( cold. ) chills wrecked his body as he walked in the rain,  too absorbed in his
     thoughts to care about the shirt stuck to his skin and hair to his cheeks. how long
     had he been walking?  how far had he walked?  questions, unanswered, tossed
     to the back of his mind. there's only ever one thing  - one person -  that occupied
     the entirety of his consciousness. 

                                                                                                hwang minhyun.

          the name haunted him day and night,  from the time he first saw him to the
     very last. it started with a simple admiration, from a junior to a senior, and then
     everything else started to fall in place. his smile, the way it curled upwards at the
     corners that tugged on  his heart all the same;  those almond shaped eyes,  bright 
     as a  cat and  yet gentle  as night;  his voice,  like a  warm blanket  that comforted
     his soul, calling out his name....

               " kwon hyunbin. "
                                  " hyunbin-ah. "
                                                      " hyunbin-ah...we...i'm sorry. "

          he stopped in his tracks. hands coming to cover his eyes. rain and tears both
     painted his face with melancholy blues of regrets.

                                           —  and time would not turn
                                                       for the heartbroken child —                      

          ( cold. ) it's the first thing he noticed even in the sanctuary of his own home.
     autumn was peeking its head from around the corners and rain, knocking on his
     door. minhyun sat by the  living room window,  knees hitched up with a book in
     hand. the rain as a melody was jumbling his thoughts, disturbing his peace, and
     despite the chills of goosebumps rising along pale skin, minhyun felt stuffy.  like
     he was pushed  into a room with  just enough space  for his torso  and four limbs
     and nothing more.

                                                  stuffy.
                                                           unbearable.
                                                  frustrating.
                                                           insufferable.

                                                                                            ... kwon hyunbin.

          it has been three days since they last met. three days since he cut off contact.
     it's for their good, he said.  it's for his sanity, he thinks.  but even so he checked
     his mobile phone  every thirty minutes,  jumped at the sound  of phone ringing. 
     dark circles formed  under his swollen eyes  from the lack of sleep,  because each
     time he closed his eyes, hyunbin's face came to mind.

          the way his eyes  turn into two  fine lines as his  lips  drew in  a teeth-showing
     smile;  the way he tagged  behind his footsteps  with loud clumsy steps;  the way
     his eyes always shone with some form of expectations as he called his name.

               " hyung. "
                         " minhyunie-hyung. "
                                        " i like you...so can't you just, like me even for a bit? "

          minhyun  tossed his  book to  the side and  stood up.  he could not  take it any
     more,  it's eating  at his mind  and heart and  hollowed  his soul.  he needed to
     leave his house, his four walls...to get out. leave.

                                    —  and if time could turn would 
                                                     there be 2 less heartbroken souls —                      

          ( howling. )  the wind was  pressing the wet  clothes to his  back and he could 
     finally feel  the shivers  running  down  his spine,  up his arms.  hyunbin blinked,
     snapping back into  reality to cross  his arms one over the other.  he stood out like
     a sore thumb, taller than the passing umbrellas and soaked to the core. 

                                                  miserable.
                                                                 alone.
                                                  in pain.
                                                                 pathetic.

          if he hadn't been so rash, so dumb,  he wouldn't have put himself in this state.
     everything changed its course  the moment he opened  his loud mouth to  confess,
     and what worth was it for? hyunbin pressed himself against the wall right outside
     an old store,  dark interior marking  it closed for the day.  eyes watched as the rain
     dripped from the extended cloth shade, eyes shutting close - tired, he's tired -  the
     male slid from  the wall to sit,  legs pulled up to his chest.  even then the tips of his
     shoes poked  out from  the shade,  and he couldn't be  bothered as droplets splatter
     upon it.

          hyunbin didn't  know what  else he  was  expecting.  he walked  out of the house
     that evening because he hoped the rain would clear his mind; he hoped the sound
     would drown out the cracks of his heart; he hoped...he had hoped that perhaps in
     the slightest possibility, that minhyun would have said otherwise. 

          in short,  hyunbin had hoped  for too many things,  and none of them worked
     in his favor. he cracked a laugh as tears pooled in his eyes once more, arms around
     his knees like a giant child in the middle of the street. 

