It was cynical, and almost sinister, the last thought in my mind before I lost my consciousness. It was as if I had been waiting for it, as if I had been expecting it to happen – sooner or later. It was as if my every second was a test to my own limit, of how far I could bend before I break – so my brain would register the extent I need to stretch if I want to shut myself down completely ever again.

      And I wonder – had I been that self-destructive in my conscious state that its subconscious counter part seemed to adopt similar behavior? Somehow, I was frightened by this revelation. For what might be the first time, I found myself asking; what have became of me?

      I could hear the whispers around me getting louder and louder through my peripheral senses. Soon enough, their words weren’t as hazy anymore and some sentences started to make sense. I must have been drugged for me to feel this bleary. However, I could feel my system being reactivated as the drug seemed to be wearing off. Somehow, I was fascinated over the way I could literally feel my brain fought to regain control over my body. And when I could feel my finger tips and their reflex movement, I knew my brain had won half of the battle.

      ‘She’s awake. Call Irene,’

      I heard my mother’s hushed voice and I could feel her soft hands touching mine. I can recognize voices now, that was at least a good sign. But, please. I wasn’t ready. I still want to sleep for some more. I didn’t want to open my eyes. I didn’t want to wake up. No, not yet.

      But unfortunate enough, my eyes fluttered open before I could stop myself. I could see my mother sitting right next to my bed with Fei, my sister-law beside her.

      ‘Thank God, you’re awake,’ My mother said, and I never saw that kind of smile from anyone before this. The kind of the relieved smile stretched so wide but with a quiver at the end of the lips, and the eyes that shined so bright as if they met someone they really missed but they were red and swollen as if they had been shedding tears for all their life.

      But, knowing my mother and her tendency to paranoia – I guess that was faultlessly normal. I took a quick glance to the rest of the figures in the room and I found the atmosphere was frighteningly somber.

      ‘Who died?’ I asked, half-jokingly. My voice croaked and I realized of how parched I was. Fei was fortunately quick enough to pour me a glass of water and assist me to drink through a straw.

      Perhaps, it was a bad joke since they all looked so alarmed by it. My brother clicked his tongue disapprovingly and my father was ready to reprimand me. Well, they couldn’t blame me really, for they did look like they were by someone’s deathbed. My mother and her puffy eyes, and the men with their grim faces – somebody ought to die if they continue looking like that.

      I thanked God for Irene who walked into the room at that very moment. She greeted everyone in the room beautifully like the angel that she is, and proceed with what she came here for. She checked the monitor and scribbled the data in the file.

      ‘So, first of all – do you know where you are right now, Dr. Park?’ I caught her smiling from the formality she needed to use and I found myself amused as well.

      ‘In the hospital,’

      ‘Do you remember what happened, perhaps?’

      ‘I.. fainted,’

      ‘Yes, that’s correct. And that resulted in quite a fall you had there. You were lucky someone had arrived just in time to prevent your head from hitting the floor. You might’ve had a few hits from the steps before that as we found some injuries on the back of your head. I was worried if you might suffer from concussion but I believe that we now could be happy that you are aware of your surrounding and there’s no sign of confusion.

      So now, may I ask you how are you feeling, Dr. Park?’

      ‘A little groggy, and.. sore?’

      ‘Sore? Whereabout?’

      ‘All over. I guess from lying on the bed,’

      ‘ I see.. Do you feel any pain?’

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