Life is a funny thing. It gives you all these difficulties and obstacles in life- not knowing whether or not you’ll be able to handle it. It constantly tests you in the most unsuspecting times. It can sometimes be too harsh and can cause some tears here and there but it never means harm.
Life also rewards you. In times when you least expect it. It gives you joy and happiness that can fill your heart to the brim until you feel it spilling, reaching and dripping down all the way to your toes, until all you see is yellow.

So live life well. Take every obstacle as a challenge and learn from it. Treat life well and it will treat you the same.

That’s what my dad always used to tell me. I remember it as clear as day. He was always so wise.

I look back on my life and I am thankful he gave me this lesson. I definitely feel as though I’ve based my entire teenage years from his daily ‘quotes of motivation’. He’s friends with lots of pastors after all. I guess they rubbed off on him.

But that particular message stuck through me throughout the entirety of my trainee days. It was such a beautiful message that I spread Appa Kims knowledge to the other girls. They appreciated it. I always repeat it to myself whenever I feel like giving up.

These days though I find myself lucky enough and happy enough that I don’t have to.

I’m no longer afraid, no longer hesitant and no longer fearful of life’s obstacles. In fact I dare challenge life to give me some more! I can handle it.

That day when my manager told me I got offered to be one of the MCs for Inkigayo I thanked the heavens for yet another challenge. I was slightly anxious, despite it being my second time; it was my first time being picked to be a permanent MC that season.

I also heard I would be working alongside two other idols. Although my thoughts weren’t too focused on them that day- it was too busy being excited for yet another blessing.

Walking into the SBS building was like a dream. It housed so many successful variety shows and dramas that I wish Blackpink would appear on someday. The glass windows were gleaming; it must have been newly polished as it shone bright.

The inside was more grand and I had ever imagined.

I remember watching shows and seeing the SBS building on screen. It looked miniscule- but now that I’m here I figured that watching it on a tiny pixelated screen is distinctly different than seeing it with my very own eyes. I let my eyes wander along the high floors as I imagine the promises it holds.

I enter the room where the PDs will run us through the entire set up.

I hear from my manager that I’m waiting for two more people to arrive. My co-workers they call them. I get excited as I introduce myself to the directors, producers, writers and staff of Inkigayo.

We make small chat for a few minutes before I see a tall blonde haired boy enter the room. I get introduced to him briefly. I learn that he’s also a rookie like me and that he debuted a month earlier than us. He was NCT’s Doyoung. He’s under SM Entertainment. I tell him that funny story of nearly being scouted for SM during a YG concert. It breaks the ice and we instantly click.

Then a tall boy with thick black hair walks in. I watch him humbly stride in and shake hands with the team. I don’t need an introduction- I am already aware of who he is. He is Park Jinyoung of GOT7. He is known to be a triple threat as an idol. I’ve watched him on various shows while I was still training. He has grown since his debut days- I have to admit he is incredibly handsome. His visuals are breathtaking. He had a cute boyish charm before, I remember this because it was around this time I became a fan. But now, he looks manly and dare I say drop dead gorgeous.

For the first time in a while, I am star struck. He’s been an idol for a long time- technically he’s my sunbae. I can’t believe I get the opportunity to work with somebody who’s grown so well accustomed to this industry. I have a lot to learn from him and I plan on taking every chance I can get.

Of course it is easier said than done. Jinyoung remains a mystery to me. He doesn’t talk much, not as much as Doyoung. I find conversing with the latter much less intimidating than engaging in small talk with the former.

I do catch him staring at me at times, but when I look in his direction he averts his gaze. I wonder why?
Is there something weird on my face? I knew I should have put on more coverage. Well I guess that was because I didn’t think I would be meeting the Park Jinyoung.

Not that I cared about what he thought about me or anything.

Okay maybe a little.

I eventually give up on talking with him- he didn’t seem to be that interested anyways. I guess he was just tired today. He’s a busy idol, much busier than me.

As the talk with the producers finished they asked us if we had any worries or queries to ask them. As usual, Doyoung and I had the most questions. Jinyoung was quiet, only looking up from his mock up script whenever the director had something lengthy and important to say. I voice my concerns about messing up and what do to on worst case scenarios. Doyoungs were mostly the same as mine.

I guess the producers caught on to our rookie fears as they lectured us about worrying too much. They gave us both a pep talk and told us that they were confident in their choices in us and that they wouldn’t regret it even if we messed up. But if worse comes to worst, they would have to replace us.

No pressure, right?

I feel smaller and smaller as the talk went on. My confidence and self esteem slowly diminishing until all but a single dot is left.

As the producers thanked us for our time I saw my manager by the door signalling for us to go. I bid goodbye to all the staff and prepare to gather my things which were on the table beside the glass window.

I feel a presence behind me and expect it to be the producer saying reassuring me one last time. I turn around and plaster the fakest smile I can for her.

“You still nervous?”

My smile falters and my cheeks immediately go crimson when I realize it was Jinyoung.

“Yes,” I say breathlessly as I place my beanie over my head. I hope this covers my red ears and cool my red hot cheeks. “Honestly speaking, I’m terrified!”

“Well don’t be,” Jinyoung picks up his coat on the table next to mine. “If you’re intimidated by the writers and producers from earlier- they usually say the worst things just to push their members, they want you here for a reason, they’re all rooting for you,”

“I’m not worried about them,” I shook my head. “I’m worried about me,” I pull on my coat and keep it wrapped up as I hold it across my chest. “I have zero experience- okay one but that wasn’t even good so it doesn’t count”

I was talking about that one time I was a guest MC for Inkigayo but then I remember Jinyoung probably hasn’t seen it nor even knows about it and the blush across my cheeks deepen.

“Okay imagine this,” Jinyoung spreads his hands across forming a circle shape. “All your fans around the world have this image and idea of you in their heads yeah?”

I nod hesitantly not knowing where he’s going with this.

“Now all those ideas and views about you are probably more bigger and greater than what you really are right?,” He continues. “Draw your confidence from that- believe that you’re that person in their head and work from it”

I let my mind dwell on his advice. I nod approvingly and smile as I look up into his eyes.

“That’s pretty good actually,” then I frown and pout playfully. “What if that fails?”

“Then,” he looked far off into the distance as he seemed to pick his words out carefully. I blatantly gawked at his side profile. He was so good-looking.

“Fake it till you makes it,” Jinyoung looked back at me and gave a charming smile.

At the start I only had Dads wise words of wisdom to repeat to myself when times were tough but now I have added yet another set into my growing collection.

It was different this time because it wasn’t from my dad. It was from a man of mystery to me- a man called Park Jinyoung.