The spotlights lit up and shone on the newly-polished, alumminium platform. The music from the sound systems mixed with the roaring cheers of dedicated fans. One fanservice, and then another. The screams only got louder. The fans jumped, they yelled, they waved their plastic fans and makeshift lightsicks to the rhythm. Ten boys, unseparable, stood on the horizontal stretch of the stage, looking at their fans on the first and second floors. They were not popular, never recieved a trophy for their hardwork, never attended one of those large-scale music award shows. But they were contented and touched by how much love they are getting. It was their first ever fanmeeting with their beloved fans. Tears brimmed in their eyes, and one after another, they started to fall. And one by one, the members cried. Some fans cried along with them, sharing their emotions. Because they knew how hard it was for them to make it this far — From Korea to Japan.

But do fans really understand the hardship of idols?

Behind the closed curtains, the concert had ended. The fans' screams dissipated after the last performance. They started streaming out of the venue, chattering loudly to their friends about the amazing night and how they would never forget this moment. A member watched from a slightly lifted curtain, satisfied by their performances today.

"Minsoo-yah," Jinwook called out.

"Still missing the fans?" Sooil laughed deeply.

"Of course, I always love how we can be with the fans," Minsoo answered, smiling, as he approached the members.

"Let's pack up and get to the vans. Manager-nim is treating us tonight!" Jinwook broke the news, smiling geniunely.

Everyone cheered and hugged the said person, who was standing by the door, waiting. Being treated to dinner means more food. To them, it was a bless. They stopped over at a barbecue restuarant just a few streets away from their hotel. They visited this same place often whenever they had done something worth to be proud of in Japan. As usual, they got their seats for ten people, with their manager sitting alone near them. It was a feast. There were pork, beef, rice and some side dishes of vegetables. The beef were gone seconds after they were cooked, and there were still some bits of pork left as the boys chatted away. They raised their glasses to ridiculous made-up jokes and kept begging their manager for more meat. Although they were reprimanded about how they should not be eating too much, the boys still made their dinner very worthwhile. They travelled back to the hotel and was awarded additional rest time before they start their schedule tomorrow. And there they were, back in their cozy hotel. It was a tiring day and they had a filling dinner. They would be able to sleep well tonight. They started their daily routine for the night. Some of them decided using rock-paper-scissors, some of them took it as a competition and raced to the bathroom.

Back in one of the hotel room, Hwanhee laid on his stomach as he scrolled through Twitter using the group's account on the bed nearest to the wall. Hundreds of retweets, hundreds of likes, hundreds of replies. Sometimes, the boys enjoyed reading the fans' comments. But sometimes, there were hatred lying deep within the positive ones. When Hwanhee scrolled a little too far, he saw something striking.

"Hwanhee looks ugly crying today 👎"

His heart stopped. It was his name. Staring right back at him. He looked below the words. 8 likes. People actually agreed to that. He scrolled further, wanting to get away from that comment. The positive ones warmed his heart. All the heart emojis and praises given to each and every members. But he stopped at one.

"Flops."

He did not know exactly what that word meant. But it had been appearing ever since the 'Black Face' incident with Sooil in May earlier that year. He went on, some people had replied to that comment.

"Flops like Hwanhee who copied Baekhyun's voice. Obviously Baekhyun is so much better."

Yet again, his name was in black against white. Distinct. Conspicious. It did not help calm his surprise when he saw the amount of likes those comments bore. He could easily guess that the word meant something really negative. And for UP10TION and Hwanhee to be bearing that title, it sickened him.

"Hwan-ah? It's your turn to brush your teeth." Changhyun said as he dried his hair with the soft hotel towel.

Hwanhee was jolted back to reality. He wiped his tiny tears away and stashed his phone back beneath his pillows. Luckily, Changhyun's sight was covered by the towel and he had not seen Hwanhee's action. When Hwanhee was got off the bed, he ruffled his hair.

"After you brushed your teeth, we can go visit the other members," he said.

