Prompt no: #022
Prompt: Mark’s had the longest crush on Jinyoung but never found the courage to confess. Not until someone new starts showing interest in Jinyoung.
Title: Always Have, Always Will
Author: markjinyeong (Twitter)
Side pairing: JinPil (Jinyoung x Wonpil)
Rating: PG
Word count: 9.5k
A/N: Hello prompt writer! First off, I’m sorry if this piece didn’t do the prompt justice. I have never published a worthy work before and this is my first so please excuse my poor writing skill! I didn’t have the time to get this beta-ed too so I’m sorry! And sorry if this ended up being too long yikes. Have fun reading and please look pass things that do not make sense L

To Mark, a hermit who prefers to sit idly in his small cozy dorm room with his little phone by his side, thinks he has all that he needs in life. Sure, he’s a little short on cash, but hey – that’s parts and parcels of being an undergraduate student, right? You feed off instant noodles and 1 dollar pizza, but it’s nothing worth complaining. 

Being a photography major means that he spends most of his days tweaking and fussing over the DSLR camera bought by his parents for his 16^th birthday. On that day, he told them that he liked taking pictures and wanted to be a photographer when he grew up. There’s something so serene about producing great images and Mark strives to capture beautiful pictures that will make him proud. However, it also means that he hides himself behind the camera and shies away from any form of human interaction. The lack of social skills that comes with cooping up in his room is definitely not something to be proud of. He’s grateful that he at least has a friend that sticks out for him throughout the few years he’s been in this forsaken college. 

That said friend, Jackson, however, thinks that Mark is a hopeless cause. 

“You know you’ve been here for nearly 3 years, right?” Jackson asks, mouth full as he gobbles down half the pizza slice he has in his hand.

“I don’t know where this is going, Jacks, but yeah, sure, go on.” Mark prompts disinterestedly. 

Somehow, he has a feeling of what Jackson is on about. He always has something new to talk about and almost none makes it to Mark’s ears for him to care enough. Though Jackson has a personality that is out of this world, Mark still finds him endearing nonetheless. 

He’s never going to say this out loud, though.

“Now you look at me young man and you listen good,” The other one replies, putting down the remaining pizza crust he has left because it’s never really his favourite part anyway. Clearing his throat, he continues, “It’s time you and I have a serious talk.”

Mark puts down the phone he has in his hands and groans in annoyance. Why can’t people let me enjoy my Saturday in peace? Looking at Jackson currently sitting on his side of the room, he bitterly replies, “What now? Does the serious talk involve you and your hatred for broccoli on pizza? Newsflash, Jacks, the whole population hates it as much as you do so why don’t you just gro—”

“I’m talking about your love life man, chill.” 

Well, that shuts Mark up. 

“We’ll definitely have a talk about the broccoli catastrophe some other day, but man, have you ever been in love?”

Come to think of it, Mark has always been a man of secrecy. Well, it’s never really in his best interest to keep secrets from people, particularly from his friend, but some things are just too embarrassing to tell, especially if the secret involves him having this stupidly massive crush on a guy in his Portraiture class. He’s not sure if he’ll ever be ready to tell anyone, even if it means telling Jackson.

Hesitantly, Mark replies, “Not that I know of?”

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to say. You’re graduating soon and if the love of your life happens to be in this school, walking this unholy ground, you wouldn’t even know,” Jackson wipes the grease from his hands onto his jeans, planning to have it washed tonight. “So, from a mom to a son, I suggest you get out of this stinky room and mingle around. Maybe it’d do you some good?” Jackson says, crossing his arms over his knees as he gives Mark a gentle look.

Mark sighs. He knows that socialising has never been one of his strongest skills. All his life, he’s been exceptionally good at hiding behind both living and non-living things to save himself from having to interact with people outside of his comfort zone. That’s part of the reason why he’s always behind the camera lens. He hates the early stages of making friends and the awkwardness that comes with it. They’re gonna get bored of me eventually anyway.

But he hates it even more that a part of what Jackson says is true. If it gets Jackson to stop breathing down his neck about this, he’d gladly do anything.

Sighing, Mark deadpans, “I can’t believe you’re forcing me into this. If I do it, I want you to stop harassing me about all this, okay?” He stares daggers at Jackson before unlocking his phone and continues scrolling again, set on ending the conversation at that.

Contented with the answer, Jackson reaches for the leftover pizza crust on his plate again and replies, “I knew you’d say yes. Tomorrow night, Jaebum’s house. He’s having a party. I’m gonna find you a lover.”

Mark reaches for a pillow behind his head and throws it over to Jackson’s side of the room before scowling, “Fine, mom”

 

 

Sunday night comes sooner than Mark had expected. He knows Jackson is going to have qualms over his outfit even if he does put effort in it so he lets Jackson fuss about it on his own. It’s fun to watch Jackson go all over the place over some stupid party where half of the party-goers are going to end up drunk and won’t be able to tell between plaid shirts and striped tees. “Why did I sign up for this again?” He grumbles.

Jackson, still contemplating between the dark blue tight-fitting button-down and the dark red plaid shirt, says, “I promise you I’d find you a lover, didn’t I? So obviously you need to look the part. Cue Wang Jackson. What I want you to do is to get in there and show everyone that Mark Tuan is up for the taking and I want you to shake that money maker on the dance floor later on, you got it?” He looks over to Mark and finally hands over the plaid shirt to him, smiling to himself for the choice that he made.

