Ugh such a long chapter! Hope this makes up for the long wait time~

Theres a lot of POVs being switched so I hope its not too confusing...

***************************************************************************************************

Kim Namjoon had never felt more confused about someone than he did with Jeon Jungkook.

 

He wasnt sure anymore how to deal with the brat and that bothered him. No matter how much he sorted and organized through his feelings, he just couldnt understand them. It was so much more easier for him when his hatred for Jungkook was black and white but now there was just too many grays filtered in between. In order to understand his feelings of confusion, it was important to understand Namjoon. Kim Namjoon was a man that liked to think things through and eventually find an answer. Some may think of him as a curious individual while others concluded that he was stubborn; he decided he was probably both. If Namjoon didnt find the solution to something, thoughts of it would continue to turn and churn in his mind until he reached a stage of burning out. That was one of the reasons why having some alone time in a nature filled environment was so important to him - it helped empty his mind of cluttered thoughts. But this time, now no matter how many trips he took to Jeju Island or walked for hours in his favorite backwater streets, his mind continued to scream just one thing: JEON JUNGKOOK! And it was just like Jungkook to mess with his head so badly that he couldnt sleep for hours into the night. It was the first time he had ever wished for Jungkook to do something bad to him just so Namjoon can properly hate him once again.  But did Jungkook ever make things easy for him? No, no he didnt.

He wasnt exactly sure when everything shifted, but he did remember the time before it all started, when his feelings for Jungkook were much more clear.

It was right before his high school graduation when he had broken the news about his scholarship to his parents and as expected, they were as devastated as he was. They again asked him to reconsider his major so they could help him pay but now Namjoon was as adamant about becoming a music producer/lyricist more than ever. He refused to let Jungkook stop him from pursuing his lifelong dream. He had walked out his house with the promise of finding a part time job no matter how grueling it was. He printed out several copies of his resume, highlighted pages of newspaper advertisements, and kept an eye out for any 'help wanted' signs. In a single week, Namjoon had given his resume to more than fifty possible employers and it was only until two weeks after graduation that he was accepted to one that would give him a decent enough to pay for his tution. When he walked into 'Midnights Grill & Bar' he couldnt suppress the chill that ran up his spine. With its dark furniture and dimmed lights it was only a step away from being a establishment. The tight uniforms he saw on the other workers did nothing to dissipate his fears. In fact, if it wasnt for the grills at the center of the tables, Namjoon would have walked right back out the door. His boss didnt seem like such an empathetic man either, with a stern set of eyebrows and not a glimmer of welcome in his eyes. Namjoon knew he would be forced to cut his hours by half when his classes started, so for the summer he took up a ten hour shift starting from twelve in the morning till ten at night to make as much money as he could. It was physically and mentally exhausting with him juggling several orders, maintaining his composure with drunk customers, and constantly moving around. But each time he felt like ripping off his stupid, unnecessary tight pants, his lyrics or beats would float into his head, reminding him of why he was there in the first place. 'Just one more hour' was his common reassurance and 'Paycheck Day' was his saving grace. There were moments when Jungkooks voice or gaze would pop up in his mind, especially when he was laying exhausted in bed or when he was washing the stench of smoke and liquor from his skin. It would make his blood boil like nothing else until his anger would recede just as quickly. He was literally too tired to stay angry but that didnt mean he forgave or forgot.

                                                                        -------[1 year later]-------

After graduation, the first thing Jungkook did after a quick celebration with his friends was hunting down local craftsmen. With his unraveled bracelet kept in a pouch securely at his waist, he needed to find someone that could fix the precious gift from his mother. After visiting seven professionals over the past year who had no idea how to even approach the white and red strings, he was about to lose hope.  It was then that his older brother, Taehyung, had interfered and insisted on him checking out a small antique corner store across town. Jungkook did not have high hopes driving down the narrow and vacant street, eyeing the small shops that lined the sidewalks. And he had even lower hopes when he walked into the antique shop filled with various things from pottery to brandless clothes. Skeptically, he showed the remains of his bracelet to the elderly man at the counter. The mans eyes widen and a subtle smile crossed his face and he through the strings. "Well, well. Its been a long time since I've seen one of these." he said. Jungkooks eyes widen. "Do you know what this bracelet is?" he asked, unsure if he should anticipate for anything. The man looked up at him, "Why of course I do." he said. Jungkook couldnt help his excited smile from blooming and asked "Well? Can you fix it?". The man gave him a strange look, as if he just asked for his left kidney, "Why would you want to fix this?". Jungkook gave him the same look back, "What do you mean? Its broken!". he exclaimed, wondering if the old man could actually see or not. The man actually chuckled and Junngkook was very close to snatching his bracelet back and walking out the shop when the man said,

"Broken? Its not broken child, its suppose to be like this".

Jungkook almost choked but realized the man was being completely serious. The old man held up the bundle of whites and reds to his eye level, "Yes, this type of braclet is meant to unravel". "Are you sure about this?" Jungkook asked, his voice cracking and his stomach sinking. "Absolutely positive" the shop owner said, nodding his head, "But there is one more important thing-". But Jungkook didnt hear him, instead grabbing his bracelet and running out the shop in a blur. When he jumped into his bright red lambo, he didnt even realize how much his hands were shaking till he put them on the steering wheel.

