Jinyoung rarely listened to the radio. He usually only played the tracks in his playlist when he was driving to fill the silence. It was just he sometimes found the host talked too much and sick of mainstream songs being played over and over again, when it had already been played literally everywhere he went. However, maybe because he was bored, or he just wanted to listen to the unnecessary chatterings to take his mind off of things, he turned the player into FM mode for the first time since years ago. He randomly changed from one station to another whenever he came across red traffic lights, since he didn’t know which one was good, yet nothing caught his attention. It was just really not his thing to listen to the radio.

 

He finally decided to give this red light the last chance since it had been the fifth and he hadn’t find one station that attracted him. Even so, right when the light was about to turn green, suddenly a ballad song, quite old compared to what was played by other stations, came out through the speakers. His hand which was going to turn off the radio stopped on its track. A song that contained beautiful past memories he was very fond of. He gently stepped on the pedal, driving with slower pace with his mouth curved into a smile, the storm inside his head slowly turned into images of a certain boy’s bright laugh, a sweet, cute toothy smile as the eyes disappeared into a line. However, the deep, gentle voice that followed after the song ended almost made him stepped on the brake hastily out of surprise. He was amazed himself by how he could still recognize his voice, after all this years.

 

“That’s Confession from Im Jaebum.”

 

It was Jaebum.

 

“No, not me of course, we just have the same name, I can only wish my voice as charming as him. Though I remember often imitating him singing in my younger days.”

 

Right. Jinyoung could still remembered it as clear as the day, Jaebum singing it for him to make him laughed. That was why this song always remind him of Jaebum. For him, Jaebum’s voice didn’t lose in term of charming, though.

 

Jinyoung spent the rest of the ride with his car filled by Jaebum’s voice and the songs chosen by him. They had always had the same taste of music, seemed like it didn’t change. And Jaebum chatterings somehow didn’t annoy him. He didn’t know if it was because Jaebum talked less than any other radio host he had ever heard or that Jaebum’s voice brought a sense of nostalgia that soothed him. Even after he parked in his apartment parking area, he didn’t come out and continued to listen until Jaebum said his goodbye.

 

He leaned his head on the headrest, his eyes closed. Even now, the memories of Jaebum’s gentle gaze whenever he looked at him, the cheerful grin and teasing smirk he threw at him, his silky hair, soft to the touch, the sharp feature of his face, the warmth emanated through his skin as he embraced him, the taste of his lips savored by Jinyoung's own when they kissed, they were all still etched to his mind. He was so beautiful, his teenage love.

 

Jinyoung used to fall asleep and wake up to Jaebum’s messages, wishing him a nice dream and asking if he sleep well. Jaebum was shy of showing his affections in public, so sometimes Jinyoung would by clinging onto his arm and stealing a kiss on a part of his face, or trying to feed him, or forcing him to use couple items such as phone case, sneakers, and many others, just because he liked seeing Jaebum blushed. Young Jinyoung was petty, so he got mad over little things, and Jaebum would always apologize first even when it wasn’t his fault. Even when he selfishly decided to break things off as Jaebum decided to go to a university in Seoul because he was too much of a coward to be ready for a long distance relationship and the insecurities that followed after it, Jaebum only apologized and said ‘take care’ with tears he was trying to hold back b over his eyes.

 

Four years later he also moved to Seoul, and everything about his memories of Jaebum was precious that he still carefully stored them until then. People would tell him that he had lingered feelings toward Jaebum, but he just want to keep the beautiful memory of someone ever loving him so deep and sincere made it a beautiful memories. He went out with other people just fine after Jaebum. It was just something that already in the past, anyway, and would be forever became just memories.

 

--

 

Tuning in to the station on the exact time Jaebum’s program was airing had became Jinyoung’s new habit every evening he drove back home from his office. Jaebum’s voice and the song he chose would always make him relaxed and soothe his exhaustion after the stress he got from work. And he also liked the nostalgic feeling that voice gave off, bringing back the past good memories. However, seemed like he wouldn’t get the salvation he had been waiting for all day that evening, since the voice coming through the speakers was the wrong one.

 

“Hello, this is your special host, Youngjae.”

 

Jinyoung started to get worried. Where was he? Did something happened to him? Or did he quit? But there was no such notice the day before. He kept on listening, hoping that whoever this special host was would tell him about why Jaebum was absent today, yet he said nothing. He turned off the radio since he felt dejected even more as he continued to listen.

