Jinsook already disliked the nights when she was young, and now it’s even worse. They remind her of what she had done and still does.
Her phone buzzes, and after she quickly read the message - the usual address without revealing anything-, she locks the phone again, as if someone stood behind her and could catch her.
As if she could just erase the guilt with a small click.

She leans against the wall, trying to look intimidating so passing pedestrians won’t talk to her, but she isn’t sure if it works. Jinsook has always been rather soft, at least, she used to be. Bright, sweet, chattering and laughing loudly. (Jinsook snorts unintentionally when she thinks of it.)

“Hi”, a husky voice pulls her out of her thoughts and Jinsook gazes at the person in front of her. Juyeon. They both smile awkwardly. “The same as always?”, Jinsook asks, not scolding herself anymore for sounding this polite. Even though she doesn’t know Juyeon, shes been knowing her for five weeks now. She’s been getting the same med with the same dose, and Jinsook just hopes she isn’t addicted. It’s dumb, though. She knows she is. She just doesn’t want her to be because she’s charming, calm and cheerful. Jinsook thinks she’s a genuine good person, so she doesn’t ask why she’s buying from her. She’s not one to judge.

“Thank you, Yeoreum”, Juyeon says, quietly, and Jinsook smiles, tiredly and sadly. Even if their ways might separate one day, she hopes they will never pass the line from acquaintances to friends.

She can’t take care of another person. She has to focus, even if it means to let a broken spirit unhealed. For her sake.

“No need to thank me”, she says, patiently waiting for Juyeon to slip the crumbled twenty-dollar bills into her hand. She bows quickly in front of her, turns around on her heels and rushes back to the shadowed alley she came from. Jinsook doesn’t look after her.

I’m sorry, Son Juyeon. I hope you have someone that will help you.

 

---

 

Juyeon used to think you could adjust to everything. Times heals every wound, no matter how deep.

Unfortunately, the saying only applies to emotional injuries.

She hisses when her fingertip encounters the skin on her shoulder, even though it’s only a light touch it burns like someone dunked her body in oil and lighted her afterwards. She tries to breathe in steadily, but only a whimper comes out. “Come on, Eunseo”, she encourages herself, “it sure as hell won’t get better without.” So she plucks up courage and hastily applies the salve on her shoulder. It pretty much explodes. Juyeon grits her teeth and puts more of it on her skin. The well known weakness of her arm crawls back, now that the acute pain slowly surrenders. She closes her eyes and leans her back on the hard locker. Its coldness comforts her aching body, drenched in sweat, like a warm hug from a close friend.

Practicing gets harder and harder with every passing day.

Juyeon watches her hand’s mechanical movements as she roots for the medicament in her practice bag. She pants, for her sudden moves increasing the burning ache once again. Grabbing a handful, she swallows them in one go.

She will have to ask Yeoreum for more soon.

 

---

 

“Ms. Kim, is your article for this week ready?” Hyunjung smiles apologetically and bows her head shortly. “I’m sorry, I may need an extra day to finish.” Her chief grunts and turns around. Hyunjung inhales and starts typing again. Even though she loves her job, she’s been slacking off these days, and her supervisors sure noticed. If she looses this work place, she’s screwed.  She subconsciously straightens her back.

 

---

 

Luda hates waking up early, but with Jiyeon next to her it’s really not that bad. The first thing she sees in the morning is her ethereal face, mouth slightly opened, chest raising and lowering. Luda glares at her glossy lips - didn’t she remove her make-up last night? - when Jiyeon opens her eyes. “Having fun watching me?”, she whispers, cracking a grin. Luda can’t suppress a snort. “Was being disappointed that you woke up.” She straightens her back and swings her legs out of the double bed, already getting dressed.

“Aw, come on, I know you don’t mean that”, Jiyeon’s voice is a purr. She’s still laying down, on her side, and watches Luda pulling a shirt over her head. When Luda turns around to her, she chokes. She forgot Jiyeon’s still wearing the very see-through top from last night, but by judging Jiyeon’s arrogant smile, she didn’t.