                                                                               -----------------

When Jungkook called out his friends to go drinking on a friday night, they thought nothing of it; the group usually went out every friday anyways. Jungkook made it clear that he wanted to get completely wasted and they all agreed, figuring he was doing all the drinking he could now because he sure wouldnt get the chance to when their classes started in a week. When they were dragged to a grill house however, they all questioned why they didnt go to club like they usually did. But Jungkook shrugged their questions off, entering the grill house and plopping down onto a table at the corner. Yes, his usual choice would have been the club, its pounding music and flashing lights were enough to drown at out the thoughts in his head. Dancing has always been a great escape for him ever since he was young but for some reason, he couldnt stand the thought of going to a club today. He didnt want to rub shoulders with any pretty girls - in fact, he didnt even want anyone to look at him right now! The only reason he had even brought his friends along was because he needed a distraction from the storm brewing inside of him. Grabbing the glass and filling it to the brim, he tilted his head and let the alcohol go down smoothly. 'It was meant to break...' kept circling around his head for days now. He could feel himself becoming dizzy with his thoughts but he'd rather be dizzy drunk than sober- at least then it would seem normal. He could feel his friends stare as he managed to finish off half a bottle of wine within ten minutes. But no one questioned him, the atmosphere thick and no one wanted to slice through it first from fear of what they would discovered. 'It was suppose to unravel huh?' Jungkook thought, bringing the glass to his lips, only to find it empty. He was about to yell to the waiter a few feet away when he suddenly felt his voice die in his throat. Maybe it was the alcohol but he felt as if he recognized those long legs that were the envy of any model. But what he didnt understand was why they were here and why they looked so good in those deliciously tight black khakis. "Namjoon" he whispered, his eyes glazed, catching the attention of his friends. It wasnt until the long legged waiter turned to the side that Jungkook realized it might not be his drunk hallucination after all. Namjoon was really here and apparently working as a waiter. Jungkook was only a second away from calling out to him to argue with him like he usually did when the reason why he was here, drinking to forget the events of the previous day, crashed over him like a tsunami. 'It wasnt Namjoons fault', he thought, suddenly unable to catch his breath. The sudden memory of Namjoons puffed up eyes and tear stricken cheeks made his gasp for air. His panicked friends blended into the background and all he could see was his enemy of fourteen years in front of him, working late into a friday night. He watched as Namjoon moved from here to there, taking orders, delivering filled or dirty plates, and scrubbing tables. And Jungkook continued to sit there and watch him for who knows how long, ignoring his friends questions and glances. His mind was numb and his heart wasnt beating the way it was supposed to. Jungkooks fingers tightened its hold on his fifth drink of the night as he watched a middle aged man, persistent and drunk, wrap his hands around Namjoons slim waist. He could see the clear lines of distress on his face but Namjoon didnt protest. The justice seeking, no-nonsense Namjoon was keeping his mouth shut as he was publically harrassed and that made Jungkook hand clench around his glass even more. And as the drunk man shamelessly lowered his hands and hovered it over the swell of Namjoons backside, there was suddenly no more space left between the glass and Jungkooks hand. As soon as the glass cup shattered in his hands, did his restraint shatter along with it. And as sudden as the glass sliced through the skin of his palm, did his fist smash into the nose of the erted drunk.  

                                                                        -----------------

 At first, Namjoon had never been more relieved that the drunk customer had given him some space. It was only until a second later that he realized the customer hadnt voluntarily given him space but he had been forcibly removed... or punched. And even still, for a moment, Namjoon was glad because that drunk old ert deserved a good hit for touching him like that. But that quickly faded away as he realized the punching didnt stop and before he knew it, there was a full out brawl occuring right in front of him. It didnt take long for the fight to escalate, the middle aged man being thrown into the buffet table and an abundance of food raining down. And that was all it took for the grill house to break into a full blown war, salads and steaks hurling across the air while fists were thrown in just as hard. Namjoon had realized two things at that moment in his life: food fights did not stop when he graduated from middle school (adults arent any better than kids- not really surprising) and the person who was in the middle of all of Namjoons hurricane-like moments was always the same (also not really surprising) . His eyes widen as he looked at the familiar figure struggling to keep a hold of his victim in the midst of the chaos. It didnt matter if he was exhausted from his shift and near delirious from the situation around him, Namjoon recognized Jungkook from the moment he laid eyes on him. It really shouldnt have been that strange that Jungkook was here, the grill house was pretty well known. So why did it shock Namjoon to the core to find the person he hated the most here at his workplace? 'To laugh at me...' was his first thought and it made sense, especially since he knew Jungkook was more known for hanging out at high-end nightclubs. 'He probably wanted to see how his plan to ruin my life was going' he thought, feeling his anger pushing to the surface. Namjoon was only a second away from throwing a dinner plate at Jungkooks head when an angry scream pierced through the air. "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE!?!". It was almost comical how everyone seemed to freeze in place and Namjoon would have slipped out a giggle if his boss wasnt suddenly staring straight at him with blazing eyes. He couldnt even let out a sound before his boss started hounding for answers on who started this. The feeling of dejavu was strong when fingers started to point at him and Jungkook. It was almost like going through a montage, watching it as if it wasnt really happening to him and someone else instead. It was truely an out of body experience as his boss blamed him for the entire thing (screaming something about maintaining professionalism), demanded that he pay off all the damages, and then fired him. He wasnt even given a chance to explain and Jungkook, of course, was left punishment-free in the end. Namjoon felt numb as he handed over his uniform and walked out the grill house.

