“Isn’t that Ten?”

You looked up from your bowl of fishcakes, eyes searching for the boy whose name sounded so familiar yet so distant. You scanned across the tables packed full of customers and found your target in almost an instant. The lack of manpower in this small pop-up tent stall along the cold streets in winter made it easy to find the guy you were looking for. Or rather, have always been looking for.

“Are you sure that’s him? Why is he even working here?”

“Nah... It can’t be Ten. Guess its just a look-alike...”

You knew your friends’ guesses were redundant. Even with a black snapback covering almost half of his face, you knew it was Ten from looking at that cute but masculine nose and the way the sides of his lips curls. As much as you loved seeing him again, part of you wished it was just another guy. Why would Ten, the son of a wealthy businessman, be serving drinks and piping hot fishcakes to customers on a cold night like this.

Your train of thoughts were disrupted when you heard that voice. A female customer, face flushed and definitely drunk, had her hands around his arms, her face too close to his ears for your liking. You didn’t need to prick up your ears to know she was whispering sweet-nothings, the type of promises that were meant to be broken. But all she earned was an awkward laugh from the boy and was dragged back to her seat by her friends, consciousness giving away to alcohol soon after. This scene ignited a painful memory you had been trying to forget but had unfortunately been tuck into the deepest, darkest part of your mind instead.

The sound of his laughter was still ringing in your mind. It has been close to 5 months since you heard your anthem again. That very laughter you once loved so much, the one that once chased away all your stress and sadness. The one that made you feel like there was nothing much to worry about in the world as long as you had him. It was as if you could feed on his happiness alone. And maybe that was the reason why you stopped laughing after his disappearance. You forgot how to. 

It was as if Ten felt your presence because he turned to look in your direction, only to make you duck your head down again, wishing he wouldn’t notice you. Sure, you wanted to meet him, in fact you spent the past few months trying to get hold of his new number. But you didn’t want to meet him as a customer, you wanted to meet him as you.

Rummaging through your bag, you tore a piece of paper from your favourite notebook and scribbled a short note.  

“What are you writing?”, So Eun asked, slurping the last mouthful of broth from the bowl.

“Nothing. Cmon let’s finish this up and go shopping!” you exclaimed, folding the paper into half, conscious if Ten was still watching.

Winter sales were going on all over the streets of Dongdaemun and that was the main reason of the girly date this evening. As you exited the stall, you tapped on Ten’s shoulder and slipped the piece of paper into his palm. The confusion on his face quickly changed to surprise when he recognized you, almost instantly as well.

“Tricia?”

You held your breath. How much you’ve missed the way your name rolled out from his tongue. You wanted to hit and hug him and cry and ask him where the hell did he disappear to but it was not the right time. With flattened lips, you pushed open the rubber flaps and ran out of the tent.

~ ~ ~

The excited voices of your friends were muffled when all you could think of was Ten calling out your name earlier, over and over again. 2 hours of shopping felt like eternity when all you wanted was to run back to Ten, to his arms even when he left you broken. You bade farewell at around 10:00PM, making a detour to a nearby park instead of home. Your heartbeat grew faster and faster as the view of the gates of the park came into sight. You were shivering in the cold, chilly wind but your heart was b full of expectation and nervousness. It was full of hope.

Ten was a mixed. His father was Thai and his mother was Korean. It all happened years ago when Ten’s father saw great potential in his business by venturing out to South Korea. Fate brought him and his mother together and they tied the knot in Seoul, the beginning of the birth of an amazing son.

You had always liked Ten’s humble and chirpy persona, he never put on airs and would be more than happy to offer help in any way possible. You had a huge crush on him like a few other girls in class but never knew if he felt the same. Judging from his family background and status, you had yourself convinced there was zero chance with him. In order to save your pride from rejection, you vowed to keep this secret with you for as long as you could remember.

Your perfect image of Ten was however shattered when you caught him with a girl one night, with arms draped casually over her bare shoulders, lips on her cheek that was as equally flushed as his. His voice resonating at a slightly lower pitch than usual, words escaping his lipstick-stained lips too dirty for you to imagine. Your eyes met for a moment but he walked away like you were just a stranger, even after calling out to his name.

“Who is she?” asked the girl, looking at the boy through those fake eyelashes.

“No idea baby, just another like you,” he cackled, earning a playful slap on his chest.

You didn’t need to ask about their plans for the night judging from the skimpy outfit the girl was in. With hot tears streaming down your face, all you felt then was every negative emotion there was in the dictionary; anger, disbelief, betrayal. And most importantly, disappointment.

You knew excessive alcohol could alter a person’s voice, but you didn’t know it could also change someone so drastically.

You stopped on your tracks when the back view of Ten came to sight. Hearing the sharp squeak from your shoes, he turned around to face you. The world became a fuzzy blur, and all you could see was the boy who had now gotten up from the swing. His cap was off. Long dark fringe swept over brows, almost touching his pair of warm brown eyes.

“Hi.”

You thought you stopped breathing then. He still looked so beautiful, just like the last time you saw him in school. You refused to remember the scene of him kissing another girl. How could he so cruel, to leave you with the last impression of something so bitter.

