He was once your everything, and once upon time you were once his everything too, almost. You were his everything except for music. You think back to all the times you cried by yourself, knowing he lied to you as you loved each other. you’re my world. you’re my everything. I love you so much, more than anything. Whispered words that fell on ears deaf to the truth. For too long you two lived in denial, in a fantasy dream created and sustained by naivety. No more could he chase his dreams and keep you by his side than you could stop resenting his passion for taking him from you. Eventually, it came to the surface. Hours spent arguing endlessly, circling around the same points over and over again like some sick chant. Tear-streaked faces refusing to confront the truth, not wanting the fantasy to end. You stare bitterly at the number lighting up your phone screen. A number so engrained in your brain you couldn’t forget it no matter how hard you tried. It’s been awhile, and your mind pieces together the name behind the number, the person. Yoo Kihyun. The pink-haired boy you fell in love with in high school. Wildly passionate, flitting from one hobby to another until he found one he wanted to stick with, music. It was a slow start for the both of you, mindless banter and teasing texts that went on later and later each night until suddenly, you would be face to face the next day at school, both sleepless but smiling. Shy smiles growing bolder as your feelings blossomed into something more. It lasted a year before you cut it off. Too scared to continue, feeling too young to commit so seriously to someone who seemed so foreign despite knowing so much of you. Refusing to accept that you had fallen so deeply, but you missed his presence, and everyday you had to see him looking so destroyed made you ache. You returned, offered out a hand again, more sure of yourself this time. Of the both of you, and he accepted. Unbeknownst to the two of you, the first seed had been sown, the terrible seed of mistrust, planted so deep neither one could detect it. You worked together to mend the cracks, and you grew together even more. Innocence turned to lust as whole new worlds of exploration opened up to the two of you. Whispers in the dark, soft and gentle. I love you. I love you. You’re my everything, but the cracks were still there, and the next time it ended, a year later, you were the one destroyed. You saw it coming before it even happened, but refused to acknowledge all the times he turned his phone away from you while texting, only half paying attention to your conversations. Talking about his friends from music, all the experiences they shared that you couldn’t relate to, and his one friend in particular. Her personality, her laugh, her jokes, she was wonderful but she wasn’t you. Her name, uttered for the first time upon your asking. Casually, but with an edge, Kristina. You were on edge, nervous and unsure you called him one night, confronted him. I love you he said, again and again. You could hear the tears from his side of the line. I love you, but I’m so confused. You remember asking him, the words falling from your lips in a trembling whisper. What do you want to do. But you knew already, before he answered you knew. I want to break up, then silence. There was nothing more to say, and yet, the next few months you kept contact with each other. Boundaries were blurred, I love you. I love you. Words repeated over and over to you even in your separation. In the end, he forgot about her, never pursued her. He came back, and you, not knowing anything else besides his embrace, you accepted. The small seed now deeply rooted, mistrust had finally budded. I love you. It was a mistake. I never pursued her. It’s always been you, over everything, no matter what. I love you. Reassurances that warmed your ears but not your heart, bitter but mended by the band-aid of words and promises ever flowing from his mouth. Your time was ending, you both felt it but neither could face it, both too scared to look at the clock racing ever onward. I love you. Words repeated but this time something new, a ring. My promise. I love you. You’re my everything. Giggles passed between you as he slipped the ring on your finger, as mistrust silently blossomed the more he lied. Whispering agin and again what you knew deep down were lies, the promises that would soon be broken. My promise. I love you. You’re my everything. Another year and time was finally up, long-distance now, you look at your phone screen, name in bright lights. Yoo Kihyun. A simple text, I can’t do this anymore. Silence. A year passes, and then another. Time keeps going, racing ever onward. The innocence of youth long gone, overtaken by stains of reality that now soak deep into both your lives. Nothing lasts forever, not even dreams. Again, your phone lights up. The same number flashes, lighting up the screen as a face flashes in your mind. You sigh as you reach for the phone. You’ve given up long ago, no feelings left but the bitter what-ifs that dreams leave behind in the mind. Your thumb swipes left across the screen, dark only for a moment. Words show up on the screen. Words next to a number, the same number, his number. I love you. Just words.