Mark reaches out to take it from Jackson’s hand and replies, “Love it when you forget the fact that I don’t have nor can I dance normally, but sure.” Mark gives his outfit a quick once over – white tee, red plaid shirt and a pair of ripped skinny black pants (that Mark’s sure he’s grown out of but that’s Jackson’s main purpose anyway so he shuts up about it) – and concludes that even if he’s all talk, Jackson does have a great taste in fashion.

Jackson shushes him up, “What matters most is your big fat heart stashed somewhere in that cold demeanour, sweetie. Now go change while I sort myself out.” He jumps out of the mountain of clothes lying on the floor (Mark’s going to have to deal with them some other day) before going over to his side of the closet to pick out something to wear for the night.

Hands still flipping over each jacket, Jackson turns to Mark and says, “Just for the record, Mark, have you really never been in love before?” His tone is nonchalant, and Mark thinks that Jackson is genuinely asking because he’s curious.

“I would be lying if I said I had never.” Mark replies, hands playing on the hem of his white shirt, “It’s just, confessing is not really a walk in the park for me. And before I knew it, the person’s already walked out of my life,” Mark lowly chuckles and adds, “But that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love.”

“You’re gonna find someone soon, Mark. And when you do, don’t let them go”
 

 

Mark is able to list a thousand and one reasons why he hates parties. But he’s not about to list them all, now that he’s actually in one, body bumping against strangers reeked of alcohol in their systems.

So here he is, his small camera hung around his neck by the strap and both hands tightly clasped around the red party cup filled with spiked punch that Jackson shoved in his hands before disappearing off into the night (not before reminding him to have fun and go wild), sticking himself to a wall as he observes the surrounding. Too many people, too much talking, too much touching.

God, he hates parties.

Sipping on to the drink he’s holding, Mark decides that he’s never going to dance no matter how much Jackson reminded him to. And he doesn’t particularly know anyone here, aside from Jaebum whom he’d already greeted when he and Jackson first arrived just now. He can’t exactly hide behind the host since said host is busy tending to his other guests, so Mark decides to aimlessly walk around, with no particular destination in mind.

His feet carry him to a more secluded part on the 2^nd floor of the house. It is a balcony that overlooks Jaebum’s backyard. From above, he can see snack tables around the garden and people mindlessly chatting among one another with loud music blasting from the patio. 

There’s a swing set that catches his attention with fairy lights around it that illuminate the surrounding, looking ethereal and bright from where Mark’s standing.

Placing the red cup he has in his hand on the floor, Mark gently raises his camera, switches it to life before focusing on the whole overview of the backyard. Times like this is when Mark feels at ease. 

As he presses the shutter button, he marvels at the beauty captured through his lens. Photographing has always been his passion. Although he can never truly engrave a scenery all in its glory, he finds that’s the challenging part of photographing. It intrigues him to try harder and capture even more photos. To Mark, photographing calms him when others couldn’t.

Unbeknown to him, while he is still wrapped in his own little bubble, someone is watching him from a distance.

It is only when Mark is looking through all the photos taken that he is approached by that person.

“Hey,” The said person says.

Mark looks towards the source of the sound and widens his eyes at the sight. That is the Park Jinyoung – with a capital T – the guy from his Portraiture class that he’s had a massive crush one for months. What the hell is he doing here? 

Looking a little lost for words, Mark his lips out of habit and croaks a weak, “Hey.”

“I saw you holding a camera and thought it’s amusing to find someone bringing a camera, of all things, to a party. And you seem familiar,” Jinyoung pauses, inspecting Mark’s face for a second before a twinkle appears in his eyes. He lifts his index finger mid-air towards Mark and yelps, “Oh! I’ve seen you before! You’re in one of my classes. Tuan, isn’t it?

Mark, who’s been staring all the while, clears his throat and retorts back, “Y-yeah. Tuan. But you can call me Mark. And you’re Jinyoung. From Portraiture class.”

Smiling, Jinyoung replies, “Ahh yes, Portraiture. You do know me. I’ve seen you talking to Professor Kim after class. Quite a student you are.” Jinyoung leans closer to the railing of the balcony and rests his elbows on it.

“Speak for yourself. Professor Kim showed me a sample portfolio the other day. Yours. Imagine being that good to the point that your lecturer uses your work as reference for other students.” Mark grins, the butterflies in his stomach slowly fading into the background, still there but a little calmer now.

Jinyoung laughs at Mark’s reply. It’s probably the most beautiful thing Mark has ever seen or heard. How his eyes form into half crescent moon and folds appear around his eyes, making them look like eye whiskers. His laughter sounds genuine, it makes Mark feel like he’s achieved something good in life just by making Jinyoung laugh.

Jinyoung covers the lower half of his face with his palm before gathering himself up and says, “You’d think that submitting your work to a professor would be something confidential, but no, he just had to show them to everyone. Gosh this is embarrassing, in a way.”

“No, don’t be,” Mark blurts out. “They’re really good. You’re good.”

Jinyoung gives Mark a sheepish smiles and replies, “Really? That’s nice of you to say. I would’ve applaud you for your work too if I’d seen them.” Jinyoung then adds, “Oh, what about the pictures you took just now? May I see them?”

“Um, sure. They’re average at best, though,” Mark pulls out the camera that is still hanging around his neck and switches it back to life.

Jinyoung giggles and says, “That’s really up to me to decide, right Mark?” He scoots closer to Mark, right shoulder brushing against Mark’s left one. And if Jinyoung could hear how loud Mark’s heart is beating, he doesn’t say.

Mark hands over the camera to Jinyoung and anticipates for any kind of reaction from the boy.

