I frowned down at the phone in my hands and the lack of messages it displayed. It was annoying. Usually she texted me back almost immediately, her text filled with stupid smilies and hearts that I would about later. I didn’t like how long it was taking; it felt like she was ignoring me.

She’d been acting weird lately. The other night we had gotten into a fight- well, she had fought. I had just gotten annoyed she had thrown my phone. Other than that, I couldn’t get mad at her. She had every right to be upset.

I felt guilty about it a lot. I had never expected her to come into my life. I was set in everything. I had my plan. I was going to keep my head down in school; keep up the façade of being everyone’s prince, the perfect prodigal son, godly. Sunah had finally said yes to going out with me, and I only had another year before I could go to college and leave that damn house forever.

Then Inyeon came into my life like a whirlwind.

When she asked if she could speak with me, I had to physically stop myself from rolling my eyes. I could guess what it was about, because I got asked this a lot. What I didn’t expect, however, was for her to have been able to see right through me. I always kept myself aloof at school, and I knew the exact time I had slipped and she saw the real me, and this whole thing started. I’d just been staring out the window, lost in my own thoughts when I saw Sunah waiting for me by the gate. I couldn’t help but smile. It had taken me forever to get her to agree to be my girlfriend. Her dad worked at my father’s hospital, so we had always seen each other around. She was so beautiful it stole my breath away, and when she finally said yes, I didn’t think I’d ever feel that happy again in my life. I loved her, honestly, but Sunah was like a beautiful doll in a glass case. I was afraid that if I handled her too roughly, or if I showed her how truly ugly I was, she would be frightened away and never want to see me again. Being with her felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells, trying too hard not to put a crack in the perfect world I had built.

That’s why when Inyeon said that thing about my real smile, I felt my stomach drop. I always tried to hide it, and thought I did a pretty damn good job…but she wiped all that away with the touch of her fingers to my lips. I don’t know why I agreed to it. Even now, I couldn’t give you a straight answer. There was just something about her. She looked me in my eyes and told me exactly what she was thinking, and that wasn’t something the people around me did very often.

I laid awake that week and thought about it. It was wrong. I shouldn’t have agreed. I should have told her that we couldn’t…but then her eyes kept flashing through my mind. She wasn’t particularly outstanding in looks, like if I passed her in the hallway I probably wouldn’t have even noticed her. But her eyes…her eyes were stunning. They were a deep brown, the color of melted chocolate, and every emotion she felt was written plainly in them. My eyes always found her in school like that, and she would blush and try to hide away whenever our glances clashed. It was adorable.

She constantly surprised me. I expected her to throw a tantrum and call me out as the piece of I was when I told her I had a girlfriend, but she didn’t. She flared up, demanding an explanation, but I didn’t have one. I just liked being around her. She made me laugh and think about things, or better yet, took my mind off things I didn’t want to think about. When she kissed me that night, I had to leave quickly because I was afraid she would see how much it affected me. I only hoped my voice wasn’t trembling when I told her bye…no one wants to look like an idiot, especially in front of someone they may like.

And that’s how we got started.

I knew it wasn’t fair to either of them, really, but I thought as long as Inyeon could deal with it, so could I. Aish, I don’t know why I was that way. I just wanted her, plain and simple. I wanted the way her eyes lit up when she saw me, the way I could tell her anything and she would accept it as another part of me and cherish it all the more, the way I couldn’t stop tears from falling when I told her stories about my mom, and she just smiled while she kissed away my tears and hugged me tighter. She was my safe place, the soft spot inside me that I turned to when I didn’t know what to do with myself.

When we had for the first time, it was amazing. She looked terrified, and even though she tried to hide it, I could see her shaking a bit. I tried to be as gentle as I could, but somehow I always ended up ravishing her, the suffocating need I felt inside me to claim her completely as mine always winning over in the end.

The truth is, we never really defined what we were. We were more than friends, and it felt like more than just buddies, but ‘I love you’ was a taboo. That would have been too painful for either one of us if the words that replayed over and over in my head accidently escaped their confines one day.

I could see it every day. I was breaking her from the inside out. My beautiful lovely girl that was mine and all mine, whose eyes shone like diamonds on the most priceless piece of jewelry, was fading away. It felt like she was a shell of herself, still there in so many ways, but not in so many others.

I didn’t know what to do really. I had gone to such lengths to win Sunah over….made impossible promises of our future, of the world I would provide her with, of the neverending happiness that was hers if only she said yes…how could I possibly tell her that those pretty words really belonged to someone else? She was too fragile, too precious.

