said to him, but he was unable to. He just cared too much about Sunggyu to do so.

          “Hyung?” The taller boy was not able to hold in his scoff. He stared at the younger with an unamused brow, a handful of chips halfway through the air to his mouth. “Does he even see you as a brother?”

          “I…” The younger boy instantly dropped his head. He was unable to retort. Does Sunggyu even, actually, see him as a brother?

          Sungyeol let out an exasperated sigh before he sat up from his position. He set his bags of chips onto the bedside table and then turned fully around to talk to the younger, face-to-face. “Look, protect yourself for once, okay?” He cupped the younger’s face and spoke in a firm yet supple tone. “Don’t endure any of his whims and treatments anymore. You don’t deserve any of it.”

          Myungsoo instantly pushed away from the older and exclaimed loudly, “But maybe I do!” However, his moment of distress instantaneously softened, his voice coming out in something more like a whisper. “Maybe I’ve done something that hurt him and now he’s only paying back.”

          The older can only look at him in disbelief. “Are you even hearing yourself right now? You did something? The heck you talking about!” He pulled the younger closer by the shoulders and made sure to have them make eye contact. “He is legit doing all of this without a single reason!”

          Myungsoo vividly shook his head in denial, disagreeing about Sungyeol’s claim on his hyung. “You don’t understand! Hyung is not a bad person.” He once again squirmed out of Sungyeol’s grasp and the older can only scoff in incredulity.

          Sungyeol snatched his chips off the table in displeasure as if he was personally insulted from how Myungsoo defended the older dunce without a moment of hesitation. He laid back onto the mattress and began stuffing his mouth while grumbling in distaste. “Not a bad person, my . He is a jerk. A complete jackass at that.”

          The younger laid his hand over the other’s lip without delay. He pouted. “Please don’t say that about Hyung. It’s not like that.”

          Sungyeol sputtered and choked on his mouthful of chips. He indignantly shoved the other’s hand away and sat up, throwing his arms in the air in betrayal and disbelief; chips forgotten and flung into the air. “For the love of God, please stop defending someone like him! He does not deserve it! If he had at least a good legitimate reason for his hatred and jackass actions towards you then I would have no reason or any right to say anything, but he has no foundation at all!”

          The younger can only look away and avoid his older friend who was fuming in anger. “I just…I don’t know. I want Hyung to accept me. It feels like he just hates me.” His voice came out in choked cries as he tried to hold his tears in. Sungyeol calmed down right away. He should not and could not be angry at his younger kindhearted friend. His heart broke a little seeing how sad and hurt his best friend was. Sungyeol can only sigh as he pulled the younger into a gentle embrace.

           “That is what I am saying, Soo. He hates you. For absolutely no reason at all. I doubt you have done anything to him, I mean,” He holds the other out for a moment, “do you even know yourself? You may think of yourself as someone crude but I know better than anyone else how kind you are. There is simply no way for you to have done something to him to make you deserve any of the hate directed towards you.”

          “But Sungyeol hyung…” The younger began but the older shook his head, indicating that Myungsoo should listen to him and let him finish.

          “Look, Myungsoo, I’ve known you since you moved here at 5 and been with you since. I know how you are as a person and throughout all these years I’ve also seen how that jerk of a step-brother acts toward you. Believe me, I don’t see any reason that would spur such cruelty and actions. It’s been 8 years.” Sungyeol stated very seriously, unlike his normal choding-like behaviors.

          But, of course. Myungsoo would be quick to defend his nitwit of a brother. Sungyeol swears. Does this boy even know about self-protection? Or even of evil?

          “Maybe he just does not like me. Like, I took Father away from Hyung or something. Or maybe he didn’t want a younger brother, a brother who is completely unrelated at that.” Myungsoo mumbled to himself. And once again, Sungyeol can only swear in his head. Because, okay, he should not curse in front of an innocent and naïve boy like Myungsoo.