Seconds tick as Jinyoung scrolls between each photo, “They’re – they’re amazing, Mark.” Smiling, Jinyoung looks up from the camera and stares deep into his eyes, like he’s trying to let his sincere words reach Mark and resonate deep into the roots of his mind. And in a way, Mark thinks that they did.

Heart still beating faster than ever, Mark rubs his nape as a sign of embarrassment before shooting Jinyoung a shy smile to show his gratitude and shifts his gaze back at the view of the backyard. 

Tonight has suddenly took an unexpected turn for Mark and he couldn’t be happier. Here he is, talking to the person he’s been secretly crushing on. And if luck is on his side, this newly found friendship might turn into something even sweeter.
 

 

“Melisandre.”

“No waaaay!” Jinyoung replies in between laughter. By now, Mark has slowly grown accustomed to Jinyoung’s laughter and has learned to prepare his heart from going into overdrive every time Jinyoung laughs. They’re sitting crossed legs on the floor of the balcony now. Seemingly more interested in each other than anything else in the world. “There’s no way that she’s any viler than Ramsay Bolton.”

Chuckling, Mark says, “You’re also forgetting the fact that Cersei is still walking and breathing till this very season. Life is cruel in all forms.”

“That heartless little devil.” Jinyoung chuckles. He sips on his own red cup of the same concoction Mark had an hour ago, although his is still half full. “By the way, why are you here and not downstairs with the rest of the civilisation?”

Mark rubs his two hands together, feeling a little chilly now that they’ve been outside for nearly an hour. “I’m not used to the scene. You see, I’m not good with people. They freak me out.”

Jinyoung glances at Mark, gives him a tiny smile before replying, “Honestly? I didn’t notice. You’re doing great so far and you’re funny.” He sets down the red cup on the floor and says, “Besides, half of the population downstairs are probably too knackered to hold conversations with. And you’re still here looking sober as if you’ve had nothing but water. Much a better company than anyone in this house, I’d say.”

Mark pulls his sight from the view of the backyard to look at Jinyoung – who’s also a view of his own, Mark mentally adds in his head – and smiles back, “Likewise, Jinyoung. But I could ask you the same question. Why are you here and not downstairs?”

Jinyoung fiddles with his fingers before replying, “Jaebum’s a friend of mine. I came upstairs because I had something to talk to him, I guess. But I found you instead.”

Mark – too lost in a trance at how cute Jinyoung looks while saying that – replies, “Well, have you met him, then? To pass the message.”

Jinyoung shakes his head and replies, “It’s fine. That can wait.” He stretches out his arms over his head and says, “So, what do you like to do in your free time?”

“Aside from arguing with my roommate, there’s really not much a college student can do that does not involve spending money. But I like walking. And taking pictures, if that isn’t too obvious. What about you?”

Jinyoung replies, “I take photographs too. And I also read in my spare time.” Shaking Mark’s arm a little to grab his attention, he says, “How about this, the next time you go for a walk with your camera, maybe I could join you? Would that be okay?”

Would that be okay? Is Mark really hearing it correctly? Jinyoung could ask for Mark to step on a Lego and Mark would still be okay with that. And that says a lot because Legos hurt.

Gathering his thought, Mark replies, “Sure – I mean – Yes, of course it would be okay.”

Jinyoung smiles widen and faces the garden. He has a gentle look on his face as he mindlessly skims through the crowd downstairs. The music still booms from a distance, a track neither of them recognise, but welcome all the same. No words are uttered between them but it is not an uncomfortable kind of silence. It’s a silence that engulfs them both with comfort, almost as if they belong there, at that exact moment. 

Mark slowly reaches for his camera, fixes the angle so that one side of Jinyoung’s face is visible in the frame and click.

Jinyoung looks up from the sound of the shutter, startled as if it burst the bubble he was in, and stares at Mark. Before Jinyoung has a chance to ask, they hear a sound of a person clearing their throat, distracting them. Of course, it was Jackson. He seems a little drunk and there’s a twinkle in his eyes as he looks between Mark and Jinyoung, a look that Mark doesn’t want to find out. 

“I thought you’d be here,” Jackson says, sitting down next to Mark on the balcony floor. He looks happy, albeit a little sleepy. 

“That’s probably because you asked Jaebum or something,”

“Point taken!” Jackson points his index finger to the air and twirls it around. “But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t find you either way.” Jackson chuckles. His eyes are a little droopy, a sign that he probably drank too much a while ago.

Mark dismisses him, too lazy to argue with Jackson, let alone a drunk Jackson.

“Jackson, this is Jinyoung from one of my classes. Be polite and say hi.”

Jackson hurriedly looks over from the other side of Mark’s shoulder and is greeted by a shy smile.

“Jinyoung, this is Jackson, the most annoying person you will ever meet.”

“Hi.” Jinyoung says.

“Hiiii. Don’t listen to Mark, he’s drunk.” Jackson replies. Jinyoung could only chuckle, not knowing what to say to him. Jackson falls his head on Mark’s shoulder and says, “Sorry Jinyoung, but I come to take Mark home, he’s had a little too much,”

Mark sighs before draping his arm over Jackson’s shoulder, “Shouldn’t I be saying that to you? How much did you even have?”

“Only like four glasses.” Jackson replies as he holds up three fingers in the air.

“Whoops mister, and that’s all you’ll ever be drinking tonight. Come on.” Mark turns to Jinyoung and says, “Sorry about my roommate, maybe I’ll see you in class next week?”

Jinyoung just shakes his head and says, “That’s no problem. Thanks for tonight, by the way. And nice meeting you, Jackson.” He smiles.

Mark hoists Jackson up and takes leave after bidding good night to Jinyoung. And just like that, the spell of the night was broken by a drunk guy who just couldn’t let Mark live in peace.
 

