After Jinyoung had finished the last drop of his Venti Iced Americano, we decided to entertain ourselves by going to the dog park. I really liked dog parks actually; I really enjoy just looking at the many different breeds you see running around and researching each one. When we entered the park a light tan Shiba Inu ran by, following a ball it’s owner must have thrown. Shiba’s are one of Japan’s six Native Breeds; it being the smallest amongst them. They are mostly liked for their upright ears and their bright personalities. I directed my attention towards Jinyoung when I saw a small smile form on his face while he watched the dog run by. Strangely enough, I found myself wishing that I was the one that made him smile like that. Actually, I don’t want to see a small smile on his face, I want to see a big bright one that just screams happiness and shows off those cut- nice eye wrinkles...but maybe that’s asking for too much; I can never make anyone smile like that. A shock went through my body when I felt his fingers intertwine with mine. I could practically feel the blush starting to take over my face. The only person that I ever really let hold my hand was my sister, my mom, and my niece, however, even then it’s still a little weird for me. I’m just not all that comfortable with skinship. 

“Let’s go find somewhere to sit,” as soon as the words left his mouth he started to tug me over to a nearby bench. Jinyoung sat down when we reached the Mahogany wood bench but I hesitated for a moment; only when he looked up at me did I sit down. 

We sat in awkward silence for about 10 minutes. I’m really not the type to start conversations so if that’s what he’s waiting for then we’re going to be sitting in silence for a very long time. A brown and white dog had wandered over eventually; it’s not a very well-known dog nowadays so the fact that I was seeing one in real life at this time kind of surprised me. These breeds are called Papillon’s; in the 16th century they were very often in paintings created by the Old Masters. They are usually adopted because of their active personalities and because they are extremely obedient. Jinyoung finally let go of my hand to rub the dog's head. I didn’t realize how warm my hand had  gotten until he let go. I kind of missed the warmth.

“Isn’t he cute, Markeu?” What? Markeu? I could feel the redness already spreading from my ears to my cheeks. We just met and he was already coming up with nicknames. Strange. “Yeah” I wanted to slap myself for giving such a stupid answer. I could have said something like ‘yeah, he’s really cute, I want to hug him’ but I just said ‘yeah’ instead. I’m so pathetic and socially awkward. “Markeu, why are you so quiet?” Jinyoung asked as he leaned back against the bench. I honestly couldn’t answer his question; I’ve just always been quiet. I’m just not a fan of having long conversations with people. I always found it better and easier to just watch everyone converse and have fun. “Because I have nothing to say...and I like to observe” that was partly true. I really do just enjoy observing things and taking notes; much better than having to give my attention to small conversations. Besides, nobody really cares about the things I have to say. What is the purpose of speaking if nobody is REALLY listening to what I have to say? “Oh really” he faced his body fully towards me and blinked his eyes cutely “what have you observed about me so far?” 

I shifted uncomfortably. I never really talk to anyone about any of my observations. To be fair though, no one ever asks. Usually the things I see are things that I’d rather keep to myself; some are a bit embarrassing...and inappropriate. Jinyoung...while I’ve noticed many things about him within this hour and a half of us knowing each other, I don’t think I would be able to put it into words.  “You’re...different” I looked down and started to fiddle with my fingers. From the corner of my eye I could see a white Maltese waddle by. Maltese’s are often used a therapy dogs or even as sports dogs; they have a strong love for people and are very good at tracking. “I’ve never actually had someone try to get me to speak to them...well maybe my roommate but he gave up after two weeks.” I couldn’t see Jinyoung’s reaction but I’m sure he was probably thinking about how pitiful I was. “Do you want to know what I’ve noticed about you, Mark,” he reached out one of his hands to stop my fingers from moving. I slowly raised my head to look at him. Jinyoung wasn’t smiling; he looked almost...frustrated. 

“Mark, you’re exceptionally quiet and to be honest, I don’t get it. Before you said you’re also quiet because you have nothing to say yet just earlier today you were making jokes and talking to me. I’ll say this even though it’s a bit embarrassing, you’re kinda hot and very interesting. If you just tried putting yourself out there, you’d probably have girls all over you and a lifetime supply of friends. So...that’s what I’ve noticed about you.” I heard everything Jinyoung had to say...but my brain was stuck on him calling me hot and interesting. I didn’t think I could blush so much in just a day “Jinyoung?” I think my heart has skipped way too many beats for me to still be alive “Yes?” I could fill a whole river with the amount of sweat forming on my palms “Will you go on a date with me?”

                                                                                                                            (=^-ω-^=)

When I got back to my dorm room, I destroyed my closet. Until now I didn’t realize how many of my clothes looked so...casual. Just basketball jerseys, shorts, jeans...and a sweater with Mickey Mouse on it...probably something Yugyeom left. While I was basically ripping through the walls of my closet, I didn’t hear Jackson come into my room. He picked up each item of clothing I had thrown on my bed with curiosity. “Mark hyung?” I jumped when I finally realized I was not alone. I released a heavy sigh when I saw the mess I created “What?” Jackson put the clothes he had in his hand back down and looked up at me. “What are you doing?” He asked, giving me a strange look. 

“I..I have a date. I was just looking for something to wear.” You know those moments you regret telling someone something...I’m having one of those moments right now. “YOU GOT A DATE?! WITH WHO?! WHERE DID YOU MEET?! WHERE ARE YOU GOING FOR THIS DATE?! ARE THEY HOT?!” 

I didn’t think he would ever stop asking questions so I just went back to picking out my outfit for tonight. I eventually found something that didn’t look too much like I wasn’t trying. If I’m being honest with myself, I’m extremely nervous; I haven’t been on a date with anyone for a while now. Why did I even ask? Why he even say yes? The date hasn’t even started and I can already tell that this is not going to go well. I need to calm down before I end up canceling. I sat down on my bed and just started to look at everything in my room. Jackson was still throwing question after question at me but I couldn’t hear anything he was saying. I would have to clean up this entire mess when I got back. I sighed as I focused back on Jackson. What did he do today? It looked he had maybe gone shopping recently. He was wearing a shirt that I had never seen before and it looks like he forgot to take the sizing sticker off of it. I reached over and peeled it off his shirt; he finally stopped talking. 
“I’m going to go get
dressed.” I’m climbed off my bed and went into our shared bathroom, locking the door behind me. I just stared into the mirror for a moment. I looked like a hot mess; my hair was sticking up in random places and I seemed like I hadn’t slept in days. That’s nothing a shower and little bit of makeup could fix though. There’s something Jinyoung saw in me for him to say yes to me asking him on a date; there’s nothing for me to worry about. Plus he did call me hot...and interesting...and he said I made him laugh. Maybe this will all blow over well and we’ll end up going on a second date. I smiled at my reflection in the mirror.

Little did I know at the time that there would be much more than a second date in our future together. Whenever we were together I always thought that everything would be okay. I felt warm and fuzzy with Jinyoung. Now...I feel just as cold and alone as I did before Jinyoung happened.

“I’d rather stay quiet than explain my problems to people who don’t care” - Unknown

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