"Alright," Hwanhee smiled. "I'm going to brush my teeth now!" He sang, skipped towards the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He went over to the sink and took his pink toothbrush from the collection of his and Changhyun's. He squeezed the toothpaste tube that was almost running out and brushed his teeth lifelessly. The memories of seeing those comments lingered in the back of his mind. Because words create a greater impact than actions, Hwanhee could never forget what he had seen.

The next day, they had to practice for the next round of the fanmeeting. They were in the dance studio early in the morning. The first song that was played is 'So Dangerous'. It was their debut song that was labelled as 'Hot Debut' on some music shows, but their popularity did not sustain. It was during that era when Hwanhee was referred to as 'the boy with Baekhyun's voice', or 'the boy who looks like Baekhyun'. He was placed side by side with the sunbae he admired the most, the sunbae whose group's popularity and achievements were over the top, nothing in comparision with a group of ten who came from a small company. It sounded like an honour for that few weeks. People started digging up information about the two idols to find out that they were indeed very similar. From their voices to their birthdates, from their blood type to their position in their individual groups. They were like twins if they had not been six years apart.

But through the 'SUMMER GO' era, he was insecure. He was insecure about his looks and how he was viewed as a whole. Did he control his facial expressions? Did he dance well? Did he sing well? Was his voice stable enough live? He thought about all these questions after every performances. Hwanhee had never revealed his bare face to the camera. Still being a teenager of only 17 years of age, he was cautious. If he had to be on screen, even during the small V App live broadcasts, he had to put on some makeup for him to feel even a tad bit of comfort. But without it, he felt anxious — running away when his face was in the camera when Sooil moved it downwards, screaming when the same member pushed down his turquoise pillow that was covering his face, and only finding comfort in the dark at the back of Dongyeol, Sooil and Sungjoon while again, covering his face with a long cloth. Back in Japan in the middle of the year, he lacked confidence. Now, as 'Tonight' begun to play on the speaker, he was reminded of how much he and UP10TION had been through. But he slipped. Too much on his mind. He crashed to the floor with a loud thud and everyone paused.

"Lee Hwanhee, what on Earth were you doing?" Wooseok asked with a stern voice. He was irritated. Not a morning person.

Hwanhee picked himself up from the floor and mumbled apologetically, "Sorry..."

"It's okay, Hwan-ah, let's all try again from the top," Jinwook said and replayed the song. The group got back to their places again. Hwanhee tried to concentrate and not screw up again. After all, they could not afford another mistake now.

 

"Let's take a break from here," Jinwook spoke again after the song was over. He always reminded the boys to take breaks and hydrate themselves. Sometimes, they could go on without realising the need to be replenished. They could be powered by their fiery passion and forgot about taking care of themselves. Some of them collapsed to the wooden flooring of the dance studio, laughing away with each other over how much they had danced for the past hour. They were already perfect, well almost, until Hwanhee messed up earlier.

"What shall we grab for lunch?" Dongyeol asked.

"I vote for tteokbokki!" Changhyun raised his hand.

"Same here!" Gyujin and Sungjoon said.

More hands followed and Jinwook nodded. "I guess lunch is settled."

"Who is next to buy the food?" Yein asked.

"It's the maknae line's turn this week!" Sungjoon reminded.

"Hwanhee hyung, you will go!" Dongyeol said, laughing.

"Ahh, okay!" Hwanhee smiled.

"Three person to one plate?" Dongyeol asked.

"I want to eat a lot of it!" Hwanhee laughed.

"You will get fat, Hwan-ah," Wooseok said. "Let's just order three plates."

"Alright," Hwanhee nodded.

"You can handle Japanese, right?" Kogyeol asked.

"I guess so," Hwanhee smiled sheepishly.

"Here's the money, thank you!" Jinwook passed him the sum.

Hwanhee set off to the nearby tteokbokki store, the only one that was not too far away from the hotel. Often, they would purchase their meals here. He went up to the counter and the nice old lady greeted him. He purchased the food, thanked the lady and set off again. Being out for a little while and taking a breather was a nice feeling. He had been trapped in the stuffy practice room filled with sweat and determination. Sometimes, Hwanhee wanted to escape from them all. Holding the plastic bag in his hand, he walked past many buildings and entered theirs. He memorised the route in his heart. He got up some flights of stairs and entered the dance studio where they were all waiting. It was like a swarm of bees who had found a huge garden of newly-bloomed flowers. They hurried towards Hwanhee even before the latter had reached them. They got to the tteokbokki as soon as possible. Boy, were they hungry. Hwanhee just smiled as they tucked in. He was about to join in, but something held him back.

