"One more bottle, please." I said, asking the bartender to give another bottle of beer.

      I know... Drinking alcohol is not the solution to any problem a person wants to forget. But right now, I really needed it. I needed the taste of bitterness. No matter how I try listening to happy songs, no matter what I do to forget everything... Nothing seems to work.

      I don't know if it was the alcohol but suddenly, I was having flashbacks.

        "What do you like about me?" She suddenly asked out of the blue.

        "I don't like anything about you." I said, wearing a poker face.

      Jessica gasped. She couldn't believe what she just heard. It's true though. I don't like anything about her because I love everything about her. I love her beautiful eyes, her nose, ... I love her long, wavy hair, her soft skin and gentle touch. I love how she quickly changes her expressions to adapt to the atmosphere of the situation. I love how her voice sounded so angelic in my ears. I love... I love her for who and what she is. I could go on forever but I could not stand seeing those sad eyes anymore.

         "Hey... I was just kidding. I like everything about you." I said, trying to cheer her up. She was unconvinced and still had that sad face.

          "In fact, I love everything about you. I love you." There. I said it. I told her I love her for the first time. I was so nervous my heart was beating so fast. I felt like throwing up but thought it would gross her out. I was afraid she'd reject my feelings for her. But I was wrong. I realized she felt the same way when she answered me and said, "Finally. You said you love me." She said, her eyes filled with tears. I could tell that those were tears of joy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

         “I love you!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

        "You do?" I asked.

        "Yes! And I forever will!" She raised her right hand just the same level with her ear as if she was taking an oath.

         "Forever? That's a big word." I tired to sound unconvinced.

        "Yes! Forever!" Jessica stood up and raised both of her arms.

        "And ever?" I asked her, looking at her in the eye.

        "And ever." She said, cupping my face. It's as if she could see right through me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        “Happy monthsary, babe. It’s been a difficult five months for us but---Aish! That’s so lame!” I felt so frustrated practicing… How should I start? It’s our monthsary today and I don’t know what to say to her. This happens every time. It’s just that… I always feel nervous when the 23^rd day of the month comes.  It’s like every day with her is a first time.

        Walking at the corridor, I saw her talking to her friends. That wonderful view made me feel like I was floating. I didn’t even notice that I was already smiling. I hope she’ll like my gift for her. I hope the eight hours of gift-hunting will be worth it.

        Her friends bid their goodbyes to her and left her there. She turned around and saw me. She ran up to me and seemed so excited. Something is different about her. She wasn’t like this during our past monthsaries ‘cause this is my first time seeing her so happy and excited. Was she really looking forward to see me? The thought made me smile.

       “Hey.” She greeted me, grinning.

       “What’s up with the face?” I said, smiling at her.

       “Well…” She held my hands and entwined our fingers.

       “What?”

       “I have good news.”

       Good news? Is it about our monthsary? Are we going to a theme park or something? 

       “Really? What is it?”

       Jessica sighed loudly. The suspense is killing me.

       “I got accepted as a trainee in SM.” She said, waiting for my reaction.

       “Um... that’s… That’s great.” I tried to sound as happy as I could.

       “You don’t seem excited. I’ve told you before; I wanted to be a singer. It’s great, right?” She said, lightly tapping my shoulder.

        I didn’t know how to react. I’m happy for her. I want her to pursue all of her dreams... with me. I just don’t know if she still would have time for me when she becomes a celebrity. Everybody knows how difficult it is to be a trainee let alone being a singer. And SM Entertainment? All I know is that the CEO thinks that SM artists are robots. They’re not allowed to rest. How will she be able to visit her friends or family? How about me? I know, I know. I’m paranoid. What is life without Jessica? Well… It wouldn’t be much of a life.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

       Jessica is late again. I should be angry, but I’m not. I should get mad at her, but I won’t. I just love her that much. I called Key and Taemin to kill time. It’s been two hours since I got here at the coffee shop.

       “Yoboseyo?” Taemin said from the other line.

        “Hey, Taemin-ah.”

        “Oh. What’s up, hyung?”

