Jeongguk shook his head quickly, obviously trying to get the conversation back to brighter things. "But trust me, we're good. Toni actually gets it worse. Besides, Melody just about tore the last guy that said something to us into pieces. Joon had to actually pull her away, and lemme tell you, the swears that she was saying would make even Yoongi-hyung blush."

There was a note of surprise from the younger ones, which made me smile. I'd spent a bit more time than them with Melody and Toni, and I had to say even a grown man ought to be frightened of them.

"Anyway, so our latest album got us so many fans that a lot of people are voting to have us perform at the halftime show in the Super Bowl next year."

Saejin looked confused. "Hyung, what's a 'super bowl'?"

After some brief and not very understandable explaining, the maknaes cheered in a loud-pitched noise, and I noticed instantly that Jeongguk winced and put his hands over his ears.

"You okay?" I asked him while the younger ones were chattering with each other.

He nodded, his eyes closed. "These kids hurt my head."

"Kookie, you have migraines. Everything hurts your head," Namjoon mused. I shot him a look.

"Them more so than most things."

"Boys," I snapped quickly, causing all of them to look at me. I pointed to the stairs, silently telling them to leave. Youngshin and Saejin whined, but got up and walked up the stairs. I shot Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jimin a look. They all sighed, rolling their eyes, then slowly followed. Lastly I looked at Yoongi, who just smirked and tightened his hold on Namjoon.

After a silent conversation, Namjoon looked up at Yoongi and smiled with obviously bleached white teeth. Apparently Joonie had been practicing his smile, because the absolutely sugar-filled one he gave Yoongi was enough to make even the old grandpa waver. Yoongi muttered something about his dongsaengs being completely fake, then released his hold and slid off the couch, disappearing into his room. Immediately, the two that were left moved toward me. Jeongguk sighed and put his head on my shoulder, so close that I could feel his cool breath on my shoulder. Namjoon instead put his head on my lap, his permanently shaking hands gently tugging on the pendant resting on his chest.

"I missed you," I said quietly. "I missed you both."

Jeongguk sighed, his breath giving me goosebumps. "It hasn't been so long, hyung. It's only been a few months since you last saw us."

"Yeah, but you've both changed so much since you left. You've grown up."

Much to my surprise, Namjoon laughed quietly. "No, we haven't changed. We just look different."

"You've changed, though, hyung," Jeongguk said.

I wanted to argue, but the two of them looked like me being changed was the most obvious thing in the world. Like it was some sort of manifest truth that the whole world knew. I just shrugged.

I wonder which me I would be taking to the military: the apparent "past" me that I once was, or this "new" me.

Jeongguk whined quietly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, turning my head to look at him. He shut his eyes and buried his face deeper into my neck.

"Headache."

"I thought you were feeling better since getting out of the hospital."

He nodded. "Yeah, but the whole fourteen-hour flight thing really doesn't help."

I started saying something about health, but I stopped talking when I realized the two were having some sort of nonverbal conversation that I couldn't understand. Their eyes looked upset about something.

"What's the matter?" I asked, definitely concerned now.

Namjoon sat back up, and both of them avoided my gaze. "We're sorry, hyung," Jeongguk said.

Well, that couldn't be good. I reached out a hand to gently card my fingers through his hair, but it didn't seem to relax him as it had always done. "Sorry for what?"

"For leaving," Namjoon said. "We're sorry for leaving."

Seeing the look of self-contempt of his face, I sighed. "You didn't have a choice. Either of you. You had to go."

"It's just that..." Namjoon's voice faltered.

"It's just that because you're going to the military... now that Joon and I are United States' citizens, we don't have to join the military," Jeongguk finished, sitting up straight.

"Stop worrying about that," I told them, maybe a bit more harshly than intended. "I'll be fine. I promise."

The both looked at me with wide eyes. "Do you swear?" the younger one asked.

Without meaning to, I reached to my chest and twirled the string of the pendant hanging from my neck between my fingers. "Cross my heart and hope to die," I murmured in what I assume to be accented English, reciting the idiom that I had first heard over a year ago.

That seemed to satisfy them. Jeongguk hummed another whine and leaned back into my neck. "How bad is it?" I asked him, starting to worry.