"Flops."

"Fat."

Single words that were ringing in his head. He paused and just sat there dumbly, watching the boys ate. Maybe he was fat. Maybe he was too careless. Maybe he had flopped that practice. Before he could snap back to reality, Changhyun had already eaten most of the tteokbokki, earning scoldings from Yein. And Hwanhee had not touched a single one. The members only laughed at Changhyun's greediness. The latter had a humongous love for food. He often stuffed himself with many, back in the dorm, in between breaks at practice, during fansignings and even while travelling in the van. Despite his fondness for food, he did not gain any significant amount of weight, nor look any plumper than before. The worst of all, Wooseok and their manager did not even laugh at or scold Changhyun for eating a little too much than the rest. That thought made Hwanhee sick to the stomach.

"Let's take a rest before we continue practising," Jinwook told everyone after their quick lunch.

Although Hwanhee had not eaten a thing, he retreated back to his favourite corner and fished out his phone from his bag. He opened the group's Twitter as usual, Dongyeol had posted a selfie a few minutes ago. There were already 24 likes. Dongyeol posted selfies very frequently. He liked to update the fans. But most of the times, he did not get anyone else to join in. Hwanhee skipped to the next older post and begun scrolling through the tweets. Again, the positive ones were invading. But the word "flops" appeared in some places. Was UP10TION really that bad? He frowned.

"Hwanhee does not dance as well as the others. He has been the 'blackhole' ever since debut. Why does he still have a place in the group?"

No, it was not UP10TION, just him. The person was right. Hwanhee always messed up in practice. Changhyun had said it during an interview last year. That was why he was often at the back. He sighed. He exited the awful application and decided to listen to some of their music. It would not be soon for the boys to start practicing again. As much as they treasured their practice, they also treasured their breaks when given. Hwanhee hugged his knees and buried his head inside the temporary darkness. Their song, 'Never Ending', played first after he the shuffle mode. It was a song composed by their very own sunbae, Changjo, from another male group in the company, Teen Top. Teen Top was not exactly popular either. But when Hwanhee was a trainee, he looked up to them and wanted to be as talented as they were. He was only a teenager, attending the first year of high school, but he was already given a chance to shine on stage. Of course, it was a difficult journey. He entered as a self-proclaimed brilliant dancer, but honestly without any real skills. More often than not, he would always be that one person who lagged behind, dragged the others down, and not performing up to the company's standard. And now, he was just the same anyhow.

"Hwanhee?" A soft voice spoke. Hwanhee looked up and Jinwook came into view. The song had already changed to Magic. Jinwook was squatting down to his eye-level. Hwanhee looked behind him, the others were already at their positions, staring at them.

"I'm so sorry," he apologised immediately and stood up.

Hwanhee put his phone and earpieces down. He avoided the piercing stares from everyone else and walked towards them. He must not had heard Jinwook calling for them earlier. It was very embarrassing. He mentally cursed at himself for this stupid mistake of not hearing Jinwook's instructions. He missed the look of confusion from his best friend, missed the look of concern from his roommate. He spent the entire practice just concentrating. He did not went on to Twitter anymore for the subsequent breaks. At around 11pm, they reached their hotel, exhuasted and worn-out. They could not wait to snuggle back into their own cozy little beds, under the cool sheets of blanket. Hwanhee went straight to his shared bedroom and immediately retreated to bed. He was about to turn on his phone again when he heard a somewhat muffled conversation outside. They were trying hard to keep their volumes down, but it did not help to be standing behind the door.

"He's acting weird." It sounded like Changhyun.

"Wooseok hyung, you must have hurt him." Dongyeol was next.

"What?" Definitely Wooseok.

"He's distracted, there's something on his mind." And Jinwook, the most rational leader. "Changhyun, he trusts you, why don't you try talking to him?"

