'I know you know you want a miracle. Yes?'

The piece of paper that suddenly fell into my grasp was already confusing enough.

If I had swallowed my shame and pride and admitted that yes, I shamelessly wanted another miracle, when that piece of paper fell into my hand, would things have turned out differently?

I guess that was something I would never know now.

---

On the elimination day, I couldn't help but notice that everyone looked exceptionally good with new hairstyles, well-pressed uniforms and meticulous makeups. Well, I tried to look my best too. It would be the last time we appear on this show, for almost half of us, and who knows if we would ever appear on television or stand on stage again, the future's hard to tell. So, of course we need to look good for the last time. Even for myself, I would only remain in the show if miracle happen once again, for the third time. And that's just...impossible. 

Everyone was all smiles, although I couldn't help but notice how Donghyun hyung looked especially sad even when he smiled. It must be hard for him, worrying about elimination when his team mates from his agency all were already guaranteed places with their constant higher rankings. While for most of us, like Hyunbin hyung, Taedong hyung, Donghan hyung...they already reached the highest they could compared to their friends from same agency. They're already like heroes of their agencies. And like Yehyeon and myself, we're the only representatives from our agency. Moonbok hyung too...but I wonder what Moonbok hyung felt, to be in danger of elimination when we never thought he would ever be eliminated when he first appeared. Life's journey can really be so cruel and unexpected for some. 

Taedong hyung even warned us that we needed to do our craziest pose when we enter the elimination hall and kept reminding us to act 'extra' for as many screentime we could get for the last time.Yehyeon said that acting crazy would be a piece of cake for him, because he somehow had gained confidence on showing his crazy side eversince he's in our team. I wonder what's that supposed to mean. But, yeah...I'm not as great as them to really go crazy effortlesssly. I was mostly surprised Donghan hyung really went all out and surprised everyone with his creative way of making a grand entrance without even walking but instead dragging his legs in while being seated on the floor with his legs folded backwards. He really didn't look like someone who would risk his princely image like that, but I guess...at the end of the day, we just want to be remembered.

I was relieved to be seated near Taedong hyung, Hyunbin hyung, and Moonbok hyung. At least if we really ended up being eliminated, I won't feel alone. But who knows, miracle could happen to any of them. I just doubt it would happen to me again. I tried not to think of the elimination, because it's already obvious. We chatted about every other thing like the things that happened during our practices and performance, commenting each other's new styles and entrance poses and anything we could think of. But soon, I realized only Taedong hyung was still talking and Hyunbin hyung had become completely silent. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I figured I already knew.

Even though we already knew it, and even though we tried to avoid talking about it, it was the only thing occupying our minds. Whether we would survive once more, by miracle.

But just as I thought, there was no miracle, at least, not for the third time in my case. We were all eliminated, not like we expected better. But I guess, it couldn't be helped that many of us held onto the thin strand of hope until the end, for a plot twist...that didn't happen. The only surprise was, Hyunbin hyung rised so much in ranking and nearly made it if it wasn't for the change in the number of trainees to survive for the final round. He must've felt bad to be so close to surviving.

Before the elimination, Hyunbin hyung told us that we need to show that we're cool no matter what because we did the best for our song, so there should be no regrets. But seeing him the first one to go against his own order and sobbed uncontrollably, I couldn't even comfort him. He was surrounded by our top ranking friends. I didn't feel like it was my place to be there. I never had any expectation to begin with, being as unpopular as I am. I used to think hard work would never betray you, but even though I did work as hard as I could every time, seeing the reality of how hard work and talents aren't enough to save you in this competition, I learnt that those words are nothing but lies. But it wouldn't change my resolution to always work hard, because I realized I like being that way. At least if I keep working hard, I wouldn't feel it's wrong to hope for miracle yet again, maybe in the distant future.

Seeing I couldn't do anything to comfort Hyunbin hyung who's really sad, I decided to walk around. Seeing so many of them crying made me want to cry to. But somehow, maybe I'm growing up. Or maybe I had cried too much before this that there were no tears left.

"Seonghyuk-ah, good job." Suddenly I was pulled into a hug by Taehyun hyung who looked excited even though it seemed like he cried too.

"Hyung, you too."

"I'm just so happy Sungwoon made it, I think I'm going crazy. Though...I'm a little sad for myself too. But seeing Sungwoon made it, I just feel that justice does exist in this world."

Indeed, Taehyun hyung was right. Actually they're both extremely talented, but even for them, survival is so difficult to achieve.

"Yah, Seo Seonghyuk!"

I turned and saw Geonhee hyung smiling, my team leader from our previous evaluation.

"Oh, Geonhee hyung."

"So...what are your plans after this?"

"No plan. Dinner with my family."

He laughed.

"What about you, hyung?"

"I guess...continue practice with my friends. Part of me feel relieved that I don't have to worry anymore about my ranking or whether I'm doing good enough or not."

I nodded.

"By the way, you did really well, hyung."

"I know." He shrugged and left with a wink. Sassy, as usual.

'At least not everyone's feeling down, or at least showing it. It's not so bad, I can make it through this.'

I tried looking for my team. For some reason, I just didn't feel like socializing with the trainees who survived. Maybe I felt inferior, maybe it was bitterness? Maybe that's how our friends who had left before us felt on their last filming. I never thought I would feel like this on my last day. I thought that wasn't the right thing to feel, I remembered how some of my past team mates who were eliminated earlier showed resentment when I tried to comfort them and say my goodbye and well wishes.But only now, I understood how they felt and why they reacted in such a way. It might not be right, but it's just inevitable.

The first one I found was Yehyeon. He was giving a piece of paper to Yongguk hyung before they parted with a hug and Yongguk hyung went to say his goodbye to other trainees in the hall, perhaps they exchanged phone number? But Yehyeon strangely just stood without much expression and merely gave a hug to anyone that walked passed him, but there wasn't a lot people walking past him since they're all busy saying their goodbyes to those around them, and Yehyeon was seated in the corner.

"So, it's just you and me huh, buddy? You're not going to go to the crowds?"

He gave me a blank stare and shook his head before scooting closer to whisper. "Actually, I can't wait to go home already."

"Really? But you always seem so high spirited to be here."

"Not after what happened to my parents the other day. You've heard about it right?"

I thought back to the concept evaluation concert day, since that was the day Yehyeon's parents became a talk among us, though we tried our best to not bring it up to him.

"Honestly I don't mind how hard it gets when it's on myself, but I really can't take it positively, when my parents were treated like that." His face darkened.

"It's okay. It had ended."