Angst and comfort I guess

GO watched the weak unconscious body lying on the bed with sadness in his eyes. He felt tears blurring his vision and when he blinked, a new batch of tears slipped down his cheeks. He let out a heavy breath and used his thumb to clear the tears away.

          GO sat up a bit when the figure on the bed slightly shivered. He cursed the snow outside and the cold in the room before standing from the chair by the bedside with intention to take another blanket to cover the cold figure but he felt his legs weakened under his weight and he stumbled on his steps, fortunately straight into Seungho's arms.

          He felt Seungho's arms rounded his back, helping him to straightened up and when he did, their eyes met. Seungho's eyes looked tired and the dark circles under his eyes seemed to be intensified. "You're tired." Seungho stated, looking up and down on GO.

          "You're tired too." GO replied emptily.

          Seungho nodded. "I made us dinner. Go and eat some. I'll stay with him this time." Seungho patted a few times on GO's back and pushed GO towards the door gently.

          "He is still cold." GO said from the door.

          Seungho nodded again. "I'll do something."

          Seungho waited as GO stood by the door, GO's wet eyes were fixed on the maknae who was unconscious on the bed, cold and still. It felt like hours yet it was only five minutes as GO stood there doing nothing but watched the maknae while he, himself, being watched by Seungho.

          It might have gone on longer if Seungho didn't say anything but the leader did. "Go eat something. Don't worry."

          Seungho watched as GO's eyes flickered to him this time. Doubt coloring his features but the main vocalist nodded any way and left the room with heavy steps.

          Seungho turned back and headed towards the cupboard, looking for extra blanket and took it to the bed. He spread another layer of blanket over Mir's slightly trembling frame and the shiver slowly came to a stop.

          Seungho took the place GO just occupied just now and tried not to look at his maknae's face. He felt like if he did, the pain on his chest would worsened to the point he couldn't stand it. But he couldn't after all. He couldn't resist and his eyes drawn towards Mir.

          Mir looked peaceful. Like he was sleeping. Yes, he was sleeping. Or maybe fainted. Since Seungho and GO both had done everything to wake the maknae up but the maknae's eyes stayed close. Mir's small shaped lips were slightly blue. And Seungho jolted at the cold on his knuckles, realizing himself he was slowly running a gentle hand over Mir's cold cheeks.

          "Why are you still so cold?" Seungho whispered, clenching his hand before pulling away from Mir.

          Seungho had noticed Mir's silent depression. The maknae stopped smiling a while ago. He wanted to ask why but it was silly. He knew why. He knew because him, too, had gone through this. Except that he didn't drown to this point. He managed to stand back up again.

          It was the same with GO. They both fall, wounded, yet they stood back up again and healed, leaving only scars that one day would fade. Hopefully.

          Seungho had thought that maybe Mir was the same. After all, he always saw Mir with different eyes as other people. He always teased Mir for being weak but he knew the Mir inside, he knew how strong Mir could be. He knew Mir was strong. And he was supposed to be right. But then why? Why was Mir so weak now?

          If not for GO, concerned, leaving his contact number with Mir's neighbor just in case anything happened, they might not even know what was happening and they might came to Mir's house to visit the next day only to find a frozen dead body of their maknae in the bathtub.

          As a leader, what had he done to prevent this? Nothing.

          Seungho bit his lips hard he tasted metallic. Was he this useless after all? He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all. Mir was supposed to be as strong as he imagines. Mir had been under his care. Mir was supposed to be safe. To be unharm…

          "He is still cold." Seungho gasped, only now realizing GO had been sitting on the bed by Mir's side, his fingers ghosting delicately over Mir's cheek. GO removed his eyes from Mir and turned to Seungho.

          Honestly, GO's eyes were filled with sadness but there was something else in those eyes that comfort Seungho even a bit.

          "You can't always protect him, Seungho." GO spoke, and the blade was thrown, slashing the air and stabbing deep into Seungho's chest. "At least not from himself. Don't blame yourself."

          Seungho let out a sad laugh. "I know. Why can't I do anything for him…" It was not a question, merely a recognition of his own weakness, his own uselessness.

          GO took Seungho's hand, gripping on it firmly. "You are not useless. Who do you think the reason I am still standing? If it is not for you, I might have long crumbled." GO's hands trembled. "It's hard to see Cheolyong like this. It is really hard. But I know you will be with me every steps of the way. Right?"

          Seungho swallowed at the pleading look in GO's eyes. He returned the hold on GO's hand and nodded firmly. He was still needed. He was the leader. And his dongsaeng and friend needed him. "Yes. I am here. Always."

          They sat there in silence, looking into each other eyes, feeling slightly comforted until Mir started to shiver again. "Why is he still so cold?" GO asked, worries painted his features, mixed with pain on watching over the broken maknae.

          "Maybe because he wanted to be cold." Seungho answered.

          "But I don't want it." GO scooted over the bed, lying himself next to Mir as he dove inside the layers of warm blanket. He pulled onto Mir until Mir was safely tucked inside his embrace. His hand rubbing onto Mir's arm while his other hand was slipped under their shared pillow. "I don't want his skin to feel so cold." So uninviting…

          Seungho nodded and slipped onto the bed on Mir's other side. Unlike GO, he didn't get under the blanket. He lied on top of the blanket and let one arm laid across Mir's body. "Come back to us maknae."

          It was not long after, the night crawled away and the dusk came to greet another new day. Mir's long eyelashes fluttered and his brown orbs revealed. The maknae stared blankly at the ceiling until he slowly turned his head side to side to absorb the situation. To see Seungho and GO occupied the place by his side. To see he wasn't lying in the freezing cold and frozen-still world. He was lying in warmth and… Light…

          The room was dark but there was light. Not just any light. A light that warm him and make him feel like he was no longer frozen to a still. It melted him and make his still world moved again.

          Strangely, he didn't hate the motion. He didn't hate the warmth.

          "Good morning, Cheolyong."

          GO's whisper was as warm as the light.

          "I see light." Mir said. "And it was both of you." Mir snuggled deeper under the blanket, feeling both his hyungs hugging him closer. "It's warm…"