“Jungkook!”

The brown haired male went downstairs hearing his mom’s panicked voice, “What’s wrong?”

She was grabbing her purse and keys while speaking, “We have to get to the hospital right now.”

“Huh?! Wait- why?” Jungkook was beginning to get scared seeing his mother’s face.

“Taehyung and Jimin were in an accident! Now come on!” His mother pulled him out the house before he could even process her words but when he did a sense of hysteria enveloped him. Oh my god.

The Kim and Park family were already there when they got to the hospital. “How are they?” Ms. Jeon asked the others.

Mrs. Park frowned, “Jimin broke an arm and was somewhat conscious but...”

“What about Taehyung?” Jungkook was shaking waiting for an answer.

It was Ms. Kim who answered, her voice strained from crying, “He’s in ICU. He hit his head and had internal bleeding.”

“Oh my god,” Ms. Jeon gasped, “How did this even happen?!”

“From what the ambulance team said, a car ran a red light and T boned Taehyung’s car, on his side.”

The double doors to the emergency room opened and a doctor came out, “Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung’s family?”

“Yes yes! What happened to my son?!”

The doctor’s face was somber, “Jimin is awake and only sustained minor bruising and a broken arm... but I’m so sorry, we couldn’t save Taehyung.”

---

Loss is something that no one wanted to experience. It left you empty and longing for something that no longer existed. It makes you helpless in a way that isn’t fixable. Loss has many levels to it, from minor to severe, and Jungkook’s loss was severe. Really, it was borderline unbearable for him.

The day before school started was probably the worst of his life. Flash forward a month later, and nothing’s changed. The world was still gray, his heart was still wounded. The boy who left freshman year did not come back during sophomore year. He became quiet and completely shut out his classmates. He sat in the back of his classes and only talked when called on. At some point he even stopped contacting Jimin. Though it was unintentional, he didn’t try to reach out. He knew the raven haired boy was in pain too, but he couldn’t find it in him to see the dancer.

His life had become bland and he was running on autopilot. Wake up, go to school, avoid everyone, go home, do homework, stare at the ceiling at night instead of sleeping, rinse and repeat.

His mother noticed his shift in personality and pushed him to see someone. He was scheduled to see the guidance counselor once a week, but the sessions only consisted of the counselor trying to get Jungkook to talk, like trying to pull teeth. He wouldn’t budge.

Of course Jungkook knew it wasn’t good, this path he paved for himself however he didn’t really care. He never wanted to feel this kind of pain again. So in his distressed mind the only solution was to push everyone away.

And he planned on being alone for a while.

---

“Jungkookie~!!”

A heavy weight suddenly laid itself over the brown haired male and he groaned, sleep leaving him by the second. “Hyung what the hell? How did you even get in here?”

“Auntie Jeon let me in, now c’mon wake up!”

Jungkook pulled the blanket off his face and scowled at the brunette on top of him. “Hyung I’m trying to sleep.”

“Well you can’t!” Taehyung grinned as he sat up, “We’re going out!”

“Can’t you go bother your boyfriend or something?”

“Jimothy is at the dance studio today and plus, I wanted to hang out with you.”

Jungkook sighed and looked up at the ceiling. He knew once Taehyung made up his mind, he couldn’t convince him otherwise (that was Jimin’s job) so he knew to kiss sleep goodbye. He gazed at his hyung one more time, “Do we have to go out?”

“Yup! Summer is almost over and you know my senior year is going to be busy.”

That… was true. he couldn’t fight that. Sighing one more time Jungkook sat up. “Okay fine but I’m picking where we go.”

Taehyung’s grin was blinding, “Perfect! Let’s go!”

Jungkook opened his eyes to the dark room. He blankly stared at the ceiling as his tears fell. All the happy memories with Taehyung just made Jungkook feel horrible because they were just that, memories. And he couldn’t make new ones. All because life decided to be cruel by taking his best friend from him.

He remembered the day of the accident so clearly. He could still remember when they all went to Jimin’s hospital room to find the raven haired boy curled under his blanket hysterically crying his heart out over his boyfriend. He could remember standing there lost, feeling so helpless and numb until he was home in his room, reality hitting him like a freight train and crying the entire night. He still remembered the funeral and how empty he felt from then on. He was left with a hollow feeling in his chest that he was certain would never go away.

He let out a shaky breath. It was going to be another sleepless night for him. The brown haired male sat up and the lamp on his night stand. Opening the drawer he pulled out his sketchbook and opened it to a clean page. With shaky hands he began to draw the only muse he’s had for the passed month.

A boxy grin and twinkling crescent eyes, sharp nose, fluffy hair, and the signature peace sign made in every picture. He suddenly stopped, an overwhelming feeling crushing against him. He closed the book before the pages could get wet and tossed it carelessly on the floor, curling into himself as the tears fell heavy. They didn't stop until his alarm went off and it was time for school.

And his bland routine began again.

---

With everything that happened, no one bothered him and let him keep to himself. So when Jung Hoseok of all people came to his house, it took Jungkook by surprise. He almost slammed the door on the older male. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Jung Hoseok, because he’s known him for years, since he was six. The thing was, he was Taehyung’s step brother, and anything related to the past brunette made all the awful feelings come back.

“...Hyung, what do you want?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing.”

Somehow that made Jungkook angry, “How do you think I’m doing hyung?”

The older male frowned before sighing out loud, “Can I come in?”

Jungkook stood there and contemplated that. If he didn’t let him in he could already hear his mother scolding him for being rude. He opened the door more and stepped aside, letting Hoseok walk in.

The brunette looked around, taking the arrangement of the living room. It still looked the same from when he went to pick up Taehyung from the sleepovers he and Jungkook would have. He could still remember them at the tender age of seven and nine. Those were the days… He glanced over at Jungkook walking to the kitchen. The younger looked at him.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“No, I’m good.”

Jungkook shrugged, pulling a water bottle out of the fridge and moving to the stairs, Hoseok following. They reached the younger’s room and Hoseok couldn’t help but ask, seeing the figurines and posters, “You still love Iron Man?”

“...Of course.” The younger huffed out as he sat on his bed. It was quiet as the brunette continued to look around the room. Hoseok grabbed the desk chair and faced it to the other. Jungkook watched him warily as the brunette sat and stared him down, “We need to talk.”

“About what?”

“Jimin told me what’s been going on with you.”

Jungkook visibly stiffened hearing the ravenhead’s name and Hoseok knew the boy would get defensive.

“He’s worried about you Jungkook.”

“I’m fine.”

“No- you’re not.” Hoseok stated, “You’re pushing everyone away. You’re shouldering everything by yourself. How do you expect to move on if you keep this up?”

“I’m not shouldering anything, I’m fine. I just want to be alone.”

“And I know why you feel that way but-”

Jungkook looked away, glaring at the wall as he muttered, “What would you know…”

There was a pregnant pause after that. Hoseok was staring at him blankly. He leaned back in his seat, “You’re not the only one suffering, you know. Taehyung was my little brother.”

The younger bit his lip but refused to back down his defenses. Hoseok wasn’t having this though, moving to sit right next to the younger. “I know you want to shut everyone out so you don’t have to go through this again. No one wants to experience these kinds of things but what you’re doing is only making it worse. You’re in pain Jungkook, it’s not good to deal with this by yourself.”

Hoseok watched as Jungkook’s rigid body shook slightly. “Kookie look at me.”

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