 

From that day on, Mark has been extremely looking forward to Portraiture class, knowing that there’s a boy in there waiting for him. They don’t talk during class, but the occasional glances that they share every now and then are enough to turn Mark’s ears red.

They are not yet at the part of their friendship where they hang out with each other’s friends or have lunch together, but they do go out for walks from time to time, now that they have each other’s phone numbers.

If Mark could describe their walks in one word, it would be tragic. Don’t get him wrong, he likes going out with Jinyoung, loves it even, but he’s him, as awkward as he has been since birth and Jinyoung is, well, Jinyoung. He radiates wherever he goes and Mark is actually surprised at how he hasn’t gone blind yet from the close proximity of walking beside him and looking directly into his eyes.

“You’re doing that again” Jinyoung lightly muses beside him as they walk down the park that they frequent. It’s near college so they always go there during the evenings, just to unwind and take photographs.

“Do what?” Mark asks, eyes looking everywhere except at Jinyoung.

“This thing you do with your eyes. Watch” Jinyoung taps on his arm lightly to get Mark to look at him before furrowing his eyebrows and crossing his eyes, just for light humour.

Mark playfully shoves Jinyoung to the side and retorts back, “I definitely do not look like that!” He speeds a little, just to escape from Jinyoung’s prying eyes. “It’s just that you had a bug on your head a while ago and I was looking directly at it” He lies.

“Wait, I did?” Jinyoung scrambles to ruffle the top of his head, shaking any bugs off it. Mark looks back and smiles at the sight. Cute.

“Well, it’s gone now.”

“You should’ve told me sooner!” Jinyoung pouts a little and God, if Mark’s heart didn’t somersault at how puffy and cute Jinyoung’s lips turned. If Mark could have things his way, he would’ve confessed his feelings to the boy right at that exact moment. But of course Mark couldn’t, not when he knows that his inept self would fail him even before he got to express those three words out.

“Mark?” Jinyoung catches up to him again and softly calls out his name, to get him out of the trance he is in.

“Yeah?”

“Sometimes I wonder what goes on in your mind. Like, are you thinking about the apocalypse or the dog that just walked passed us 5 minutes ago? I just can’t figure you out.” He teases. Jinyoung, Mark notices, is a lot more expressive than he is. He voices out his thoughts unlike Mark, who keeps everything in his head that not even Jackson, his only good friend, knows.

He’s thinking about a lot of things. How he wants to capture Jinyoung’s beauty in his lens because he looks so perfect right now, how he wants to run away yet keeps a close distance from Jinyoung, how he wishes that there’s a slight possibility that this, whatever he has with Jinyoung, could be more than what it currently is, and how he wishes that Jinyoung would stop looking at him with those bright eyes that could rival the moon.

Jinyoung eyes drop a little from the lack of answer on Mark’s side before he quickly masks it off with a bright smile and changes the topic, “Hey, let’s have some ice-cream before we go back? Whoever calls the last order has to pay!” And with that, Jinyoung hurriedly dashes towards the ice-cream store near the park, leaving Mark startled from his previous train of thoughts before catching up to Jinyoung.

One day, I’ll tell you everything.
 

 

The sun has set as they walk down a dark road, saved by a few streetlights that paved the road to their dormitory. They each have an ice-cream cone in their hands, courtesy of Mark, as they lazily walk, seemingly content even when no words are spoken. The air is still a bit heavy due to the previous topic that Jinyoung never got the answer to, and Mark knows it, but he also doesn’t know how to bring it up without embarrassing himself.

“Jinyoung, do you know when will Professor Kim assign the next assignment to us?” Mark brings up a random topic, not really caring the answer to the question. He just wants to hear Jinyoung’s voice before they part later on.

“Hmm, sometime next week, I guess? I heard it’s going to be a pair assignment, right?” Jinyoung wipes the side of his mouth from ice-cream stain. 

Mark shrugs because he hadn’t really read the curriculum specifications of the course when he signed up for it, “I don’t know actually,”

“Well, in any case, if it is a pair work, I wouldn’t mind working with you,” Jinyoung replies, grinning through his ice-cream.

They soon enter their dormitory and Mark offers to send Jinyoung to his room first.

“You don’t have to,” Jinyoung sheepishly says as they walk to the elevator.

“It’s totally fine. I should’ve done this a lot earlier. This way it’d be easier for me to go to your room – in case I need to borrow some sugar, that is,” Mark jokes.

When the elevator finally dings to Jinyoung’s floor, Mark suddenly remembers that he still hasn’t cleared the issue talked about in the evening, and even if Jinyoung seems to have forgotten about it, Mark feels that a part of him needs to tell Jinyoung something about him before the night ends.

They come to a stop in front of a door and Mark thinks that this is the time.

Jinyoung clears his throat and says, “So this is me,” he turns his back to the door and gives Mark a tiny smile.

“Right,” Mark says, “Jinyoung, about that thing you said before we went to get ice-cream…” Mark pauses as he wait for Jinyoung to recall the event that unfolded at the park.

“Oh, that. I didn’t really say anythi-” 

“Nah, I just wanted to clear things up.” Mark interjects, “People have been telling me that I’m a reserved person, and I admit that. It’s just that I don’t know how to be up front with my thoughts and feelings. And I’m sorry.” He finishes, hands fiddling, not really knowing where to put them.

Jinyoung tilts his head, he smiles fondly and says, “First off, if you’re going to apologise, then I should too. I had a feeling since the beginning that you’re hard to read, but I pried you open anyway. I’m sorry if I seemed a little pushy. I hope I didn’t ruin anything. Take your time, Mark. We’ll go at your pace.”