The night was still, as if even Mother Nature didnt want to disturb the awakening volcano that was Kim Namjoon. Yes, Mother Nature was smart but Jeon Jungkook wasnt. As soon as Namjoon had walked out, Jungkook had followed after him, yelling his name out into the stiff summer night. Unfortunately, his long strides werent enough to beat the legs of a track runner and it didnt take long for Jungkook to catch up. "Yah! Namjoon!" he yelled, grabbing Namjoons shoulder and forcing him to turn and face him. For some reason, it was the usual blatant absence of the honorific that makes Namjoon erupt, pushing Jungkook away from him and it was only because his friends caught him from behind that Jungkook didnt crash onto the concrete. "Congratulations, you got me fired from my job and ruined my life once more! Now leave me alone!" he yelled out. Jungkooks eyes widened at the outburst as he struggled to upright himself. "So you were fine with that b*stard just groping you like that?!" he asked, a flare of anger in his eyes that momentarily surprised Namjoon. "No, of course not! But I had no other choice! I needed that job to pay for college because YOU took that scholarship away from me! So dont act like you care about what happens to me!!" he roared out, feeling as if a piece of his sanity had slipped off. Why was Jungkook always doing this to him? What did he do wrong? Why couldnt he have never met him?! "I hate you" Namjoon hissed, for the first time meaning every heavy syllable of the phrase. A flash of something passed over Jungkooks eyes as he looked away from Namjoons piercing glare. But Namjoon ignored it. He ignored the way Jungkook had gone uncharacteristically quiet and how Jungkooks hands were shaking at his sides. He didnt notice the crimson stream of blood dripping down from Jungkooks knuckles. Instead, the realization that he had no idea what to do next had finally caught up with him. Was it time to follow through with his sell-my-kidney-and-become-a-hitman plan? With unsteady feet, Namjoon turned and walked away. His mind was left buzzing and therefore forgetting everything else around him... including the catalyst he had just triggered behind him.

                                                                        -----------------

Hate.

Hate was such a strong word. Jungkook had never realized how much power a single word could have over a person; how much it could shift the axis of a person's entire universe. Or was it not so much the word but instead the person and reason behind it? Jungkook didnt think he wanted to know the answer.

His mind had been an absolute mess for days now. He couldnt focus on anything except Namjoon and the mysterious ache he had felt in his heart since the confrontation. His guilt felt like poison flowing through his veins instead of blood, bringing his body to an almost comatose. The people around him started to notice, his friend's, elder brothers, and even eventually his father. They all clamored up to make him feel better, buying gifts and trying to make him laugh. Seokjin and Taehyung spent all their free time attempting to cuddle with him and crack jokes. His father had even bought him his early birthday gifts. Jungkook had barely even glanced at the latest, never before seen version of his favorite PC game when it was placed before him and it was then that his family had realized this wasnt just a mood swing of his. Their conquered and questioning glances were met with silence until one day, his father had enough. There was no one on this earth that could corner him and force him to talk but his father. "What if... towards someone... you made a big mistake? Like a really, really big mistake..." he muttered out, wringing his hands nervously in front of him. His father sat beside him and folded his hands over his chest, "Well...I would apologize and try to correct my mistake" he answered. Jungkook cringed at the word 'apologize'. He has never ever said sorry to anyone in his life and he wasnt sure if he could do it just so suddenly. He was afraid that it would make him seem weak and that definitely wasnt the image he wanted infront of Namjoon. Nope, apologizing was not the way to go. So then, correcting his mistake? How could he do that? He didnt think he could get the scholarship back, no matter how much he bribed the company and giving Namjoon money for free would probably make him more angry. He was the one who got Namjoon fired from his job so... he could fix it by giving Namjoon an even better job! A dose of adrenaline zipped through him as he sprung off his bed and turned to his dad with his eyes gleaming. "Dad! Do you have any jobs available at the company or around the estate?!" he asked. His fathers was clearly confused at the sudden change of attitude and a job correlated with it but he didnt ask and instead said, "Well we eventually do need to get you a personal secretary since your going to need the practice of running a business". The fire in Jungkook had sputtered at the words 'personal secretary'. There was no way Namjoon would ever agree to becoming his personal anything at this point (except maybe being his personal death certificate). "Anything else? Please dad!" he asked, desperation creeping into his voice. "Er... I guess we could use a new caretaker for the gardens." his father said, a gleam forming in his eyes. The fire crackled back to life, "Whats the salary? Better than a waiter?" he asked, restraining himself from hopping up and down. His father chuckled, "Yes, definitely better than a waiter". Jungkook practically squealed, pumping his fist into the air with a "Yes!". "Exactly who is this job-?" his father started but Jungkook had already left the room.

