grab dem tissues

Chapter Three: Summer Lotus

"You're the reason my soul goes through Constant Death"

With melting snow comes the buds of Spring, and with Spring buds, a year has passed.

The strange light atmosphere brings a sense of peace in the gang and Baekhyun wakes up that same morning of May with the realization that he’s been part of this ‘family’ for a year already. It feels off when Baekhyun had wanted to leave months ago—but never eventually did. He stayed rooted in this life because he wasn’t strong enough to leave Chanyeol.

His life would be meaningless if he did, and he realized it months ago, when Chanyeol showed comfort towards him, him who was nothing but a dirty doll. When he was so close to death but Chanyeol never pulled that trigger. And Baekhyun’s obsessions grew to the point he never complained again. Because whatever happened that night back in November, made Chanyeol change.

It was the small things that would look insignificant to anyone else, but Baekhyun noticed each and every one of them. Chanyeol spends more nights sleeping at the headquarters now compared to before. And numerous of those nights, Baekhyun will wake up to his door being pushed open just to groggily see a black figure peeking in at his bed. He’s always too sleepy to talk or register anything until the next morning when he wakes up and it comes to him that Chanyeol visited him at the dead of night. The first time he thought he was dreaming again, but as it kept happening, he was sure it was real.

But Chanyeol changes, and with him, Baekhyun’s life becomes just a bit more bearable.

The late night visits become much more special and Baekhyun finds the same warmth in Chanyeol’s eyes. He won’t see it in the morning, but it’s shining in the dark. Thus, Baekhyun looks forward to each night so hungrily, that same hidden fondness a new addiction of his.

The touch becomes foreign, different, almost strange. But when Baekhyun tries to steal a kiss, he’s met with rejection, much to his disappointment. Chanyeol stubbornly keeps the same dry attitude each time and no matter Baekhyun’s advances, he never gets to taste those lips. Almost as if it would be too intimate, much more intimate than seeing the other and sweaty, much more intimate than sharing the same need of relief. And Baekhyun knows he ought to not complain because Chanyeol is a man of pride, one who wouldn’t mess with emotions.

Just pulling, and giving little. Just taking, stealing, robbing Baekhyun off his dignity. And paying less back.

Through those months, he sees Chanyeol change. He looks less anxious, less on edge, calmer. His visits become less, and he’s missing from the headquarters most of the day. It leaves Baekhyun alone in the whole building, save for two of three security men that will stare at him in disgust.

Ah, yes, everyone knew. Everyone knew how Baekhyun was sparred and fooled death despite doing a fatal fault. Everyone knew he was Chanyeol’s pet, and thus was excused. But he was the only one and the fact that their own leader was playing favorites and discriminated them yet at the same time supported a dirty -doll brought conflict in the whole gang. More so now, that he was untouchable and was literally living off in this place just because Chanyeol had decided so. But Chanyeol wanted him there, and it was clear as day, the past December night being when all rules changed.

Baekhyun still hugs himself at the reminiscence of that memory. How he was tainted, manhandled, humiliated because of pure hatred and jealousy. How his room’s door didn’t even creak, how his mouth was stuffed and taped closed, how three pairs of hungry eyes glared him down. The rope dug into his small wrists, his clothes torn from his body by greedy hands. At the dead of the night, Baekhyun faced what he’d never wished to his worst enemy. His screams were muffled, his tears ignored and even if he wasn’t tied down, no one would hear him anyways. The whole building was empty—no one was there to pull him out of that pit. And even if there was, no one would do so.

The fight left his body soon because he’d realized there was no way to prevent what was coming. So he it up and counted his breaths whilst keeping his eyes shut to the reality in front and over him.

Morning found him so exhausted, so hurt and sore. So violated that he didn’t even look up when the door was pushed open. The smell of leather and the jingle of stainless steel chains reaching him. It was much more humiliating now to be seen like this, so Baekhyun shut his eyes closed and wished death upon himself. The faster, the better.

But the warm caress on his cheek brought him back and he looked up to find Chanyeol’s ever stoic presence. There was a deep frown over his eyes, pity in his soft stare. He didn’t know what to do, and truthfully, if Baekhyun’s mouth wasn’t taped still, he would have just asked to be shot. Maybe back then, when he was spared, it was a mistake, poor judgment on Chanyeol’s part. Maybe back then really was Baekhyun’s chance to go, and this was a punishment for ignoring it. For cowering away from death. If he hadn’t, this wouldn’t have happened.

It was strange, the feeling of being pampered. Chanyeol wasn’t disgusted at the sight of him and the sheets. He was, however, angry and that same anger got unleashed that same night on the same men who were behind this. But before all that, Baekhyun met a side of Chanyeol he never knew, and most likely the one he had fallen for from the start.

Chanyeol undid the ropes and picked him up. Baekhyun was carried into the bathroom, placed in the bathtub and the water started running. Baekhyun only kept his head lowered, peeking through his bangs once in a while as his fingers played with the tape over his mouth. Tugging on it hurt but the self-hatred just made him tug on it more, harsher, angrier. Tears formed in his eyes and he wasn’t even sure if they were there due to his frustration, his embarrassment or his pain.

“Stop that,” Chanyeol held on his red-rimmed wrist, and brought the showerhead closer. The warm water slowly went through the duct tape and Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol pulled it off slowly. Then, he just spit the piece of cloth from his mouth, glad he could finally move his jaw however he wished. Chanyeol just threw away both duct tape and cloth, hesitating a bit before letting them fall into the garbage bin. Something in his frown made Baekhyun cower.

Chanyeol’s hands were gentle and Baekhyun felt awkward because of the attention. They glided along his skin so lightly, his fingers so soft despite the calluses from gun triggers and dead souls. Baekhyun sat in silence as Chanyeol cleaned both his body and hair and carefully rinsed the bubbles down the drain. Once he was done, he wrapped Baekhyun in a towel and guided him to his cabinet, where he dressed him and Baekhyun felt like a small child being taken care of like this.

“Rest, I’ll come by later ,” Chanyeol said once he’d thrown the sheets off the bed in a corner. He glanced once over his shoulder before going out, to which Baekhyun looked back with wide eyes. He didn’t want to be alone but he didn’t have much of a choice, had he?

It felt as if Chanye