Mark has always been a man of few words, but tonight, standing in front of Jinyoung’s door and having those words uttered to him really took Mark by surprise that it rendered him completely speechless. 
He could only smile back and say, “Thank you,”

And honestly, he is thankful.
 

 

Mark predicts that when he enters his room, he is going to be greeted by Jackson, that bloody busybody Jackson that wouldn’t stop prying into Mark’s life.

His prediction proves to be correct when he steps in and finds Jackson looking directly at the door from his study table.

“Fancy seeing you back so late,”

“I was out, big deal,” Mark grumbles and heads straight towards his closet to change. Mark has a feeling that tonight will be another tiring night. He should be used to it by now.

“As you have been this past week, I notice,” Jackson continues, “With whom though, if I may ask?” 

“With… Jinyoung,”

Jackson hums for too long that it makes it seem like he’s faking it before saying, “Ahh, Jinyoung, the one you met at the party?”

Mark knows where this conversation is going and there’s really no use dilly-dallying when it comes to Jackson because honestly, Mark doesn’t have friends to hang out with until night time and Jackson knows it.

“Yup” Mark says, stressing on the word a little more.

“Cute guy.” Jackson teases, just to tick him off. 

Don’t give in, Mark reminds himself. “You think so?” Mark throws his dirty clothes into the laundry basket and dives into his bed.

“I know you think so,”

Mark groans in defeat before throwing a pillow down Jackson’s way. This is slowly becoming a recurring theme. It’s impossible to shut Jackson up and Mark just has to deal with that.

“Your words, not mine.” Mark rolls his eyes as he reaches for his phone to block Jackson out.

“And they’re also my words that I think my child has a certain crush on that boy. Am I right?” He wiggles his eyebrows at him and throws the pillow back.

“Like I said, yours, not mine.” Mark tosses it right back.

“Come on, Mark. Give me something.” Jackson grips the pillow tight, “How long have I known you for? I know you don’t have anyone to hang out with. So going out with this guy is a huge deal, don’t tell me it’s not. And that’s okay. It’s okay to feel things. I did tell you to find someone, didn’t I? And if that someone happens to be him, that’s alright too.” Jackson finishes. There wasn’t any malice in his voice. It sounded genuine, like someone sincerely cared for Mark.

Mark closes his eyes and breathe, too stunned at how accurate those words are. He has to give it to Jackson for being so persistent. And as much as he wants to avoid confrontation, he somewhat thinks that it’s time that he starts being a little honest with Jackson.

Mark opens his eyes again and looks directly into Jackson’s eyes that are currently on his.

“Yeah, I admire him,” That’s a good start.

“Good. Let’s start from the beginning. Who is he?” Jackson asks as he gently tosses the pillow back. And that’s how the night goes on, pillows being thrown back and forth between questions and answers as the truth slowly starts to unravel.
 

“Alright, for this assignment, you are required to work in a group of two. I have set the list of partners you’ll be working with on the e-learning portal so please check after class. It won’t be due until week 9 so there’s still plenty of time to get it done. But no slacking, I’m talking about you, Sungjin.” And with that, Professor Kim dismisses the class.

“Man,” Jinyoung sighs from beside Mark.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was hoping we’d get to pick our own partner, you know. I hate it when lecturers assign us to partners as if we’re not capable of doing that on our own. And what if they end up being a freeloader? I will die.” Jinyoung dramatically runs his fingers through his hair and plops his face right on the desk.

Mark just chuckles and pats Jinyoung on the back, “There there. I’m sure it won’t come to that. If worse comes to worst, I would totally beat the living crap out of them for you.” 

Jinyoung just smiles defeatedly before slowly packing his things. As he is putting the files away, suddenly a figure appears beside Jinyoung and says, “Um, excuse me?”

Two of them look up and see a guy standing at the corner of Jinyoung’s table, hands tugging at his bag straps.

“Yes?” Jinyoung asks.

“Which one of you is Park Jinyoung?”

Mark looks over to Jinyoung out of confusion as the latter replies, “That would be me. Why?”

The boy gives a small smile to Jinyoung and answers, “I’m Kim Wonpil. I saw on the e-learning site that you’re my partner for the assignment.”

“Oh, hi then. I’m Park Jinyoung and I haven’t checked the portal yet but I trust your words. This is my friend, Mark.”

Wonpil does a short wave before saying, “Hi. Oh and Jinyoung, I’m not rushing on the assignment yet, just so you don’t get any ideas. I just wanted to find out who my partner is.”

“That’s totally fine. I planned on checking the site after lunch but I guess you beat me to it,” Jinyoung chuckles. He then pauses and looks over to Mark apologetically, “Hey Mark, if you want to go back first, it’s totally fine. I’ll catch you some other time?” He doesn’t want Mark to feel awkward at this two-way conversation that Wonpil and him are having and frankly enough, Mark really doesn’t feel like sticking around anyway.

“Sure, bye guys” Mark smiles as grabs for his things and gets up to walk towards the door.

From a distance he could hear Jinyoung saying to Wonpil, “Hey, maybe we should exchange contacts? For when we need to get started on the discussion.”

Mark feels a pang in his chest as he takes leave, but at least he knows that he won’t be needing to beat the living crap out of Jinyoung’s partner yet.

For now.
 