                                                                        -----------------

Dragging his chopsticks down and sluggishly swallowing a mouthful of rice, Namjoon stared at nothing specific. Thankfully, he was able to avoid his parents yesterday but he knew he couldnt avoid them forever. He had made a few calls last night to some nearby business to ask if they needed any new employes but with summer ending, they were all filled to the brim with other working students. Feeling his stomach go sour, he pushed his breakfast away and walked out the door to check the mail. Throwing the stack of bills onto the table, he was about to head out to job hunt when a sleek, gold colored corner peek out from the white envelopes. Grabbing it by the edge, Namjoon raised it up and infront of him, 'HELP WANTED!' it read in bold, capitalized words. Namjoon scanned the front and back, realizing it was for a position as a basic garden caretaker for an estate across town. Surprisingly, it didnt ask for any prior knowledge of gardening and claimed to pay a lot. He nibbled on his bottom lip as he dialed the number at the corner of the card, he didnt think he should hope. "Hello? Ah y-yes, my name is Kim Namjoon and Im calling for the garden caretaker advertisement?" he said, unable to keep his voice from trembling slightly. The voice on the other side paused before speaking up,  "Kim Namjoon? Ah yes, the caretaker position. Your very lucky young man, your the first to call in and therefore you get the job. Come by at 9 in the morning tomorrow for more details about the job. Have a nice day". Namjoon blinked slowly, still holding his cell to his ears. 'I- I got a job?' he thought, feeling his legs go weak and almost giving out on him. He couldnt believe it. Getting accepted into a high paying job with no prior experience or an interview?! 'Has my luck turned around?!' he thought, hopping up and down and flapping his arms around, thanking every deity he could think of. It had felt too long since he felt his dimples peek out and body becoming light. Finally, things were looking up.

 

It took him twenty minutes of changing in and out of clothes the next day to settle on a preppy outfit but Namjoon was finally on his way. Now, hes seen big houses before, and even the occasional mansion on tv but never in his life has he seen an estate. His imagination was clearly not creative enough when he gawked up at the towering glass doors of his new work place. 'Why, why would anyone need such big doors? Is my boss godzilla?!' he thought, a mixture of admiration and disbelief going through him. An elderly man in a prim suit walked out to him to lead him through and Namjoon couldnt help but feel like he stepped into Bruce Waynes life, following his faithful Alfred. Finally they reached a set of glossy, rich brown doors where a voice had called for them to come in. The Alfred-like man left and Namjoon was left in alone in the fanciest office he has ever seen with his new boss sitting in a stereotypical black leather chair facing the window. He stood awkwardly off to the side, not sure of whether or not he should take a seat. He almost snorted when he saw the large chair swivel around to reveal his new boss, a middle aged man in a crisp gray suit. The man indicated for him to sit and Namjoon accepted, settling down and getting a good look at his employer. 'That nose...' he thought, slightly startled to find that he recognized the shape of his bosses nose from somewhere...or on someone. " Welcome to my home Kim Namjoon." the man said, a look in his eyes that Namjoon didnt quite understand. "The description for this position is as the name says, caring for the gardens. This includes planting, cleaning, and landscaping. Is that okay with you?" the man asks, the voice of a businessman clear and crisp. Namjoon nodded his head in slight intimidation, continuing to listen to his new boss speak. He tried hard not to stare at the oh-so-familiar nose and not think too deeply on why his boss had flashes of amusement in his eyes from time to time. It wasnt until he walked out the colossal front doors and looked down at the iridescence card that his boss gave him that the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach finally made sense. How could he have not have realized it before? Why didnt he even question the obvious lack of information? The complete and utter absence of names? The glossy card glimmered in the sunlight, making the bold letterings of 'Jeon Family Estates' stand out that much more.

                                                                          ----------------

He would take the job. He had to take the job. Jungkook knew Namjoon would have no other choice but to show up, ready to work. The day couldnt have come faster for him and the fire in him was rekindled instantaneously when his father had told him about Namjoon. Just like always, the name of his arch nemesis did things to Jungkook that he himself didnt understand. The people around him noticed how he returned back to his usual self and he knew they were curious about the sudden change. But Jungkook didnt mind them; instead his thoughts were swaying like waves in the midst of a storm. How would Namjoon react when he finds out? What would he say to Namjoon when he sees him? Is this enough of an apology to all that hes done? Will Namjoon ever forgive him? Jungkook felt like he was approaching a stage of burning out with everything thats happened over the month.

A melody rang through the mansion, snapping him out of his turmoil and indicating there was someone at the front door. Jungkook jumped, his body vibrating with his nerves on end. What should he do? 'Hide' was the first thing that popped in his head which was ridiculous because this was his home, his domain, so he is NOT hiding. The second was to stomp right to the front door and greet Namjoon with his usual smirk (again not the right way unless he was dying to get punched). So he finally settled with keeping a low profile (definitely not easy for someone like him), allow Namjoon to get settled into his work, and then "randomly stumble" into him. He didnt know what he was going to say or do, since he has only ever treated Namjoon as his enemy; he was going to wing it at this point. Was Namjoon still his enemy though? What where they? What did he even want them to be? He swallowed the lump forming in his throat, for the first time in his life feeling unsure about himself. This was all so new to him and of course it was Namjoon that brought about another one of Jungkooks firsts.