There was something in his eyes you could not comprehend. Was it sadness? Or was it guilt and regret? Whatever it was you were overwhelmed by the fact that the boy you were so desperately searching for is now here.

“Where have you been all this while?” your voice croaked, immediately regretting to meet in the open in such a weather.

His gaze fell to the ground, “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry I left without a word.”

“What… what happened? It was so rushed. Not even a call or a text or a goodbye,” you continued, “The next thing we knew you even moved.”

The question about that night, that night that broke your trust in men, was right at the tip of your tongue. It hurt to even think about it but you spoke up anyway.

“I thought you were different from the rest of the guys, Ten. But I guess I was wrong.”

Thick brows furrowed, confusion written all over his face.

“What are you talking about Tricia? I don’t underst-”

“Don’t lie! You saw me standing there, waiting for an explanation, but all you did was to treat like I didn’t matter at all. I mean, yeah, I’m probably nothing to you. You can make merry with girls in your drunken stupor for all I care. But I regret believing you were someone better,” your voice wobbled, certain a cry would follow if you continued on.

It was as if pieces of information were finally pieced together into a picture because Ten was now shaking his head, “Oh my god no Tricia... You had mistaken, it wasn’t me.”

“It was my brother.”  

~ ~ ~

Ten carried on when you showed no sign of speaking, obviously too confused to fathom this absurdity.

Ten having a twin brother was a secret he never told anyone about. He knew he shouldn’t be having such thoughts of his own brother, but Jax’s actions always convinced him he was right. Jax believed school was never cut out for him but Ten believed it was just a choice, not an option. His brother, 2 minutes older than him, decided seeking comfort in playing with women just like how he played with lavish sport cars, leeching on his father’s wealth, was his goal in life.

And that was something Ten was never proud of. He was in fact ashamed to have someone like Jax as his own monozyotic twin. They looked physically identical but their personalities were worlds’ apart. Ten never disliked anyone but if he had to choose, Jax would be the person he despised.

“All he had in his mind was to waste himself away, even at the last breath.”

You gasped at the truth that was thrown into your face. Sudden realization hit you that was the reason why it looked as if he had been possessed by someone else. That nonchalant stare that bore into your broken soul, without a hint of shock or remorse when caught red-handed was something you could never forget. The stare that crept up into your mind at the darkest hours of midnight.

Because it wasn’t him all along.

“He died in a car crash that night you saw him. We found him with the girl,” he spoke, face grim. “We had funeral arrangements set the next morning hence my absence from class. Right after the ceremony my mum fell ill for weeks. To top it off, my dad’s company was facing financial crisis and had to be declared bankrupt. Everything went downhill from there and we sold our house.”

“So that was the reason of your transference and moving… I’m so so sorry Ten, I didn’t know you were having such a hard time and yet all I did was to harbor doubts about you,” you were now sobbing, apologetic of the words you spoke earlier.

“I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye. My mind was in such a mess I didn’t know how to break it to you back then.”

“I’m really glad we met again tonight,” Ten was now looking at you, making your heart that had once died spring back to life again. And so did your smile.

The both of you sat in silence, reminiscing the good old days you shared on this very pair of swings. The park held so many memories of the both of you. Back to the days of innocence, this park was a frequent hideout after classes. It was a small haven of ice creams, little jokes and secrets. Ten caught you scrunching up your nose, now slightly red and numb from the piercing cold.

"Let's go somewhere warmer, shall we? You may catch a cold in this weather." 

You nodded and followed him to a cozy cafe down the street, glad the boy beside you was still the same old Ten, caring and sensitive about others; the main reason why you fell for him in the first place. 

~ ~ ~

"There you go, I hope it hasn't changed," Ten smiled, flashing that familiar expression you had missed so much.

Nothing has ever changed for you. Neither your preference for food nor your heart for him, even when you thought he had shot a hundred daggers at you that fateful incident.

You were surprised, and beyond touched, to learn that Ten had not forgotten your favourite desserts that won over almost everything should you had to choose. But he didn’t know there was one thing so precious to you that you would choose it over your pastries anytime. And that item was him. The hot matcha latte and cheesecake sitting prettily on the table tasted exceptionally sweet that night.

If it was not for receiving a worried call from your mum did you not realize it was already past midnight. There were too much to catch up about. And somehow after all these drama and misunderstanding, you felt like you two seemed to have gotten even closer, if that was even possible.

“We should get you home, I don’t want to make your mum worry,” he stood up from his seat before whispering, “And to get you out of the eyes of that erted barista.”

Just like that, he guided you out of the cafe, with his hands in yours.

"I missed you so much Tricia, you don’t even know” he stopped mid-step, turning to face you in full. “I blamed myself for being such a fool, for leaving you without any explanation. And I hated how cowardly I was, to never find the courage to confess or to look for you. But tonight, I’m going to do something right.”

“I'm never letting you go again."

There by the quiet streets that midnight, Ten sealed his promise with a kiss. The soft snow falling at an angle reminded you of a scene you could only find in fairytales. Ten may not be clad in a royal uniform with his white horse, but you were certain he was the prince of your life. 

Spring had always been your favourite season but you thought winter may just take its place from then on.