But she knew. She knew my heart wasn’t with her anymore. When we went out, I would always fumble with my phone, waiting for the idiotic texts my heart would send me, looking at the screen every few minutes in anticipation. I never kissed her anymore—not on the lips at least. She felt it.

I was surprised when she called me out, her actually taking the initiative to ask for a date was rare.

‘I have one condition.’ She stated as soon as we met up.

‘And what would that be?’ I asked in a teasing tone.

‘No cellphones.’ I felt my face drop, and with it her cheeks puffed out, aegyo in full force.

‘I want this to be all about us for once.’ She pouted. Her words sounded like they had a deeper meaning, but I shrugged it off as me being paranoid. She was right I guess. I never really was with her…I was always back in Inyeon’s room, snuggled in the comfort of her arms.

‘Aigoo, how could I say no to that face?’ I pinched her cheeks playfully before hitting the power button on my phone. Inyeon would be fine without me for a few hours.

I took her shopping and bought her the cutest outfit she tried on. She only had to pout a little and say ‘Please oppa??’ and I couldn’t refuse her. Such a beautiful girl…I suppose I really did have a soft spot for her.

We walked hand in hand down the street, and I smiled over to her as we talked. Her hand was soft, childlike, but I didn’t feel like I did when I first held it. My heart didn’t pound in my chest until I thought I was going to pass out. I didn’t feel that jolt of electricity shoot through my body like I had gotten so used to feeling in those days.

My heart did speed up however, when I chanced a glance to the right of the street and thought I saw a pair of sneakers I recognized. I had felt that sensation you get when someone is staring at you. I thought maybe…just maybe…but the feeling was gone as quickly as it had come upon me.

We kept walking like that until we made it to a small park nearby.

‘This’ll do.’ She whispered, more for herself than for me as we reached an adorable bench on the outskirts of the beautiful scenary.

‘What?’ I laughed out.

Her expression wiped the smile off my face instantly. I had never seen her look so serious. She usually had this childlike smile on her face, making her angelic features look even prettier. Not this time. She stared at me with big eyes, and I felt every wrong I’d ever done her rush to my face and present itself in front of her stable stare.

‘Oppa, we should stop this now.’ I felt like ice water had been thrown on me. It was weird. It was what I had wanted all along, what I knew had to be done eventually, but hearing the words slip so easily from shook me to my core. We sat in stunned silence for a few moments. I could only think one thing.

‘But why?’ I was so stupid. I should have bid her farewell, wished her a happy life, and prayed she found someone who was worthy of her. She looked up at me, sympathy and regret written all over her face.

‘I’m not stupid oppa. Don’t you think I feel it?’ My heart stopped. ‘I know this isn’t where you want to be…that I’m not the person you want to be with, that this-whatever this is-isn’t going anywhere. I love you, I really do. You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to be with me.’ Her eyes started shining even brighter, and I knew she was trying to be strong in front of me. She bit down on her lip and I had to fight with everything in me not to pull her into my arms and hold her there.

‘I have to go. I’ll call you later.’ She whispered, and practically fled the scene. I sat in stunned silence on the bench for I don’t know how long after that. It was really sudden, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Sunah had been all I ever wanted, the prize that I had strived so long to win, and just like that she was gone? It was a weird feeling.

She did call me later. We turned into another undefined relationship in my life. Not really together, but not completely ready to let go yet. Lately though, it felt like we had taken that step back from lovers to being just friends. She was still my lovely doll, my baby, my little sister, but that’s all that I felt for her now…like a sister.

I hadn’t told Inyeon any of this. It was weird, and I should have told her first thing, but for some reason, I didn’t want her to know. It felt like I owned Sunah at least that much. What a warped sense of chivalry, huh?

I sighed and looked down at my still empty screen. I almost jumped from my chair when the backlight suddenly flashed on, and I saw that familiar number pop up.

My love

Oppa!!! Sorry!!!! m(_ _)m My boss kept me late and I couldn’t get to my phone. Are you still coming over tonight??? Mom was wanting to know when you could do dinner again. (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ You should totally do that tonight~ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧Anyway, I hope you do…..see you then~

 I couldn’t stop that stupid smile. Those stupid smilies. I laughed to myself, so relieved she hadn’t been ignoring me like I had feared.

 Of course I was going over to her house. Nights when I wasn’t with her were always my worst, and I was finding it hard to even close my eyes if I couldn’t smell the comforting scent of vanilla and watermelon that always seemed to waft from her. She was my safe place, and I couldn’t wait to return there.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: So....I finally finished it....I feel like the air in this chapter is totally different, and that's why I didn't want to add it to the first one. I was really happy with the way the oneshot ended, but I'm so terrible at saying no to people, especially when you like something I write. I hope it cleared things up though....