"Sure, of course."

They stopped, and Hwanhee heard footsteps drifting away. Someone knocked on the door and it opened. It was indeed Changhyun. Changhyun had put on a gentle smile, one that Hwanhee loved the most. He sat down on the edge of his bed and faced him.

"We are worried about you."

"I'm just tired today," Hwanhee replied and looked down at his toes.

Changhyun bit his lips. He knew this reaction. He was familiar with how Hwanhee acted everytime he was feeling down. Hwanhee was a professional at hiding.

"I know something's bothering you, but I won't force you to tell me, or act like nothing's wrong. Please know that you have us if you ever needed to talk about anything."

"Of course, hyung. I'll be fine. I just need some sleep."

"Then I'll leave you to rest. I'll go and visit Sooil hyung," Changhyun stood up. Hwanhee hummed and watched him left.

Don't let them in. It's not worth it. Hwanhee thought as he scrolled through Twitter once again, lifelessly. No one came for Hwanhee after that. So he went to bed extra early. The hotel door opened at almost 1am, Changhyun noticed that the latter had already slept. He looked at his dongsaeng sadly. He crawled to his own bed and slept too, making as little noise as possible. While he was brushing his teeth, Changhyun's head popped into the bathroom.

"Did you have a good sleep?"

"Yes, hyung," Hwanhee replied, sound muffled.

Changhyun nodded and disappeared, and Hwanhee continued his quiet moment alone. He could hear the laughters coming from outside. Pure laughters. Then he heard Wooseok's. Wooseok had came over their room earlier that morning. His grip tightened on the sink and he brushed harder. Today, they were going to perform in Osaka.

Again, the spotlights were shinning on them. They were the stars of the show, the only people that the fans were focusing on. Fame was something that UP10TION could not get as easily, but they did not give up. It was their last showcase and the last time promoting SUMMER GO before they began their short hiatus. It would be the last time they could meet their fans before they start preparing for the next album. They were determined to give their Japanese fans the best night yet. And at last, the showcase was done. The boys bowed and waved good bye to the dedicated fans before disappearing back stage again.

They departed from Japan and returned to Korea the next day. But this was not the end of their schedule. The little time in the plane trip was their sleeping time. Their next job was to finally prepare for their comeback. They only had two weeks before they would sprung into action again. Practice after pratice, recordings after recordings, flimings after flimings. It seemed that rest was never on their side. But Hwanhee enjoyed it. More practice time meant being able to improve his dance more often. It was all he ever needed to prove his worth to the company and haters. After all, he was not good enough.

It started off as a contentment then it became an obsession. Hwanhee grabbed whatever free time he had to move all four of his limbs. He had to make sure he would not screw up their comeback. At night, right before dinner, he would be going through the dance routine of their new song over and over again until someone knocked on the bedroom door. Then, he would appear all sweaty before them, clothes sticking to his body uncomfortably.

"What on earth have you been doing in there?" Jinwook would ask the same question every night with the same shock in his tone, but everytime he would get more concerned.

"Are you working out? I know Changhyun keeps some dumbbells in there," Sooil asked.

"Hyung, you look skinny enough already, come on, let's enjoy dinner," Dongyeol pulled Hwanhee's arm as he walked out of the dorm room.

Hwanhee did not have a chance to speak. But even so, he did not want to explain what he was up to anyways. This same incident happened for nights, it became a norm to see Hwanhee all wet around his forehead and sweat dripping from his hair. Soon, the members did not question him anymore. They could not get any answers out of their maknae, even by witnessing anything, as the bedroom door would always be locked. Although Changhyun and Dongyeol had tried numerous times to get in, Hwanhee would always manage to keep himself inside. The members knew that there was something wrong with him and that they had to do something as soon as possible. They had to make sure that whatever that boy was doing in the room was not damaging to himself. However, no matter how much they waited for Hwanhee to confess, the members could not keep their patience anymore. The night before their comeback performance in Music Bank, the members decided to have dinner in the dorm so as to keep their conversations private. Hwanhee did not suspect a thing. Changhyun specially cooked that night, a simple meal of fried rice with kimchi. The dorm's kitchen was unused for months, but everything still worked fine. Dinner was going well, with the members chatting about their day, about the fans, and about missing their family. Until, the members silently agreed on something. And being the leader, Jinwook brought up the topic to Hwanhee.