 

Fast forward to the following two weeks, Mark’s friendship with Jinyoung has been going… steady. In other words, there is not much progress going on, which frustrates the hell out of Jackson, which frustrates the hell out of Mark for having to be on the receiving end. They do go out from time to time to their usual park and Jinyoung still leaves butterflies in the pit of Mark’s stomach, but Mark, the socially insecure Mark, still feels like his heart is about to burst at the thought of going a little further. Also, freaking Jinyoung out is probably the last thing Mark wants to do right now.

Plus, with the new addition of Jinyoung’s work partner in his life, Mark – as much as he hates to admit it – finds Wonpil nothing but a disturbance. Jinyoung – the sweet Jinyoung who’s friendly and knows how to carry himself – is absolutely friendly to the boy and it’s not his fault, really it’s not, but Mark hates it anyway. Must Wonpil always come running to Jinyoung after class like a little puppy? And it doesn’t help that Jinyoung never fails to tell Mark how funny, friendly and good at his work the boy is.

Jackson calls on Mark for being jealous – thanks for pointing it out, not that he’s not aware of his blood vessels popping out every now and then – but all Mark can do is sit in his room and mop all day long. 

Mark and Jinyoung are walking out of the class when Jinyoung casually brings up about Wonpil again. 

“Mark, you know how we always go out for a walk, right?”

“Of course. We’re going there again tomorrow, aren’t we? I was planning to get tteokbeokki on our way back. ” Mark says.

“Well, yeah. And, sure. But, the thing is, I also kinda told Wonpil about it. And he told me he wanted to join. I did tell him that you would be there too but he said he didn’t mind. Is that okay with you?”

To say that Mark is stunned is an absolute understatement. Walks are their thing so why is Wonpil indirectly robbing that away from him? He shoots Jinyoung a look that can only mean that he’s uncertain about the idea of Wonpil tagging along. Jinyoung notices the look, but he still tries to convince Mark otherwise, to make him see the other side of the coin. 

“It will be fun! I really want my two friends to get along. Please?” Jinyoung musters a puppy-eye as a sign to get Mark to agree. He then adds, “I promise you’re going to like him.”

Mark sighs in defeat. Jinyoung does have a point. He hasn’t really had the chance to get to know Wonpil yet. Although if were up to him, he wouldn’t even try, but from what Jinyoung said, Wonpil does sound like a nice guy. And if things do end up going south, the walk will only going to be for a few hours and he can go back to perfectly not knowing Wonpil at all.

“You don’t have to say please, you know?” Mark flicks on Jinyoung’s forehead and adds, “Of course he can come along. But walks are still our thing, ok?”

Jinyoung only laughs as he eyes turn crescent and says, “Deal.”
 

 

Mark regrets a lot of things in life. Like during that time when his mother told him to wear his helmet before he went out on his bicycle, which he didn’t, and it ended with him sporting a bloody nose and a scar as a reminder. I told you so.

He wished this time around there was someone to tell him that. He didn’t inform Jackson about the outing so that was definitely on him, because here he is now, having to come face-to-face with Wonpil, seemingly having the time of his life wrapping his arms around Jinyoung and laughing at whatever Jinyoung is talking about. It almost feels like Mark is intruding, if he can say so himself.

He’s in the midst of kicking pebbles on the floor, his hands stuffed into his jeans pockets and his face as grumpy as ever – which makes him look like he’s five but he doesn’t care – when Jinyoung calls out to him and looks at him expectantly, “Mark, I told Wonpil that you take really nice pictures. And he said he would like to see them.”

Mark fixes his face and replies, “Sure, I just took out the latest memory stick so I only have some of the old pictures with me though,” Mark takes out the camera by the strap hanging around his neck, switches it to life and hands it over to Wonpil.

Mark doesn’t really know what to do, feeling a little awkward to tease Jinyoung as per usual now that there’s a third party standing between them so he settles with aimlessly looking around, eyes occasionally boring holes into nearby pigeons walking beside him.

Minutes late, Wonpil says, “Oh,” Eyes still staring at the camera but his fingers freeze. He looks up and says to Mark, “Isn’t this a picture of Jinyoung?”

Mark stills. Oh crap. How could he forget that the memory stick that is in the camera is from the night at Jaebum’s party? Of course there would be that one photo he caught of Jinyoung atop the balcony.

“Umm, yeah. That was the night when we first talked,” Mark replies, slowly settling his gaze on Jinyoung, “Remember?”

Jinyoung, too lost for words, could only stare back at Mark after having a hard look at the image. He softly says, “Yeah, I remember.”

Wonpil, noticing the change of atmosphere between them, hurriedly shuffles to the next pictures and says, “Ahh, these are really nice pictures, Mark. I like how you control the exposure on this one,” and he hands the camera back to Mark.

Mark only says a shy thank you before he hangs the camera back to his neck. The rest of the evening goes by with Wonpil talking with Jinyoung as Mark reverts back to his quiet self. Occasionally Jinyoung would look over to Mark to gauge a reaction out of him from beside Wonpil, and Mark would try his best to smile at him, assuring him that he’s alright.
 

 

On the next day, whilst Mark and Jinyoung are lounging at the latter’s room, a thing they’ve been doing only recently, with Jinyoung reading a book he borrowed from the library and Mark playing a game on his phone, Jinyoung suddenly lifts his head up and calls for Mark. He looks anxious.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Mark pauses his game and looks up from where he’s sitting on the foot of Jinyoung’s bed.

“Go ahead” He says. He stores his phone back into his jeans and looks expectantly at Jinyoung. He notes how Jinyoung is gripping tightly on the book he’s currently holding.

“What do you think of Wonpil?” Jinyoung breathes. There’s uncertainty in his eyes that puzzles Mark.

