When half of me is gone,
how can I live as one?

--- 

“Don’t you think it’s your fault? Taking all the works on you at office, while you’re pregnant? Didn’t I tell you to take a rest? If you listened to me, ONLY IF YOU— listened. Our SeungJo would be here. It’s your entire fault!”

Seungcheol regretted his words, right after it rolled out of his mouth, and seeing pain swimming in his omega’s eyes. His lovely eyes, his lovely cat like eyes that used to twinkle like a pond of stars now look so dark, filled with depression, misery and pains.

Pains that they should have shared, the depression that they should have conquer together, the misery that they should have overcome together.

Only if Seungcheol know how to control his sadness, only if seungcheol can hang on the tiny thread of sanity left in his head. It’s true, the easiest way to express your sadness is through anger, and seungcheol know better than that.

“Ji—”

Too late, Jisoo’s face is void of emotion now, his eyes are blank. Seungcheol can feel the mixed emotion in his mate, even the all the little ugly thoughts that running in his head.

‘You killed your baby soo.’

‘Murderer’

‘Even your alpha said it’s your fault’

‘He HATES YOU for it.’

“NO— JISOO!!“

Jisoo flinched at his alpha voice, blinks away the tears and shakes his head, trying to clear out his bad thoughts. He smiled a thin smile before walking towards the baby room they prepared, but he stops right in front of the door,

“I’m sorry, for being a murderer.”

Jisoo close the door and he locks himself in the room. Seungcheol can hear his mate sobs and the pain he feels, crying out for their son.

‘What have you done, seungcheol’ seunghcheol thought, as he sits on the floor, leaning on the baby room door, sobbing.

---

Jeonghan sighs as he try not to punch his best friend on his face.

”what did you do now?”

Seungcheol remains silent, eyes tired and puffy from crying and Jeonghan could only try his best not to kill his so called bestfriend.

“Really cheol? You come here just to sit or wha—”

“I don’t know okay… I just need to escape okay?” Seungcheol said, cutting off Jeonghan’s words.

Jeonghan sighs and leans back on the couch in front of Seungcheol, glaring. Jeonghan was supposed to be the one who married Jisoo, he was the one that was promised to be married to Jisoo, Alpha from the Yoon family, the one and only alpha son of Yoon Doojoon. Since The Hong and Yoon family are close, and fortunately the only son of both happens to be pair of Alpha and Omega, Alpha Yoon Jeonghan and Omega Hong Jisoo.

But Jisoo can’t see Jeonghan more than a friend; sure they were close as a child, but when he learned that they were promised to be married, Jisoo starts to distance himself. He don’t want to be tied without feeling, he don’t want to be married without him taking part of choosing his life mate, and Jeonghan can help but to appreciate it and try to just court him like the other alpha, he joined the competition to win Jisoo’s heart.

“You know. When he chooses you, out of all people that try to court him, I was glad.” Jeonghan stares at his friend, Seungcheol looks up with slight confusion in his eyes.

“I was glad he chooses you. I thought he made a very great choice.” Jeonghan continues. “I know that you would never hurt him, that you’re sincere with him, not like those other who just want a pretty omega to decorate their bed.”

Seungcheol looks away, he remember all those other alpha that try to court Jisoo, they were just after Jisoo’s pretty face, body, and money and Jeonghan was right, he himself thinks that it’s a relief that Jisoo chooses him at last.

“But now why I think that I was wrong?”

Seungcheol head snapped back to Jeonghan’s direction, eyes wide. What did Jeonghan just said?.

“I think, you’re one of those cheap alpha, Seungcheol. You are, one of them” He stands up.

In a blink, Seungcheol eyes was filled with rage and without they realized, they’re throwing punches to each other, rolling on the floor, knocking Jeonghan’s furniture down.

Once they’re separated, they’re standing, facing each other, some blood here and there, Seungcheol bruises starts to show, their eyes glowing red. Sign of an Alpha in rage.

“Yoon Jeonghan, you ticked me off, I’m going to rip your head off!”

“Come and try. Make Jisoo HATES you more, than how you HATE him for getting miscarriage!”

“I DON’T HATE HIM!”

“THEN WHY YOU BLAME HIM?!”

Seungcheol growls.

“he’s too stubborn to just be at home, and listen to my words. I told him to STAY AT HOME and REST. I TOLD HIM TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF AND OUR—”

“WERE YOU THERE FOR HIM?”

Silence.

“I ASKED, WERE YOU THERE FOR HIM SEUNGCHEOL? WHERE WERE YOU SEUNGCHEOL? DID YOU HELP HIM TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF AND YOUR BABY?!” Jeonghan growls.

“Were you there? When he go to hospital for checkups? WERE YOU THERE WHEN HE’S IN NEED OF HIS ALPHA PRESENCE TO REDUCE THE CRAMPS AND STRESS?” Jeonghan added, tears streaming down his face.

Seungcheol legs give up; he slowly sat down on the floor staring at Jeonghan’s shattered flower vase on the floor. The flower in that vase was tulips, Jisoo’s favorite.