“Get dressed, you’ll catch a cold.” Luda throws a bra at her face. “You care about me?”, she hums, slipping out of the top and getting into the clothes she wore yesterday. Luda scoffs. “You wish.“

They walk together through the park you can see from Luda’s and her roomate’s – she’s called Cheng Xiao, apparently, Luda has never met her - flat. Even though the sun rose hours ago, the light layer of snow gives a peaceful vibe. Luda takes a peek at Jiyeon. Usually cocky, but she respects the reverent silence’s presence and stays quiet. Luda takes out her beloved camera - a secondhand Nikon D3300 - and quickly takes a picture of Jiyeon’s side profile before she can notice.

“Don’t shoot me without telling!”, Jiyeon complains, pouting, but not really complaining. (Luda knows that she knows she looks insanely pretty, anyway).

“My work isn’t about the aesthetic, Jiyeon.”

“Then why did you choose the prettiest girl on the campus as your model?”

“A coincidence.”

Luda realizes too late that she gave in to Jiyeon, but she has always been weak when it came to the truth.

 

And wasn’t Kim Jiyeon just the most beautiful person she ever met?

Kim “Bona” Jiyeon with big, distant yet warm eyes, her blonde, soft hair and a small mouth with glossy lips. Kim “Bona” Jiyeon and her long, slender fingers that tend to touch Luda on every inch of her body.

 

Jiyeon raises her eyebrow in amusement. “You didn’t deny?” Luda flushes and holds her camera in front of her face to hide it.

“Couldn’t miss that expression.” It flashes.

 

---

 

When Jinsook was a child, she used to love coming home. Her grandpa sat on the terrace, reading the newspaper, and her grandma greeted her with a kiss on the forehead. It reminds her of baked cookies, beautiful fields of flowers and the chirping of cicadas. Long story short - being with her grandparents was like a wonderful summer day.
Introducing herself as Yeoreum - summer - to every new person seemed ironic, now that the summer was going to end for her.

She wasn’t welcomed anymore when she entered the house, but, to be fair, she comes home way more late than she used to. She sneaks through the house, knowing perfectly well what squeaking stair steps to avoid so she doesn’t wake her grandparents. Jinsook wants to tell them good night like she used to - wants everything to be like it was used to be.
Before her grandmother got ill.

 

---

 

Juyeon leans against the coffee shop counter and waits. In general - for her shoulder to heal, for someone to love her, etc, the normal things -, but also for her cappuccino. She doesn’t mind waiting, though, because the barista is kind of cute. Her bangs cover her forehead and long, thick hair falls over her back. Her face is crunched - she’s making Juyeon’s coffee right now, and by her unpracticed movements she can say surely she hasn’t had much experience in that job yet. But, when her expression straightens again, she looks like a doll. Juyeon is impressed, actually, or she’s just lovestruck.

“Son Juyeon?”, the doll asks, looking around in the small cafeteria, and even her voice is cute. It reminds Juyeon of colorful cotton candy. “Here”, she smiles, raising her hand - not the one linked to her broken shoulder - and takes her cup. “Thank you- Cheng Xiao?”

The doll blinks, obviously caught off guard - and then looks down at her chest, where her name tag is sewed to her uniform.

“You- you know how to pronounce it?”, she asks, running her hand through her hair, completely thrown off the track.

“I took some lessons when I was in Highschool”, Juyeon answers in broken Chinese, slowly, because she’s reaching for the very rest of what’s left from those lessons in her brain. Cheng Xiao’s face lightens up and Juyeon’s heart starts beating faster. She’s glad she came to get her drink rather late - all the customers are gone and the rest of the staff is cleaning up and preparing for the next day. Juyeon and Cheng Xiao are in their own world, letting nothing disturb them.

“Your pronunciation is very good”, Cheng Xiao says, pronouncing each syllable slowly and clear, most probably for Juyeon’s sake. (Juyeon always had a spot for attentive people. She melts at once.)

“Thank you”, she grins, switching back to Korean, “I’m Juyeon, but you can call me Eunseo.”

“Nice to meet you officially, Eunseo”, Cheng Xiao smiles, pointing at the - getting colder - coffee, signed with Juyeon’s name. They both smile.

Juyeon takes a sip from her cappuccino and glares around when her eyes fall on the clock, hanging on the wall behind them. “I need to go now”, she hesitates and then grins, “see you?”

Cheng Xiao smiles. “See you.”

