"Finally! You're awake! Are you fine now? " Jiyong said as a sign of relief but still worrying.

"Yes. I'm fine now."Dara said as she sat up from lying.

"You've been like that recently. Always tired and always sick and passing out sometimes. Have you go for a check-up?" Jiyong asked.

"Nope. I'll try some other time." Dara said and stood up approaching the table beside Jiyong.

She got her phone and her bag.

"You going now?" Jiyong asked.

"Uhm, yeah. I can manage. My house's just a few blocks away." Dara said to make him stop worrying.

She left. On her way home, her phone rang.

_______________________________________________________________________________

"Mom, don't cry. It's okay. I'm perfectly fine now." Dara said hugging her mom trying her hardest to not also cry.

"Now?! What if tomorrow not anymore?" her mom said facing Dara. "It's stage 4, Dara. Stage 4." When she heard that words, she suddenly got into the floor and started crying.

She's scared. So scared. She doesn't want to leave her mother and brother either her bestfriend. But she knows she has to be strong for them. Her mother was also crying covering so Dara wouldn't cry any harder. With all her strength left, Dara stood up.

"Mom, I'll be fine. If medicines don't respond, it's okay. But remember I love you always." Dara said wiping her tears.

_______________________________________________________________________________

'Meet me at the park. Around 7 °clock.' Dara texted Jiyong

'Sure :)' He texted back.

So they met. Dara brought a picnic set.

"What's this all about?" Jiyong said teasingly as he helped her unpack the basket.

"Old times. Only, I brought the things needed." she said as they both giggled.

They ate and chatted. But Dara, still didn't have the courage to tell him about her condition. And it worsened. But, She'll try to give him hints.

"Hey. Will you ever forget me?" Dara asked him. First hint.

"Of course. If I will get an alzheimer's disease." he giggled.

"No, seriously." Dara said as she made him face her.

"Seriously? Don't you still know it?" He frowned.

"Good." she said as she smiled and hugged him tightly.

_______________________________________________________________________________

"I can't. I really just can't. Not now. Why now? I-I'm dying" Dara said facing the bathroom mirror. She didn't cry.

She knew it all along but she was scared and overwhelemed at the same time. She doesn't want to admit it but, she'd been falling for her bestfriend. She went out of her bathroom and found her mom. She immediately removed him from her thoughts.

"Sweetheart, sit here." her mom said as she pointed to her side. She followed. And they chatted about happy moments.

"Mom, please say you love me." Dara finally said.

"I love you. I love you..." her mother said it like 100 times. They both giggled.

"Mom, your promise?"

"Of course. I'll never tell Jiyong about anything." Her mom said doing the zipper mouth thing.

"Tell me about what?" Jiyong suddenly showed up.

"Jiyong. That's nothing." Dara said smiling guiltily.

"Okay. I'll leave the both of you first." Her mom said getting away.

"That'll be the second hint." Dara whispered to herself.

"What should I know, huh?" He said as he sat beside her.

"Nothing. Why are you here?" Dara said standing up to avoid him but mostly, to take over her feelings.

"Can I sleep here? My family's out. Please." he said as he lie down her bed.

"What can I do? And you're lying there now, right?" they both giggled as she said that

_______________________________________________________________________________

They slept together on her bed. No malice. Like the old times. He slept fast and Dara took the opportunity to stare at him. She touched his eyebrows down to his nose then his lips. Slowly, tears come running down her cheeks. She realized that not too long she can't anymore see him. She saw Jiyong move. She immediately laid down. She pretended to be asleep. She felt Jiyong moved. Suddenly, she felt Jiyong's arms around her.

She felt secure. Safe and sound. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

"Her medicines are not responding. I'm sorry." the doctor said

"No. No! Say that what you just said is wrong!" Her mom shouted at the doctor.

"Mom, stop it." Dara said calming her mom.

"No! You can't die!" Her mother said crying heavily covering her face.

"Doctor, how many time do I have left?" Dara asked courageously even though her tears are near falling.

"It can be 7 or 6 months." the doctor said.

Her mother cried harder. But she didn't. Instead she went out straight to the comfort room. In there, she slowly got down to her knees and cried. She covered to not let anyone hear. Her misery. Her loneliness. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

The first three months were fine. Many things happened, especially for Dara. She was so obliged to return the favor her mom and brother was giving her. Like, spending time with her, making her laugh and many more. For her bestfriend, Jiyong, she seldom sees him because she doesn't want to. He texts her but she doesn't reply. She wants to take control over her feelings but, in the seldom times they meet, she gets into him more. The way his eyes smile, the way he makes her laugh, the way he looks at her. But, Jiyong probably notices her avoiding him.

'Hey, Darararara =)) Can we talk. Later at 9. I'll fetch you.' he texted her.

'Okay.' was her short reply.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Ding dong. Ding dong.

Dara opened the door.

"Uhm... Hey!" was the awkward greeting of Jiyong.

"Hi!" she replied faintly. "Mom! I'll get going now! My phone's with me. If ever you need me home or you want me home." she shouted.

"Okay!" her mom yelled back.

They walked slowly looking up the sky.

"I'll watch you from there." Dara said breaking the silence.

"Huh?" Jiyong looked puzzled.

