It was a little over twelve hours since Sehun had gotten the call from the hospital, and he still felt like his heart was stuttering out. Twelve hours later and Sehun still felt dizzy and faint, and as if the word was going to come screeching to a stop at any possible moment.

And if it did, it was going to be utterly and completely his own fault.

Because the only reason Luhan had been driving the car, and been involved in his accident, was because Sehun had been putting space deliberately between them. Sehun had been shutting Luhan out, ashamed of the mess he’d gotten himself into, scared to tell the truth, and unsure of how to proceed. He’d put Luhan in that situation, and risked their baby. It was his fault.

And Sehun hadn’t even been at the office that Luhan was going to. Sehun had been cowardly hiding out with Chen, eating frozen yoghurt, and pretending like he didn’t have to be an adult and face his problems.

If he’d been honest with Luhan, or even just told him that not only Chen was in town, but that Sehun was going to see him, nothing would have happened.

And so he was reminded, if anything had happened to Luhan or their son, Sehun would have been the one to blame.

He would have gotten a second family killed.

“No,” he whispered fiercely to himself, “don’t you dare do that to yourself again.”

It had taken him years, literally years, to own up to the truth that Jae’s death, and the loss of Seoyoung, had not been his fault. His fight with Jae on that morning, which had cause Jae to walk down to the store by himself, had nothing to do with where the fault laid. And it wasn’t right or fair to pin that kind of thing on himself

Years and years of therapy had convinced him that things just happened randomly, chaotically, and without having someone to blame, all the time. And there was no use to overthinking it, or wishing things were different. Because for as much as Sehun still loved Jae and missed him, if anything had changed about the situation, Sehun wouldn’t have Luhan, or Youri, or their incoming baby boy.

“Do not,” he repeated firmly, “do this to yourself.” He owed it to himself not to walk that path, and even more, he owed it to Luhan.

Luhan, who was now currently sleeping.

They’d gone right home after the hospital, with the coming reality of the situation weighing on Sehun’s mind. Talk, Luhan had said, they needed to talk. And it wasn’t a lie. They had to start talking to each other, no matter how ashamed Sehun was, and no matter the friction it might cause.

The better choice in general, was just to talk. And Sehun had every intention of it.

But then Luhan had laid down in their bed to rest for a couple of minutes, and then he’d been out like a light. He hadn’t even gotten that shower he’d wanted. And Sehun was inclined to let him sleep now.

So Luhan was sleeping, and Sehun was creepily watching him from the doorway.

Their baby was okay, he told himself again and again, and Luhan was okay. They were a little roughed up, and possibly scarred for life, but they were okay.

They could have so easily not been.

Sehun let his head thunk against the doorframe.

Luhan shifted in the bed and Sehun withdrew immediately. Luhan found it difficult to sleep now, and when he did, to sleep well. And Sehun wasn’t going to rob him of the precious sleep he was finding now. So instead Sehun left the room, trekking down the stairs as quietly as possible, rubbing his fingers wearily at his temple.

He shuffled into the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water, and sat gingerly at the bar.

He needed to decide what he was going to say to Luhan. He needed to figure out how he was going to phrase everything, and how he could save the situation.

The sound of the front door opening caught his ears and he craned backwards on the bar stool. The kitchen was angled just so that if he leaned far enough, he could see down the hallway to the foyer.

He half expected to see Youri careening down the hallway, on a one-woman mission to get to him. Sehun had spoken to her that morning, assuring her that everything was fine, and that he and Luhan were going to see her very shortly. She was just old enough to detect that there was something wrong in his voice, but she hadn’t pressed the issue. Instead she’d told him all about what she and Xiumin and Wei had been doing, which included cooking, finger painting, and Youri dressing up in Xiumin’s scrubs to play veterinarian.

On the phone, Xiumin had been unhappy with Sehun’s request to keep his distance for the time being. He’d said almost angrily, “Luhan is my best friend, and he was in an accident. I’ll be damned if I’m no there to loom over him in an overbearing way.” There was fear in Xiumin’s voice then, like he needed to verify for himself that Luhan was okay.

But Sehun had nearly pleaded, “Just let me have some space with Luhan, okay, Xiumin? Please? I could have lost Luhan and the baby, and we’re both shaken up. Give us some time to calm down. Please keep Youri until the afternoon, and keep her distracted. You and Wei can come over for dinner tonight. But let us be for right now.”