"So, Hwanhee, we are all curious about what you have been doing in the bedroom every night."

Hwanhee's hands paused mid-air at that question and he looked up at Jinwook slowly.

"Wh-What do you mean?" He asked dumbly.

"You lock yourself in the room every night before dinner, you don't let us in, we are just worried that you might..." Jinwook trailed off.

"I'm not doing anything," Hwanhee lied.

"Are you sure? Because you look dead tired after whatever you have been doing inside," Wooseok joined in.

"Since when you cared?" Hwanhee asked curtly.

"Hwan-ah!" The members were shocked at that.

"Hwanhee, we all care about you," Jinwook tried to calm him down.

"I'm useless, I'm just trying to improve myself," Hwanhee mumbled and stood up angrily, placing the spoon on the table, and locking himself in the room once again.

The members just watched, dumb-founded. They did not expect their maknae to behave like this. But they knew not to agitate him further, so they continued eating, but solemnly. After dinner, the members debated that Changhyun would be the best person to comfort Hwanhee. So he stood there, knocking on the door, calling out Hwanhee's name softly. But there was no sound from inside, and Changhyun looked at the anxious members sadly.

"I guess we will wait till morning. Let's hope he will be calmed down enough for the performance," Jinwook decided.

The other members nodded and agreed. Then they began doing their daily routine and got ready for bed. They did not ask Hwanhee the question when they saw him. They just greeted him and ruffled his hair, hoping that the old Hwanhee could come back again soon. That night, Hwanhee laid on his side, hand clutching his linen pillow as he slept. He dreamt of the worst — that he had forgotten the lyrics, that he was out of tempo, and he had screwed up the performance. As he slept, tears escaped out from the corner of his doe eyes. To ever disappoint others in public was the worst nightmare.

The next morning, Hwanhee's obsession had took a toll on his health. He had fallen sick on an unfortunate timing. He woke up with a pounding headache and his throat felt like it was on fire. Changhyun and Dongyeol came to his bed after Hwanhee could not even speak clearly to them. The oldest among them placed a hand on Hwanhee's forehead and sighed.

"Hwan-ah, you have a fever."

Hwanhee looked down apologetically and Dongyeol hugged him tightly.

"Hyung..." Dongyeol said sadly.

"You have to rest," Changhyun told him.

"I can manage," Hwanhee croaked out and cleared his throat.

"You are losing your voice, and that is essential to you as a vocalist! You need to rest," Changhyun continued.

"Hyung is right, you need to rest," Dongyeol nodded.

"No, I can still perform," Hwanhee argued.

The door opened just then and Jinwook appeared.

"What's wrong?" He asked. "The three of you did not appear outside for a long time."

"Hwanhee hyung is sick," Dongyeol explained.

"Hwan-ah?" Jinwook called out as he approached them. He placed his hand on Hwanhee's forehead and sighed too.

"I'll tell manager hyung that you are unwell. Rest here," he said.

"No!" Hwanhee stopped him. "Let me perform."

"You can't perform in this state, Hwanhee," Jinwook frowned.

"Please, let me perform. I can't disappoint our fans."

As Hwanhee pleaded, they could all see that his eyes was more shinnier than usual. Jinwook was reminded about what Hwanhee had muttered under his breath last night.

"Hwan-ah, you are not useless. You are sick, you need to rest, the fans won't mind," Jinwook said.

"I have to, for the company. Please, just let me perform," Hwanhee continued begging.

Jinwook looked up at Changhyun and Dongyeol before sighing once again. "Fine. You can perform, but you have to rest immediately after that."

"Thank you, hyung."

"Let's get ready," Jinwook nodded at them.

The news of Hwanhee being sick was announced to the other members and their managers. The members continued convincing Hwanhee to rest, but the latter was still so stubborn. Hwanhee sat quietly on the van, thinking of the consequences if he ever missed this performance. It was their first comeback stage, so they could not afford to lose any members in such an important performance. He drank a lot of water in the waiting room to get his vocal chords to work. He felt a little better after drinking, but he was still not satisfied.

