“Nana, it’s hard.” Mark muttered slowly, making the words sink into Jaemin as if they weren’t clear enough. 

Jaemin clutched his phone tightly, preventing himself to emit a single noise. His breathing uneven. 

“I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help me.”

Mark’s tone was pleading, the most desperate Mark has ever got since Jaemin first met him. It was unbearable to listen and it made Jaemin almost run to NCT’s dorm or to wherever Mark was just to give him a hug. 

The younger knows, he knows how much the leader was hurting because he himself has been feeling the same emotion for a few months now. 

“Hyung…. You know Donghyuck loves you…” Jaemin quietly said after a moment, and he knew it didn’t assure Mark much because his words didn’t sound so convincing. Even Jaemin wasn’t sure himself anymore. 

He heard a faint chuckle from the other line, it sounded more like Mark choking down a sob but Jaemin didn’t commented on that. 

“Yeah.. He does. Right? And Jeno loves you too.” It was supposed to be a joke, but it was a harsh one. Hitting right through Jaemin’s fragile heart.

A drop of tear fell from Jaemin’s eye, followed by another one and more. The brown-haired boy bit his lower lip, drawing blood from it. 

“We sound like fools.” Jaemin managed to deliver without releasing a sob. 

Mark laughed earnestly at that, causing the younger male to grin too. Mark’s laughter is nice to hear. The leader doesn’t laugh much offcam these days, being too troubled by all the work and his problem with Donghyuck. 

“We sound like fools because we are fools Jaemin, you know it.” Mark’s words were soft, but it didn’t lack honesty. It was stable and firm, not giving the younger any chance to say otherwise. 

“Good point hyung.” He seconded, nodding along as if the gesture was visible to the other line. “I know I’m stupid at school, but I didn’t know I’ll be stupid when it comes to love too. Unfair!” he added as he forced a giggle out of his lips. 

They were silent for a moment, all could Jaemin notice is the awful taste of his own blood coloring his pale lips as he bit it harder and the salty liquid streaming down his cheeks. He wanted to feel the pain, to distract himself from the tugging of his heart. But he can’t. The scratch that Lee Jeno left in his chest was more agonizing than any wound he ever acquired. 

“Tell me Jaemin, what did you like about him?” He heard mark ask a few moments later. It confused the younger boy at first but after processing the words, a smile graze