 

---

 

A walk to the copier changes Hyunjung’s life forever. Maybe, if she hurried and finished work quicker, or if she procrastinated a minute longer, it wouldn’t. But so, it does, and there is no way changing it.

She already heard the rumors about the - small - magazine she’s working for ; they say, they’re going to be ruined. Hyunjung just didn’t know those rumors were true until she overhears a meeting.
“We’re going bankrupt”, her chef says, his voice not showing how he feels about this. Hyunjung walks slower, slowest, until she stops.

(Curiosity has always been a rather bad habit of hers. Maybe it’s connected to her just as bad habit to keep the control.)

“What we need is an idea, an innovation. Something the people will read. This will be probably achieved the easiest by a celebrity. Does anyone have an enlightenment?”

Maybe it wasn’t the walk to the copier that changed Hyunjung’s life, but rather her decision to interfere. Because she suddenly remembers that her middle school acquaintance Son Juyeon knows the uprising - if not already Korea’s national - model Chu Sojung.

So she knocks at the thin door and slips into the room.

“Ms. Kim.” Her chef breathes out and massages his temples. She hastily bows, as the whole room has laid eyes on her, and she must appear highly disrespectful right now and can’t lose her job. Absolutely cannot.

“I- I have connections that could lead to an interview with Chu Sojung”, she says, heart beating into her fingertips, “and given that she has never given one could give us the attention needed to get out of this misery.”

She swallows and waits for her judgment. Her chef raises his eyebrows. “You personally know the model Chu Sojung?” Hyunjung opens , just to close it again. “Not- not personally, but I’m confident I’ll be able to reach her and-”

“You better are, Ms. Kim”, he says, “because if you aren’t, you’re fired. Instantly.”

Hyunjung her lips and nods slowly. Her chef is going through the paper work on this table, not looking at her anymore.

“Dismissed.”

 

---

 

“You’re really glued to that camera, aren’t you?” Jiyeon snorts when she notices Luda’s fingers already itching for it almost at once as they arrived at university.

“You’ve seen that old building- how many times? A hundred? A thousand?”

“The weather is different today”, Luda mumbles, focusing on the light settings of her camera instead wasting her energy on fighting with Jiyeon (she can’t win, anyway). Jiyeon places her hand on her forehead and stares into the sky, as if she’s trying to find the difference Luda talked about. Needless to say, she can’t.

“Tell me, what does make you want to capture this?” Luda looks up from her camera, glaring at Jiyeon in awe. “Hah?” Jiyeon rolls her eyes. “I won’t repeat myself. Have you trouble listening to your elders, Luda?” She pokes her in the cheek, and Luda scoffs.

“It’s just… we’re on the verge to spring, right? But because of the snow no one would think that. It’s an illusion created by the viewer themselves. That’s what I like about today so much.” Jiyeon gazes at the building, and Luda can see how her way of thinking changes.

It’s great.

They both stare at the landscape, and for a moment, they’re peaceful. Then, Luda turns to Jiyeon and says: “It’s like when you wear your glasses. You look smart, but you aren’t. At all.”

Some people turn their heads as they hear Luda’s shrieks (Jiyeon decided to go from poking to tickling).

 

---

 

Jinsook takes the dollar note out of her pocket and slips it into her grandma’s wallet. There are another two twenties and three ten dollar notes in it, together with a handful crumbled one dollar bills. She breathes out. If she’s going to work tomorrow, they can make it through the month.

She crawls in her bed and under her blanket and pulls it over her head.

 

---

 

“Enjoy your meal!” She smiles at the customers before heading to the kitchen again. Xuan Yi is already there, watching them. “Hey, Jinsook, do you think they’re dating?” Jinsook glares at them. They sit close together, thighs touching, but they could be still close friends or relatives.

Jinsook puckers her lips. “They aren’t even holding hands! They aren’t a couple.” Xuan Yi chuckles and runs her hand through Jinsook’s hair.

“Go home, I will take over your shift”, she mutters, and Jinsook can feel her heart grow heavy. “You seem tired.”

Jinsook smiles. “It’s okay, I will do my best today as well.”

Xuan Yi nods, not boring any further. Jinsook likes her a lot. They aren’t exactly friends, but good colleagues and work well together.

