I already memorized the four corners of this room, this white room which was my home for the past days, this month was the worst month of my entire life, I made my very fair share of mistakes, and this one was the worst.

I woke up from a deep slumber that day, still feeling tired, flashes of what happened kept on repeating in my dream, nightmare has been feasting during my sleep until suddenly some force opened my eyes, then, I’ve seen omma looking at me, evident tears has fallen from her eyes.

She was looking at me, then sudden expression of glee has taken over her,

“Tabi, Oh Lord Thank you so much”

“Omma, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry for worrying you, I’ve been a bad child for you, please forgive me, omma”

“Tabi, I’ve already forgiven you, let’s move forward from now on, what’s done is done, let’s start this day and move on, there’s nothing I could wish for but your well-being”

Omma hugged me, I’ve longed it for so long

“Have you eaten already?” She smiled to me, and nod

I was so worried about mom and dad and noona, and of course her

“Mom,how is she? is she eating well? Is she okay mom?”

Knowing who I am talking about

“I have yet to tell her about this good news, I’ll call her later, she will be so happy Tabi”

“please ask her if she’s eating well, and please tell her I’m so sorry for all of these”

I cried, thinking of things that will happen between us, of the consequences I may face after all of this mess I have done, feeling so unworthy for her

Days have passed, and she was always there for me from day one of hospital transfer until now,

She rescheduled all her appointments, and never left my side, I was so lucky that God has given me this woman, she’s my source of strength, she’s my life

I was so scared that she may not forgive me, but knowing how forgiving she is, how pure and kind hearted she is, I sometimes felt that I don’t deserve her,

I was so ashamed of what I have done, I was irrational that time, I was so scared of enlisting that i've done what i have done, I was afraid that she will leave me, that she could not wait for me, but i've seen her Marie Claire interview, and declared that she'll wait for me, what a happy man I am, when i read that

it’s been years since we’ve been together, and never did I hear her complain.

Noona and her are like bestfriends, she was even one of the reason why Yeonjun was studying in the Philippines, because noona realized on how she is a person was maybe because of what the Philippines had done to her, she was so respectful, she was calm, a happy woman and well mannered lady, that i could not believe that someone like her existed,

She was kind and protective of her loved ones, 

People might throw bad comments about her, but she uses it constructively and never did she loses control, she picks every comments good or bad and learn how to use it to her advantage 

I remember on how she was scared of cats and dogs and horses, but she learned to overcome it, and I’m so proud of her. I remember on how one time she became frustrated that she wanted to act but sajangnim left her but to choose only one between acting and being an idol, and because of her selflessness, she chose to be in the group and to fully focus to it, And now she's reaping all her hardwork right now, i'm so proud of her

I really thank God for this renewed life, I will not anymore take her for granted, we may have different personalities but we embraced each other despite of.

This time I will show the world of how I am proud that I have this woman as my fiancée, my Dara

She’s been busy for the past days, she begged off last week, she asked her schedules to be rescheduled, and they let her be,

That week, she’s nothing but a supportive girlfriend, she slept during the night, she took turns on taking care of me

she let me eat all the food that I’ve been craving for, we played online games together, all these things we failed to do before because of our busy schedules,

I wanted us to be like this, to be always together and to enjoy things together

Now that she’s back to work, I try to busy myself, I’ve re-watched movies that we already watched, I’ve listened to all the songs in my ipod, I’ve read books that interests me, I’ve visited all the sites related to arts, I’ve talked to all my Bigbang brothers, except Seungri, who’s out of the country living the jet set life, but nothing compares when she’s around

And I heard someone videocalling me

“Tabi, hello, I miss you”

“miss me? You’re only out five hours ago, and you’re missing me already, you’re so in love with me huh, too head over heels ” I tried to be funny, for her not to worry

“hmp…Yes I am so in love with you Mr. Choi now that you’re asking, so how’s your day?”

“well nothing much, I just finished calling the gang”

And she’s starting to sound sad

“don’t worry about me, I’m okay, jiyong cried, daesung cried, yb cried, I told them not to be sad, I told them to be happy that I am alive, they felt sorry for me”

“I talked to them too, they told me that the soonest they will visit you”

“I understand them, okay let’s not be sad” I told her

“Tabi, we’ll resume now, I’m out in 2 hours, let’s eat dinner together, okay?”

”Okay, don’t worry too much, okay?”

“Okay, I love you”

True enough that after two hours, she’s here already,

She showed me how netizens are asking why she’s being MIA for the past week, how sad her eyes were, what’s the possible reason why she’s in hiatus, She’s not posting anything in her Instagram , but after realizing that everything about my treatment is going smoothly, she finally post something

Being the clever that she is, she posted something she took while she’s in London As answer to queries of why she’s in hiatus…

No Boyfriend, No Problem

Oh good Lord, I love this woman so much