“ You color me into bright white .”

 

 

“So… Hyungwon-hyung’s told you his new plan?” Changkyun asks, fiddling with his jacket in the reflection of the barred window. Minhyuk nods, twiddling his fingers. He doesn’t know exactly where Changkyun stands on this, never has, really. He’s always been so hard to read, ever since they met as kids. He figures it’s because of Changkyun’s having been sent away for so long by the doctors, but Changkyun of course will never say one way or the other.

“He has... “ Minhyuk answers. “I don’t see how it’ll help Kihyunnie, but he seems sure.”

“He always seems sure, and it never works.”

“This time it might.”

“You don’t even sound sure,” Changkyun points out, his tone like a dull blade just twirling about in the older’s wounds. It’s enough to exacerbate what’s already there, but not enough to make it any bigger. “Honestly, hyung… what’s the point of even trying anymore?”

“Well, I think—“

“Mr. Lee,” a gentle voice calls from the door. Minhyuk’s gaze snaps over to see one of the usual nurses, and he offers a meek smile in reply. He blinks once as she nears him with the med-cart, and again when she offers out the little plastic cup of fun-colored pills. Minhyuk downs them without a second thought, handing back the cup and opening his mouth wide to show he’s swallowed the pills. He thanks her before turning back to continue talking with Changkyun, but the younger man has vanished.

Minhyuk isn’t even surprised, at this point. That boy’s had the oddest talent of just evaporating into thin air whenever someone interrupts them. He’s always been terribly shy of strangers…

“Who were you talking to?” the nurse asks kindly, following Minhyuk’s gaze to the window. Minhyuk chews on the inside of his cheek, growing annoyed at his friend. They hadn’t even finished talking yet.

“Just Changkyunnie,” Minhyuk answers. The nurse’s eyes grow sympathetic, though Minhyuk doesn’t know why. The nurses always get sad whenever he talks about his friends… It’s such a strange reaction, but he never thinks to ask about it. He figures it’s just because his other friends make them all think of Kihyun, too, like they do him.

“Get some rest, Mr. Lee,” the nurse tells him, starting back towards the door. One of the orderlies opens the door for her from the other side and keeps it ajar just enough for her and her cart to squeeze through. He only hums in reply as he watches her go, offering a wave.

He allows himself to fall to the side, curling up on the bed. Maybe Changkyun’s right… He really doesn’t think there’s anything else he can do to fix things with Kihyun, fix what he’d done to his best friend, his soul mate, his everything. All he wants to do now is apologize, be absolved for his crimes against the shorter, but he doubts Kihyun even wants a visit from him. Not even the others talk about seeing Kihyun around him…

Guilt gnaws at his heart as he turns to face the wall, screwing his eyes shut. He knows no matter what he takes, the nightmare will come again, the nightmare where Kihyun doesn’t wake up. He just thanks God it’s only that, a nightmare…

 

Minhyuk sits in the sunroom, as the staff calls it, sitting squished up in a vinyl armchair. There’s a sterile smell in the air, just like any other hospital. His knees pulled up to his chest, he keeps his chin rested against them as he watches the breeze blow through the trees outside. Hyunwoo sits across from him, his knees spread open and his back bent forward. His expression is stoic, though his air is contemplative.

“And... Hoseok still refuses to tell you what he knows?” he asks, his tone as calm as an untouched lake. Minhyuk nods once, humming in affirmation, and Hyunwoo only sighs in annoyance. “I’ll talk to him. He may be the only one seeing Kihyunnie right now, him and Heon.”

“He hasn’t spoken to you at all?” Minhyuk inquires, still not looking to the older. Hyunwoo shakes his head, seeming sad. Minhyuk can’t blame him. It kills him that Kihyun still isn’t speaking to him, and he’s sure Hyunwoo feels the same about Hoseok.

Minhyuk shuts his eyes with a sigh similar to Hyunwoo’s, leaning his head back listlessly. He hears the chatter around him as if from a distance. Some man talks to himself, while two women play checkers together. He hears the clatter of the pieces against the red and black board, the creaks of their chairs. He leans his head to the side, cracking his eyes open and blinking unevenly against the bright sunlight.

It’s then he sees him…

His heart leaps into his throat, and he lurches forward to press his hand against the chilled glass. His lips part slightly in surprise, and it’s everything he has in him to keep from trying to rush out of the room.

Kihyun’s standing there, out in the field of beautiful, perfect green grass below. His eyes are covered by a black ribbon, but his head is angled as if he’s looking directly at Minhyuk. Minhyuk can feel it, really he can. Those beautiful, sparkling eyes staring up at him are looking right into his very soul. He presses his fingertips even harder against the glass, his fingers themselves curling upwards.

“Kihyun…” Minhyuk whispers, so soft his own ears barely even catch it.

As if hearing him, Kihyun then turns his back to the taller, and Minhyuk only sits up more, scoots closer. His heart beats so fast and hard his chest hurts and he can barely breathe.

“K… KihYUN! KIHYUN!” Minhyuk starts shouting, his fingers curling into a fist for him to start slamming against the windowpane. His breaths start coming out shorter, more pained, and his throat starts to close up. Kihyun doesn’t seem to mind the heartbreak overtaking the other, instead walking off into the distance.

“KIHYUN!!! KIHYUNNIE!!!!! KIHYUN!!!!!!!!” Minhyuk screams, despite the hands he’s currently feeling on his body. He’s crying now, though he doesn’t know when exactly he started. The hands are trying to pull him away, but he fights them. Even if Kihyun doesn’t want him to visit, he’ll stand his ground for this small moment. It’s everything to him to just know that Kihyun’s well enough to walk, to go outside and feel the sun on his skin again.

The sunroom has devolved into a state of panic, checkers strewn about the floor and some of the other patients either curled up crying on furniture or cowering in corners. Other nurses try to calm them, but the majority of staff still in the room are focused on the one who’d started it all: Minhyuk.

Minhyuk crumples before the window when he can’t see Kihyun anymore, snot running from his nose and tears streaming down his cheeks. His lips quiver, and his throat feels so terribly raw. His entire body shakes with grief and heartache. He feels some orderlies grab him and start to lead him away, but he doesn’t pay attention to where they’re going. He wipes at his face with his bare wrists and hands, though they haven’t stopped flowing.

He’s shown to his room and locked in for the night, and that’s just fine with him. He doesn’t want to see anyone but Kihyun, hear anyone’s voice but Kihyun’s.

He cries himself to sleep that night, the tears dried on his cheeks when he feels the dawn come.