“Ah, what’s about you? How’s your love live doing?” Xuan Yi’s smile crumbles. She pats Jinsook on the head. “That’s a story for another time, pumpkin.”

 

Sometimes, Jinsook is just overwhelmed. Not just as in solely - just as in plainly. But it isn’t simple, so she takes a step back and watches at the whole mess from afar.

So far, she has:

1. a grandma, suffering an illness which is not only painful, but also expensive.

2. high debuts (due to treatment of said illness)

3. selling medications (drugs) to finance said treatment

4. a clean reputation that needs to be uphold or otherwise she won’t be able to attend her internship (and, obviously, she can’t go to college without one)

5. a colleague she hurt (unintentionally, but still hurt)

 

Jinsook closes her tired eyes and presses her wrists to them.

 

---

 

During practice, the only thing that makes Juyeon withstand and not break from the pain in her shoulder is Cheng Xiao. It sounds cheesy, but Juyeon is awfully cheesy, so it’s probably no big surprise. She thinks of her when she’s closing her eyes due to her puckering shoulder, and it gives her strength.

“Cheng Xiao!” Juyeon beams and waves enthusiastically at her. It’s the fourth time they see each other - the second and third times were pure coincidence, but, as her friend Sojung used to say - coincidence is the first step to destiny.
She saw Cheng Xiao in the library, a week after their first meeting - she finds out that she studies at her university. (Juyeon can’t believe she has never seen her before - and she knows she hasn’t because one can’t, simply cannot forget a person like Cheng Xiao. Her big heart isn’t to overlook and her fairy like laugh is Juyeon’s favorite sound in the world.)

Cheng Xiao talks to her when she sees Juyeon at the cinema - she with her roommate Luda and Juyeon with Sojung. Sojung and Luda eye each other, and suddenly Juyeon is reminded it of two lions trying to figure out who the alpha is - or rather trying to assert theirselves - so she quickly says goodbye to Xiao. (She doesn’t seem to mind. Maybe she felt the tension between their escorts too.)

But, up to this date, Juyeon has learned well about Cheng Xiao. She knows that she’s studying Economic Business and also advanced Chinese. (She also knows that the glow, that usually enlightens Cheng Xiao’s eyes, extinguished when she was asked about her second course.)
She has found out she lives with her roommate - the small lion - Luda, who studies the same as Xiao, and that she’s 18 and a cancer and was born in China, but moved when she was thirteen because her father’s company was transmitted to Korea.

It’s weird getting to know Cheng Xiao because it’s like they’ve been knowing each other for years already.

 

---

 

Hyunjung drums on the table in front of her with her fingernails. She did them on purpose - she has never met a model before, and, honestly, she wants to be the prettier one because it means keeping the control.

(It’s ugly, she knows.)

She can’t help it, though.

She looks around in the restaurant and wonders who she has to look after. Of course, she basically bragged about her connections to the rising topmodel Chu Sojung - but, to be honest, she doesn’t even know what she looks like. In fact, she only knows her name because she follows Juyeon on twitter and said wouldn’t shut up about her. Basically, the name is graved in her brain.

Hyunjung isn’t dumb, though. She has informed herself about who’s going to sit in front of her (Hopefully. She hasn’t come yet.)

Chu Sojung, known by her artist name “Exy”. 21 years old, 166 cm tall, cancer. Has two siblings and is Korean. Used to be a trainee before her entertainment made her a model.Has never given an interview that gave information further than that.

Hyunjung furrows her brows. What convinced Sojung to talk to her? Juyeon hadn’t say anything beside that Sojung was going to wait for Hyunjung in the cafe Dal at four pm. Guess she has no choice but asking her herself. She waited for another heartbeat - and then, someone entered. Hyunjung cursed herself for not looking up a picture because she really can’t tell whether this person is Chu Sojung or not.

If she is, she doesn’t look like the models Hyunjung knows. She is both slim and attractive, but not necessarily skinny and pretty. Hyunjung can’t help but stare at her.

She does have something, but is she the Chu Sojung? The Chu Sojung who gets praised by media, who is an idol for young women and a goddess for men?

May-or-may-not-Sojung looks around in the cafe - until she meets Hyunjung’s eyes.