 

He gave Namjoon a grand total of two hours to settle in and do whatever until he just couldnt take it anymore. Jungkook stomped out into the gardens, reigning himself into confront his enemy-but-not-really-but-still-kinda. The afternoon sun casted a golden glow on everything its rays touched, including the figure kneeling among the flowers. Jungkook felt his breath catch in his throat as looked at Namjoon diligently working and just like when he first saw him at the grill house, he felt something simmer at the back of his mind. Why did he want to punch Namjoons face in all while shoving his lips- er shoving his fist down his throat? He greedily took in Namjoons side profile, from his swept hair all the way down to his plush pillow lips.  

Too bad the moment couldnt last forever.

A twig snapped from underneath his foot, shattering the atmosphere and bringing Namjoons attention to him. Jungkook froze underneath Namjoons eyes that suddenly widened and filled with unmistakable anger. He forced his face to stay blank while a meltdown was happening inside his head (cue the Micheal Bay explosions). 'W-wait what was I suppose to do?! Oh my f**k! I need to do something!' he thought, standing rigid under the scrutinizing glare.

But he couldnt think of anything.

So there they were, staring at each other for five solid minutes, a canyon between them, before Namjoon rolled his eyes and went back to his work. And Jungkook continued to stare stupidly at the guy who ruined him - for better or for worse.

                                                                                                 -----------------

He could feel the steady pulsing of his left temple, a sure sign that a headache was approaching. Namjoon resisted the urge to roll his eyes once again as he felt Jungkooks stares bore into his back. He vaguely wondered if he would get fired if he threw a shovel at his bosses son. Namjooon shook his head, trying to concentrate on the dark soil in his hands. 'Just think of him as some random supervisor' he thought, willing himself into a self-trance and burying his fingers into the rich earth. He was someone who enjoyed nature, so gardening and tending for plants was something that could keep his attention. Eventually, it became easier to ignore the annoying pesk a few feet away from him. Minutes turned to hours and before Namjoon knew it, it was already dark and his shift was over. He stood up from his spot and stretched towards the sky, satisfied with his first day of work. If he was honest with himself, this was the best first day of any job he ever had. It was quiet and he just did what he had to do. Preparing to leave, it was only when he turned around that the quiet of the area ended with a yelp. Namjoon looked in disbelief at Jungkook sitting against a tree, appearing to be asleep. 'He was there this whole time?!' he thought, a bit weirded out and oddly impressed by the boys sheer stubbornness. Slowly, he approached the sleeping chaebol and he didnt want to admit it but Jungkook looked like an angel when he slept. His small pink lips were open just slightly and his eyelashes kept fluttering. If his pride allowed him to, Namjoon would admit that he had never seen anyone looking so pretty while they slept. And if he wasnt in some sort of denial, he would even admit how his heart had stuttered for a moment.

But he didnt.

Because he was Kim Namjoon and that was Jeon Jungkook.  

Instead he threw left over dirt at Jungkook's face and walked away from the sputtering, now very awake, boy.

                                                                          -----------------

His awkward evenings with Namjoon continued, with Namjoon doing what he was paid to do and him, a few feet away, watching. Sometimes he would bring over his laptop to work on papers or play Overwatch but Jungkook continued to stay. He didnt think he has ever been in the gardens for this long, even though he's lived here his whole life. He had long given up trying to force himself to talk to Namjoon, it was better for him to stay quiet than stand there bumbling over his words like an idiot. Besides, he figured, when he was ready to talk, he would talk. His friends had left plenty of texts that questioned why he wasnt hanging out with them after classes (all of which were left unanswered). He didnt know if he could explain it to them, if they would even understand. Heck, he himself didnt understand why he prefers to spend his evenings sitting on the grass near a person he has always hated while he plucked weeds out the ground over partying at a high end club. And at this point, Jungkook stopped questioning and just went with the flow (besides, there were less headaches and confusion this way). He could still feel the sour weight of guilt within him but he didnt even think apologizing would make him feel better. He knew the guilt would come back with twice the brute if Namjoon looked at him with those cold eyes again. So he knew Namjoon was the only one who could fix him.   

He needed something from Namjoon.

He didnt know what it was exactly but he knew he needed Namjoon to speak or look at him differently. Like how Namjoon looked at the small yellow flowers in the garden, as if they were the most prec- Jungkook slammed his head back into the tree bark. His vision blurred with small black specks but it was worth it because WHAT THE HECK WAS HE EVEN THINKING ABOUT?! Jungkook groaned, closing his eyes.

He swore he was going insane.  

                                                                          -----------------

The days of peace did not last long for Namjoon, (as expected) but trouble did not brew from its usual start. Surprisingly, instead of the youngest Jeon trying to make his life a living *ell, it was the other Jeons that took the lead. It started when he was mowing the extensive lawn of the estate, the smell of grass surrounding him and the engine loud in his ear. He was finishing his final lap when he was drenched in something wet and dirty. Sputtering, he quickly turned off the lawnmower, and stilled in disbelief. "Oops didnt see you there" a voice came from above. Namjoon looked up at a balcony above him where two young (and he might have added gorgeous if he wasnt dripping in dirt water) men stood, leaning over the railing. He wasnt sure how, maybe it was the superior aura they gave off, but he knew who they were instantly: the elder sons of the Jeon family. "Thats okay Jin hyung, it fits him" the other replied, smirking. Namjoon clenched his teeth and tried to swipe his face clean, determined not to give them the satisfaction of a reaction. He really should have anticipated this. Of course Jungkook got his older brothers into bullying him when his guard was down. Ugh, why did he feel like the heroine in a horribly scripted, teenage drama? 'What was that one called? Boys Over Flowers? Yea that' he mused, ignoring the laughter coming from above him and turning the lawnmower back on.