          “Myungsoo, you did not take Uncle away from him at all, okay? Uncle Kim has always been a workaholic and used to never be home but now he’s home every day after marrying with Auntie. I’ve been Sunggyu’s neighbor even before you moved into the house and I know how he is, okay? Uncle shows him much more love now.” Sungyeol stated firmly and with obvious annoyance as the mention of Sunggyu’s name. And of course, why would he bother to call him with respect? That jerk will have to earn his respect. Lee Sungyeol’s respect is not free of charge, especially to someone like Kim Sunggyu.

          “Then maybe he just doesn’t like me as a brother.” Myungsoo shrugged with pretended indifference; his tearful eyes obviously betraying him. Once again, the older can only stare at the younger in nihilism.

          “Who wouldn’t want someone like you as a younger brother? I know I would definitely adopt you into my family. No doubt. No hesitation.” Sungyeol sighed and pulled Myungsoo to stare at him in the eyes so that he can sincerely express his thoughts. “Like, Myungie, you’re smart, nice, cooks really well, and for the love of God, you’re only 13 and you’re already the plain textbook definition of a good younger brother. He’s just a jackass.”

          Myungsoo shook his head. Denying everything that Sungyeol has just said. “I’m not that good, you’re just flattering me, Yeollie hyung. Plus, really, Hyung isn’t a mean or bad person. He’s just…don’t like me.” Myungsoo bit his bottom lips in an attempt to hold back his tears. He already cried today. Plenty, in fact. He does not need to cry more.

          Sungyeol eyed the boy before him for a good moment, however, he just gave up and let out a defeated sigh.

          “You know what, I am not going to argue with you over this.” He leaned his back against the wall and glared at the ceiling above him. “I’m done with you protecting and defending someone who makes you cry everyday and forces you to come over to my house because you can’t stand being within the same house as him without breaking down.”

           Myungsoo bowed his head apologetically at Sungyeol. He felt guilty and convicted for constantly running over to his older friend and crashing his bed, just to soak his pillows and sometimes the person himself with tears. He’s always bothering people. He’s always constantly being a nuisance to the people around him. Just like what his hyung said. Sunggyu is right. His existence itself is a crime.

          “I’m so sorry for bothering you all the time.” The younger withdrew into himself. His hyung’s word on constant repeat.

          “Man, you’re so annoying. Why am I even here wasting my precious time on someone as worthless and annoying as you.”

          “It’s seriously annoying acting all pitiful and crying. What a freaking crybaby. Did you think I will apologize and come over to hug you and cuddle you up when all I am saying is the truth? Seriously, stop being so pathetic and cry over every little thing. It’s freaking aggravating.”

          Myungsoo bit down on his trembling lips as he tried to shut out the sudden overwhelming feeling of self-hatred that was beginning to engulf him. Sunggyu’s words serving as bitter reminders of who he is and just how awful he is.

          “I shouldn’t even be here acting like this… Hyung isn’t wrong. I am a bad person. An evil pathetic and worthless crybaby that would cook up a meal just to serve it with poison so I can kill the other person.” Myungsoo mumbled quietly, not realizing that Sungyeol was able to hear him clear and sound.

          Sungyeol jolted right from his position on the wall and jerked his head towards Myungsoo; the younger looking down and seemingly consumed in his world of self-hatred. The older expression easily contorting into a mix of disbelief, vexation, and rage.

          “What the actual f- What?” Sungyeol pulled the younger towards him and gripped him tight by the shoulders, his features distorting into an absolute fury. “He said what?” His voice barely coming through gritted teeth in low growls.

          Myungsoo stared up at the older in horror. He had not meant to reveal his thoughts right in front of Sungyeol, especially when he was painfully aware of how protective Sungyeol can become particularly in cases that involved Myungsoo and a certain Kim Sunggyu.

          “I-” Myungsoo’s excuse was cut off even before he could utter a word in defense.

