I tried to give myself a French mani today and I'm also trying to type this as it dries. I have absolutely no patience. But also, yay for breaking stereotypes! I'm Viet and I'm absolutely at doing nails. But anyway.

This morning before breakfast I took a tape measure and did body measurements, just for a reference of where I start and how much progress I'll be making. Again, I don't weigh myself; one, because it's triggering, and two, weight isn't really an indication of health anyway. Moreover, if you weigh yourself too often, it'll drive you crazy. As it is, I'm only going to be measuring myself once a month, so here's what I got so far:

Kristy's Measurements as of June 28, 2017

Height: 5'1" (155 cm)
Ankle: 7.5 inch (19 cm)
Calf: 13 inch (33 cm)
Thigh: 20.5 inch (52 cm)
: 36 inch (81.5 cm)
Waist: 24.5 inch (62.5 cm)
Bust: 30.5 inch (77.5 cm) - Bra size 34 B
Neck: 12 inch (30.5 cm)
Bicep: 10 inch (25.5 cm)
Wrist: 5.5 inch (17 cm)

Now, just a reminder - this is my body, my personal measurements, based off my metabolism and body composition. It's totally fine to not have the same measurements! And it's totally fine to have these measurements too! There's nothing wrong with it! Here's a few disclaimers and explanations:

- My ankles and wrists are a result of genetics, and nothing I do can really make them bigger or smaller (short of getting pregnant and having my ankles swell which doesn't sound appealing...) Knowing your bone frame is really important in being realistic about your ideal size/weight. According to the guidelines laid down by that article, and the fact that I can wrap my fingers around my wrist and have my fingers overlap, I have a small bone frame. 
- Biologically speaking, Asians have smaller and less dense bones than other races. And there's nothing wrong with large bone frames either. Bone frame isn't an indication of health or beauty - it's just how your bones are structured. 
- My bone frame most likely comes from my father's Asian genes - however, my mother's side of the family is fairly curvy. Therefore, my bust and sizes are larger than they might have been otherwise. In short, I got my father's height, and my mom's s. Unlike my bone frame, I have been able to change this through drastic weight loss - when I was severely underweight, my bra size went down and my shrank, but once I started eating a healthy amount again, I gained my bust and back. Basically, my mother's genes make me more prone to gain weight in my and s, which can be good or bad depending on what your ideal is (hint: I have never liked my bust or .)
- I played soccer from age 5 to 15, ran cross country and track my first two years of high school, and took kickboxing and dance classes my first semester of college before I got too busy. Soccer in particular helped me develop leg muscles that I still retain years later.
- Everyone's body is different. Everyone's genetics and metabolic rate are different, and everyone's at different stages of their journey. My measurements should not be anyone's ideal other than mine. If your numbers are bigger, if your numbers are smaller, celebrate! You're beautiful no matter your size.

Also, out of curiousity, I measured my inseam to see what the ratio of my legs to body was. My inseam was about 29.5 inches, which means that my legs are about 48% of my height, which is about average. Kinda cool, because I had always considered my legs to be shorter than average, but an average leg ratio is anywhere from 45-48%. K-Pop (and society in general) seems to love the long, thin leg ideal, but that doesn't mean short legs can't be beautiful! Look at Taeyeon, my queen!

Speaking of legs, I've started my first K-Pop workout for this project. Last night I tried out the infamous SNSD 5:3:2 leg ratio workout, which kind of seems like glorified jumping jacks/cancan dancing, but its a LOT harder than it seems. Either that, or I'm doing it wrong.

The SNSD 5:3:2 Leg Ratio Workout

So basically, Tiffany's legs are considered the "ideal" ratio - the widest part of her thigh is 50 cm, the widest part of her calf is 30 cm, and the thinnest part of her ankle is 20 cm. It also helps that her legs go on for miles. Actually, all of SNSD have gorgeous long legs in their promotional pictures, although I do wonder how much of that comes from Photoshop (since Sunny and Taeyeon are nowhere near as tall as say Yoona or Seohyun. All hail the SGS - Short Girl Squad!)

