A lot of things struck Taeyong as strange, but it sure was the strangest that nothing made him feel as at home as the while walls and the bare rooms of the hospital had. In it's fragile attempt to look intimidating the hospital had become Taeyong's favorite place. Maybe because it reminded him of himself, and his own feeble attempts at being alright.

He doesn't remember how he had gotten to the point he had, and he doesn't even care anymore.

In his lifetime of 22 years, Taeyong would be lying if he said he didn't wonder what death would feel like. Would it end up with him feeling empty? Would he be happy? Would he be still around and watch people around him go on with their lives? Or would he move on and become someone else less pathetic than he? Most of he had wondered whether anyone would miss him if he left. 

"Thats stupid, you know we all would miss you. And no you are anything and everything but pathetic."

"Loser?"

"Shut up and eat those apples, hyung."  

Jaehyun. 

Jung Jaehyun.

The hospital might be his favorite place, but the younger hated it. Since his last visit to the hospital, back when he was a boy of 7years, and he saw dead body falling onto the floor by accident, he had been mortified of the place and took extra effort to be healthy 24/7. He had told TAeyong countless incidents where he had created a tantrum and escaped from a visit to the hospital. But it was the same man who had carried Taeyong's almost lifeless body inside two days ago. He had stayed there the whole time the doctors ran their diagnosis. He had broken down in tears and clung onto to their manager as the doctors told him Taeyong was ok.

Just malnutrition and stress. He's been down for a while now, you guys should make sure he doesn't skip meals; even just a glass of juice is enough. Make sure he eats and gets rest. He'll be ready to go in a day or two. 

And Jaehyun hadn't left since. 

They had talked. And they had cried in each other arms. They had laughed at their stupidity and cried again at all the time they lost being idiots. They had hugged and kissed and broken a few hundered hospital rules. But they had patched up and for once Taeyong felt like he had fixed Jaehyun, just like the younger fixed him. They were each other's medicine and Taeyong was thankful his was so sweet.

Taeyong might make a very bitter pill, but Jaehyun was only too happy to have him.

Maybe it was love, or maybe a toxic coexistence. They really didn't care. But sometimes it scared Taeyong just how much he had come to depend on the young blonde male. So much that he would drown with him. Jaehyun had really become his contradiction; his creation and doom. But he knew without him he'd drown again and without him Jaehyun would be lost as well.

Taeyong's laugh echoed through the room and for the first time a while Jaehyun's face lit up with happiness. They were alright again. The earth was spinning again, the birds were chirping again and the sky was blue again. His life had meaning again. Their confessions were short but sincere and plenty. Just one look and their hearts felt full. Never in his life has Jaehyun felt so complete. Staying away from this, from the perfection that was Lee Taeyong was a torture of the worst kind. But he had done it, because at that time his mind was ruled by a green monster, but now his mind was clearer, and he knew what he wanted.

Lee Taeyong needed to understand just how precious he is. How much people loved him. 

The whole NCT had visited him in the two days he had been unconscious. The maknae line had red puffy eyes and hadn't slept at all, with Mark being the worst hit. The poor boy had started blaming himself and it took a ton of sweet talking and reassurances from Dooyoung to finally get him to come and say hi to their hyung. Their promotions had been halted because truthfully all the members left lost without their leader. The choregraphy was already set, but they just didn't know what to do or say anymore. They were a mess without Taeyong. 

The selfish part of Taeyong, which was way too small for Jaehyun's liking, rejoiced at the attention, but the bigger part of him felt guilty. He would whisper apologies everytime one of the members came to him and Jaehyun would make sure to send him one of his breath taking smiles. It would swell his heart up, and he would forget how to feel bad for himself.

He was being taught how to love himself.

With each touch of Jaehyun's fingers across his skin Taeyong wounds were healing. His whispered confession under the sheets always had an audience. A willing audience who was willing to take those memories and make them his own, lap up his tears and convert them into laughter. Jaehyun had saved him again. He had saved him ny plunging to the abyss with him and pulling him out with all he could muster up. 

Taeyong used to wonder, they should've made Jaehyun the leader, not him. He was too weak, he would colapse again and again. But Jaehyun was a rock, his mind was set and he was strong enough for them all. But Jaehyun has shook his head with a gentle smile when Taeyong told him this.

"I'm only like that with you. I'm only strong enough for you."

Things had started going back to normal. Yuta had a eating grin on his face every staurday when the whole dorm would be filled with the banters from the beloved 'Jaeyong' couple in the kitchen. Jaehyun always ebded up making dinner, with Taeyong fuming at the corner at having lost another round of 'rock-paper-scissor' with younger, yet again. Johhny would always sport a fond smile and he and Ten would share a look of longing everytime they found the couple curled up into each other in front if their home theatre system after one of their, supposedly secret, movie nights. Dooyoung remained the same, melted into the background, but he always stuck around Taeyong. In the past that would've made Jaehyun jealous, but now he was just happy that his baby had someone, everyone, looking out for him as well.

The dream members were the most estatic at his return, with Mark making it his personal responsibility to make sure his hyung remains hydrated and full of food every hour. It was an endearing sight. And Taeyong gentle eyes and smile were back. His voice was commanding enough to set him straight but soft enough to make them all feel loved.

And they loved Taeyong, and were glad that Jaehyun was finally helping Taeyong see just how much they needed him; loved him; and respected him.

Taeyong was more open now, allowing Jaehyun into the parts of his mind he had kept hidden, and it paind Jaehyun that his lover had to go through all that alone. He happy, yet angered at the situation. The pink haired male was more open about their relationship too, he would randomly come up to him and kiss his cheeks, and sometime would get bold enough to peck his cheeks even in front of others. It would leave both the boys blushing, mostly Jaehyun, and a wave of teasing whistles and laughter would follow this action. Taeyong also had requested Taeil to exchange his room, so Jaehyun could room with him. And Taeil had been only happy to do so. In fact the older would've suggested it first, but he had wanted Taeyong to ask him. It was his own method of testing their leader.

There were still times when Taeyong broke down because of exhaustion, but those were the time Jaehyun was the most thankful for. It allowed him to  fix up more of his hyung and love him so much, that the pink haired boy would fill their room with giggles. And Jaehyun adored his giggles, just as much as he lusted for his moans.

It was all happy; he was all happy. Taeyong felt like he was floating, instead of drowning, and for the first time, there was nothing pulling him down. The sunlight hit his face and he felt alive again. But then a hand covered his face, protecting him from the harsh sun. He turned and found that Jaehyun was right next to him, floating with him on the vast ocean. They smiled and they laughed and they cried togther. It was all good. And it would be all.

They were so wrapped up in each other that it didn't matter anymore. It just didn't matter anymore. 

Aaaand it's done!!

Its not exactly fluffy, but happy enough right? Jaeyong talk it out and are back together, and our leader-nim is fine too.

Thanks for sticking around with me for this fic. It's the angstiest fic I have written, more angsty than I had initially imagined (which is why I had the 'slight angst' tag instead, I changed it though). Do check out my more fluffy Jaeyong fic The Wrong Roomate (shameless i know).

Thanks guys. Hope you enjoyed it. ^^