 

His clothes were finally dry with minimum dirt caking his skin when he was done for the day. He was preparing to leave when he heard three familiar voices in the next hall over. Again, the immense wave of dejavu washed over him as he heard Jungkook talking to his brothers, him clearly being the subject of their conversation. Namjoon rolled his eyes and sat down, trying to get comfortable because he definetly wanted to hear this (nope, no shame in eavesdropping at all!). "He's been your enemy for years, of course we werent going to make things easy for him" a higher pitched voice said as the lower pitched agreed. "Ah hyungs!" Jungkook wailed, clearly frustrated. 'Oh what could have possibly upset his royal highness?' Namjoon thought sarcastically, sneering. "Why woud you do that?! It took me so long to get him to stop looking at me as if he was going to throw a gardening tool at me! Just- just dont to anything to him. Hes... hes not my enemy anymore" Jungkook said, starting with a loud voice and ending in a near whisper. "What do you mean hes not your enemy?!" the baritone yelled out, nearly as shocked as Namjoon. Why was Namjoon not aware of this sudden change in their relationship, especially since it included HIM? "Okay, okay wait. Did you miss the part where he said almost got killed by gardening tools?!" the other exclaimed. "Ah hyungs, thats not important! Just leave him alone!" Jungkook declared, retreating stomps echoing through the hall. "Not important?!" a frazzled voice whispered as more steps passed by and Namjoon was left alone, feeling more than a little lost, and a lot more grimy.

 

It was when he was greeted the next evening by a bundle of yellow flowers tied with a ribbon that Namjoon concluded that he had, in fact, tripped into a parallel universe. It was waiting there, just lying by his work station, looking ever so innocent. He inched around it, almost tip toeing as if even the slightest tremor might set off an explosion. He didnt care how pretty and delicately arranged it looked, he wasnt going near that thing. Trying his best to ignore the welcoming splash of color, Namjoon set off getting rid of weeds by its roots. The stubborn plants provided the perfect distraction as they stung his palms when he pulled. Twenty minutes later, his hands were red and raw but there were still weeds taunting him. "I'll help" a voice said from behind and Namjoon swore the universe was out to get him because he almost died from a heart attack. When a boy with doe eyes and a large nose kneeled at his sides, he was now sure that he had in fact died because it was only in *ell that something like this would happen. Jeon Jungkook, son of a multi-millionaire, was sitting on the grass, pulling weeds out the dirt of his own estates garden. Shaking his head, he faced away from the weirdo, not even bothering to ask if Jungkook forgot to take his pills this morning because clearly one of them was losing their marbles and he would rather it be Jungkook. An hour passed in tense silence as they worked but a slight hiss drew his attention when he noticed a puffed up gash beginning to form on an older thin scar  (it looked like a glass cut) on his enemies right hand. Namjoon shook his head, of course the spoiled brats perfect skin couldnt handle some gardening. Without thinking too much on it, he pulled Jungkooks stubborn grasp away from the weeds and took the hand is his own. He ignored the questioning "Huh?" and cooled the quickly reddening area with water from his bottle. Reaching over to his bag, he took out a cloth bandage and an alcohol pad, dressing it with experience (he had a lot of practice- a magnet to injuries as he was). Then, just a fast, he shoved the hand back to its owner and turned his back to him. "Thats for the flowers" he mumbled, not caring if he was heard or not.

It was amazing really, how much flowers could change things.

                                                                          -----------------

It was a cool September morning and the curtains of Jungkooks room was drawn firmly shut. Still in his pajamas, he sat in his bed, eyes staring at nothing and glazed over. The maids hadnt come in today and no one had bothered calling him down for breakfast, just as they did every year. They knew he would refuse and would stay locked away until he was ready to come out. His phone didnt vibrate every minute with messages from his friends and his brothers didnt wake him up with their usual noise.

It was Jungkooks birthday.

No, there wasnt going to be a huge party like other people thought there would be (not even a ball - honestly the things people whispered about his family were ridiculous). There was never a party during his birthday because he didnt feel like it was a day to celebrate. Sure his father and brothers had spent years trying to get him to change his mind and they still did but he was adamant about this. The day he was born was not a happy time for him because it was only a few days later that his mother had passed away. Time and time again, his family had reassured him that it wasnt his fault. Time and time again they have told him that it was inevitable. And time and time again Jungkook couldnt dispel the misery in the deepest corners of his heart. He couldnt help but think... if only he wasnt born... if only he had never existed, his mother would still be here. How could he smile while being surrounded by food and presents when he knew his birth played a part in his mothers death?

Weaving his fingers through the familiar colored strings, another layer of disgust and sadness weighed down on him as he remembered another person who suffered becasue of him. Just how many lives has he ruined? Just how many people would be better of if he wasnt there? A stray tear managed to slip from his tightened eyelids that screwed shut as a shudder ran down his spine.