It was a selfish thing, he knew, to try and keep Luhan from Xiumin. Luhan and Xiumin had been friends long before Sehun had even come into the picture. But they did need space at the moment, and not just because they needed to talk.

But it wasn’t Youri that was standing in the foyer now. It wasn’t anyone expected at all.

Suho gave Sehun a troubled look, one laced with concern, and said softly, like he knew Luhan was sleeping, “Xiumin called me.”

Suho. It was Suho. Suho who was supposed to be spending time with his parents right now, going to Jae’s grave, and not standing in Sehun’s foyer.

But god was Sehun so thankful.

He practically toppled off the barstool in an effort to get to his feet, and then he was running down the hallway, desperate to hug Suho who represented security, and comfort, and protection.

Suho had always felt like he was Sehun’s big brother in a lot of ways, and never more than now.

“Are you okay?” Suho asked, hugging him tightly.

“No,” Sehun admitted in a low way. He was far from okay.

“I thought so. Xiumin said Luhan’s okay,” Suho said. “But I know you, Sehun. I know you too well.”

Sehun was maybe clinging to Suho too tightly, but Suho’s embrace made him feel like he wasn’t going to fall to pieces.

In a shaken way, Sehun confirmed, “Luhan and the baby are going to be okay. The doctor said. Luhan’s sleeping right now—resting, but Suho … Suho I can’t …”

“Let’s go put some coffee on,” Suho said, angling Sehun towards the kitchen. Then he turned to say over his shoulder, “Emily, can you grab our bag?”

Emily?

Mortified at his behavior, and the tears in his eyes, Sehun looked towards the front door that he now realized was open. He’d been so focused on Suho he hadn’t even realized it, but here, standing plain as day, was a young woman. She was the girl from the photographs, the American girl who’d caught Suho’s eye and stolen his heart. When Luhan and Sehun had gone to visit Suho in New York, she’d been out of the state, visiting her parents in California.

And now this was the first time they were meeting, and Sehun looked an absolute mess.

“I’ve got it,” she promised, ducking out of house. She’d spoken in Korean, though in a shaky way. All the same, it was impressive. Suho had said she’d started taking classes in Korean right around the time their relationship had gotten serious. That, more than anything, told Sehun that the two of them were probably going to get married. They probably already should have been.

“Your brought her?” Sehun asked, wide eyed. “I mean, no offense, I’ve wanted to meet her for a long time, but this is a ty time for it.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Suho said, taking him down to the kitchen. He deposited Sehun at the kitchen table and moved right to the coffee machine. “You guys are always complaining that she seems more imaginary than not. And this get together is supposed to be important, right. So I thought, let me bring her. Let me bring Emily so everyone can meet.” Suho sighed. “It was a last-minute thing, Sehun. I’m sorry.”

Sehun scrubbed fingers across his forehead. “No, I’m sorry, Suho. I don’t mean to sound like a prick. I’m happy to meet her, finally. She’s even prettier in person, than I thought.”

“Flattery doesn’t work on her,” Suho warned, but he looked all too pleased at the compliment. “Her favorite part of herself is her brain.”

All he same, Sehun did think she was exceptionally pretty, with her brown hair cut into a fashionable bob, and her bright green eyes as contrast. But, Sehun reminded himself, Suho was right. She’d never appeared the kind of girl that put too much stock into what she looked like. She didn’t wear makeup or dress in designer clothes. Suho had said that she was a graduate of the NYC doctoral program, and had been fast-tracked from the start. Apparently, she was very smart, and that was a good, good thing. Looks had never mattered to Suho, either. He was far too interested in people that challenged him intellectually. Maybe that was why they seemed a good fit.

“Luhan’s doctor said he’s okay?” Suho asked again, looking for just as much certainty as Sehun desperately wanted. “He got a full checkup?”

Sehun nodded. “He’s got to rest for a while. But he’ll be okay. Me? If my heart could just slow down so I don’t have a , that would be amazing.”

Emily appeared in the kitchen just as the coffee began to drizzle out of the machine. She had a phone in hand and said in understandable Korean, “I’m going to check some emails and make a few calls. I don’t want to interrupt you two.”