"Not terrible. It's been a lot worse." He reached into one of his jeans' pockets and pulled out the orange pill bottle. "Not bad enough for these."

I looked at Namjoon to ask his thoughts. He nodded. "Those are a last resort," he said. "Especially since they make him a bit... loopy."

"Loopy?" I repeated.

"He gets weird."

"One of your pills does the same thing to you, but I don't say anything about you to others," Jeongguk complained.

Namjoon rolled his eyes and quietly sang a part of an American song, something about crybabies. His voice was smoother than I ever remember it being. Vocal training, I'm sure. Jeongguk smiled and sang along. I looked at the two of them with curiosity.

When I'd first met him years ago, I would've never imagined that Namjoon would have become an American singer. I would've never imagined that Jeongguk would go onto interviews in English and not falter on his words.

Neither of those things were something that they truly wanted, though. They had been given a choice and took the path that gave them the best chance at a future that they wanted.

When our then-maknae started getting sick, none of us knew what to do. Migraines weren't something that a Kpop idol could have. It just doesn't work with all the concerts, schedules, and whatever else is mixed in there.

Oddly enough, it had been Jeongguk that had taken the news best. As the doctor had stood there, telling the six of us what was happening to our Kookie and the limitations that would need to be put into his life - all of us aware that these limitations would stop him from being a regular part of BTS - we had been in tears. But Jeongguk had sat there quietly, taking it all in. When we got back home, he had been the one there calming us down.

Over time, I've started to think he'd known he had problems for a while. He already knew something was wrong, what the neuroscientist had said just confirmed what he thought.

It wasn't until late that night the moment of crushing finality hit us, when Taehyung had looked up and asked: "Now what?"

As it turned out, Namjoon would be the one with the answer to that question, as much as he hated the answer. Two days after Jeongguk was diagnosed, Namjoon stumbled into the dorm, his face blotchy and his eyes shiny, and handed his phone to me. Worried about more bad news, I read over an email that was written entirely in English, making it difficult to read. Just to make sure I hadn't interpreted it incorrectly, Namjoon had given me a brief overview: "A producer in America heard Kookie and mine's cover of Fools... she wants to talk to us about a contract."

And that's the exact moment when I realized my little maknae wouldn't be my little maknae for much longer.

Quickly after, I realized Namjoon had said "us" not "him". Out of pure fear I asked him what he meant by that.

My dear Joonie burst into tears then, and began telling me something had I had always feared would happen, but prayed to a god I didn't believe in never would.

The night ended with the three of us lying on a bed together, crying like the world was ending.

Two weeks later both the leader and the maknae of Bangtan Sonyeondan ended their contracts with Big Hit Entertainment on the grounds of illness. Which was true. Both of them had a sickness in them, just very different types.

Different in that Jeongguk's would always cause him pain.

Meanwhile, Namjoon's would kill him.

"Hyung."

"Hyung?"

"Hyung!"

I jumped up at the yell. The two of them were staring at me with slightly reddened wide eyes.

"You totally zoned out," Jeongguk said.

"Sorry," I muttered quickly. "I was thinking."

Namjoon laughed quietly and muttered something about old man and nostalgia.

"CAN I COME DOWNSTAIRS YET!?!?" Taehyung yelled, far louder than he needed to be. Louder as in his voice made the windows rattle. The two guests practically fell off the couch.

"Christ!" Jeongguk shrieked as he grabbed a pillow and used it to cover his ears.

"Do you even need to use a microphone anymore, Tae?" Namjoon shouted back.

"Stop yelling!" I snapped, effectively shutting him up. I looked at Jeongguk. "Is it okay if he's here?"

He nodded slowly. "If he's just going to yell anyway, yeah, sure."

"Well, you know our TaeTae."

Of course, it couldn't just be Taehyung that came, it had to be all of them. (Except the two youngest maknaes. This time I let Tae lock them in Young's closet.) Jeongguk didn't seem happy that he now had a bunch of worried hyungs flitting about as his migraine was apparently getting worse, but he didn't say anything. I looked at Namjoon worriedly, asking him if Kookie needed that prescription yet. H