Wordcount: 2668

 

 

 

 

Regret.

 

 

Nine months have passed and all Jennie feels is regret.

 

Nine months have passed and she wishes she could take all her words back.

 

Nine months have passed and she’s still helplessly, irrevocably, in love with Lalisa Manoban.

 

 

Nine months…

 

And Lisa wouldn’t even look at her.

 

**

 

She had tried to approach the younger girl, several times, in fact. But, somehow, Lisa always managed to evade her at the last second.

Lisa wasn’t stupid, she wasn’t obvious while they were out in public. Under the watchful eyes of their fans, when Jennie and Lisa were forced to interact, the younger girl would suddenly transform into her old self and pretend everything between them was alright, just dandy. But then, as soon as they stepped away from the cameras, away from the fans and the general public, Lisa would bolt from her side and get as far away as she possibly could without seeming suspicious.

What she didn’t notice, however, was the way Jennie’s gaze lingered on her retreating back every single time. The way the brunette crumbled beneath her façade, the way her jaw clenched and her back straightened while she tried to build her emotional walls back up.

(And failed.)

 

**

 

Jennie wasn’t only remorseful, she was green with envy.

Over the months, Lisa distanced herself from Jennie and got closer to the other members. Much closer.

Sometimes, it almost seemed like she was simply overflowing with love.

(The love that was supposed to be Jennie’s.)

And she couldn’t help but shower both Jisoo and Chaeyoung with it every chance she got.

 

It started with the unnecessary amount of handholding.

Everywhere they went Lisa would be latched onto one of the girls.

Everywhere.

 

Then, there was the hugging.

 

The cuddling.

 

The kissing.

 

The copious amount of kissing.

 

It all drove Jennie up the wall.

 

She didn’t like it. Not one bit.

 

She’s supposed to be mine. She loves me.

One part of her brain screamed.

 

But I pushed her away, I’m such an idiot.

The other part replied.

 

 

Just then, as she walked past Chaeyoung’s room, she heard muffled talking followed by a loud moan.

“Ah, that feels so good, Chaeng.”

Jennie froze in her tracks, her eyes wide.

It’s Lisa.

“Yeah?”

Another moan.

“Mhm, yea, keep going.”

“Like this?”

“Harder.”

Another moan escaped from the younger girl and Jennie’s mouth hung open in pure shock.

Are they…?

“Does it feel good?”

“, yes, right there.”

They are.

Jennie clenched her jaw, her teeth ground together, and her hands balled up into fists. She quickly stepped away from the door and continued on to her room, her door slamming behind her.

Later, after she had more time to think, she decided to get out and wait in the living room. She wanted to have a talk with Lisa to hopefully clear things up a bit.

There’s no way they’re together, they’re just friends.

(Or at least that’s what she told herself.)

She was probably just giving her a massage.

A massage.

Yeah.

 

She waited.

 

And waited.

 

She waited for such a long time that she ended up falling asleep on the couch.

 

Lisa didn’t come out of Chaeyoung’s room that night.

 

**

 

“Unnie, what are you doing sleeping out here?” Chaeyoung nudged her awake.

“You could get a cold, you know?”

“Chaeng? What time is it?”

“It’s only nine.”

“Oh.”

“Why’d you sleep out here anyway?”

“I was…”

Jennie recalled the events of the previous night and a scowl formed on her face at the memory of it all. Her jealousy bubbled up inside of her and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from saying something she’d later regret.

Waiting for Lisa to get out of your room.

“I just fell asleep.”

“You were that tired?”

Jennie forced a smile onto her face and got off the couch.

“Yeah, thanks for waking me up,” she headed into the kitchen to get herself a drink.

She poured herself a glass of water and leaned against the kitchen counter as she reflected on what she’d heard the previous night.

That’s when she heard her.

“Chaeng?”

Her eyes snapped up to the source and zeroed in on the blonde that had just exited Chaeyoung’s room.

 “Good morning, sleepy head.”

Chaeyoung walked over to the younger girl and wrapped her in a warm embrace.

Jennie’s blood boiled.

“Why’d you get up so early?”

“I still have to go to church. Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, I just missed your warmth.” Lisa tightened her embrace on the brunette and buried her face in her neck.

Chaeyoung giggled and hugged her back.

“You’re so needy.”

“Mhm.”

“Did you sleep okay?”

“Yea, still a bit sore though.”

“Was I too rough?”

Jennie’s jaw clenched and unclenched, she had a white knuckled grip on the glass of water.

“No, you made me feel better,” Lisa pecked the other brunette on the cheek, “thanks.”

“Always.”

 

Her hand tightened and the glass shattered under the pressure. Water and pieces of glass scattered all over the kitchen floor. Her eyes widened at her own actions, she hadn’t realized her hold on the glass was so tight.

“Unnie, are you okay?” Chaeyoung approached her. Lisa cautiously stayed behind once she realized it was Jennie in the kitchen.

“Yea-,”

“Oh my God, you’re bleeding!”

Jennie looked at her as if in a daze, her eyes traveled back down to her own bleeding hand then back up to Chaeyoung and the blonde girl standing behind her.

“Don’t move, you might step on the glass and hurt yourself,” Chaeyoung motioned at her bare feet.

“I’ll clean it up and have a look at that hand, stay right there.”

She disappeared off into another room.

Jennie winced once her brain finally caught up and a wave of pain shot up her hand and through her arm.

“Are you okay?” Lisa cautiously approached her, eyeing her bleeding hand with a frown on her face.

Jennie’s head snapped up in attention when she realized that her voice sounded like it was so much closer than it previously was.

She gaped at the blonde for a second. Lisa approached her. Willingly. Without any cameras around.

“I’m- it hurts.”

Lisa carelessly stepped over the shattered glass on the floor, unlike Jennie, she was wearing flip flops, and took her hand in her own without so much as a word.

She took one look at the cut and clicked her tongue in disapproval.

“How did you even break it?”

Lisa looked at her, truly looked