Minhyun could not take it anymore. The guilt he felt was impalpable and all he could do was try to ignore it at the very most for now. He felt his chest tighten and his mind ran blank. He sighed shakily once again and kept his head hung low.  He was finally arriving at their Nu’est dorm after spending months at those Produce 101 dorms; the familiarity of it making his heart feel somehow bittersweet. Knowing deep down that he will once again have to part with it very soon.

The realization of that also sending another sigh to escape his chapped lips. All of his fellow members sent concerned glances towards him and that only made him feel even more terrible. Even when they were finally inside they kept telling him everything was okay and that they were proud of him. Minhyun knew if he kept standing there listening to their kind and gentle words he will only cry again. He can’t crumble in front of them again, he would only feel even more guilty causing them to worry even more. Minhyun felt even worse at that point and told them that he was going to rest in his room for a little bit. They all sent him a worried glance but let him go rest, agreeing that they all deserved a nice rest after the events that transpired earlier that night.

Once inside his room, he looked around and felt his resolve dwindle even more. The familiar room he spent 6 years in welcomed back his presence warmly. A comfort of feeling at home made his heart ache even more knowing he will have to leave it again soon, but even longer this time.

He in a shaky breath and collapsed on his bed. He laid on his pillow looking straight up at the ceiling. The memories of what happened just a few hours prior re-entering his thoughts causing his eyes to water for what seemed like the millionth time that night. He was usually one to not show his emotions like this and he laughed bitterly to himself realizing how he completely broke down on live broadcast. He grabbed the nearest pillow on his bed and laid it on top of his face, hoping his tears would dry into it.

He was about to remove it when he heard his door silently creak open and his entire being froze. Seeing another member at this moment will cause his entire resolve to fall and Minhyun doesn’t think he is quite ready for that. He lays there frozen as he hears the person slowly close the door behind them and their footsteps carefully approach his bed. The person stood directly in front of his bed and he could feel the person slightly hover over him..

“Minhyun-ah.”

Minhyun felt his heart plummet, knowing that calm gentle voice from anywhere. It also happened to be the voice of a said person he wanted to avoid especially. Looking Jonghyun in the eyes right now would break him and he couldn’t let that happen. Not when Jonghyun was already worried enough about him when he shouldn’t be. Minhyun already felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, nerves, and absolute sadness build up inside of him again at that moment and tried his absolute hardest to suppress it from spilling out.

He felt the bed dip slightly as Jonghyun sat down next to his lying form. Minhyun could just feel Jonghyun’s familiar warmth next to him and he wanted nothing more than to reach out to him. But he can’t and he won’t. Not when he is this close to his breaking point.

He decided to lay there completely still, desperately hoping Jonghyun would think he is asleep and leave him be. But of course nothing is going the way he wants tonight. He heard Jonghyun chuckle slightly and felt his warm hand land on top of his chest. His heart momentarily jumped at the contact and flinched slightly. Giving away that he was indeed not sleeping.

“Minhyunnie, are you trying to suffocate yourself with that pillow on your face?”  Jonghyun gently spoke, rubbing Minhyun’s chest affectionately.

Minhyun in a shaky breath, trying his best to sound normal. “N-no...I just t-thought it felt comfortable..?” Well that sounded totally believable Minhyun thought sarcastically.

Jonghyun sighed and lifted the pillow off of Minhyun’s face before Minhyun had a chance to stop him. Minhyun averted his gaze but could not stop the stream of tears running down his cheeks. He could feel Jonghyun’s concerned gaze on him but he could not look him in the eyes.

Jonghyun laid down next to Minhyun and just pulled him into his arms. He gently laid Minhyun’s head against his chest, while Minhyun listened to his calm heartbeat. Minhyun instinctively wrapped his arms around him and felt his walls starting to crumble even more. Jonghyun laid his head on top of Minhyun’s, gently rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“We’ll be okay, Minhyun-ah.”