“You’re not,” Sehun said back slowly, ashamed of his manners. He hopped up from his seat and reached out to shake her hand. “I’m Oh Sehun. It’s a pleasure to meet you, finally.”

She gave him a full, happy grin in return. “Emily Pearson. Suho talks about you a lot, his troublesome little brother.”

“You should stay,” Sehun said, pointing at the coffee. “I have coffee.”

“I really do need to catch up on work.” She shook her phone a little.

Sehun insisted, “Let me set you up in my office.”

By the time the coffee was finished brewing, Sehun had Emily situated in his office, and she was busily focused on the computer screen, already having a conference call with someone.

“Thank you,” Suho said when Sehun set coffee mugs in front of them.

“For what?”

Suho sighed, “For being nice to her. For treating her right.”

Sehun frowned. “Why wouldn’t I? She makes you happy, right? That’s all I care about.”

Suho gave a pleased nod. “Thank all the same.”

Sehun dumped creamer in his coffee and truly hoped that Suho knew how happy Sehun was for him.

Suho seemed to wait some time before saying, “Xiumin didn’t just tell me that Luhan had been in a car accident. He also said that the reason Luhan was going to talk to you, last night, was because he thinks the two of you are having a breakdown in communication.”

Pursing his lips, Sehun didn’t respond. Even if they were, the last thing he wanted was Xiumin spreading their business about.

“You want to tell me why?”

Sehun returned angrily, “Are you my therapist suddenly?”

“No,” Suho said with a causal shrug, “but if you’re falling back into old habits, then you’re probably not talking to your therapist about all the things that are bothering you, or on your mind. Remember, Sehun, therapy only works as long as you’re open and honest. Otherwise you’re just wasting your time and money.”

“I know,” Sehun said begrudgingly.

“You’ve been stressed out,” Suho said knowingly. “I can see it all over your face. And I’m just going to take a stab in the dark here, and say that you’ve been cooping all that stress up inside of you, scared to let Luhan shoulder any of it for you.”

“Why should he?” Sehun asked back. “He’s got enough to deal with right now. Youri’s pregnancy gave him gestational diabetes, and he got lucky with that this time, but this baby is wearing him out. He’s sick all the time, and more tired than I’ve ever seen him. That’s on top of having to keep the household running, and taking care of Youri. He has do to all that, and I help where I can, but I’m gone most of the day. So tell me how I can put more on a person who has to do all that already?”

Suho reached over to flick at Sehun’s ear.

“Ow!” Sehun complained sharply. “That hurt!”

“Communicating with your partner,” Suho said, eyes narrowing, “is not the same as dumping all of your worries and problems on them. Also, Luhan deserves better than secrecy. Do you, or do you not agree?”

Sehun looked down at the brown murkiness of his coffee. “I just don’t want to stress him out.”

“You don’t think all of this unfolding isn’t stressing him out?”

Suho flicked him again.

“I know!” Sehun said sharply. Then he thought of Luhan sleeping upstairs, and quieted his voice. “I know,” he repeated in a softer way. “Trust me, I know. And Luhan and I already agreed, we have to talk. I’m going to tell him everything.”

“Everything?”

Sehun clarified, “About why I’m so worried and stressed out, and what’s going on at work.”

Suho frowned. “I thought you loved you job?”

“I do,” Sehun said right away. Then he stopped to consider, “I thought I did.”

“Okay,” Suho decided, settling in. “Tell me what’s going on. Consider it practice for when you have to grab your manhood and come clean to your husband.”

“No offense,” Sehun said, a wince on his face, “but talking to you isn’t quite like talking to Luhan.”

“No,” Suho allowed. “But I’ll be able to refine anything stupid you say, so it’ll sound better when you do talk to Luhan.”

Sehun gave Suho a long look, then decided, “You were a lot nicer before you moved to America. Emily seems really nice, but I’m not sure if she’s just an exception to Americans.”

Suho reached out to flick Sehun for a third time, but Sehun was practically expecting it, and he was able to dodge to the side.

“Don’t be rude,” Suho said. “Now tell me what’s wrong with your job, and how that’s obviously hurting your marriage.”