 

The rest of the drive felt longer than it had always been. Jinyoung was restless. He couldn’t stop thinking about Jaebum. So when he finally reached his apartment he decided to take a shower. He got rid of his clothes and entered the stall, turning the faucet as he settled to the lowest temperature possible, letting the cold water rained upon his raven hair and bare skin. Fortunately it was summer, so he most probably wouldn’t get sick over this.

 

He had hoped that the cold shower would helped cooling his head down. However, the chill he felt shaking his body and the sound of water falling against the tiles only brought him back to the day when he was sixteen, running as fast as he could ignoring the downpour falling down on him. He didn’t even bother to brought an umbrella. The only thing in his mind was Jaebum, repeating his prayer wishing the boy would be alright.

 

Jinyoung went inside the hospital, disregarding the nasty look cleaning staffs threw at the stream following my steps created by water dripping from my clothes. He hurriedly searched for the room that he was told about over the phone. When he finally found it, he slammed the door open, revealing Jaebum laying on the bed, eyes opened wide looking at him and mouth gaped, his right leg in a cast and hung up. Jinyoung slowly crossed the room, heart filled with relief that he started crying as he stood beside the bed. Jaebum sat up and gently grasped his hand with one hand, the other trying to rub the cold away from that hand. Jaebum’s palm felt comfortably hot over his freezing skin.

 

“H-he said y-you are being hit b-by a car,” Jinyoung stuttered between his sobs, “I thought y-you’re d-dying or something.”

 

The hand that was rubbing the back of his own hand moved to softly pat his damp hair to comfort him. However it only made him cried harder.

 

“I-I’m so s-scared.”

 

Jaebum smiled tenderly and tugged on his hand to hug him. Jinyoung pushed him away, getting a confused stare in return.

 

“N-no. I’m c-completely drenched. Y-you’ll get wet t-too.”

 

Jaebum only smiled again and pulled him harder that Jinyoung fell onto his embrace, water seeped through from his clothes to the bed covering and Jaebum’s hospital gown. Jaebum his shivering back, trying to calm him down.

 

“It’s okay. I’m okay.”

 

“D-don’t ever m-make me worry l-like this again,” Jinyoung said, muffled by the fabric of the gown. He could hear Jaebum chuckling.

 

“I won’t. I promise.”

 

Jinyoung’s body shuddered violently that he was brought back to the present. He quickly finished his shower and made a cup of coffee to warm himself. He put the cup down on coffee table at the center of the living room, and threw himself on a couch beside it. He reached for his phone, scrolling down on the list of contact until he found the name he was searching for.

 

All these years, he was still keeping Jaebum’s old phone number, though he didn’t know whether Jaebum was still using it or not. He had thought to try calling that number countless times, yet he always ended up deciding against it. It wasn’t as though he wanted them to get back together, and he probably had already became a person of the past for Jaebum. It would make it weird and awkward to contact him again after all these years, after he selfishly hurt him. What would he talk about? What if Jaebum didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore?

 

That evening, however, the urge to just put the tip of his finger on the green phone receiver icon was bigger than ever it was hard to ignore further. He was so worried. If he could, he would have ran to find him just like when they were still together. However, he didn’t know where Jaebum was, and he had no other way to contact him. He could only count on the line of numbers, and took a gamble. So he did.

 

His heart was drumming out loud against his ribs, half expectant, half fear. The beeping sound of his call trying to connect to the other end seemed endless, and he started to feel dejected. Maybe he wasn’t using this number anymore. He was about to pull the phone away from his ear when he suddenly heard the familiar voice.

 

“Hello?”

 

Jinyoung heart stopped beating, his mind went blank. Then he started to get panicked.What should I say? Think, quick! Where does your smartass mouth go?

 

“Hello? Who is this?”

 

Jinyoung took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He hoped his voice wouldn’t come out shaky.

 

“Hi. It’s me, Jinyoung.”

 

Silence followed afterward. Well, maybe Jaebum didn’t want to talk to him anymore. He was half expecting to hear the beeping sound again, the call disconnected. But he waited, and it wasn’t in waste.

 

“Jinyoung? Park Jinyoung?”

 

Jaebum sounded so confused. Jinyoung chuckled, trying to mask his nervousness. “Well, I guess you get to know more Jinyoung since we last met. Yeah, this is Park Jinyoung. It’s been a long time.”

 

“...Yeah, it is.”

 

Jinyoung fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. Jaebum sounded normal again. “How are you?”