It was finally UP10TION's turn to be on stage. This was a different area than the one in the usual broadcasting building. The stage was held outdoors in Gyeongju. The members were worried for Hwanhee, but they could not do anything now. Hwanhee was determined to finish performing. They recieved the cue and hurried up the stage and got into positions. It was the first time they performed their new song in front of the fans, they had to do well. Hwanhee forced himself to sing the best he could, although there were a few times he had went out of tune. The lights were especially bright, the dancing had made him dizzy, but he did not falter. At last, they posed and the music ended. They had done it. They got off the floor and bowed quickly before leaving. Just as Jinwook turned back to face the boys backstage, he noticed Hwanhee swaying.

"Catch him!" Jinwook yelled and surged forward.

Luckily, Sooil reacted faster and caught Hwanhee in his arms before the latter fell over. Hwanhee had his eyes remained closed, his lips were parted, and his chest rising up and down quickly.

"Let's lie him down in the waiting room," Jinwook told Sooil.

They were worried about their poor, beloved sick boy. After all, he was only an innocent teenager underneath the sheet of sweat and behind the wall that he had put forth. Sooil placed Hwanhee on the sofa, the other staffs in the room were shocked. Their manager came over immediately, equally appalled by what he was seeing.

"What happened?" He asked.

"He fainted, I think his fever got worse, hyung," Jinwook answered.

"Let's get back to the dorm quickly," their manager ordered.

Sooil helped to carry Hwanhee into the van. The atmosphere was grim, as they were mentally blaming themselves for not taking care of Hwanhee better. Now that Hwanhee had collapsed, the members realised that the situation was even worse than they had thought. When they got back, Hwanhee was placed on his bed and only Changhyun, Dongyeol and Jinwook were allowed in the room.

"You silly boy," Jinwook mumbled as he gently dabbed the wet cloth on Hwanhee's forehead. "When he is awake, we need to find out what happened. I don't care if he continues rejecting us. He needs help, our help."

"Yes, hyung. We will help him," Dongyeol said, both him and Changhyun were nodding.

They stayed in the room for a few hours. Dongyeol and Gyujin went to sleep like the rest of the members. Jinwook was too worried to fall asleep, so he stayed by Hwanhee's side and decided to scroll through twitter. It had been a long time since he checked out this application. He saw a lot of fan-taken videos and photo of their performances earlier. There were many praises about their new song and he was relieved to know that. He was also worried that the fans might not be pleased with the comeback. However, there was also hate comments directed at how Hwanhee did not sing well that evening. Jinwook frowned and looked at the sleeping boy. He remembered how Hwanhee was always on his phone during breaks. Jinwook noticed the familiar layout of the application whenever he glanced at the younger's phone. He finally realised why Hwanhee seemed to look upset after that. It was as if a lightbulb had lit up inside his brain as he finally understood what had caused this.

"Oh, Hwan-ah," Jinwook mumbled and carressed the said boy's soft hair.

Hwanhee woke up and was surprised to find himself on the bed. He widened his eyes when he saw the leader and sat up.

"Careful, you fainted just now," Jinwook said as he helped Hwanhee to sit up.

"Hyung..." Hwanhee mumbled.

"We need to talk, about what is happening. Can you please tell me?" Jinwook asked.

"I..." Hwanhee eyed the sleeping figures on Changhyun's bed.

"They are still asleep, you can just tell me. Don't worry," Jinwook continued to urge

"I...I'm not good enough. I just..want to be better. I want to prove my worth to the company and...the fans who hate me," Hwanhee stammered.

"Do you think the members hate you?" Jinwook asked.

Hwanhee nodded in reply." Wooseok hyung..." He said quietly.

"Oh Hwan-ah, he doesn't hate you. I know his remarks can be hurtful sometimes but you know him. He isn't that kind of person. Can you forgive him?"

Hwanhee pondered for a while. Jinwook was right. Wooseok was not a bad person, at all he never had any bad intentions no matter what others said about him. In fact, Wooseok was just as vulnerable as he was. He then nodded at Jinwook.