(She realizes that she’s been staring and frowning and neither of those are really helpful for a good first impression, so she straightens her back and glares in another direction.) Hyunjung is forced to lay her eyes on her when she walks up to Hyunjung’s table and sits down in front of her.

“Are you Seola?”, Sojung asks, with a grin curling her lips.

Hyunjung blinks. Maybe she should have named her real, not her pen name when sending Juyeon an email for Sojung. She isn’t used being called Seola.

“Yes”, Hyunjung answers, a bit thrown off track. “How did you know?”

Sojung’s implied smile turns into a big grin now. Hyunjung unintentionally falls into frowning again. Is she making fun of her?
“You looked like you were trying to figure out how I am. Of course, that could’ve also meant that you recognized me, but weren’t sure from where… but, judging your clothes, you’re not into fashion.”

Hyunjung is baffled at the bluntness she’s confronted with. “Excuse me?”

Sojung slips into a more comfortable position - she turns her chair around so she can lean on its back, legs spread. (Hyunjung’s frowning gets deeper.)

“I said, judging by your clothes, it’s highly unlikely you’re interested in fashion. Do you have trouble hearing, Seola?”

Hyunjung stares at her in unbelief. She decides to ignore her bratty behavior - she has a job to save - and then clears

 

“So, Ms. Chu-”

“Call me Exy.”

“Huh?”, it slips out of Hyunjung’s mouth.

“It’s too formal. It’s just an interview, right?”

Hyunjung’s irritation grows. She can stand being insulted, but she won’t allow anyone spitting on her work, her passion.

“Interviews can easily ruin a celebrity’s life”, she says sharply. Sojung - Exy - raises a brow.

“Oh? I guess I can leave, then. I would like my life safe and not ruined.” She stands up - Hyunjung’s heart stops - and turns around, to the door’s direction.

“I-”, Hyunjung speaks up, biting her lip, “Please. Wait.”

Exy crossed her arms and looked pretty intimidating, but she waited. Hyunjung took this as a sign to go on.

“I’m sorry. Of course it’s not my intention to soil your name. I just-”

Her phone rings, and Hyunjung looks torn. After a second, Exy sighs. “Go on. Take it.”

Hyunjung fiddles her phone out of her bag and answers the call. “Hello, this is Kim Hyunjung?” Even though he doesn’t introduces himself, Hyunjung can quickly tell by the furious yelling on her ear that it’s her landlord. “Sir- please- I-”, she stutters, trying to understand his gibberish. She doesn’t hear all, but enough.

Surprise visit, not as he expected, out by next week.

Hyunjung hangs up. She forgets about the staring Exy for a second and buries her face in her hands. “.”

 

---

 

Someone creeps up to Luda’s back and puts their hands on Luda’s eyes before she can turn around. “Guess who it is!”
Even without the light voice and hands smelling like roses Luda would have known it’s Jiyeon because Jiyeon is plainly her only friend who dares to do these kind of things to her. (It’s why she likes her so much.)

She takes Jiyeon’s hands, turns around and steals a quick kiss from her.

Friends, huh?

Maybe they’re more than friends, but she isn’t sure if she would call Jiyeon her girlfriend.

Lovers, that’s what they are, without boundaries. And morals. She guesses.

“Slept well?”, she asks shortly and Jiyeon hums. “How could I without you?”

“I slept like a stone.”

“Luda, I’m hurt!”

She gasps, then links her arms with Luda. “What do you want to do today?”, Jiyeon asks, and, honestly, Luda adores her self-evidence, the naturalness that comes with basically stating that they’re spending the day together.

“I have classes today, but I’ve been wanting to go to the movies for a while.”

“Anything specific?”

“Ah, no. Maybe something romantic?” Jiyeon crunches her nose. “Would you be cool with a comedy too? I want something light today.”

Luda can’t say no because she knows Jiyeon enjoys comedies so much. Maybe they can watch a romance movie another time.

 

---

 

Jinsook slips another hundred dollar bill into her grandma’s wallet, which is risky, but sometimes, risks have to be taken. (Just like her risking her internship.)

 

---

 

Juyeon finds out about Cheng Xiao’s hardship only after they’ve already become close.
They snuggle together on Juyeon’s couch. (They spend a lot of time at her flat since Cheng Xiao’s is usually taken by Luda and someone called Jiyeon. Xiao says they’re dating, or are at least friends. She is not sure.)

