Age 20, Valentine’s Day

“Happy Single’s Day,” you toasted, clinking your glasses together. You drew a long sip in, savoring the taste of sweet moscato on your tongue.

Placing the glass down, you looked across the table at your handsome date, who tilted his head slightly back towards you, mimicking your motion. You grinned.

“Well this is a nice way to spend a rather annoying excuse of a holiday,” you mused. You were hungry and needed the food to hurry up and come out already.

“I must say, you look, simply amazing,” he stirred the wine in his glass around with his hand at the base of the glass.

You smirked, admiring his features. His perfect lips were still in a smile, the inquisitive and investigating look in his eyes studying you. His hair was a deep chocolate brown, easily mistaken for black in the right lighting. You wondered how you’d managed not to confess your undying love and how truly smitten you had become simply being in his presence. You blinked, bringing yourself back to reality.

“I must say,” you cleared your throat. “How on earth did I manage to get myself a date with such a dashing man?” He smirked again, a light surprised laugh escaping him.

"Oh, so that's how it's gonna be."The smirk lingered on his face.

You took another sip, feeling the alcohol already start to creep, giving you goosebumps. You put the glass down. 

"So tell me, what gave me the honor to be a part of this date? Because I don't remember you being free on a Valentine's Day all that often..." You fidgeted with your hair.

Himchan leaned forward, you reflexively leaned forward as well. 

"Some things are better left to be discussed after dinner, my dear." He whispered in a low tone that sent goosebumps all over you. You were sure he noticed, judging by his glance darting from your eyes to your arm and back.

"Why don't we wait for the food to arrive?"

You crossed your arms, pouting. "I suppose." You caught from the corner of your eye a plate with a beautiful steak coming towards you. A plate for you and a plate for him was set. You grinned. Himchan noticed, as he finished his wine, getting his glass refilled.

"Goodness, I didn't know you were so nervous..." you teased. He paused, looking lost in thought.

"Don't let it get too cold." He ignored your comment. You shrugged, taking a bite of the steak. It was cooked perfectly, and you had to hold back from inhaling the whole thing in a few bites.

Himchan looked at you, looking at him as you took a few bites. He took another sip.

"Yesterday, I broke up with her." He simply stated, all emotion leaving his face. "It wasn't serious, and as usual, she wanted to do something big for Valentine's Day...but when I don't feel the same, doesn't that give me a bigger reason to break it off sooner than later?" He sounded like he was having a monologue of inner conflict and trying to convince himself.

"I mean, you were together for 2 months, so yeah, it's not that serious." you said, finishing your piece of steak. "If you don't feel it when it comes to those bigger holidays and commitments, there's no reason you force yourself to stay." 

Your mind drifted to your own current situation, seeing him slowly eat his steak as he processed your words. Your heart jumped, because even when he wasn't doing anything, he still never failed to make you stop and stay.

He looked up, noticing you hadn't been talking. "This is why I'm thankful to have you." Thump. "At the very least, someone listens and reminds me not stress like I do. That...that's what I look for, but these dates haven't been much more than their shallow selves...we look good together, but for what? Pictures?" He scoffed, sounding annoyed. "They're copies of each other- our families know each other, they want to see if we're compatible, we date for a short time, but then an important time comes up and that's the end of it."

"So...you mean you're not interested in dating at all then?" You sipped a little more of the wine.

"No...I wouldn't mind dating...but it's tiring...to go through the same type of people, to feel like it's for show, or buy myself time to convince everyone that's not what I want." He trailed off, drinking his wine too fast. 

You reflected on his words. To show everyone you're happy finding someone on your own terms, and not on theirs...no promise to enforce...we're more similar to each other than we know, yet, I can't expect you to be the one that breaks the legacy...I couldn't put you in a position to do it...

"You okay?" His voice interrupted your thoughts. You looked up, realizing you'd been staring into his face without saying anything.

"Um, yeah. It's just funny...weird really...here we are, in the same boat, yet things are just as different." You cleared your throat. "Here I am, buying time until inevitably, theres a wedding...here you are, buying time, until inevitably, there's another wedding." You laughed, trying to make sense of this irony.

He reached across the table and placed his hand over yours. "Funny how our families talk about these things, yet they have the same solutions in their own minds..." Yet they wouldn't consider letting us find someone outside our circles...

You blinked, thinking you imagined him saying your last thought. "What?"

"I'm thankful I have your friendship, that's what keeps me sane." He said, with a simple smile. Your heart beat fast, bittersweetness filling your thoughts. Friends. Yes...yet I always feel like there's something more...something unspoken, so maddeningly persistent, but no way to say what.

Your mind leapt again, thinking yet again, if only, if only he would be able to say he wanted to do the same...maybe then I could too. But then again...could I expect him to defy himself, to defy my family, his, everyone? I can't. That wouldn't be fair.

"Thank you too." You squeezed his hand, your smile masking your inner sadness.

"Let's head out, we'll be late for the movie." He picked up the tab, as you both left.

...later...

Himchan walked you to the door, lingering. 

"Thank you, for the better of my Valentine's Days." You smiled, feeling lighter after the movie.

He smiled, genuinely looking happier with himself. "Thanks to you for being the best date."

He embraced you, your arms coming around his neck, his arms coming around your waist. Your heart thumped again, at the closeness. You felt his breath gently fall on your shoulder, making you shiver. After a moment, you felt him pull back, letting you go. His face was so close to yours, like a dare whispering to both of you saturating the air.

You wanted to lean closer, close the gap, but you looked into his eyes, seeing the flicker of want before the front light at your door cut off the moment. He gently let go of your hands. "Thanks, again." He smiled, seeing the door open. Jiya looked out, grinning.

"So you brought her back just like promised. Good!" She teased. Your face burned in embarrassment. 

"Yeah yeah...Way to ruin the moment..." You . She playfully punched your shoulder. "I'll go in first," you said, waving goodbye to him. "Goodnight."

He waved back. "Sweet dreams."

----

Himchan's view

Jiya waited for her to back inside. She slipped the door shut before coming to meet you.

"So, how was everything? Did you guys have fun?" She asked, eagerly awaiting.

You hesitated. "It was good...we had dinner and a movie...and I told her that I broke up with the last girl."

Jiya nodded. "I see...did she say anything?"

"She said all of the right things...she always does." You paused. "But I almost told her."

"Almost told her what?" 

"I'm falling for her."

A moment of silence passed. Jiya pat your shoulder lightly. "Sis is a catch you know. I'm not just saying that because she's basically my sister, I mean it. And I mean it when I say that both of you have something. No matter how many times I'll hear it from everyone that her and Raja look good together, I can't deny that you two share something special too."

You reflected on Jiya's words. She was so similar in her advice.

"Thanks. I mean...it's not like Raja is lacking in anything. He's what they want...."

"And you're what she needs."

You swallowed back your words of protest.

"The legacy...I... I'm not saying I would break it for her, but I would, if that was something that I was allowed to do. It's not like my family is any different, they're pushing for me to go on dates that aren't too different from what she has had to do."

"You'd do it for her? Seriously?"

"You absolutely can't tell her." You looked at her with a stern but worried expression.

"I promise I won't. That's not my job to tell her."

"One day, I want to tell her. I'm just...afraid to. Afraid that it'll lead her to more than she's already got to deal with." You closed your eyes, sighing.

"There's time. And if you need to, let me know what I can do. It always helps when someone else knows." Jiya smiled, reassuring you.

"Thanks."

I will. I have to. Wait for me.