Authors Note (7/10/2017): Sorry that the updates have been taking so long. I got back in the groove, though. So I hope I can update more often.

TW for eating disorders

     I expected the school to be devoid of students when I got there. I expected to go to my first-period class and take a quick catnap. What I did not expect was to be sitting on the floor of the girls' bathroom comforting our class president as she sobbed her eyes out. I just wanted to use the bathroom to fix my hair but stopped in my tracks once I heard dry heaves coming from one of the stalls. Someone was obviously throwing up. I contemplated leaving but knew that wasn’t an option once I heard a soft snivel. I sank down next to the stall and asked if she was okay.

     “What do you ing think?” I recognized the voice as belonging to Yoon Bona.

     “I’m just trying to help.”

     “I didn’t ask for your help.”

     “Judging from the fact that you’re purging in a school bathroom I’d say you need help.”

     “I’m not purging. . .” There was a short pause before she continued. “And who the hell do you think you are to say that to me?”

     “Fine.” I slid her a stick of gum and some tissues under the stall door. It was not fine.

     “Thanks,” she said slowly.

      “You know you’re pretty right? You don’t need to be thin to be pretty” It was true. Yoon Bona was undeniably above average in every way. She was tall and had big eyes. Her hair was as perfect as her grades and despite her occasionally unsavory attitude she still had a lot of friends.

      “I know.” Her answer surprised me. “I would be pretty even if I gained weight,” she continued. “But it’s not about being pretty.”

     “I don’t think you’ll tell me what it’s really about will you?”

      “We don’t know each other, Bada.” I was surprised she recognized my voice. We had had a few classes together over the years but we were by no means friends or even acquaintances. She was just one of those people I had known of for years but never actually knew. She was well liked and popular while I was more of a wallflower. Not that I minded the way things were, though.

      I wanted to tell her to get professional help. I wanted to tell her how dangerous and risky all of this was even though I knew she probably already knew. But, I settled for minding my own business.

     “You’re right, Bona.” I picked up my things and left her to her own devices.

      The rest of my day continued as planned. Bona and I briefly made eye contact when she entered the classroom but I looked away when guilt overtook me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should have helped her more. But, as selfish and stupid as it was, I felt too uncomfortable to say anything. Truth be told, I didn’t know how to help her. So I stupidly did nothing.

     The rest of the school week was rather uneventful. On Friday, however, Jinri begged me to go to a party with her. I spent half of lunch trying to convince her to go alone. First of all, parties were not my thing. I hated the loud music and crowded atmosphere and obnoxious wasted kids. Secondly, it was at Yoon Bona’s house.

     “Come on Bada! Chanyeol really wants to go and I’ll be bored.”

     “I can text you.”

      Jinri started pouting at me again. “It’s not gonna work this time, Jin.”

      As my luck would have it, Bona walked in at that moment and overheard our conversation. “You should come,” she chimed in. “Unless of course, you think it won’t be fun.” Her smile curved up at one end.

      I fell silent and reluctantly shook my head. “ I’ll be there.”

      Bona leaned in and wrote her number down in the corner of my notebook. “Call me if you have trouble finding my house.” We smiled at each other and she sat down in front of me.

     Jinri bubbled over in excitement while making plans for the night. I hadn’t told her about the incident in the bathroom so she was totally oblivious to how tense I felt. We decided to go straight to my house after school as she insisted on doing my hair and makeup.

     “Just no blue eyeshadow,” I joked while smiling at her.

     I made a lot of mistakes that night. My first mistake was actually going to the party at all. I knew how uncomfortable I would be but I went anyways. The dress Jinri picked out for me was too short and the small cut out in the back was too revealing. At least it was black.

     Bona’s house was a jungle--- it was so grandiose it that I feared getting lost in it. All of the noise and people felt suffocating. While Jinri and Chanyeol went off to play beer pong I settled down in the corner of the living room and attempted to make small talk. When one of the girls I was sitting with dropped some of her punch onto me I finally had a reason to excuse myself to the bathroom. I drifted from room to room on the second floor trying to find refuge. However, I never exactly found the bathroom.

     “Sehun, please just calm down!” Instead, I ended up right in the middle of a fight between Bona and her boyfriend Oh Sehun. My second mistake.

     “No, I have the right to be pissed about this