 

“Fine, I guess. What about you?”

 

“I’m good,” Jinyoung pondered for a while before asking, “You’re not sick, right?”

 

“Nope, I’m completely healthy. Why? Are you selling health insurance now?”

 

The joke released the tension inside him by a bit, and the worries he had before dissipated after knowing he was alright. Jaebum still didn’t change, he guessed, always knowing what to say on the right time. Maybe that’s why he became a radio host. “Of course not, I’m just asking. Hey, do you want to meet up? Maybe a dinner or something?”

 

Jinyoung put all his courage to that one sentence. Does it sound too casual? Jinyoung thought. He anxiously waited Jaebum’s answer, dreading of what it would be.

 

“You live in Seoul now? That’s great. How about this Saturday?”

 

Jinyoung let out the breath he unconsciously held. “Fine with me. See you this Saturday then. I’m glad you still use your old number.”

 

“Me too. It’s nice to hear from you again. Good night.”

 

“Good night.”

 

The call ended. Jinyoung slumped back to the couch, relieved after knowing Jaebum was alright. When he went to bed later that night, his heart was thumping with excitement, looking forward to seeing Jaebum again after so long. He kept on wondering if anything had changed from Jaebum until the image of eighteen year old Jaebum lulled him to sleep.

 

--

 

Jinyoung fidgeted on his seat as his restlessness grew along with the minutes he spent waiting for Jaebum. He kept sipping on his drink that there was only one third of it left. What if he doesn’t come? What if he decides he doesn’t want to meet me? What if…

 

“Hi.”

 

Suddenly Jinyoung sensed a presence beside his table. And the voice was so familiar yet clearer than the one inside his memories and when he heard him through the speakers. He lifted his head and his heart was about to explode at finally seeing that smile being directed at him again after five years. Jaebum moved to sit across of Jinyoung, whose eyes kept following the other. It felt so unreal, having Jaebum in front of him again.

 

“Have you waited long?” Jaebum asked.

 

Jinyoung was snapped from his dazed state, blinking as he realized he had been staring at Jaebum. He hoped he wasn’t blushing. “No, I just arrived a couple of minutes before you.”

 

Which was over half an hour ago.

 

Jaebum chuckled. “You almost finished your drink already, though.”

 

Jinyoung was definitely blushing this time. He cleared his throat and said, “I’m just too thirsty, that’s all.”

 

Jaebum laughed, “Okay, okay. Have you ordered anything beside your drink?”

 

“No, I haven’t.”

 

“Let’s order something, then. I’m so hungry,” Jaebum said as he opened the menu. Jinyoung also did the same. However, instead of looking at the menu, his eyes carefully observe the man in front of him.

 

The way Jaebum’s eyes disappeared into lines everytime he smiled or laughed still hadn’t change despite his slight change in appearance. Any baby fat he had on his cheeks before was gone, leaving his feature looked sharper than before. He was wearing two piercings on each ears. His hair fell freely on his forehead, long enough it covered his eyes. Jinyoung couldn’t even see the most distinctive feature Jaebum had on his face, that was two moles lined up over his monolid left eye. He had became more built than before, which couldn’t be hidden by his plain white shirt tucked inside his ripped blue jeans. His shoulder had become so much wider than before, and he grew taller than Jinyoung by a bit.

 

Jinyoung quickly shifted his eyes back to the menu when Jaebum raised his head. He closed it a moment later, and he found Jaebum’s gaze on him, waiting

 

“Have you decided?” Jaebum asked. Jinyoung nodded, and Jaebum called the waiter. After they made their order, Jaebum turned to him and asked, “It’s been five years since we last met each other. How have you been? When did you come to Seoul?”

 

Jinyoung was so relieved that Jaebum never let silence slipped between them, because it would be so awkward and he would become nervous again. Well, maybe Jaebum did that because he knew it. “I’ve lived in Seoul for a year now. I work as an editor of a book publisher.”

 

Jaebum smiled. “It suits you so well. That’s great.”

 

Jinyoung’s heart fluttered a bit that Jaebum seemed to still remember that he loved reading books. He brushed it off and asked, “How about you? I often listened to your program in the evening. Never expected you to be a radio host. I thought you studied music in college. I’ve always expected you to be a singer.”

 

Jaebum grinned wider. “Never expected you to be one of our listener either, thanks. I did study music, and I wrote songs for other singers. If you find the name ‘Defsoul’ as the composer of a song, that’s me. I just dislike being in the center public attention, that’s why I’m don’t become a singer.”

