If you were to ask Kibum when it started, he probably wouldn’t remember. To him, Jinki had always been there. He was like the sun. Everyone knew it appeared someday, but it had always been there, and it always would be. That was what Jinki was to him. He was surrounded by a feeling of warm safety and reassuring familiarity whenever he was near him, something nobody would ever understand but him. And probably Jinki too. He never said it directly - whenever Kibum told him that, the older man’s only answer would be to smile at him brightly -, but Kibum felt that he did too.

Jinki was two years older than him. He was the sweetest man Kibum had ever known. He often told lame jokes - that Kibum would never admit he liked -, and had this very bright smile and charming crescent eyes. He was very smart too, and he would teach Kibum many things (and Kibum would then secretly brag about it when people asked him how knew all that, but he had a feeling Jinki knew about it anyway). Jinki was the silent type of guy most of the times. He would always listen silently as Kibum told him about simple things like his day, or important matters like his deepest fears and worries.

Kibum’s parents had been pretty welcoming towards Jinki at first. They always smiled at him and addressed him politely, treating him like they would with any of Kibum’s friends (even though sometimes that annoyed Kibum a bit because duh, Jinki was special. He clearly deserved to be treated better than anyone else). But as they both grew up, his parents became all cold and distant towards him. Kibum had never really understood what caused that sudden shift in attitude, but all of a sudden they stopped addressing Jinki at all in favor of ignoring him. No matter what Kibum would say, they just wouldn’t acknowledge Jinki’s presence. And when Kibum apologized to Jinki on their behalf, the older man would just smile softly, like he wasn’t bothered at all by his parents’ shameful behavior.

People started talking after a while. Whenever he entered a room - with or without Jinki -, others would stop talking out loud and whisper things. He knew why they did it though. It was so obvious people were envious of him and Jinki. They were jealous of him being Jinki’s best friend. But he wasn’t mad at them though, because he knew anyone would have been jealous. Jinki was the best friend anyone could ever have. And he was Kibum’s.

In fact, Jinki was such an awesome best friend that when Kibum was fourteen, his parents took him to see someone to talk about him. He would just sit in a room with a woman and talk about him with her. Of course, he gladly did so. Even though the woman said stupid things sometimes - things he wouldn’t even say because they were that stupid -, he still went there and talked to her. She was the only one he could talk about his best friend with, because his parents never wanted to hear about him. Kibum figured they must have thought he was being a bad influence on Kibum, but it was stupid of them to think so because they had known Jinki all along, and he hadn’t changed at all. He was still his best friend.

That’s all it was. Friendship. Or at least that’s what it was until that one point.

When he was sixteen, a guy came up to him at school and confessed. His name was Jonghyun. He had told Kibum that he had been crushing on him for a while and he wanted to be his boyfriend. (Jinki wasn’t there to see it because he had had some other things to do and Kibum’s classes weren’t that interesting.) Of course, Kibum had always wanted to have a boyfriend. That’s all people were on about, in high school, and that had made Kibum curious. Having a boyfriend would have been really nice. Jinki thought so too. But strangely, the confession had left him… puzzled, somehow. Like he was flattered by the attention - who wouldn’t be -, but something just felt… out of place. Like he wasn’t really meant to be with Jonghyun. Come to think of it, it was similar to when you tried to put two jigsaw pieces together when they weren’t meant to. It could fit, but it felt forced and unnatural. Probably uncomfortable too.

He had decided to keep that Jonghyun-thing for himself until he could discover why. Jonghyun was a pretty decent guy. Good-looking too. And sweet. But he just wasn’t…

And then it hit him.

He wasn’t Jinki.

When he had come home that day, he had tried to avoid Jinki but the older man had seen right through him and cornered him. He was standing there, with that small frown and his concerned face and Kibum had given in half-willingly. He had told him everything. From Jonghyun’s confession to his own feelings. When he was done speaking, his heart was beating so loud in his chest he could barely hear himself think. He kept his eyes on his bedroom floor, afraid to look up and see Jinki’s disgusted face. The tension was thick in the air, or maybe it was just Kibum’s point of view. There was a moment of silence, and after what seemed like an eternity Jinki put his hand below his chin and lifted his head. When their eyes met, there was nothing but love in them. A strong, genuine love that Kibum had felt all along, but failed to notice. A love Jinki had seen from the very beginning. Kibum was almost crying when Jinki connected their lips, because the small gesture spoke so much louder than the three words he had been waiting for.

I love you.