         “No.” Sungyeol hissed, furious. His arms came around and gripped onto the younger tighter; his hold on Myungsoo’s shoulders almost bruising. “What did you say? What the f- what in the face of God did he say?”

          Although Sungyeol was currently seething in anger he still kept sensible and careful about cursing outright right before Myungsoo. He didn’t need that. Myungsoo wasn’t at fault. The younger should not be terrified of him. Ultimately, Sungyeol only wanted to protect him.

          “Y-Yeollie hyung, it- it’s not like that.” Myungsoo pleaded, trying to call Sungyeol more endearingly; an attempt to escape from what was prone to come. Grabbing onto the sleeves of Sungyeol’s shirt, Myungsoo hoped that somehow, just somehow, he can calm the other. If only a little. Even if it is just a bit. Anything.

          “Not like that? Not like what!?” Sungyeol almost screeched at the other. He shook Myungsoo harshly by the shoulders; God knows he can only wonder why and how Myungsoo was still capable of defending someone as immoral as Sunggyu. “You still have the stupid guts to say that? That jerk of an actually said something like that to you?”

          Myungsoo heavily denied, shaking his head resolutely. “No, Yeol-”

         “No. Stop. Let me finish.” Sungyeol shook Myungsoo again before he raised his hand up to signal the younger to give him the moment. “What gives that of a hole the right to say such things like that? He accused you of cooking and mixing in poison? What the actual is wrong with him!?” With that Sungyeol released Myungsoo and huffed heatedly. Screw proper language mannerism.

       “S-Sungyeol hyung…language.” Myungsoo stared at the older wide-eyed. Sure Myungsoo knows that Sungyeol swears since it’s no secret that the taller was no saint, but he has never done so with Myungsoo around.

        Sungyeol threw his arms up indignantly. “To hell with language! That’s not what matters right now!” With that said, Sungyeol swiftly proceeded to shoot up from his seat and turned towards the door, mumbling murderously under his breath. “I need to go over right now and beat the living out of that jackass.”

        As soon as Myungsoo saw the older stand-up and barely overhearing the other proclaim of beating up his hyung, he hoisted himself up and latched onto Sungyeol’s arm.

        “Sungyeol hyung, Hyung is still older than you! You can’t do that!” Myungsoo protested as he struggled to pull the said boy backward. However, Sungyeol refused to budge from his position and instead, continued to make way towards the door.

        “Does it ing look like I care right now? I can’t believe out of all the things he could have said, he accused you of such a . Who the cares if he’s 16 and I’m only 14. He’s a jerk and he needs to be punched. needs his face beaten to understand what he has done.” Sungyeol growled angrily as stomped towards the door, pulling Myungsoo with him. Although the younger was desperately pulling him backward, Sungyeol was still stronger than him. They were only advancing and not reversing. Myungsoo’s effort was futile.

          That doesn’t mean the younger will give up and let Sungyeol over to his house to hurt Sunggyu though. He would rather hurt himself than let his hyung be injured because of him. Because of someone as worthless as Kim Myungsoo. No one should be hurt because of him. He wasn’t worth any of it.

         “Sungyeol hyung, please calm down. Please don’t do this.” Myungsoo pleaded in a soft trembling voice while grasping tightly on the sleeves of Sungyeol’s shirt, knowing full well that Sungyeol wouldn’t be able to deny him when he pulls such an antic.

         And effective it indeed was. Sungyeol immediately stopped his advancement, his heart clenching painfully at how broken the younger sounded. He felt his throat constricting - strangling him. It felt as if his breath was forcefully stolen out of him; the emotion suffocating. Sungyeol let out a heavy sigh as he rubbed a hand harshly over his chest. He absolutely hates it when Myungsoo is hurt. It was if it was a physical and emotional torment to himself. Myungsoo was almost everything to him.

