I decided to leave first the next morning because, the way I see it, the first one to leave the bed won't be the one to get hurt. Apparently what I thought was wrong because seeing him, who will possibly be hurting because of me, lie there unaware of anything going through my mind and what I was about to do hurt me, too. This was supposed to be nothing but a No strings attached arrangement. A sort of companionship, but not a relationship. However, after 3 years of it, somewhere along the way, the wall we built to stop the attachment was slowly breaking, falling apart and we did nothing but watch it crumble into nothing but a small brick which I've decided to keep there.

I wanted to build the wall back up, yet I also wanted to be the one to get rid of the pieces that have found their way to the ground. The probability of him finding someone new was close to a hundred and that scared me. It scared me because even if I choose to let go of him now to avoid getting hurt, I would still end up hurt in the end. It scared me because that would mean the image of him being how he is to me with another girl will show up in my nightmares. It scared me because there was a possibility that what he told me he liked about me would be compared to what he liked about her and he would end up realizing that he actually hated those things about me. It scared me because this feeling was nothing I’ve ever experienced before and I didn’t know how to handle it.

It’s funny because if anyone asked me what he was to me, I wouldn’t be even able to provide a definite answer since I didn’t know the answer myself. I knew we weren’t in a relationship so he wasn’t my boyfriend. I was extremely comfortable with him and I even told my problems and some secrets, so I guess I could say he’s a friend. However, this uncertainty was what brought upon this decision to distance myself in the first place. I could always ask him what we were, but I didn’t want to get disappointed or hurt if the answer wouldn’t be the one I hoped. He was caring and sweet, but at the same time there was some sort