It wasn’t easy. Admitting that you were in love with your best friend. But afterwards, Kibum could see that it made so much sense ! Jinki was the only person in this world he trusted with his life and all of his secrets. Jinki knew everything about him, the bad and the good, and he still stayed by his side. Jinki had never failed to support and love him unconditionally. Jinki was his rock, he was his anchor, his light in the darkness.

In a world of lies, Jinki was the truth.

That’s what made it even more painful.

As he grew up, he started actually listening more to what people were saying (even if Jinki told him not to worry about them). And one day, what the woman - the one he had been talking to about Jinki - said had hurt him so much he had stormed off her office, furious.

“Kibum, Jinki’s not real.”

It’s about time you understand, they said. He was an adult now, he had to stop with all of this nonsense and get a grip. After he turned eighteen, his parents began to have a zero tolerance policy for Jinki. If they never acknowledge him before anymore, now they just plainly grounded Kibum if he had the audacity to say his name out loud. Mentioning Jinki near his parents was like looking for trouble. For some reason, he had to keep seeing that woman even if he didn’t want to anymore, but his parents didn’t leave him a choice. He was legal, but for some obscure reason people kept telling him he wasn’t responsible enough to make his own choices. And soon, he was put in the care of a tutor.

Jinki felt bad about this. He said it was his fault they wouldn’t leave Kibum alone. He wanted to leave, but Kibum wouldn’t let him. He held onto him like a baby would hold onto his favorite teddy bear. He kept Jinki by his side, sometimes crying in fear of losing him. He was terrified of Jinki leaving, because he was the best thing to ever happen in his life. He wouldn’t let go. In times like these, where he would be crying all night thinking about losing Jinki, the older man would just smile reassuringly, wipe his tears and hold him close until he fell asleep.

One day, Jinki had suggested that they go see a movie to take his mind off of all these negative things, and Kibum had agreed. He was surprised when he noticed one of his high school friends there with his new girlfriend. They walked up to Minho and his girl and the tall young man smiled upon seeing them. Obviously, they had been there to watch a movie too. Soon, they were talking about the old times.

“Ah, this Jinki of yours. You were always talking about him so much in high school but we never had a chance to meet the guy.”

“Well you do now !” Kibum said with a smile before turning to Jinki. “Jinki, this is Minho, the friend I told you about. Minho this is Jinki, my boyfriend.”

He watched as Minho’s smile faded, his whole face slowly looking very confused.

“Kibum… There’s no one there.”

No one there.

It’s just an imaginary friend.

Kibum, you have to understand. Jinki is just a fragment of your imagination.

That’s enough ! It’s time for all of this nonsense to end ! He’s not real and he never has been !

As Kibum ran away, he could hear all of the lies people have been telling him his whole life. When he stopped to catch his breath, his whole body started shaking and he burst into tears, not caring about the people driving by who were throwing weird looks at him. He was used to that by now. Used to people looking at him like he was a freak. Why were they doing this ? Why would they all pretend they didn’t see him ? Aren’t they aware of how hurtful it must have been for Jinki to be ignored this way ?

He felt a hand on his cheek and when he looked up, there he was. Standing before him with a gentle smile on his face. How could anyone be so mean to someone so kind ?

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, wiping his tears with his sleeve.

“What for ?”

“I’m sorry they’re mean to you. I’m sorry I’m the only one you have.”

“Bummie…” He said softly, with his usual eye-smile. “You’re the only one I need.”

Kibum broke into sobs and Jinki held him close, whispering sweet nothings in his ear as he rubbed his back soothingly to calm him down.

As the years went by, Jinki stayed by his side. Kibum stopped caring about what other people said. Even if they all said Jinki was a lie, he would never believe them. He knew it wasn’t true. He knew it in his heart. Jinki was real. Jinki was his everything. There was just no way he wasn’t real. He didn’t understand why people kept saying otherwise and kept pretending Jinki wasn’t in the room when he clearly was, but with time he just learned to live with it.

Nothing they could ever say could change his mind. Even their stupid attempt to lock him up in a hospital where Jinki would never find him was useless. Jinki always found ways to come and see him. Whenever he felt down, whenever it was too hard to bear and he felt like giving up, Jinki was there to help him live through it.

He would always try and find ways to avoid taking their stupid pills, because Jinki had told him they were dangerous. Whenever they made him take them, Jinki would disappear for a while. He would cry himself to sleep at night, terrified of never seeing him again. He felt lost without Jinki. He felt cold and terrified. He felt alone. It would last for a while, but then Jinki would come back, and Kibum would promise he wouldn’t take the pills anymore, no matter what it took.

He would never stop fighting.

Because what he had with Jinki was real. And it always would be.