Supposedly, SNSD maintains their killer toned legs through this workout, done for twenty minutes three times a day. The steps are kind of hard to explain (and honestly hard to follow...) so I'm going to post the video I followed it from below:

Looks simple, right? The idea is you blast your K-Pop playlist, and do the moves to the beat of the music for twenty minutes. It's a bit of a cardio and strength workout in one, and supposed to give good results.

I tried it last night by setting my timer for twenty minutes, turning on my music, aaaaaand...I had to call it off after two minutes because my heart was pounding so fast I thought I was going to die, haha.

This workout is no joke! It's possible that I might be out of shape, or doing it wrong (it's so hard to keep time and be on the right foot and I'm rythmically challenged as it is...) but I couldn't even finish the second chorus of Taeyeon's "Why" before I gave up and decided to take a shower.

This morning, I tried it again when I woke up, and managed to make it to four minutes - all the way through BTS's "Fire". Honestly, I don't think I did it right because I felt it more in my abdomen and heart rate than I did in my legs. I'm gonna keep trying twice a day, morning and night, and see if by next week if 1) there's any results, and 2) if I can make it to twenty minutes at least once.

I really don't have a hard time believing SNSD got their legs doing this workout. Then again, a lot of workouts seem incredibly hard at the beginning but decrease in difficulty the more you do them. The important thing about working out is that if you feel dizzy, or something hurts, or you just honestly need a break - TAKE A BREAK! Don't overexert yourself or your body because in the long run it's not gonna do you any good. If you injure yourself, your body will be working to repair itself instead of working to build muscle. 

Anyway, wish me luck this next week because I feel like I'm going to need it, haha! Any good song recommendations?

Finally, the last part of this chapter - inspiration.

"들리나요 [Can You Hear Me?] - Lee Haeri, Tears of Heaven OST

The song I was recommending yesterday. Lee Haeri is honestly one of my vocal goals, up there with Taeyeon and Chen. Davichi's song for DOTS "This Love" was also gorgeous, and just. Ugh.

Anyway, I'm recommending this right now because singing and music is something incredibly important to me. It's one of the reasons why I auditioned for SM in the first place, and why I continue to audition. And the realization that the things I love have absolutely nothing to do with my weight. 

I can accomplish everything I want in life without having to be a certain size. I know people of all shapes and sizes who have accomplished amazing things - models, singers, actresses. One of my vocal seonbaes at university has a gorgeous voice, like melted gold, and she's twice as large as I am. And she is so beautiful. 

Weight is not an indication of health or attractiveness. It is just a number. It's just your relationship with gravity - that's why your weight changes when you're on Mars or the moon. BMI is outdated because it doesn't take into account muscle mass - I was labeled as "overeight" in middle school because my weight was more than what a girl of my age and height should have been. However, most of that weight was muscle from soccer, which BMI doesn't take into account. I still cried, because it hurt and I was afraid of being teased, but now I know better.

"Overweight" is not synonymous with "ugly". "Fat" is not synonymous with "ugly" any more than "thin" is synonmyous with "beautiful". At the beginning of this project, I posted a quote by EXO's Chen about how it's what's inside your heart and personality that counts, and it's true.

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

- Roald Dahl

I challenge you to listen to this song, "Can You Hear Me?" and think about the beauty of Lee Haeri's voice - a talent she developed through hard work and perseverance for years, a voice that is completely unrelated to how she looks or weighs. Think about shows like King of Masked Singer - when you can't see the singer's face, but it's just their voice that transforms them and makes them beautiful.

When I was starving, when I was sick and in the midst of my disorder, all I ever thought about was diet and exercise. My grades suffered, my relationship with my friends and my family suffered, my body suffered. I got skinny, to be sure, at one point I weighed as much as the official profile said a certain girl group member did, but at that point it didn't matter. I had stopped singing, and I had lost what made me beautiful.

Everyone has a voice. Everyone has something that makes them beautiful, and it's not just limited to physical appearance. So if you worry about what you look like, know that your beauty doesn't come from your size.

It comes from your heart.

So do what you love, whether it's music or dance or writing or gaming or photography or anything you can dream of. Make it your own, and don't worry about what others think.

Let them hear you.

들리나요?