         “I don’t get you!” He exclaimed as soon as he rounded around onto the younger, once again throwing his arms up in exasperation, the previous pain still aching in his heart, but he tried to ignore it. That wasn’t important right now. Not his heart, at least. What matters right now is Myungsoo and how Sungyeol can get him away from Sunggyu. That man was breaking Myungsoo. “Why aren’t you mad at him!? He actually has the living guts to say such a thing about you! And you just take it and believe it!”

         The younger only stared up at the older with such lost and scared eyes that were threatening to spill tears. The sight only shattered Sungyeol’s heart. “Yeollie hyung, what else am I supposed to do?” His clutch tightened as his eyes began to look even sadder and lost if it was even possible. “I don’t know why he believes I’ll do that. I…I really won’t do something like that… I don’t understand…does Hyung really see me as someone who is capable of such actions?”

         Sungyeol can’t stand it when Myungsoo becomes so terrified and hurt like this. He had to get Myungsoo away no matter what. The younger was breaking. However, most of all, he needs to and must castrate Kim Sunggyu and hang him upside-down out of a balcony at a high-rise somewhere.

         “Which is exactly why I need to go over and beat his pathetic ! What in the world is he doing to his 13-year-old brother!? Traumatizing him?” Sungyeol exclaimed as he just threw himself onto his bed. God, he hated the older male so much.

        “Sungyeol hyung?” Myungsoo questioned, confused. He just sat down next to the older. “What are you talking about?”

          “Do you not notice it yourself!?” Once again, Sungyeol turned to eye Myungsoo with a narrowed and displeased gaze, before effortlessly screeching his remaining sentence. “You’ve become so insecure and developed such an intense self-hatred towards yourself because of him! You used to be so cheerful and happy, but now you’re so worried about how people think and act with you! You get scared of anyone who gets close to you and you flinch away from them even though you have always used to be touchy and clingy.”

         “I…That- that’s not it. It’s not like that.” Myungsoo denied, but he avoided Sungyeol’s eyes as soon as that statement made it out his mouth. Sungyeol can only let out another annoyed sigh.

         “And you’re still defending him!” Sure, the older had already expected that but that doesn’t mean he was anymore happy or accepting of it; he was merely tolerating everything for Myungsoo. But even then, everyone has their limit too. “Seriously, just what the actual serious is wrong with you, Kim Myungsoo? You can’t let him step all over you like that!”

         However, it was no lie or secret that Myungsoo was utterly stubborn. Compassionate, too. “But it’s nothing like that, really. I don’t think I’ve changed…” And of course, oblivious. A boy who is always in his own world. Even more so when Sunggyu’s words begin to border the line of hurtful.

         “No. You have. Just…” Sungyeol forced his hand up in a signal for the younger to stop talking. His hand had also served as a method for himself to take a pause and release his frustration. He does not want to snap at Myungsoo again. “Stop. I just want my best friend back. The weird chirpy friend who can be excessively cheeky and mischievous at times. The optimistic boy who is always in his own fluffy world. I want the friend who was able to enjoy every moment of life rather than being afraid of the people around him and of how he can get hurt by them.”

         “But I…” Myungsoo didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t aware that, that was how it appeared to others; that he has considerably changed. Myungsoo himself didn’t even have the slightest thought on how he was now “damaged”. He merely waved it off as only a norm for him to grow up and rid himself of the childish immaturity. But by what Sungyeol is saying, it doesn’t seem to be the case. It was not about maturing but more that his personality and self-respect was being squeezed out of his life.

          “I’m sorry, hyung… I- I’m sorry.” He can only despise himself. All he ever does is apologize and nothing more. Nothing but apologies. Empty words of ‘sorry’. That’s all he’s capable of. Kim Myungsoo was nothing but something that was broken and useless. No one needed him. No one wanted him. He is merely a pathetic boy who is attempting to smother people’s attention and hog it all for himself. A selfish existence that shouldn’t even be alive.