“Wait, of course you weren’t there” Jeonghan laughs maniacally “you were always working, out of town, out of the country, taking care of stuff here, taking care of stuff there, thinking about your financial, thinking about your job, thinking about ANYTHING BUT JISOO!” Jeonghan said, he sounded like a lunatic.

“YOU MY FRIEND, HAVE NO TIME FOR HIM!” Jeonghan spat. “IF I WERE YOU I WOULD GIVE HIM ALL OF MY TIME NOT BECAUSE HE’S PREGNANT BT BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT.”

Silence.

“Don’t you know it kills me everytime he said that he missed you? and that Seungjo wants to cuddles with his father?” Jeonghan looks down at him. “because I wasn’t Seungjo’s father, or you that he wants to rely on” Jeonghan walks back, leaning on the wall.

“Don’t you know, your name was the only name he called when he was in that damn hospital? Before and after surgery?”

Seungcheol stays silent, Jeonghan slides down, sitting on the floor.

“True, Jisoo works like normal, but he only works until 3PM, cheol. You can’t blame him for getting bored in that damn house of yours. He’s all alone almost all the time.” Jeonghan said, trying to calm down.

“You might clean seungjo’s grave every week, but you were not the one who’s holding Seungjo that night, holding him close to your heart, where you supposed to feel another tiny heartbeat beating against yours, but then realized there was none.”

Seungcheol was about to ask Jeonghan to stop when his phone rings.

Caller ID: Minghao

He picks up, bringing the device to his ear.

“h-hello… minghao?.”

---

It was a blur, all he can hear from the call was Jisoo, blood and hospital, he was paralyzed so Jeonghan (again) was the one who help him to stand and move, the drive to the hospital feels like hours for Seungcheol, Jeonghan was the one that driving because he said he can’t trust Seungcheol state to be driving (said the one who was shouting like a lunatic alpha before.)

Once they’re in the hospital, Seungcheol runs to Jisoo’s room and the family goes out, Minghao hugs him before walking out hand in hand with his Alpha, Mingyu. Jeonghan decided to go home

---

Jisoo is sleeping, soundly.

“h-hello… minghao?”

‘HYUNG! WHERE ARE YOU?— IT’S JISOO HYUNG’

Minghao was sobbing hard.

“JISOO? MINGHAO WHAT HAPPENED?...”

‘Jisoo hyung, he fell down the stair! I was visiting with Mingyu to make sure he’s okay and when we arrived he’s lying on the floor! It was so much blood from his head and nose! We’re in the hospital right now! Hyung please come he keeps calling your name in his sleep…”

Seungcheol shakes his head, trying to shake off the short moment of terror he felt when Minghao called him.

“YOU MY FRIEND, HAVE NO TIME FOR HIM!”

Seungcheol can feel his heart clenches when Jeonghan’s voice ringing in his head, repeating the word like a mantra.

“———but you were not the one who’s holding Seungjo that night, holding him close to your heart, where you supposed to feel another tiny heartbeat beating against yours, but then realized there was none.”

Seungcheol let out a sob as he holds his omega’s hand, leaving butterfly kisses on the beautiful boy’s knuckles.

“cheol?... what happened to your face?”

Seungcheol looks up to see Jisoo looking at him, and he can’t help but sob harder because now he realized how skinny his beloved wife is, how miserable his eyes looks, how big the damage he did to the younger.

“don’t cry… did you fight? Are you hurt? I’ll call the nurse okay?”

Seungcheol shakes his head. Despite everything that happened, Jisoo is still Jisoo, he’s still that soft hearted, selfless, kind little omega that he falls for, jisoo is stronger that what he thought.

“I- I- I’m… I’m sorry… I was a jerk— I was—”

“Do you know, when Jeonghan introduce you as his bestfriend… I thought you look like a puppy.” Jisoo said, cutting seungcheol words, he smiles. “Just like when Minghao introduce his alpha, Mingyu. I thought both of Minghao and Jeonghan pick you guys up from the same shelter” He added, hand caressing seungcheol’s face.

Seungcheol can’t help but chuckles.

“… and all I want to know was… ‘how to take care a puppy’ and I actually googled it…”

Both of them laugh despite they’re both tearing up.

“Where did we go wrong… cheol-ah?” Jisoo asked his eyes watery.

“We did not… It was me” Seungcheol said, clutching Jisoo’s hand afraid that Jisoo might pull it back. “it was me Soo-ya… Me…” he sobs.

“I’m sorry for not taking care of Seungjo better…” Jisoo sobs. “please don’t hate me cheol-ah…”

Seungcheol shakes his head.

“No, darling it’s me who should apologies, sorry for not making time for you, sorry I never was by your side, sorry for being busy…”

“are we okay now?... can we… can we hug and kiss like how we used to?” Jisoo sobs harder.

Seungcheol didn’t reply instead he stands up and embrace the younger guy, who’s sobbing his heart out on his chest. Seungcheol rains Jisoo’s head with kisses, and his ears with sweet words and promises that he will try to fulfill.

Their ship may never sail smoothly all the time, there’s storms and thunders out there, raging ocean and even big waves, but there’s a grace too powerful to name that keeping them together, as long as they not take their hands of their wheels of life, they’ll be fine.