Wen Junhui was only 18 years old. 

18 years old when he met him, the boy who made his heart race everyday. 

The boy he loved but could never tell. 

-

He still remembers the first day he laid eyes on him, how he flashed him that small smile Junhui came to adore. He remembers their first conversation, introducing themselves. He has memories of sneaking out of bed to hold conversations long into the night, talking about training, home, anything really.

He remembers the first time they hugged. When the younger was crying. He remembers how broken he felt inside. He didn't know what to do so he just wrapped his arms around him and held him. 

He remembers debuting. The look of pure happiness on his face made Junhui happier than anything else in the world. 

He remembers each and every day, every waking moment spent with him, and every night spent together, one of them, homesick, crawling into bed and just laying there, enjoying each others presence. He remembers the day he realized he loved him. 

-

Junhui remembers when they recorded a song together. He remembers how every syllable flowed off his tongue like the words were invented for him. He remembers singing together, voices blending, he remembers dancing into ungodly hours of the night, each pressing the other to be better, challenging themselves to get every move, every detail , down perfectly. 

He remembers nights spent on the hotel balcony, remembers how he pointed out the few constellations he knew, making the younger laugh gently whenever he thought Junhui had fallen asleep. 

-

He remembers when things started to go wrong. 

The younger started missing practice, stopped talking to anyone. The lyrics no longer had any meaning, they were just words. Just words. They had lost the feeling in them. Junhui was losing him. 

He remembers being pushed away when he tried to talk to him, the younger boy slamming the door in his face. He remembers the sting of his hand as he hit him. Remembers the pain of his words. "Junhui. I can't." 

Junhui remembers watching him step backwards, towards the ocean, towards home. Junhui remembers the look on his face as he slowly turned, whispering, "I'm sorry." 

He remembers the fear ripping through him as he finally realized what was happening, the terror as he stepped forwards, looking back only once before letting himself fall. 

He remembers shouting his name as tears began to stream uncontrollably down his cheeks, the stark realization that he was too late. 

"Minghao," he remembers whispering, falling to his knees. "MINGHAO!!" 

-

Junhui remembers crawling to the edge of the balcony, remembers raising his head to see the stars shining cruelly down. How could they shine on a night like this, he asked himself. 

He remembers the anguished sobs that wracked his body, remembers pulling himself upright on the railing, remembers falling forwards, remembers the cold of the water, and the blackness that followed. 

Junhui remembers.