Mark ponders for a while and says, “He seems like a nice guy. I didn’t really get to talk to him much on that day though. Why do you ask?” A part of him has a bad feeling of where this is heading towards. He’s afraid he might regret the things that will come out of Jinyoung’s mouth.

Jinyoung bites his lips in contemplation and says, “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Gulp. Here goes. Mark just tilts his head and nudges Jinyoung to continue.

“Right after the walk yesterday, Wonpil, he…” Jinyoung pauses, “He called me and told me that he sincerely wants to get to know me better.”

“Oh, as a working partner?” Mark questions. Obviously not. He’s not that dumb to know the meaning behind that question but he plays along to bid time, scared to breech the topic that he wish Jinyoung wouldn’t enter.

“Umm, no, as in, more than a friend, I think.” Jinyoung closes the book that has long been forgotten on his study table, bookmarking it before pushing it further away from him. “Or at least that’s the message I got from the phone call last night.”

Seconds tick.

“Oh” The other boy replies after what feels like hours been suffocated in the pin-drop silence. Mark’s mind has gone blank plenty of times before, but this is probably the first time that he honestly, truly doesn’t know what to say. Jinyoung looks bashful, like he’s ready for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

Then Mark finally answers, “What did you say to him then?” 

“I told him I’d think about it, but I honestly don’t know.” If Mark could describe the look on Jinyoung’s face with one word right now, he’d say that Jinyoung looks absolutely lost. Jinyoung adds, “Do you think it will be alright?”

Mark inhales. Jinyoung is actually giving him the option to decide what is for him. He can be selfish and say it’s not alright, but at the end of the day it’s Jinyoung’s life and he’s the one who’s in charge of his own choices. 

So he says the one answer he regrets the most.

“I guess so. I did say he seemed nice, didn’t I?” He tries his best to muster a big smile to hide his real feelings under. If this is the choice that Jinyoung makes, then he’s just going to have to bear with it and play pretend for as long as he can.

And with that answer, Jinyoung lets out the breath he did not realise he was holding. 

“Alright then. Guess I’ll give him an answer soon.” Eyes quivering as Jinyoung smiles back, a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but Mark is too out of it to read anything behind the underlying meaning so he just reaches for his phone again, hoping to distract himself. He notices that his hands are shaking a little, but he places it at the back of him mind. Suppressing his feelings is what he always does best. Don’t fail me now.

“I hope it works out for you” He finally says behind his phone. Eyes turned away from Jinyoung’s awaiting gaze.

Jinyoung could only smile back.
 

 

When night time comes, Mark looks exactly like the extras who resurrected from the dead in Michael Jackson’s Thriller music video. And for the first time in three years, Jackson does not turn Mark’s life a living hell like he usually does, but that doesn’t mean he’s not in in the least bit concern of his friend who’s currently plopped on the bed with his face down. From time to time, Jackson even has to look over from his side of the bed to check if Mark is still breathing.

It’s half past 10 in the evening when Jackson finally has enough of the deafening silence that has made its home in their room. He walks over to Mark’s bed and rests his whole weight on his roommate’s body, successfully emitting Mark’s first word (or groan) in the first 4 hour he’s been like that. Mark rolls his body closer to the wall in an attempt to escape and that gives Jackson plenty of room to sit on. When Mark finally looks at him, only then he realises how truly wrecked his roommate is.

“Are you going to tell me yourself or do I have to strap you to a chair and make you say it?”

“Didn’t know you’re that ,” Mark replies as turns his whole body towards the wall, seconds away from morphing completely into the concrete.

Groaning, Jackson fights back, “Look pal, I didn’t sign up for this when I met you 3 years ago but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna leave you to yourself.” Jackson says, finger poking on Mark’s that is currently facing towards him. “And I know this has something to do with Jinyoung because you’re like programmed to only react humanly towards him, so before I slap some senses into you, I suggest you get the hell up, run to Jinyoung and tell him how much you love him.”

“But don’t you think he’s better off with that Wonpil dude?” Mark says, his voice hoarse. 

“The who now? Look, I’ve never met the guy and I don’t know why he’s better off with that guy, but gosh if the way Jinyoung looks at you is some sort of an indication, I don’t think Wonpil even stands a chance. Turn around, dude. It’s like I’m talking to a wall.”

Mark maneuvers so he’s looking directly at Jackson. He’s not thoroughly convinced at the idea of confessing to Jinyoung, scared that it would ruin their friendship, and mostly because he’s a coward.

Jackson gives him a fond look and says, “I mean, have YOU seen the way Jinyoung looks at you? His face just goes…” Jackson crosses his eyes, shuts his eyelids halfway through and groans.

That made Mark laugh a little before he shoves Jackson on the shoulder and says, “Very funny, jerkface” 

“I’m serious, dude. Think about it. It’s now or never.”

Jackson then gets up from Mark’s bed and grabs for his wallet. He turns to Mark and says, “I’m getting pizza, are you coming? I’ll buy you a milkshake if you are.”

That made him smile. Mark doesn’t say this often, but he’s honestly glad that he has Jackson.
 

 

After much thought, and with Jackson’s words constantly echoing through his head all night, Mark finds himself face-to-face with Jinyoung’s door on the very next day. He’s still contemplating between falling into his fears and speaking out the truth. This door is what separates him and Jinyoung at the moment. Once he steps into the room, Mark knows there’s no turning back.

Just as he’s about to complete his 5 minute session of staring at the opaque door, the decision is made for him as said door suddenly opens up from the inside, revealing the person he’s been wanting to see since the moment he left him.

