xv.

Chanyeol knew he was in the back of an ambulance before he even opened his eyes; he could tell from the bumping and rolling of the vehicle, and what felt like an oxygen mask strapped to his face. His clothes were wet and clung to his body. He felt like he'd gone through the wringer, or been hit by a truck — a strange, awful, disorienting feeling, like being disassembled and put back together again in the wrong order. Leaden eyes, dry mouth, heart sitting like a heavy lump throbbing in his burning throat — sick in all ways it was possible to be, in body, mind and soul. Someone was holding his hand, the back of it; a woman, by the sound of her voice. She was telling him to wake up. Why don't you bloody wake up, Chanyeol felt like saying, but he couldn’t speak. He blinked his eyes until the blurriness cleared, and saw her sitting beside him. She was blonde and about his age, dressed in a navy-blue uniform. The name-tag pinned to her top read Chaerin.

“Hi there.” She had a nice voice, the kind Chanyeol could easily fall asleep to, although the same could be said about a lot of people’s voices. She smiled a pretty, sunny smile at him. “How are you feeling?”

“Mmm. Not that great.” Chanyeol’s voice came out all croaky, and he was glad it was partly muffled by the mask. It hurt just to talk. “Do I even want to know why I’m in here..?”

“Your friend Baekhyun found you unconscious at the beach.” Chaerin patted the back of Chanyeol’s hand one last time before letting it go. “You were standing on the shoreline when you suddenly collapsed in the water, and he saw you go under; so he ran in to pull you out, then tried to perform CPR on you until we arrived. He was able to revive you pretty quickly, and then you puked up the water you swallowed, so I’m sure you’ll be okay. They’re going to have a good look at you down at the hospital, just to be safe.”

“Baekhyun..?” At the mention of Baekhyun’s name, Chanyeol tried to lift his head to look around, but gave up — he was too weak. “Where is he..?”

“He’s not here… sorry, hon.” Chaerin strapped a velcro cuff around Chanyeol’s arm and began to take a blood pressure reading. “We only allow family members to ride in the ambulance, and even then it’s only in special cases, but he did say he’d try to come and see you at the hospital later. They’ll probably keep you there a while, just to make absolutely certain there’s no fluid in your lungs. At this stage, it’s too early to rule out the risk of pneumonia or other complications.”

“Oh.” Chanyeol leaned back against the pillow; he vaguely remembered having a dream about nearly drowning — or what he thought was a dream. Perhaps it hadn’t been one after all. “I didn’t even know he knew CPR.”

“Neither did he — he had to google it on his phone. He was lucky it didn’t get wet!” Chaerin chuckled softly, but then her expression turned serious. “He looked really shaken when we got there, but he handled the situation very well, especially considering he was alone and had no idea what he was doing. You couldn’t have chosen a worse day to nearly drown — the beach was deserted, conditions were terrible… you’re very fortunate that he was there and acted so quickly.” She smiled at Chanyeol again. “You know, even after such a traumatic incident, you drifted off as soon as we wheeled you in here! I had such a hard time waking you up. Poor thing, you must really be exhausted.”

The soothing tone of Chaerin’s voice threatened to send Chanyeol off to sleep all over again. “You have no idea..”

“Well, we’ll be there very soon,” Chaerin said. “You just hang in there, okay? We’ll get you all checked out, and then I’m sure you’ll be able to get some rest.”

Amber came with Kibum to see Chanyeol at the hospital a little later — after he’d been primped and prodded, examined to within an inch of his life, and then finally moved to a vacant bed. Until then, he had been too tired and distracted to really come to terms with what had happened to him that day, or to give much thought to the part Baekhyun had played in it. He hated being at the hospital as a patient: the antiseptic stink and the constant noise, the disturbing groans coming from neighbouring rooms, the too-bright lights — they were all much more noticeable when you had to be there more than an hour or two. It seemed a completely different place when he was there to play and sing for other people; the atmosphere was more hopeful, somehow.

“Hey, buddy. I’m so relieved you’re alright.” Amber nearly ran over to Chanyeol’s bedside and gathered him up in her arms, smothering him with a too-tight hug. “Baekhyun told me what happened… we closed the shop and came down here right away. Jongdae feels terrible that he can’t get away from work right now, but he’ll be here as soon as he can.”

“Thanks, guys. I feel okay, really… I guess I was just lucky.” Chanyeol stared at Amber and Kibum for a moment, until the image of them began to blur.

“Yeol?” Amber sounded concerned. “Are you alright..?”

Chanyeol buried his head in his hands, trying to hide the messy, hiccuping sobs that hit him out of nowhere. “God… that idiot.” The urge to fall asleep kept rolling in and out, in sickening waves. “I was at his place before I went down to the beach, and he wasn’t feeling well.” He sniffled, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand. “Sometimes, on his worst days, he’s so weak he can barely walk. What would have happened if I’d pulled him under with me..?”

“I guess he valued your life too much to worry about all that.” Amber smiled, taking Chanyeol’s hand in her own and patting it gently. “But are you really surprised? We’ve all seen the way he looks at you… you obviously mean a hell of a lot to him.”

Chanyeol took a deep, shaking breath and cleared his throat. “I have to thank him. But I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“Thank him?” Kibum laughed. “Yeol, you need to husband that guy right away. What more reason do you need?”

“When I went to see him, he didn’t seem particularly interested in getting back together,” Chanyeol said quietly. “Anyway, if he doesn’t love me, I’m not going to force him back into my life. I can only hope that some small part of him still feels the same way I do.”

Kibum frowned. “He said he didn’t want to get back together..?”

“Well, not in those exact words,” Chanyeol said. “But I’m pretty sure that was what he meant.”

“Oh,” Kibum said, looking deflated. “That … but at least you told him how you feel. You did all you could do; now the rest is up to him.”

“But why was he with you at the beach..?” Amber asked.

“Before I went down there, I went to talk to him at his apartment,” Chanyeol said, rubbing his eyes. “It didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. Then I mentioned that I was going for a walk to clear my head. He seemed pretty