Watching television has never been an activity Juyeon particularly enjoyed - she’s rather a sporty person -, but with Cheng Xiao, it’s the best thing ever. Everything suddenly turns into an amazing, wonderful, glittering activity when she’s with her.

Cheng Xiao opens herself to her when the news are on.

“Hey, Xiao, look! They’re reporting about China!”, Juyeon whispers to her for Cheng Xiao has closed her eyes right now (she may be sleeping, but Jyueon knows she will be happy seeing her home country again). Xiao opens her eyes and they watch the documentary about architecture in silence for a minute.

“My parents want me to go back to China.”

Juyeon’s heart passes a beat, and the soft, playful expression she wore before fades. “What?”

Cheng Xiao tangles herself out of Juyeon’s light grip and clears . Juyeon looks for tears in her eyes, but they seem solely dead.

"I’m studying economical business not only because I want to, but also because my parents want me to.” She fiddles with her fingers, pressing her thighs against each other, seeming tensed in general.

“My father wants me to lead one of his companies in China. He and my mother will stay here, in Korea, but I will go to China.”

“You aren’t happy with this.” Juyeon knows she’s stating rather than asking, but Cheng Xiao doesn’t seem to agree.

“Why do you don’t talk about this with your parents?”, she asks, quietly, and Xiao suddenly looks very tired.

“They’re… busy, and-  it’s my duty, you know. As the first born.”

“Your only duty should be to live happily”, Juyeon says, and suddenly it strikes her. That she isn’t following her own advice at all.

She will open up to her, too. She deserves to know.

But not today. It’s Cheng Xiao’s moment.

 

---

 

Hyunjung feels weirdly connected to Exy for the minute they spend in silence. Then Exy starts talking and the moment is gone.
“Who was that?”, she raises an eyebrow and sits down again, smoothly. She seems to have forgotten about Hyunjung’s comment earlier.
“My”, she clears , “landlord. Apparently, I’m homeless now.” She runs her hand through her hair and leans back on her chair, grasping the table.

 

“So, about that Interview-”

“You can move into my flat.”

 

Hyunjung stares at her. Did she imagine Exy saying that? How can a stranger suggest something like that this lightly with a straight face?

Exy shrugs. “My flat is pretty big, you probably wouldn’t even see me. And of course it’s only until you’ve find another home.”

Hyunjung crunches her nose. “Why would you invite a stranger to live in your house?”

"You’re funny”, Exy smiles that crooked smile of hers again, “and I’m a good person. How could I leave the damsel in distress?”

Hyunjung can’t suppress a scoff. Exy grins.

Something, a tiny part in her brain tells her that this isn’t an good idea.

The rest of her brain - sadly, a much bigger part - tells her that she’s desperate and just take the offer.

So she does.

 

“I’m in.”

 

---

 

It’s itching in Luda’s throat, in her heart, and she doesn’t know what it is that wants to get out.

When Jiyeon and her kiss, it’s the worst, but because they kiss Luda doesn’t really listen to it.
“What are you thinking about?”, Jiyeon mutters under her breathe, her hand that held Luda’s cheek slips now down to her waist. Luda lays her forehead onto Jiyeon’s. “Nothing.”

Before they go out to meet some of Jiyeon’s friends, they both have to look for some scarfs and shawls.

“Hey guys, this is Luda”, Jiyeon smiles as they all sit together in the cafe. There is a girl with short hair - Jeongyeon -, a super friendly one - Dawon -, and a girl who’s shining like the sun when she greets her. Xuan Yi.

“She’s my friend. Treat her well!” They all giggle, but Luda’s laugh is forced.

Friend?

The evening is fun, but Luda’s moods drops into an abyss constantly. She also notices other things, things she would rather not see.

They way Jiyeon looks at Xuan Yi, for example. And the way she glows when Xuan Yi touches her.

The thing Luda wants to ask Jiyeon starts to rumble in a corner of her brain, trying to come forward, to become clear.

She pushes it away. She doesn’t want to hear it.

 

---

 

“Do you want to talk now?”, Jinsook asks, when they stand in the cafe’s kitchen together and do the dishes. “Ah, not yet, pumpkin”, Xuan Yi smiles, eyes tired.