Honestly, if only those people who spoke behind his back could see him now. What would they say if they knew his immense self confidence was mostly a pretense, an act to shield himself? If they knew how hard he worked to be considered 'naturally' amazing at everything he did?

What would they think if they knew how much he hated himself?

                                                                         -----------------

It was strange, now that he thought about it; knowing someone almost all your life and still not knowing all the faces they could make. For Namjoon, he had never ever seen Jeon Jungkook cry. Not when they watched Bambi in elementary school, not when he broke his ankle while playing football in middle school, and most definitely not in highschool when everyone got their college acceptance letters. So he figured that Jungkook didnt have any reasons TO cry, after all, what troubles would a rich kid have? He knew he was being bias (and a bit ignorant) but he didnt really care. He had long ago convinced himself that Jungkook did not have any goodness in him.

Or at least he tried.

But the events of the last few days were making it extremely difficult for him to keep holding on to that beleif. The image he had created for Jungkook was not suppose to sleep outside while he gardened, defend him against his olders brothers, give him flowers, or help him pull weeds. Jungkook was not suppose to do any of that!

But he did.

Namjoon had been a witness every single time and still he couldnt belive it happened. Sighing, he shivered from the cool autumn air and walked towards the large tree at the back of the estate to take his dinner break. It was an unusually quiet day at the Jeon Estate (more quiet than usual). The few maids he had overheard talking earlier mentioned how it was once again the 'young masters' birthday. 'Oh surprise. So he didnt just spawn out from *ell?' was Namjoons thought as he scoffed at the large celebration that would surely unfurl. But shockingly, there was nothing. No hi-so's in fancy dresses, no giant statue being set up in the courtyard, no fireworks bursting in the sky, no acrobats flying through the air, no fire breathing men in minimum clothing... nothing to celebrate the birth of the youngest Jeon. Unwrapping a triangle kimbap, he was about to settle down when he heard a soft sniffle. Curious as to who else would be here on such a deserted part of the estate, Namjoon leaned over the trunk and saw a figure huddled on the ground. He was swallowed up in a large black sweater and matching sweatpants, hood up and shadowing his face. It was almost as if the person wanted to disappear from the face of the earth, holding himself in so tight to keep from crumbling. Namjoon knew how that felt so he naturally felt a pang of sympathy towards the stranger. Shuffling over as quietly as he could, he whispered out a “Hey”. The figure flinched, spine straightening and head quickly turning far into the opposite direction. Namjoon could tell he was a second away from running and probably wanted to be left alone but it wouldn't feel right if Namjoon walked off. So hoping the guy wouldn't bolt, Namjoon leaned back into the hard trunk and just sat silently for a while. The guys hands were busy, presumably wiping his face and restraining his sniffles but Namjoon could still see how his hands wouldn't stop shaking. It wasn't good if he was left alone; thoughts were so much more destructive and loud when a person was left alone. Namjoon would know. So instead, he asked, as warm and as soft as he could, “I’ll listen to whatever you want to say”. A beat of silence passed before a disjointed voice, raw from crying, whispered “I hate myself”.

Namjoon scooted a bit closer to the boy (man?) beside him all while trying not to fall into his own whirlpool of self deprecation. The boy didn't move away like he thought he would but instead moved closer to Namjoon until they were pressed together, side by side, sharing their warmth on a cool fall evening. “My mom passed away and I… I was part of the reason why she…” his words faded but the rest didn't need to be said. Namjoon sighed internally, his heart heavy for the stranger. He couldn't even begin to imagine what the boy was going through. “Today is her death anniversary and also my birthday. It would have been better if I wasn't born. It would be better if I... ” the voice murmured, becoming more lifeless and cold with each word. Two things happened in Namjoon brain at that moment. First and forefront was the panic and realization that he needed to get this boy out of his mind as fast as he could. Second and distantly, he felt like a connection was supposed to be made here. The strangers now clearing voice coupled with something he said... why did it feel like Namjoon should realize something? Whatever connection was pushed to the back of his mind before he could complete it as he willed himself to focus on the much more important task.

"Does your dad hate you?" Namjoon started carefully, tucking his knees in. "N-no, he loves me..." the boy said, sounding confused at the sudden question. "Does your mom hate you?" Namjoon asked next, plucking a grass blade and kneading it between his fingers. "No she loved me too." he said, a little bit more louder. "How do you know? You couldnt have remembered her saying it?" Namjoon shot back, blowing the piece of grass out his palm. "Wha - of course she loved me! She even left a one-of-a-kind bracelet just for me!" the boy exclaimed defensively, now filled with much more vigor than before. "Oh really?" Namjoon asked, drawing his words as if he didnt believe him. "Yea really!!" the boy threw back, his body no longer curled in on itself. Namjoon couldnt help but smile at the sudden feisty flare as he turned to the boy and placed his bigger hands over the smaller ones beside him. Ignoring the small gasp that came out of the figure, he said "Then she would probably be really sad if she heard you says these things, wouldnt she? You should live your best life because they love you. The first step is to forgive yourself then...". Namjoon pulled the boys hands towards him with enough force for to face each other but his next words were left hanging as the shadows slid off the face of the figure. Namjoons breath hitched and his mind went on pause. The grip of his hands loosened as he watched fat glistening tears roll down the smooth skin of the his life long nemisis, Jeon Jungkook.