Talking to Suho was therapeutic. It was more than that, actually, but mostly it built confidence in Sehun. It gave him the feeling that he could rise above his fears and anxieties, because he had someone to fall back on that he knew could take the pressure. And there was never a hint of judgement from Suho on the matter. There was only support, and kindness, and the feeling that Sehun would be ready for his talk with Luhan.

Their coffee mugs were long empty by the time Emily reappeared in the kitchen.

“Everything okay at work?” Suho asked.

“Nothing that can’t wait,” she assured.

Suho swung back to Sehun and said, “We took a cab straight here from the airport. My parents weren’t thrilled, but they understood. Still, if we don’t go meet them for lunch in a couple of hours, you know that they’re going to storm this house, and that’s the last thing you need.”

Sehun went a little white. The last time Suho’s parents had come over, it had been just for an early evening meal. But they’d gotten distracted by Youri, and then Suho’s mother had started giving Luhan tips on organizing, and then Suho’s father had wanted to help with unnecessary renovations, and it had just turned into a mess. Sehun really appreciated Suho’s parents, and he was glad he was close with them again, but they could overstay their welcome too easily.

“Come over for dinner tomorrow?” Sehun asked, shaking Emily’s hand once more. He looked from her to Suho. “Luhan and I already planned to have a private, personal dinner with our closest friends and family. You two should be there.”

Suho gave a nod as Emily said, “Of course we will, if you all promise to speak a little slow for me.”

Sehun shook his head and promised her, “Your Korean is great—way better than my English, so don’t worry about it.”

As they left, Sehun watched the way Suho’s fingers slipped into hers so easily. It was remarkable, really, because Suho could be selective which who he chose to be affectionate with. But to Emily, Suho seemed unconcerned with who saw what, and it was a very, very good sign to their relationship. Sehun followed them to the door, watching Suho bring their carryon bag with them, and was glad for the moment.

That afternoon brought nothing but chaos, however, and no chance for Sehun to speak to Luhan. Suho left before the lunch hour, but Luhan had slept right through. Sehun had been able to busy himself with house work, but then the doorbell had started ringing and their house had been invaded.

Xiumin brought Youri and Wei back just in time for lunch, and a worried Kai followed.

“Now is not the time,” Sehun said in an irritated way, practically able to hear Youri bouncing on the bed that Luhan hadn’t left since returning home. She had come back to them with far too much energy, and was determined to tell Luhan every little thing. Xiumin was in the bedroom with Luhan trying to funnel some of that energy away, and Wei was in his own bedroom, but already it felt like the house had too many people in it.

But how could he turn Kai away, fairly, when Tao came fifteen minutes after him, practically vibrating in a need to see Luhan.

When Chen rang the front door, and asked with an arched eyebrow, “I take it this is a bad time?” Sehun practically gave up.

“Stop making that sour face,” Luhan said with a cheery grin when he’d felt strong enough to move down stairs to the roomier living area. Youri was still practically glued to his side, and Sehun had long ago stopped trying to pry her away.

“I’m not sour,” he returned, returning a smile, but nothing about it was real. He loved their friends, friends who were practically family, but he wanted Luhan to himself still. He wanted to be the focus of Luhan’s attention, and he wanted to just enjoy his company privately, for a while.

There was weariness in Luhan’s eyes, but he laughed all the same and said, “You absolutely are.”

It was definitely an annoyance to have a good number of their friends over, even if they were well meaning. However, in the end, Sehun tried to stem the feeling. Their friends were what kept them going at times, and surely they should be able to spare time for the people they loved the most.

And eventually, mercifully, everyone did begin to clear out. Hours after the bulk of them had arrived, Luhan was dozing lightly on the sofa, Youri was busy coloring in a work book, and Wei was offering to go out and get dinner.

“Actually,” Sehun said, giving him a grateful look, “I was hoping you could take Youri out for dinner. It would absolutely be on me, and you can take the car. But Luhan and I kind of need to talk about some important things, and it’ll be better if she isn’t here for it.”

“You’re not fighting, are you?” Wei asked suspiciously.

“No,” Sehun said right away. “We’re definitely not fighting. We’re just … we need to talk. We need to fix some issue. We need time and space to do that, actually, so that’s why I’m asking. If you can’t, I can always call my friend Chen, or even Suho. They’re both exceptionally good at spoiling Youri.”