         “Myungsoo-ah, please, okay?” Sungyeol pleaded, tearing up himself when he saw his precious friend shrinking more into himself, pulling away even more. He can partially see the darkness around the boy trying to pull him in and devour him whole. The younger was being swallowed seconds by seconds. Sungyeol grasped onto the younger hand in fear that the younger was going to disappear.
He was losing Myungsoo. And he can’t. He cannot lose him. Not now. Not ever.

          “Don’t pull yourself in anymore. Don’t push anyone away anyway. For God’s sake, please, don’t push me away anymore. You don’t need to be so afraid of the world around you. No one’s going to hurt you and you won’t ever, ever hurt anyone. I’m here to protect you, okay? I have always been and will still always be, infinitely. So please, please don’t think you’re useless or hated. Please don’t let him control you anymore.” Sungyeol tightened his hold on Myungsoo’s hand, conveying whatever other emotions and sincerity he wasn’t able to transmit through words. “You’re more than that. You’re worth more than you ever can possibly think.

         Sungyeol pulled the younger tightly into his embrace, his own heart shattering even more than he ever thought was possible when the younger visibly tensed and stilled in his arms. This was not Myungsoo. This wasn’t the boy whom he had once known and been with. The Myungsoo he knew were merely fragments of what he used to after the endless assaults to his innocent and fragile heart. The Kim Myungsoo he knew will never refuse his touch, much less become so frightened in the presence of it. The Kim Myungsoo he knew was not someone who would silently stare before himself, eyes glazed and lost, gone.

          “Myungsoo, please.” Sungyeol desperately embraced the younger closer. He knew he was crying but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. But when he didn’t receive a response from the younger boy, he pleaded once more. “Please.” And this time, Myungsoo nodded. It was barely a small movement of the head but Myungsoo nodded. And that was all that mattered at the moment.

          The younger can only nod in response. Everything around him seemed to be perceived through a film of liquid. It was as if he was surrounded by water and they were rushing into his ears, drowning out his hearing and his thoughts. It was a strange feeling of being able to breathe freely yet suffocating at the same time. As if there were a smooth path into his lungs yet something blocked and strangled him. It was a painful repeat of having access to air to suddenly being drowned by the very same air he needs to survive.

          It was difficult trying to listen to what Sungyeol was saying since his words were jumbled up in his ears. All he can hear is the own rushing and flow of his blood in his ears. Sungyeol’s words only going through layers and layers of liquid. But Myungsoo understood. Even though he wasn’t exactly able to hear Sungyeol, he understood by the way the older was closing tightly into him. Myungsoo almost felt claustrophobic with how firmly Sungyeol wrapped around him and he was definitely lost but still, he understood.

          Tears were beginning to brim over the edges of his eyes. After a long moment of hesitation and stagnation, Myungsoo bit back a strangled cry as he moved his arms up and around the older waist, returning his hug. He cannot promise anything, no, he was unable to promise anything because they would only be empty words; empty just like himself – a shell of a person is unable to make worthy promises. But, he’ll try. Myungsoo will try to ignore and overcome his brother’s words. He will try to ignore the pain and the stabbing prickling of his heart whenever a particularly hurtful comment pierces through his filters.

          Myungsoo will put an effort into being okay again. He will push to forget. He will try to be happy again. Myungsoo will strive to change and protect himself. He will become the old Myungsoo again. He will try. It was no promise and definitely not an oath or a vow, but he will try. And to Sungyeol, that was all that truly mattered. No matter the result, as long as he knows that the Myungsoo he knows is still there, he is content.

          Sungyeol is determined to inflict the same pain that Myungsoo is constantly experiencing back onto Sunggyu, the owner of those detrimental words. But not today. Not today when Sungyeol nearly lost Myungsoo. Not today when Myungsoo is finally starting to try to get better and protect himself. But someday. Someday when Myungsoo is all well again and then Sungyeol will bear revenge.