Jinwook smiled. "Now, Hwanhee. Tell me, you've been looking at the hate comments on Twitter, haven't you?" Hwanhee nodded regrettably.

"Listen to me, Hwan. There will always be haters, no matter what you do. There will always be people who will try to bring you down, making you feel awful about yourself. But that does not mean we must succumb to them. They are bullies, and we must not be afraid of them. Continue doing what you love, this is your life, not theirs to interfere. You love singing and performing, then continue being an idol. This is your dream. You are not useless, you worth a lot to us. You are the main vocalist and we all adore your stability. You are chosen to be here for a reason and that is because you are amazing. So don't feel down just because of some mean people." Jinwook then showed him the screen on his phone. "Look at these. There are fans who love you." He continued.

Right below one of the hate comments, there were many replies arguing about how amazing Hwanhee actually was. They defended him, and each of the positive comments have more likes than the negative one.

"Because the negativity got to your head, you failed to see that there are actually many people who truly loves you. People like these kind fans, people like us, and most importantly, your family. Look, there are even fans who were concerned about your health today. So please, Hwanhee, don't hate yourself anymore."

Hwanhee stayed silent and Jinwook just watched him. Tears began to fall from the younger's eyes and he immediately hugged Jinwook. He cried a lot, and that was okay. It was better to let out the emotions than bottling them inside and exploding later. Jinwook hugged him tightly and smiled to himself. After Hwanhee finished crying, Jinwook laid him on bed once again.

"Now, sleep and make your fever go away. I will come and check on you later. Just call us if you need anything," Jinwook said.

Hwanhee nodded, "thank you, hyung. For everything." He closed his eyes and fell asleep almost immediately.

Jinwook looked back at the two boys on the bed and winked at them. Changhyun and Dongyeol heaved a sigh of relief. The weight from the members' shoulders was finally lifted. Jinwook turned back to Hwanhee again and covered his body with the blanket.

"You did great, Hwanhee. Now rest well."

 

 

 

 

---

Author's Note:

I want to thank my roleplay buddies who had helped me with this fanfic. They know more about UP10TION's activities than I do because I am quite new to the fandom ^^ So they had answered my doubts and that led me to completing this fanfic. In alphabetical order, thanks to Aina (Bitto), Alyn (Gyujin), Sena (Kuhn) and Tammie (Jinhoo) 💖

I portrayed Hwanhee as someone who has low self-confidence and has insecurities, which seems pretty true, judging from how he behaved last year. In this story, the people who impacted him the most were the haters and Wooseok (Wooshin). Haters are everywhere, and no doubt, there are many who bash UP10TION. So I want to show how fans and haters can affect the idols. Additionally, I've always had this idea that Wooseok is the "satan" and would hurt others unintentionally. Because of Hwanhee's insecurities, Wooseok's words affected him greatly. On the other hand, the member who helped him a lot was Jinwook (Jinhoo). As the leader of UP10TION, I viewed him as someone who would always be there for the boys, always helping them, and always giving them a trustable shoulder to cry on. Changhyun (Bitto) was the hyung that Hwanhee loves and trust the most. They are roommates, along with Dongyeol (Xiao), who is the same age as Hwanhee. Therefore, I wanted to bring these two people into the story as well, as two of the three who had helped Hwanhee find his way out of the self-loathing. I wrote this fanfic using incidents and timeline of these events as accurately as possible, such as the showcase at the start of the story and Hwanhee's insecurities in Japan. I wanted to bring out the feelings of having low self-confidence, about how peers can affect you, and especially how fans can impact the group members. Though it might be the case that Hwanhee was in fact only in a rather dull mood in Japan last year, I still see the hints that Hwanhee was indeed insecure. I also like to think that Hwanhee has greatly improved from there. This boy is amazing, and I really really appreciate his existence. I sincerely hope all of the haters out there can stop harrassing him, UP10TION, and all the other kpop artists. Words can impact someone for a lifetime. Thank you for reading this fanfic, please do leave a comment and vote in the poll below too! I will appreciate it :)