Wei put his hands up. “Hey, I’m not saying I won’t do it, I just want to make sure you know that Luhan isn’t in a state to get worked up.”

“I’m not going to work my own husband up,” Sehun said with an edge.

Wei’s arms crossed over his chest. “Just keep that in mind, okay? Luhan’s not some delicate rosebud, but getting his blood pressure up? That’s good for no one.”

Sehun certainly didn’t need Wei to tell him how to talk to his husband. He didn’t need a lecture on anything of the sort relating to Luhan. But the last thing Sehun wanted to do was start trouble with Wei over Luhan. In the end, if battle lines were drawn, Sehun trusted Luhan to pick him. But there was something dirty about there even needing to be a choice to begin with.

Sehun asked a bit curtly, “So you’ll take Youri tonight? There’s an Italian restaurant that she really likes. Luhan and I are working really hard to get her to use only utensils now, but if she wants to use her fingers with the spaghetti, that’s okay, too.” He reached into his pocket and handed a credit card over. “And thank you.”

Wei slid the credit card into his pocket and said, “No problem.” He gave a visible hesitation, then added, “I can tell, you know, that you think I’m overstepping, or telling you something you already know, or just being irritating.”

Sehun startled with embarrassment. “Wei … I …”

“That’s okay,” Wei said, holding up a cautionary hand. “That’s fine, in fact. At the end of the day, I’m still just the guy who helped steal your husband, and almost made him mine.”

Sehun felt stunned.

“But,” Wei pressed on, “Luhan is my oldest friend. He’s really my best friend. But most importantly, he’s the only person who saw me, when even I couldn’t see myself. If it wasn’t for Luhan, I don’t know where I’d be. I don’t know who I’d be. I’d probably still hate myself. I think I still do a little.”

“Wei,” Sehun tried again, because now guilt was creeping into his every pore, and it felt so, so wrong that he was the one at fault for it.

Wei gave a small shrug. “I guess what I’m trying to say here, in too many words, is that I love Luhan. I don’t love him like you do, but I love him in my own way. So when he hurts, I hurt. And I look at the two of you, and I see the most amazing thing in the world. I see Luhan so happy, and so in love, and I don’t want that to break down. I know it sounds comical, but I feel like I have a personal stake in your relationship, and how you directly affect Luhan. So just be careful. Pick your words carefully. Look at how much Luhan loves you, and don’t ever lose that.”

As Wei turned away to collect Youri, Sehun was left stunned, standing numb.

It wasn’t long after Youri and Wei had left for dinner, Luhan still dozing, when Sehun’s phone lit up with Chanyeol’s number.

He nearly didn’t pick up the phone. But he was deathly afraid that Chanyeol was calling about something related to work. He hadn’t been in two days now, and he hadn’t even talked to Chanyeol directly to tell him something had happened to Luhan. He was certain that Chanyeol had heard from Chen, but Sehun was also a little embarrassed he hadn’t made an important phone call to him yet.

“Yes?” he asked, slipping into his office and closing the door behind him.

Chanyeol wasted no time asking, “Is Luhan okay? Is the baby okay?”

“They’re both fine.” Sehun ambled his way over to his desk and sunk into the chair. “How’s it going at work? Am I … has anyone said anything about my absence at work?”

He could hear Chanyeol sigh, before he said, “You bet you were missed. I covered for you, you’re welcome.”

“Thank you.”

Chanyeol continued on, “No one is going to call you up asking where you were, today. But that’s only today, Sehun. You have to come in, tomorrow. You have to show your face and show the boss that you’re ready to go on Saturday.”

Saturday.

The day he and Chanyeol were expected to fly out of Seoul for Hong Kong. Also the day of the party.

Dryly, and with obvious apprehension, Chanyeol wondered, “Have you told Luhan, yet?”

“I will,” Sehun said. “Today.” He had no other choice.

Chanyeol whistled out, “He’s going to be so mad.”

Propping an elbow up on the desk, Sehun asked, “What if I take emergency family leave? You know I’ve got a million hours of it built up.” He forced himself to keep calm. “Chanyeol, I can’t leave right now. I can’t leave Luhan right now.”

