video credit: krystalized@youtube

"We will start with the fifth place that goes to...synth pop/funk concept, I Know You Know team."

And even though we had already talked it out the day before our performance, of how all signs pointed to us to end up being the last ranking and eventually making this our last performance on this show too, hearing it, didn't hurt any less. And seeing the screen showing how many votes we garnered hurt even more.

Eighty-three votes.

Were we that bad on stage just now?

It couldn't be helped, that such thought infiltrated my mind, involuntarily...even though I knew that wasn't it and that we were prepared for this, and we wouldn't feel down for it. Because we knew we did our best and there should be no regrets. There really wasn't any.

"It's okay guys, we already expected this, right? No big deal."

I heard Donghyun hyung whispering to them...us...I don't know. My mind was blank, my eyesight was blank...other than that one thing I could see big, bright and harshly clear.

83. The number of our votes. The number of our worth.

As for myself, I only worth four votes. I should be happy. Four people thought I did the best out of all the trainees here. That wasn't an easy achievement. Maybe...my parents or family or friends made it in and gave me those votes? I don't know. I really wanted to ask them if those votes were indeed from them, but I was scared to know the truth. I heard that Yehyeon's parents didn't even get to enter. He must be really sad, but somehow he held it in and still managed to smile. I didn't think I'd be a quarter as strong. I'd probably have bawled out like crazy and even cried while singing even though our song was supposed to be very bright and charming.

Indeed, it's a really charming and bright song, and we had fun performing it...we never thought we would, but when our performance ended and we had given our final words to the nation producers, we found ourselves running and skipping while laughing in the long, narrow hallway between the backstage and our waiting room. It was surprising. It never happened before. Usually, we would be so overwhelmed by emotions after each performance and with the thoughts that it could be our last, we'd either walked away in silence, or crying and telling each other that we all had done a great job even though in our minds, we were unsure of it. But this was the first time, my team mates and I...were actually laughing. It was almost unbelievable, crazy.

We were running with springs in our steps.

And to think that many of us hated the song.

Well, I didn't. For someone like me who just got lucky to still be here even though it was still hard to believe, any song is good for me.

But I overheard when Taedong hyung vented out about how getting this song meant he's doomed for the next elimination and how badly he wanted a different song the day we were first assigned for our songs. Donghan hyung also seemed in much distress, especially when his center position was taken by Taedong hyung. He hardly smiled even when our song was supposed to have a playful mood. Even Yehyeon who usually looked bright and kind became a little scary. Everyone was just in so much stress because of the song we're assigned to. Not just because of the song, but listening to it, next to other songs, we could feel that this would be our last stage, because this song probably wouldn't be appreciated much by the crowd because it wasn't 'cool' or 'y', not even that cute. And who got those cool songs? The top ranking trainees. Looking at the people around us didn't help. All of us were at the bottom of the barrel. Was it possible that the nation producers all thought we 'suited' this song? Is this song a song that suits bottom ranking trainees?

It's a shame.

Because frankly, I think this is one beautiful song.

And we're lucky we received this song, even though it's a difficult song to sing and our producer hyung was very frightening and strict, and even though it didn't have that trendy, y or cool sound that we knew most voters would love.

If this song was meant to be for our final stage, then we're lucky to receive such a beautiful farewell song.

And not to mention, for the first time, I was chosen to be the main vocalist. I would never have had this chance if I was in another team.

But no matter how happy I felt for our song, and my luck to be getting the chance to lead the vocals of our group, we all knew that this would be our final song. Even though everyone knew, we kept avoiding the topic, until the day before our performance, right before our final rehearsal.

"I think we all are aware that this might be our final stage, right?"

I was surprised when Moonbok hyung brought it up while we're all gathered and sat in circle in our dim lited practice room. I was surprised because how could someone like Moonbok hyung thought of having his last stage already when he was so popular? I always thought he would end up debuting as part of the winning team. But then when I thought back of everything...it all made sense, and all of us had the same thought and really were in the same situation, but nobody said anything and maybe like me, they're just keeping their eyes glued to the vinyl flooring.

"Let's do a stage that we can be proud of and won't regret." Moonbok hyung continued, I could almost hear him holding back tears, but I knew Moonbok hyung would not cry. He's too bright and strong. I would be hurt to be rejected by other teams like what he faced, but he was so positive and kind that we end up feeling angry towards the teams who rejected him, sure having a popular member to join us could help with our votes, but we're all in the same situation, nobody in other teams would want us either. We could be more understanding and sympathetic,couldn't they? I was glad Donghyun hyung and Taedong hyung showed warm welcome to Moonbok hyung and even joked about how his long hair would suit our choreography as the girl we're all pursuing after, when he joined our team late, even when I was sure most of us were worried and lost in our thoughts to properly welcome him, because Moonbok hyung isn't known as fast learner when it comes to dance moves, and he had lesser time to get the choreography done.

"Yah, Moonbok hyung...that's too much. Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

Only after a few moments, everyone caught on and laughed. That was our leader, Hyunbin hyung, our leader who might have started out bumbling, but shined so bright as our dependable leader even if he get clueless and zoned out often when things get tense during practices. Still, it was all thanks to him, that we manage to held on and pushed our negative thoughts aside. I remembered how surprised I was when he volunteered