 

Jinyoung hummed. Jaebum had always been like that, he should’ve known. It was hard to even get him to be in the picture with him. Jaebum loved taking pictures of everything, but he hated being the one in front of the camera. The only pictures Jinyoung could get of him was when he sneakily took candid photos of him or after a long sulking from Jinyoung. How would he sing on stage with hundreds of eyes all over him?

 

Still, it’s such a pity, Jinyoung thought. Jaebum had such a sweet voice and the way he sang was always full of feelings it could move his listeners the way he wanted it.

 

“Huh?” Jaebum snapped Jinyoung from his thought. Jaebum was staring at him, confused. , did I say that aloud?

 

“Well, um, you’re good at singing, and I like your voice, so it kind of a pity that you don’t become a singer,” Jinyoung stuttered. Jaebum seemed surprised, but it quickly turned into a smile.

 

“Thank you,” Jaebum said. Jinyoung blushed after realizing he had revealed too much. He cleared his throat and asked, “Then how did you become a radio host?”

 

Jaebum chuckled. “Well, one of the singer I worked with was also a radio host of the station I work at now. He said I my voice suits the job, and asked me if I want to try becoming one. It sounded interesting, so I agreed. Then he introduced me to people from the radio station, and I started learning to be a radio host until I finally have my own program now.”

 

“He’s right, you suits the job. He has good ears,” Jinyoung said. It was true, not just singing, Jaebum’s talking voice was also very pleasant to the ear and made his listener felt calm and relaxed.

 

“Guess I’ve earned myself a loyal listener,” Jaebum said with a teasing smirk, yet Jinyoung could see the pale skin covering his ears slowly burned into pinkish shade. Seemed like that side of him hadn’t change, always wanting to look tough in front of others. Jinyoung remembered the times when he dragged Jaebum into watching horror and thriller movies. He would always put on a poker face, yet as the movie went on his grip on Jinyoung’s hand would also get tighter. Jinyoung chuckled at the memory, getting a raised eyebrow from Jaebum.

 

“It’s nothing, sorry,“ Jinyoung said. Right after he said that, the food they ordered finally arrived. Their conversation was halted for a moment while waiting for the waiter to put down the meals and drinks. After the waiter left, they started eating and chatting in between. Jaebum looked the same and different at the same time compared to back when they were still in high school. When many parts hadn’t changed from when Jinyoung remembered him, the Jaebum in front of him still felt new to him. So many things he didn’t know about this Jaebum. It was to be expected though, considering they hadn’t seen each other for the past five years.

 

“I just remember something. Do you still keep Nora?” Jinyoung asked after they had finished their foods. Nora was Jaebum’s cat. Jinyoung was with him when he adopted her, and they named her together. He doted on her so much to the point of being overprotective. He was always so happy whenever he talked about her.

 

Jaebum’s lips were curved into a fatherly smile. “Of course. I bring her here with me. She’s got two friends now, so she’s been happy since she’s not alone anymore when I’m not home.”

 

“You get two more cats?” Jinyoung’s eyes widened, sparkling with excitement. “What’s their name? Can I see their photo?”

 

“Wait a minute,” Jaebum took his phone out from his pocket, tapping here and there and scrolled down through the screen for a while. When he finally found the picture he was looking for, he smiled cheerily and showed it to Jinyoung. “Here, the white one is Odd, and the black one is Kunta.”

 

“They’re so cute! I envy you. I’ve always wanted to have a pet. But I can barely take care of myself, how can I take care of a pet?” When Jaebum was a neat person, Jinyoung was kind of sloppy. His apartment was always in a mess. Even when he decided to clean and tidy it up, it would become messy again in a matter of hours. He also often skipped his meals sometimes, especially when he was about to meet the deadline. He wouldn’t want to starve any creature because of his forgetfulness.

 

“You’re right. Better keep those cute little creature safe from your hands,” Jaebum laughed as Jinyoung pouted. Jaebum took his phone back, checking the clock. “Sorry, I have to go now. I have a meeting with someone.”

 

Jinyoung shook his head, trying to dismiss the disappointed feelings that briefly tugged on his heart. “It’s okay, let’s go.”

 

They rose from their seat and walked to the cashier. When Jinyoung was about to pay, Jaebum beat him to it. When Jinyoung protested, he only laughed and said, “You can just treat me back next time.” They bid their goodbye and Jinyoung drove home with a smile on his face.

So there is a next time.