                              —  and if he could turn back time he knew
                                              he would still say the same things again —

          ( howling. ) everything was loud but none compared the the chaos settling in
     his chest.  it weighed on him like a boulder,  and his steps were heavy,  grounded.
     he was only carrying an umbrella with him, but each step on flat roads felt like an
     uphill battle.  minhyun's eyes  fluttered to the ground,  to the puddles and ripples
     upon the surface as rain fell.

          no, he wasn't just carrying an umbrella;  he's carrying the weight of a love he
     could not  reprociate.  it's the weight of  hyunbin's affections  that he stored deep 
     down in his heart through the  days, weeks, months.  because minhyun knew,  at
     some point in time, that hyunbin's smile wasn't simply out of fondness but some-
     thing more.  that his  gentle gaze  was reserved  for him,  that his  soft laugh  and 
     random gifts - pens, books, confectionary - was something special.

          sometimes he  thinks he knew  about hyunbin's love  before hyunbin  knew it
     himself,  because how can he not feel his adoration?  his attention to details?  his
     warmth when his arm  sling over his shoulders  in a careful manner?  minhyun
     knew.  and yet he couldn't pull away,  no matter how many times he told himself
     that it would never work out.

          two males, in society, in love. no...nothing good could come out of that. hyunbin
     would be hurt,  people around them  would be hurt.  or so that was the lie he told
     himself,  because his heart hurts the most  and he could only wished that he had
     the courage to step up like hyunbin. because he's an idiot and he loved - no, loves -
     him.

                                                                                               he loves him.

                              —  and he knew that if he could turn back
                                           time he would have chose another path —

               " ...kwon hyunbin...? "

          ( hallucinations. )  he was wondering when they would appear,  considering
     how many  times he  dreamed of  minhyun through t he days,  even from  before,
     and even more so now. hyunbin shook his head, face buried deeper into his arms,
     willing them away.

          it was the squeeze of someone's hand  ( his. it has to be him,  because he could 
     recognize that warmth and  feel of his hands  no matter when. )  on his shoulders
     that he jerked to reality.  swollen eyes matched  with the familiar,  feline-looking
     pair.  they were  beautiful  as always,  albeit the weariness  reflected in them.  the
     male blinked, stared.

                                                                                               " ...hyunbin-ah. "

          his ( footsteps ) had led him there,  on a route he's walked hundreds of times
     with the taller  boy by his side.  retracing his steps  without meaning to,  minhyun
     was about to turn around when he locked eyes onto a familiar figure in the haze of
     the rain. the streets were mostly empty at this hour, the rain having poured for far
     too long. 

          then there's him, seated on the floor with his shoes out in the rain. part of him
     wanted to laugh,  but his eyes teared up at the  completely drenched person.  how
     had he been doing?  since when was he stuck there? how long was he out in the
     rain? did he...miss him?

          because he did. minhyun missed him with every inch of his heart and it rattled
     his core to  see hyunbin  in this state,  a giant child  alone out in  this  weather.  his
     stomach clenched in unease, hesitant steps wanting to turn away before  he broke
     his resolution.

          who was he lying to again? it was already broken the moment he said no, when
     hyunbin looked at him with those apologetic eyes and a painfully etched smile. the
     male bit on his bottom lip, and knelt down on one knee to reach the same level. his
     umbrella was held loosely with  one hand as it  rest against his shoulder;  minhyun
     could feel the cold droplets  dripping onto his back,  but what was his  compared to
     hyunbin? compared to the shudder of his heart?

               " ...hyunbin-ah. why are you out here? "
                               " hyunbin-ah, can you hear me? "
                                               " kwon hyunbin. "

          ( tears. ) his eyes refocused onto minhyun's worried features, lips parted in a
     silent, suprised mutter. 

          and then he moved, long arms reaching out for the elder as he half crashed into
     him. he's dripping wet but he wasn't thinking,  not when the person who hadn't
     left his mind appeared in the flesh for the first time. forehead, resting on the nook
     of minhyun's  neck as  his fingers  curled  around  the  shoulders.  he felt  the elder
     flinched, a sharp intake of air heard at close proximity. hyunbin pulled away amid
     falling tears that he quickly wiped with the back of his hand.

                                                     " sorry, i- "
                                                                         " i'm sorry- "

          ( tear. ) minhyun found himself blinking away the wetness in his eyes,  willing
     it away to no avail.  and when hyunbin  pulled away the first drip fell,  ears,  tinted 
     pink from the uncharacteristic action - he was supposed to be the calm one, always
     the calm one from day one - but he couldn't help it.

          not when he saw hyunbin in this state. not when he himself was in that state. he
     opened his mouth in attempt to say something, continue his words, but he couldn't.
     and so he did the  next thing he could think of,  the one thing he  wanted to do from
     the very beginning.

          minhyun leaned  in to wrap  his arms  around him.  chin tucked  onto hyunbin's
     shoulder and closed his eyes. the umbrella slipped from the side, abandoned as the
     fall of raindrops splattered  across half of his back  and part of his legs.  the cold had 
     him shudder, but it didn't mattered.  not when they're so close to one another right
     now;  not when he could  hear the thump of  their heartbeats in unison;  not when
     he could hear hyunbin's soft whisper of his name by his ear.

     there were ( pointed looks ) and curious glances from passer-bys,
                                                      but nothing else mattered when they had each other.

                                  —  and time would not turn backwards because
                                              love was always taking a step forward —