And there it goes. The last bit of his resolve just flew right out of the window. He felt a heartbreaking sob escape his lips and began to sob hard into Jonghyun’s chest and felt the leader’s hold around him tighten. Jonghyun quietly shushed him as he rocked them back and forth.

They stayed like that for a while. Minhyun sobbing into his chest as Jonghyun tried to calm him down. Finally, in between sobs, Minhyun removed his head from Jonghyun’s chest to look him directly in the eyes. He saw nothing but genuine concern in his leader’s eyes and it made his guilt he was feeling almost triple. Jonghyun just smiled that genuine smile of his at him and rubbed the back of his head gently.

“Minhyunnie, please don’t cry. I am so so proud of you.”

Those words literally made Minhyun feel sick to his stomach and paled.

“How could you be proud of me when I left all of you a-alone?” Minhyun whimpered finally voicing out his emotions.

Jonghyun just continued to rub his head. “You didn’t leave us alone, we all still have eachother and we always will no matter what.”

“B-but you were suppose to make it. Y-You were suppose to make it with me Jonghyun and now that you won’t be with me I am scared….I need you….I-I need you…” Minhyun sobbed again, his fears getting the best of his emotions and completely spilling out.

Jonghyun just embraced him tighter. “Minhyun-ah, I will always be there for you no matter what. All of us will. I might not be at your side physically all the time but I will always be here waiting for you.”

“B-but...”

“Shh. No more buts. I believe in you Minhyun-ah. Go out there and show them the superstar that you are. I will always be cheering for you.”

Minhyun looked defeated at his words knowing nothing that he will say will convince his leader otherwise.

“I will...I will miss you though.” Minhyun spoke quietly looking down. He felt his cheeks tint red at his own words.

Jonghyun giggled and lifted Minhyun’s chin to look him in his dark brown eyes. “Aww and I will miss you too my cute Minhyunnie.” Minhyun’s blush only deepened.

“Agh, you’re so cheesy.” Minhyun said trying to look away embarrassed, unable to with Jonghyun’s grip on his chin.

“Only for you.” He spoke before closing the distance between them and landing a soft kiss on Minhyun’s lips. Trying to conceal all his emotions of worry and concern into it. Minhyun immediately responded feeling his entire being finally relax for the first time that night. Their lips moved against each other lazily and both pulled away with content sighs. Jonghyun saw red dust across Minhyun’s cheeks and had to hold back the urge to coo. He smiled at him and placed another soft kiss on Minhyun’s cheek.

He pulled back and put Minhyun’s head back against his chest and laid his head back on top of his.

“We will be okay, Minhyun-ah.” he said again, this time confidently.

With that Minhyun breathed in, absorbing Jonghyun’s warmth not wanting to ever let this feeling go. Feeling somehow at ease at the moment. Completely putting his trust into Jonghyun’s gentle words as he always has for the past six years. Minhyun believed him and felt his eyelids start to grow heavy.

“Jonghyunnie.”

“Yes, baby?”

Minhyun visibly blushed at the affectionate name and thanked god that his face was hidden in his chest.

“I love you.”

He felt Jonghyun plant a kiss on top of his head.

“And I love you too, Minhyunnie. Now go to sleep okay?”

Minhyun closed his eyes and let out a breath of relief feeling more than at ease at Jonghyun’s words. He always had that effect on Minhyun, to make him feel better no matter what happened and for that, Minhyun is eternally grateful.

Of course he was still a bit scared about what was going to happen, but as long as they always had each other, he knew everything will be okay. He truly believed that.

And with that Minhyun finally drifted off into sleep against Jonghyun’s chest, as Jonghyun gently rubbed his back, placing soft kisses on his head every now and then.

Jonghyun looked up at nothing in particular and sighed.

“We will be okay.” He said outloud to himself for once and confidently believed in his own words, trying to disperse all doubts he had to the back of his mind and eventually fell asleep with his head on top of Minhyun’s.