“Let me put it like this,” Chanyeol told him. “If you don’t show up to work tomorrow, and if you try to get out of the trip on Saturday, I get the feeling that you won’t have to worry about when to use your emergency family leave hours.”

To that, Sehun had no response.

Chanyeol said, “This is a ty situation. I know. And I don’t know how to help you right now. I just … Sehun, what are you going to do? Can I get a heads up, so I know how Saturday is going to go down?”

Wryly, Sehun admitted, “Chanyeol, even I don’t know how this is going to play out.”

“Oh,” Chanyeol said softly.

Resolved, Sehun said, “I have to talk to Luhan, Chanyeol. I’m doing that tonight. I’ll be there tomorrow, I promise, and I’ll let you know then.”

“Good luck,” Chanyeol said, and then the call was over.

There was certainly no going back now.

A soft knock on the door jarred Sehun.

The door itself was mostly glass, with only a wooden outline, and through it Sehun could see Luhan standing there, looking at him with worry.

“You okay?” Sehun asked a little breathlessly as he dashed to the door and opened it. “Let’s go sit down, okay?”

Luhan laughed, “Sehun, the doctor said I was fine, remember? And the nausea isn’t so bad today. So let me stand if I want to stand.”

Face heating a little, Sehun nodded.

“You shouldn’t have let me sleep so long,” Luhan said, taking Sehun’s fingers in his own. He tugged them away from the office and back towards the living room. “I’ll never be able to get to sleep tonight.”

“That’s not true,” Sehun teased, sliding around Luhan to sneak an arm around his waist. “I know you’re super uncomfortable all the time now, but when you do drop off, you can do it anywhere. And if you needed the rest, then you needed it. Plus, you look super cute when you’re sleeping. You also tend to be the least annoyed at me, during that time.”

That was totally the right thing to say by the way Luhan laughed, and then turned his head for a proper kiss.

They got settled on the sofa, with Luhan tucking a blanket over his legs, and that was when Sehun realized the talk was about to happen.

Luhan joked, “You don’t have to look like I’m going to reach across and strangle you, Sehun.”

He tried to force a reassuring smile on his face, but had a sinking suspicion he’d utterly failed.

Luhan, obviously trying to break the ice, reminded, “Didn’t we have a talk only a few days ago?” He shook his head and sighed. “It feels like so much longer than that. Anyway, we had a talk just a few days ago, Sehun. We talked about you not putting all the pressure on yourself, and not pushing yourself beyond your limits.”

Frayed with nerves, Sehun felt barely confident enough to say, “I scored that deal at work. Chanyeol and I finally presented something the client liked.”

Luhan perked immediately, and congratulated, “I’m so happy for you. You were working so hard on that for so long. I know you thought you’d never get it done, or that you’d never make that client happy, but I believed in you. You never give yourself enough credit.”

Luhan’s praise was like salt in a wound to Sehun. He balled his hands into fists and nearly hunched over himself, feeling like he might actually be ill.

It didn’t take long for Luhan to catch on that something was wrong, and then he was frowning and asking, “Sehun? What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I feel like a jackass,” Sehun said. “I feel like such an idiot and I can’t believe … I’m so ashamed of myself.”

“Hey.” The sharpness to Luhan’s voice caught Sehun. “How many times to do I have to say it?”

Sehun looked to him with uncertainty.

Luhan looked to vibrant, so alive, and so utterly beautiful. To Sehun, Luhan had always looked like a masterpiece, but he did so even more now. Not even the stern look on his face could detract from his beauty.

Luhan told him in an uncompromising way, “You do not get to talk about the man I love like that. You don’t get to talk about my husband, and the father to my children, in that kind of way.”

Against all odds, the smallest of grins snuck its way on Sehun’s face, and he said emphatically, “You’re too good to me.”

Luhan replied, “You’re not good enough to yourself.”

It took a few more moments before Sehun felt strong enough to say, “I spent so much time working on that project, Luhan. I spent months of preplanning, and then months more of trying to win the client over. I took that promotion on the basis that I could score the client, and that I was worth the investment. I pushed and pushed and pushed myself, and then I pushed this family.”

“Sehun,” Luhan said quietly.

