Apparently four years werent enough to forget you - or get over you. Each night, I would recall our last encounter, your last touch, your slender fingers, everything about you. I could lose my eyes, but I'd still be able to picture your whole being perfectly, without missing a detail. Every mole, every eyelash, you. That's how much I loved you.

No, scratch that.

That's how much I love you.

I wasnt expecting nothing from the moment Sana dragged me out of our shared apartment to this small club, hidden deep in town, in Japan. I don't expect anything ever since the moment you left, but let's not say that right now.

'Come on, Momo. You need to get her out of your mind and enjoy life a little', she said as an excuse to make me accompany her to this place. She has done so much for me, I just couldnt deny her this one. Besides, something was telling me to go out.

'Who knows? Maybe you'll find someone'

Maybe I will.

And I did.

As if it's a bad move from destiny (or life?), the moment I enter this dirty club, there you are. Standing in the corner of the club, watching the dancers with an uninterested look, as always. Even though the dim lights hid your expression, a brief moment of clarity showed a cold expression plastered on your face.

There you are, more beautiful than ever, existing just to make my life even more miserable. Oh, that's what you always did.

And that's what I always wanted.

I couldnt stop myself from staring, hoping you would turn around and face me. Something familiar purred inside me as you were talking to someone. How much I have missed your smile. Your perfectly shaped lips showing the prettiest gummy smile a person could ever show.

But you werent looking at me, and I'm not the type to take initiative. You know that.

So all I could do was wait. I so desperatly wanted to call your name, but my body wouldnt react. The name that I grew to love, to long, to miss.

And then, you turned around - and the first things you landed your eyes upon was me. You didnt move. You didnt say anything - you....

...you just smiled. Almost as if you were expecting me. Almost as if you knew I would come here tonight. I was starting to think if this was Sana's plan, but I wont give her the satisfaction to the younger japanese.

You changed. Your short, pitch black hair is now longer, dyed in a velvet color that could only fit you. In my mind. You now had tattoos on your smooth, almost porcelain-like arms; not enough to cover it all, just the perfect amount.

You stood still, almost hesitant, whether to continue this staring game or just finish it. And you chose the latter.

As you came to me, my body still wouldnt react. Even after four damn years, you still controlled every muscle and bone of my body, don't you, Mina?

'Long time no see', you breathed. Too casually.

I guess some things never change, huh.

You took my hands and dragged me to an empty table, too quiet for our liking. You said you left because you was unsure, too afraid to continue, too immature to grow up, settle down and to be with me. I always found that excuse stupid, but not when you said it.

You were immature. You were too afraid, and you surely was unsure.

You asked me how am I. You always hated clichés, yet here we are, becoming one. How am I? I'm sure you could do better than that.

'Lets see...' I trailed off, and you showed a weak smile. Almost an apologetic one. Are you sorry, Myoui Mina?

'The first year, I couldnt stop thinking about you, missing you, your touch, your voice. The second year, I despised you, I wanted to erase every memory I shared with you', you twitched at that, but I continued paying you no mind, 'the third year was the worst. I felt my breathe slowly fading away, as I was dying. Empty inside, since you took all I had with you. Without you, I was nothing', you wanted to speak, but I snapped at you way too quick for my taste and you shut back, shifting in your seat, 'I'm not finished. The fourth year? It wasnt that bad. Sana was there to help me. I continued with college, and you werent that much in my mind anymore'

You slowly looked up, nodding your head to my last words.

You said you didnt know I felt this way. Even after four years, you're still a liar. I ing hate liars.

But, I dont hate you.

'I'm sorry, Momo', you added, tears starting to fall down your beautiful face. Like a Pandora box, seeing you cry released every deep, hidden emotion within me and in nothing but a second I leaned in to wipe your tears away.

You stood there, shocked at my sudden action.

'I don't hate you', I felt the need to say this - 'I could never hate you' - while caressing your face, all the way to your lips.

Your plum, red lips. Your red lips never fail to take my breath away.

Your soft, slender fingers took my hand as you leaned your face over to my touch. I wanted you feel you more, and I know you did too.

This awkward tension between us never left, and the attraction is still there, nailed deep in the back of our head. And it hurts.

It hurts so much.

I leaned over the table to kiss you, but you moved your head away. My grip on your hand getting stronger.

'Not here'

'Then were?'

'My apartment is not far from here', you said. Now you have a car, now you own a house. Now you're independant. I wish I'd be glad.

As you took my hands and we exit the club to your car, I just couldnt help but to wonder.

Am I going to fall deeper into this rabbit hole?

If I am,

then lets drag you with me.