“You can vent to me, right?”

"Yes. I’m just… not ready yet.”

“Whenever you are.”

A week later, Xuan Yi is. Jinsook didn’t ask her again, she comes to her from her own.

“You know”, she starts, softly, when they’re both changing into their casual clothes after work has ended. Jinsook can see the clear night outside through an open window, up on the wall. Because the cold air is tickling her skin, Jinsook was hurrying to get dressed, but she pauses when Xuan Yi is changing the atmosphere instantly.

“Last year, I had a girlfriend. Mei Qi. We were… really happy. Actually, I couldn’t have been happier. Of course, we had our downs - but we had a hundred of ups, so we worked through it.” She smiles.

“She died in February.”

Jinsook can only gaze, mouth widened. Her heart hurts, especially when Xuan Yi’s eyes get wet. She sniffles.
Xuan Yi brushes over her eyes when Jinsook steps forward and draws her into a hug. “I’m sorry”, she says, feeling own tears choking her. Xuan Yi stays silent. Jinsook hopes her genuine warmth reaches her.

She feels like it does.

 

---

 

Juyeon is procrastinating, which is not her style.
But she really doesn’t know how to tell Cheng Xiao that she’s breaking her body a little bit more with every passing day. Oh, and that she’s taking medicine illegally.
It’s hard. But, to be fair, there aren’t a lot of moments appropriate enough to break Cheng Xiao’s picture of a healthy, happy Juyeon (a Juyeon she is, when she’s with her).

But Juyeon has gotten a lot wiser these past weeks with her (in fact, it is because they’re having something she has never had before) and the grave stone in her stomach reminds her that she has to open - herself - soon.

Every time sleepy silence comes upon them, Juyeon wants to sputter the burdening words and be free.

“Hey, Xiao”, she whispers. “Hm?”, Cheng Xiao snorts quietly. “Ah, it’s-”, Juyeon changes her mind. “Sleep a bit. You need rest.”

Cheng Xiao moves in her arms, sleepy eyes turning into awoken, worried ones.

"Hah? No, Eunseo, what is it?”

Juyeon at once melts like ice cream in the sun. (In this scenario, her wonderful, attentive, funny Cheng Xiao is the sun. Even though the sun couldn’t shine as much as she does.)

“You know I have an baseball internship, right?”, she starts, unsure about her words, and Cheng Xiao nods, equally unsure about where this is heading.

“I’ve been playing pretty much since my childhood. I’ve never had much problems with my- my health, at least not until four months ago."

Cheng Xiao tenses in her arms. Juyeon breathes in and then speaks up again.

“I’ve… been weightlifting about a year at this point, so the mistake was probably me overestimating myself”, Juyeon stares into the air, “and, well, suddenly I felt this huge pain in my shoulder. I couldn’t even lift my affected arm. I was hysteric.”

She takes a peek at Cheng Xiao. When she notices, she nods slowly, telling Juyeon to go on. So she does.

“So, naturally, I went to a doctor. Basically, he told me a lot of medical things and then - he said I wasn’t going to practice for a while. A long while. And because I was training for the internship audition, I didn’t listen to him.”

She smiles sheepishly.

"It got worse, but I endured it. One day, I was at a cafe with an old friend of mine, and I asked her for painkillers for what I said was an migraine. She didn’t have any, but the waitress overheard us and gave me some. She said they were for a really bad pain only since they’re very strong. I almost ripped off her hand when reaching for them. The pain almost drove me insane.”

Juyeon lets out a tired laugh, a bitter one. She doesn’t dare to look at Cheng Xiao.

“I dont know how it happened, but the waitress started to sell me this prescription medicine. I guess she is - or was - short on money since she also worked in that cafe. Thanks to her I could get my internship, but of course, I didnt have a lot of time to rest. I had to practice hard to mantain my skills.”

She swallows.

“This is all. I’m…” All empty now, she wants to say. Sorry, she wants to say.

Cheng Xiao escapes from her arms and sits down again in front of her. They look in each others eyes for a glimpse of a second, and then Juyeon is already taken into a hug. She doesnt need to say anything. Juyeon hesitates - and let’s herself fall into the zone of comfort that is Cheng Xiao.