Sehun continued, “I had to sacrifice a lot, and I had to ask you to. I didn’t get to spend as much time with you and Youri as I wanted. I couldn’t always be there for dinner, or bath time, or anything else. And you? All that fell on your shoulders. That’s too much to ask of someone who isn’t feeling well, and I had to ask it all the same.”

Luhan leaned over and pinched Sehun in the arm. “It’s not like you were manhandling me into the past few months. Sehun, I know we didn’t predict your job getting crazy like this when we decided to have another baby, but I also know your work is important to you. You’re ambitious and driven, and that’s something that I really love about you. So this? We can deal with this. We can get through a little bit longer, and then we’ll look back on this in a couple of months when we’re busy smothering our new baby with love, and laugh.”

Sehun grit his teeth. “I didn’t just hold all this back because I didn’t want to worry you. I held it back because you haven’t heard the worth of it.”

Luhan sat back. “The worst of it?”

Now came the deal breaker. Now came the worst of it.

“The client is on board,” Sehun said. “But only if I’m hands-on with the project.”

Luhan shrugged. “What’s that mean?”

Sehun heaved in a deep breath. “The client is in Hong Kong, Luhan. So for the next six months, the client expects me to spend probably more time there, than here. And I’m supposed to fly out on Saturday.”

He could see the way the words were sinking into Luhan’s mind, and he realizations that were beginning to set in.

“But the party is on Saturday,” Luhan said hoarsely.

“I know.”

This was what Sehun had feared more than anything else, the wounded look that was gracing Luhan’s features.

“Sehun,” Luhan said in almost a breathless way, “I’ve been planning for well over a year now. It took so much to get everyone together in the same place. I had to work, and then rework my plans. I had to change the date three separate times. We rented everything out. We ordered all the food. Sehun …”

“I know,” Sehun said, this time much more sharply, and he regretted his tone right away. “I apologize,” he hurried to say “I’m sorry, Luhan. I know this ruins everything. I know what you put into this, on top of keeping our family running, on top of taking care of Youri, on top of everything.”

Luhan looked horrified at the idea of his plans being spoiled. “We had to coordinate ten people,” Luhan reminded, “our ten closest friends, and then their wives and children and Wei and … there’s over twenty people coming to this thing.”

“And if I could do anything, I mean anything to get out of this, I swear I would.”

Quietly, Luhan said, “You’re supposed to stand up there with me, Sehun, and talk about how much these people mean to us, and how we wouldn’t be where we are today, if it weren’t for them.”

Bluntly, Sehun told him, “It’s nonnegotiable. I either go, starting Saturday, for the next six months to get this project off the ground, or I get another job.”

Luhan moved to speak, and then froze. His forehead ceased, and then he asked, one hand braced against his stomach, “The next six months? Sehun, I’m due in four.”

“I know that too,” Sehun replied, his own eyes on Luhan’s stomach. “Do you get it now? Right or wrong, do you see why I was so ashamed to have to tell you that I got what I wanted so badly in the end, but at a terrible cost.”

Luhan seemed to sink into the sofa, practically disappearing into his blankets.

Sehun told him, “The way I understand it, I’ll need to fly out every couple of weeks and spend the weekend there, in Hong Kong. Maybe … maybe we’ll get lucky and it’ll happen that I’m here for when you go into labor, but there’s a chance …”

Now, for the first time, Luhan looked shaken. “Sehun, I don’t want to do this without you.”

“I have been trying to find something, anything, that can help me get out of this. I’ve been brainstorming,” Sehun rushed out, “and desperately trying to bargain, but it’s me or nothing with the client.”

In an awed way, one that sounded like Luhan was drifting in his own thoughts, he said, “You won’t just miss the party, or the birth of our son. You’re going to leave me alone with a newborn and a three-year-old. Maybe you’ll be home for some of it, but you’re going to miss the worst of it, and I don’t know if I can handle it all on my own.”

Weakly, Sehun said, “My mom and sisters will help. So will Baekhyun. You know—”

“That’s not fair!”

Luhan’s shout started Sehun into silence.

With less volume, but still just as much anger, Luhan said, “That’s not fair to me, or to our friends, or to our family, so don’t you dare say that. You helped make this baby, Sehun. You need to be here for all the important things that come after. You can’t do this.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” Sehun asked honestly. “Tenure my resignation, cost the company about a billion yen, and get myself blacklisted because of it? Am I supposed to put this family into a shaky financial situation? Tell me, Luhan. Tell me something, because I don’t know what to do, and I’ve tried so hard to fix this. I just … I don’t know what to do.”