        “Nothing. Just wanna talk so I won’t get bored.” I said lazily.

        “She isn’t there yet? How long have you been waiting?”

        “Two hours, ten minutes and… forty seconds.” I said, counting the seconds on my wristwatch.

        “What?!” Key said.

        “Key, you took the phone from Taemin? How rude.”

       “No, hyung. You’re still talking to me. You’re just on speaker.” Oh. Right. We shouldn’t hide anything from Key even if we wanted to. We just can’t. He’s a ninja.

       “Hyung, have you tried calling her? I mean… SHE’S TWO HOURS LATE!” Key shouted.

       “I don’t want to pressure her. She’s busy, you know.” I lied. I really really wanted to call her.  

       “Have you tried texting her?” Taemin said. It was obvious that he’s really concerned.

      “Yeah. Thrice already. I don’t wanna piss her off. I’m not her mom to call her and text her every second.”

      “Piss HER off? You should be the one who’s pissed, hyung. She’s LATE. For the nth time! She’s really a cold-hearted woman.” Key shouted again, but this time, with his nagging tone. We all know Key’s scared of Jessica. He calls her Ice Princess.

      “Come on, Key. Be nice to her. She’s been working so hard. I don’t want to be a hindrance to her dreams.”

      “Yeah. But she’s in a relationship. She should know better. You’re just so nice, hyung. So nice it’s not healthy anymore. You should at least tell her, you know. That you’re sick of her being late.”

       “Key… she’s still my girlfriend.” I didn’t want to be nagged by Key. Not especially about MY relationship with MY girlfriend. I know he’s concerned, but I know Jessica. She’s trying her hardest to see me between trainings and that’s enough for me.

      “Jinki hyung is right, Key hyung. Jessica has her reason that’s why she’s late. He’s calling us to kill time, you know. He doesn’t need to be nagged.”

       Seconds later, I heard Taemin shouting, laughing and crying at the same time.

       “Key hyuuuunggg. Stop tickling meee. I’m dying alreadddyy~ Jinki hyung… I… I’m hanging up.”

        Our conversation ended like that. I waited for five more minutes until I saw Jessica coming in from the front door of the coffee shop.  She looked so tired and worried. I hate it when I see her like that. If I did what Key wanted me to do, I’ll just hurt her.

        “Jinki, mianhae. I’m really sorry. Our trainer wanted us to perfect the dance moves so-“ Jessica said as she placed her bag on the table and sat down.

       “Wait, what? You dance? I didn’t know you dance. I thought you wanted to be a  singer? I blurted out in surprise.

       “They are training us as singers and dancers. I can’t be an idol if all I can do is sing. There are a lot of people who have the same dreams as mine so I have to work hard a hundred times more. I thought you understand?” She was upset.

        “Uh… Yeah. Why didn’t I think of that?” So now she’s going to be a dancer too.  I forgot how the things work in SM E.

        “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you earlier.” She held my hand and apologized.

        “It’s okay. Let’s just talk about other things… You know-“ I wanted to change the subject already. This whole idol thing is draining my energy.

        “Jinki, I have something to tell you.” She cut me off and squeezed my hand as if telling me to listen closely.

       “What is it?” I asked.

        She suddenly became cold. I couldn’t tell what’s going on because I couldn’t read her anymore. She was emotionless. Something’s up and I know I wouldn’t like it. It felt like hours waiting for her answer.

       “I can’t see you anymore.”

       What? WHAT? Did I hear it right?

       “Oh. Are you going to some training camp or something?” That was a stupid question, but I needed to ask. She’s not breaking up with me, is she?

       “Lee Jinki. I can’t be your girlfriend anymore.” She told me.

       I don’t even know how to explain what I’m feeling right now. It’s like the time had stopped and my heart was torn into pieces. It literally hurt.

       “Jessica… please… Don’t do this.” I was trying my best not to cry.

      “Jinki, be a man. You’re making me feel like I’m the worst person on earth. You know that this relationship won’t last anyway. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

      Jessica held my hand tighter for one last time. She stood up and left me there… wondering why. Why Jessica?