“Please, Eunseo”, Cheng Xiao sniffles, “take care of yourself.”

 

---

 

Exy didn’t lie when she was bragging about her flat. It’s gigantic (Seoul-wise) and has four rooms decorated in stylish white. Even though the luxurious vibe chokes Hyunjung, it feels cold. As if no one would live there.

“So, welcome, I guess”, Exy says. They stand in the living room (that is almost as big as Hyunjung’s former home), awkwardly glazing at anything that isn’t each other.

“I need to go to work now”, Hyunjung eventually says. “Alright. See you later.” And gone she is.

 

When Hyunjung finishes work, tired and done with the world, she wants nothing but silence. Until now, she has had this satisfying silence every day.
Loud music drums on her ears the second she enters her new home, and she needs to close her eyes for a second because otherwise someone is going to be murdered.

She follows the source of the music and when she finds it - a phone laying next to boxes that look expensive as hell -, she grabs the phone and disconnects bluetooth. “What the hell are you doing!”, Exy yells from another corner of the flat. Hyunjung walks to where she thinks Exy could be - and she’s right. Kitchen.

Exy stands in front of the stove, holding a pan, and frowns at Hyunjung as she arrives.

“What was that for? I’m making dinner. Let me have fun.”

“Dinner?”, Hyunjung breathes, her irritation letting go of her heart slowly.

“Yeah, why?”

“No one has ever made dinner for me before.” Hyunjung sits down, resting her head on her hand, closing her eyes again. Exy stares at her.

“Never? For real?”

“Don’t think so”, Hyunjung mumbles, dozing off. “It’s okay. I’m here now”, Exy mumbles, and when she wakes up a minute later, she doesn’t know if she imagined or not.

They eat, together, quietly, and it’s peaceful, almost paradise-wise. Also, the ricecakes Exy made are really tasty and Hyunjung never wants to eat something else ever again.

“How come no one cooked for you before?”, Exy says in between two bites. It makes the situation seem casual rather than serious, tensed, and maybe that’s why Hyunjung decides to tell her.

"My parents were rarely home and I moved out with 18”, she answers. Exy nods.

“I see. Didn’t support you?”

“Didn’t support me”, Hyunjung confirms, it comes with a bitter taste. “Where did you learn how to cook like this?”

“My brother made me go to some lessons.” Hyunjung wants to know the story behind this statement, but she doesn’t know if it’s her professional side or her personal side who does. So she doesn’t question her further, just nods.

 

The next day a meeting with her chef is unavoidable.

“So, Ms. Kim”, he says, leaning against her office’s door. “Did you managed to get an interview?” Hyunjung runs her hand through her hair. “We- we met up but had to postpone it. But I think it won’t be a problem to hold it soon as we live together now and-”

“You share a home?”, her chef interrupts her and breathes out. Hyunjung swallows.

“An interview isn’t necessary anymore, then.”

“I- excuse me, but what-”

“You’re a journalist, Ms. Kim”, he says, laughing. Hyunjung gets goosebumps.

“Just search for some secrets in her stuff or talk them out of her. That easily.”

That feels wrong, Hyunjung thinks, to scam someone like that. She feels like she doesn’t have a choice, though - she needs that job, she’s near to be broke already.

So she fakes a mechanical laugh and starts to procrastinate thinking about that she’s going to betray the person who offered her a home so kindly.

 

---

 

Luda is dying when Jiyeon touches her, but it’s worse when she doesn’t touch her, so she just bears with pest when she could have had cholera.
She kisses her harder because maybe she will die quicker. Less painful.

But it’s all for nothing when she hears Jiyeon’s soft moans, tingling in her ear, feels her hot thighs entwining her waist. She sighs against glossy lips and let’s herself fall.

Her favorite thing about Jiyeon is her fearlessness. She wasn’t intimated by Luda in the beginning and still isn’t, pulling and pushing her (both physically and psychologically). Luda admires it a lot. Without cares Jiyeon just lives her life and takes what she wants.
Luda wants to ask what Jiyeon’s favorite thing about her is, but she isn’t like Jiyeon. She’s afraid there won’t be one.

 

---

 

Jinsook is tired of counting money, dreams. She doesn’t stop, though, of course she doesn’t. She can’t.