Shaking his head slowly, Luhan said, “You can’t miss the birth of this baby, Sehun. You can’t miss our son’s birth, and the moments that come right after.”

“I can’t not go.”

There was most certainly a shift in the room. The atmosphere had chilled significantly, and now Luhan was angled away in thought, worry and hurt on his face, and Sehun felt like such a villain.

Then came the first sniffle, the first hint that tears were on the way, and Sehun almost burst into them himself, the moment he saw Luhan’s eyes water.

“I’m so sorry,” he pleaded, voice going thin. “Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t help himself then and launched himself to the other side of the sofa to wrap Luhan up in a strong hug. He though Luhan might try to push him away, or hit him, or something. But instead Luhan clung tightly to him and cried quietly.

“If you want me to quit, I’ll quit,” Sehun said, feeling at wit’s end. “Suho has lots of business contacts here in Seoul. If I beg him, I can probably use his connections to get hired somewhere else. Luhan, I will quit, if that’s what this family needs for me to do. I’ll do whatever you want. I love you. Just please stop crying.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Luhan said morosely. “And you can’t quit your job. You love it.”

Firmly, Sehun said, “Not as much as I love you.”

And that was the truth. More than anything else, unequivocally, Luhan was Sehun’s priority. There was no sacrifice too great to make for him, and if Luhan wanted him to quit, and get a job crunching numbers, to make sure that their family could even stay in the same country, then that was what Sehun was prepared to do.”

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Luhan said, palming at his eyes. “It’s the damn hormones. I’m sorry.”

Sehun held him close and his fingers against the expanse of Luhan’s belly, feeling the flutter of movement from their son.

“I really ed up,” Sehun said softly.

“I’m really mad at you,” Luhan ground out.

“You should be.”

“But I still love you.”

Sehun knew Luhan too well, to expect anything else.

Palm going flat on Luhan’s stomach, more to anchor himself than anything else, Sehun promised, “You only have to say the word. I mean it. Chen’s the one who reminded me about Suho’s business contacts. I bet I could have a new job by the end of the week. If we can’t do this, if it isn’t worth it in the end, then I’ll call Suho tonight.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Luhan took Sehun’s face in his hands, and then kissed his mouth gently. “Despite your boss, I know this is your dream job. I know if you were doing data entry in a small cubicle anywhere else, you’d be unhappy, and I can’t support that.”

“Then what do we do?”

Luhan kissed him once more, and there was a lingering feeling of loneliness on his lips. Maybe Sehun was just imagining it.

“You have to be here for the birth,” Luhan said with finality. “Everything else pales. But the birth? You have to be the first one who holds our son. you have to be there when I go into surgery. You swear that to me, that you’ll be there, and put it on everything you are, and we’ll …we’ll figure everything else out.”

“Are you sure?” Sehun asked slowly. This felt like asking too much. He knew this was asking too much. And Luhan shouldn’t have been willing to agree to any of it. “Luhan, I swear it’s okay, I can quit. I can fix this with Suho’s help. I can.”

“You can make me one single promise,” Luhan said in rebuttal. “You can make the only promise I need from you, and one that you understand you can’t break no matter what. And if you can do that, if you’re capable of that, then we can endure.”

With more pressure than he’d dared before, Sehun cradled Luhan’s stomach. “I swear to you,” he said, “I won’t miss the birth of our son. I will be there. I will be the first person to hold him, and the only one who hands him to you when it’s your turn. No matter what, I’ll be there.”

Luhan gave a silent nod, and leaned against Sehun.

“I swear,” Sehun said, for good measure.

“Then I guess there’s only one thing to do,” Luhan said, sounding weary.

“What’s that?”

Luhan’s head turned and he kissed the curve of Sehun’s jaw. “I need to help you pack. You’re pretty useless without me.”

Sehun turned Luhan’s head properly to kiss him, and remarked with every fiber of his being, “I don’t deserve someone like you, Luhan.”

And in that moment, Sehun was certain he’d always feel that way.

Undeserving.