Like an aging tape recorder, Namjoon had to physically rewind everything that had just occurred in his head to finally reach up to this point. 'Its his birthday' eachoed in his mind as he tried to brush off his almost innate urge to shove the person in front of him into the ground. Instead, he took a calming breathe, looked straight into those watery doe eyes that would now surely haunt him (even more so than usual) and he said, " ...you need to love yourself so you can love others". Time didnt freeze, the planet didnt stop rotating but Namjoon was sure he had stopped functioning as he continued to look into Jungkook searching eyes. He waited for something, anything, to happen as his heartbeat thrummed in his hears, loud and swallowing him whole. His chest felt too tight, his stomach was threatening to jump out his abdomen, and Namjoon had to stop cradling Jungkooks hands in his before the boy noticed. Namjoon finally jerked back, quickly breaking them out of their trance, and rambled out the first thing he could think out. "Dont cry anymore, you look uglier when you do". Jungkook raised his eyebrows and before he could retort, Namjoon dashed out, not looking back.

He was a liar. A total liar.

Running out the estate and hopping on to his bike, he pedaled away as fast as he could. Namjoon relished the burn of his muscles as he tried to reel his thoughts back in.

He was such a liar. Jungkook didnt look ugly when he cried, he still looked down right gorgeous...and even more so, precious. And Namjoon? Namjoon wanted to kiss that pretty face all over until those tears were dried by his own lips. He wanted to lay in Jungkooks soft sniffles and whispers, raw and real. Maybe it was because this was the first time he had seen Jungkooks weakness. At that moment, he was so vulnerable...so human. The almighty, rich, and talented heir was knocked off his pedestal and landed right into Namjoons arms. Namjoon let out a frustrated roar into the night, wind breaking through his hair and stinging his eyes.

He was running away. Thats what he was doing now, pedalling away as fast as he could to run away from these feelings. It too bad that no matter how hard he tried, Namjoon couldnt run from himself.

                                                                          -----------------

From the tip of his toes to the crown of his head, he was swaddled in warmth. Jungkook was feeling so warm and he knew it wasnt because he was huddled underneath layers of thick blankets. No, the source of this warmth was not a mystery to him. It came from the soothing words and touches of the person he thought he hated all his life. He could still feel the lingering ghost touches on his hands and his side. He was touched that Namjoon had said those things to him, comforted him even after his identity was revealed. Jungkook knew who it was from the beginning, Namjoons voice so distinct and ingrained into him that it would be impossible for him not to know. He was in a fight-or-flight mode until Namjoon had started speaking to him. 'I need to forgive myself...I need to love myself...so I can love others?' he thought, echoing the words that shred through his insecurities and pain, a soothing balm for his persistent wound. He had then felt it. The feeling that was kept back push forward with such an intensity, it made Jungkook a bit dizzy.

He wanted to talk to Namjoon like that again. To sit down with him and hold an actual conversation, one that wasnt filled with obscene slurs. He wanted Namjoon to look at him like that again, as if he was the only thing that needed his attention and everything else around him didnt matter. He wanted Namjoon to touch him like that again. To mold their bodies into each other and press tightly, so tight that they couldnt feel anything but each other. And he wanted Namjoon to smile at him, just to see those dimples that would peek out. Jungkook had only seen from afar and never once directed at him. He wanted to bury himself into those dimples and just stay there.

His descent into dreamland was interrupted by his ringtone, Justin Beibers voice sounding like a gunshot in his quiet room. Poking his head out his makeshift cocoon, he grabbed his phone and connected the call. To his utter surprise, it was the old man from the quirky antique shop where he had found out about his bracelet. "Ah yes, I was just calling becasue I still have something information about that bracelet you came in with. You left in such a hurry that I wasnt able to tell you about the myth surrounding it" the old man started off. Jungkook raised an eyebrow, he wasnt really interested in myths but he guessed it was no harm in just listening. "Okay go on" he said, getting comfortable for story time.       

"The braclet is known as the 'Bindings Of Fate'. The red represents the red strings of fate while the white represents purity. It is said that the bracelet will unravel itself when it comes in contact with the owners fated person. Most people call it an old myth but trust me, there is some truth to it " the old man stated. Jungkook blinked, once, twice, and once more. "F-fated person?" he stuttered (and Jeon Jungkook never stutters).

"Yes. Hm, what do you kids call it these days? Ah yes, kind of like... a soulmate".

Jungkook felt his heart clench, an ache that reassured him that he wasnt dreaming. He wanted to laugh at the man for saying such ridiculous things, he knew it wasnt real but still... when suddenly, the words his mother had written along with his bracelet echoed in his mind: '..Someone that can give you all the love I couldnt'.

Love?

Jungkooks heart clenched painfully once more. What did she mean by that? Why was his heart constricting when he thought of his bracelets possible connection to Namjoon? And why did the pain in his heart feel so good?    

 

Jeon Jungkook had never felt more confused about someone than he did with Kim Namjoon.

************************************************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED

Until next time~

BTW: Please dont be mistaken, this isnt some soulmate AU with mystical tattoos and all that jazz.