Dara didn't answer. Instead, she put her arms around his arms. And they continued to walk. He looked at her. Concentrating on her eyes down to her lips.

It was all perfect.

He stopped and so Dara. He turned Dara to face him. He hugged her tight.

"I missed you." he whispered to her ear.

That made Dara smile. She's so happy but not for too long because tonight will be the night to let him know.

_______________________________________________________________________________

"It's getting late now and I have to tell you something." Dara said as they stopped at the middle of the road.

"Yeah?" "Uhm..." she hesitantly started.

There was silence.

"Go on." he said feeling the tension now.

"Jiyong, you are my bestfriend. And I should've tell you this a long time ago." she said as her tears, as expected, fell down.

"Hey. What's this all about?" he asked irritated but mostly worried.

"I'm dying." she finally said as she wiped her tears. Jiyong's face went blank.

No reaction. Frozen.

"I'm sorry I lied to you. Remember when you asked me if anything was wrong with me and I said I'm fine? I wasn't. I was taking my medications. But, nothing happened. I have cancer. Lukemia. I've only got maybe 3 months or less to live. I want to make the most out of it. I want to take all the pain away and to be with people I love. You're one of them. But I know you too well. I know you can't stay with me because you're also scared. And I understand." she said as she bowed down.

There was silence. Jiyong's tears started to fall down also. He's scared. He know he can't stay with her. He can't watch her suffer.

"Okay. So, this is goodbye?" she finally said as she turned to walk away and cried again.

"No. I'll stay." he said as he pulled her and hugged her very tight. Tighter than the one awhile ago. "I'll stay. I want to make you happy and be the best-est friend you'll have." he said to her still hugging her. But, somehow, he felt unsatisfied by his words: best-est friend.

He knows why. But, no.

_______________________________________________________________________________

The 2 months and a half had past. This period is spent mostly with Jiyong since he was the one who always wants to see her. They spent their 'first times'. Like, Dara cooking for Jiyong and vice-versa, going to an amusement park and read the same book together. They were happy.

But not 'til her last few days.

She was admitted 10 days earlier than her time expected. And by this time, she got thinner and and thinner. But she still laughed and talked. Still her usual self.

It was her 8th day being admitted. Her mother and brother left to get some things. Jiyong was left. Jiyong stared at Dara as she laughed at the show. He pursed his lips to prevent his self to cry. But, Dara turned to him and saw it.

"Please don't do that." Dara said smiling. Hiding. Hiding from her loneliness and fear.

He just smiled and laid down beside her. She turned of the TV and waited for Jiyong to be asleep. When she was assured he was asleep, she sat to see his handsome face more. She stared at his eyebrows down to his eyes to his nose and to his lips. She moved closer and closer and she kissed him. She felt surreal. His lips were soft and tender. A tear fell from her cheek to his cheek. She laid back down again and slept on his shoulders.

_______________________________________________________________________________

"I might not wake up tomorrow." she said still smiling. It was 11 °clock in the evening. He stood up from his sit.

"Will you dance with me?" he said offering his hands to her.

She took it. She stood up. Even though in dextros, they danced.

"Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me laugh, always being there for me, always being my bestfriend..." she said trailing off.

They were silent. Still dancing. No one wants to speak. Her head was on his chest. She could feel his heart. But she wish she could feel his true feelings also. If they had the same. She could feel him silently crying. He suddenly hugged her and she hugged her back too. Tight.

"Thank you" they said unexpectedly together. They giggled. The clock striked 1 °clock. Her mother and brother arrived but he insisted to stay. So he stayed. He can't sleep. For he was scared, empty and fearful.

_______________________________________________________________________________

He opened the drawers to make sure nothing's left. Instead, he found 2 papers.

My Bucket list: Brother, Mother and Jiyong

He skipped the ones for her mother and brother.

JIYONG:

☐ Tell him what I feel

☑ Thank him for everything

☑ Read a book together

☑ Cook for him

☑ Go to an amusement park

☑ Kiss him

☑ To have a last dance with him

He was puzzeled by some of it. But what he remembered was the kiss. He was awake. He felt surreal and more scared.

Jiyooooong ;) (A letter only for you) :D

Dear Jiyong,

I'll be formal to you now. By the time you have read this, I'll be gone. Your life will get lonely. Haha ^-^ Just kidding.

Jiyong, thank you for everything. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for being a friend to me. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and what I'm not. Thank you for the many many many MANY times you've been kind to me.Thank you, really. For everything.

Sorry for the time I want to go away from your sight 'cause I know that I'll be dying and I don't want you to see that. Sorry if I abuse your kindness. Haha. But mostly you abuse my kindness ^-^

I'll keep this short. I'll end this now. But before I end this I want to tell you...

I'll miss you.

I liked you. But not long time ago...

I love you. From the time we met. Until this moment. You're my first and last love.

Bye. I'll watch you from here. Don't cry, please.

Your bestfriend,

Darararara :D

He finally knew the other things in her bucket list. He checked the last box as he silently cried.

_______________________________________________________________________________

It's on this day, you left.

Without saying anything else but your last words.

On a sunny day, where the grass is green and people are happy.

You left.

But, there's something else I didn't say to you: I love you, also. From the first time we met and this will never change.

And these are the words I left unsaid.