“Mark,” Jinyoung says, eyes wide as he scans through the frail boy. He was not expecting anyone today, let alone Mark. “What are you doing here?”

“Are you busy?” Said boy asks. Jinyoung looks like he’s ready to head out and now Mark is afraid of intruding.

Shaking his head, Jinyoung smiles, “No, I was just planning to go the store and grab some bread. That can wait. Come in.” Jinyoung steps further into the room, allowing Mark to pass through, before shutting the door again.

Mark is just standing idly in the center of the room, not knowing what to do next. The plan he made with himself last night was to come and meet Jinyoung. Now that he’s done with step one, what’s next?

“Hey, are you alright? You don’t look so good.” Jinyoung walks closer to Mark, intending to feel his forehead, in case there’s a rise in temperature. Just as he’s about to reach the back of his hand to Mark’s forehead, Mark suddenly grabs for his hand at the speed of light and brings it down, hands still holding each other. Jinyoung yelps, stunned at the action.

Mark looks directly into his eyes and says, “No, wait. Jinyoung, there’s something I really need to tell you so please hear me out. While I still have the courage to speak now.” He gulps. His eyes quivers but he’s never been more sure of anything than he is now. Like what Jackson says;

Don’t let them go.

Jinyoung stays silence, eyes unsure, but he nods his head anyway, letting Mark know that it’s okay, so Mark proceeds, “There’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you for the longest of time, way before I even talked to you on the night of Jaebum’s party. 

You see, there’s this one person I’ve had my eyes on since last spring, but I never really gained the courage to talk to them, because I know that I’m me, the mute kid people always talk about and I didn’t think anyone would find me remotely attractive. So I didn’t act on anything, thinking that the feelings would just fade away.

But then Jackson brought me to this party and I met them. It wasn’t me who made the first move, no matter how much I wanted it to be. Kindness is definitely their strong pursuit, for they have never viewed me as someone who’s there, but barely there. They see me for who I am and I really appreciate that.”

Rubbing his thumb softly on Jinyoung’s hand, Mark continues, “Jinyoung, I don’t know if I’m too late and you have probably made up your mind, but I just need to get this off my chest so that I’d be able to have some sort of closure,” 

Mark inhales, “I have feelings for you. For months now. Way before you came up to me and initiated a conversation on that night. All this time I would always find my eyes gravitated towards you. Only you. And I’m sorry.”

Dropping Jinyoung’s hand as it lays motionlessly to his side, Mark breathes a sigh of relief. Jinyoung’s eyes are watering a little, still trying to process everything being said to him. Faking a cheerful voice, Mark says, “I’ve finally said it. Everything that I’ve been meaning to say. And I sincerely hope that you’re happy, Jinyoung. Really, I do.” He smiles before turning to grab for the door to let himself out.

That’s when Jinyoung grabs for the back of his shirt to halt his movement as leans his head into the small of his back and says, “Wait. Don’t go.” Jinyoung sounds shaky as the hand gripping onto the shirt tightens.

Mark pauses, but can’t quite will himself to turn to look at Jinyoung in fear that the sight would leave him in tears. It’s only then he realises that he’s been keeping himself from crying and is putting up a brave front to not let Jinyoung see him crumble from his own feelings.

“You can’t expect to run away after confessing to me, without actually knowing what I feel in the first place. That’s playing unfair, Mark Tuan,” Jinyoung says, face tightly squished behind Mark’s back in an attempt to hide himself from Mark and possibly the world.

Jinyoung continues, “What if I told you that I’ve had my eyes on someone too? And lady luck was on my side when I saw them at a friend’s party. I noticed them walking up the stairs and it took a whole chunk of courage for me to follow them up. The feelings grew stronger when I got to know them even better on that night, but I had to feign as though I didn’t know the person because I didn’t want to be seem like a creep.

A part of me was concerned that they would never reciprocate. I grew wary. But there were often times when I would catch them looking at me with such fond eyes, so I thought I stood a chance, even for a fraction. It wasn’t until I questioned the person about a guy I never had feelings for and they gave me their blessing, I knew that my pursuit was for a lost cause.” 

Muttering softly in his shirt, Jinyoung continues, “I really like you, Mark. Always have and always will. You don’t know what you do to me.” He breathes, a little calmer now that the truth is set free. “On that night, I actually went upstairs because Jaebum told me you’d be there. There was no other reason. There was never Wonpil to begin with. While it’s true that he confessed to me yesterday, I never intended to go forth with it. It’s always been you. Only you. We’re both dealing with the same insecurity here but don’t we always have each other to lean on? You’re worthy of being loved and I will do whatever it takes to make you see it.” He lifts his head from leaning on Mark’s back. “And if you could turn around and tell me that you like me back, it would make me very happy.” Jinyoung sniffs, hands slowly untangling from the strong hold he has on Mark’s shirt.

As Mark turns to look at Jinyoung, only then they realise that both are sporting some serious bloodshot eyes. They both chuckle at the sight. Mark grabs Jinyoung’s chin and soothes it with his thumb before whispering, “I like you, Jinyoung. So much. I’m sorry that I hurt you when you asked me about Wonpil the other day. I should have been honest with you since day one.”

Jinyoung leans his face closer into Mark’s hand as his own hand finds its way on Mark’s hip and replies, “If you’re sorry then I should be sorry too. From now on, let’s only be honest with each other.”

“Deal.” And with that, Mark finally seals it with a kiss on the lips.

 

 

“What did I say!?” Jackson hollers upon seeing Jinyoung and Mark enter their room.

Shutting the door, Mark replies, “That you’re a nuisance and should keep it down before you scare my boyfriend away?”

Jinyoung almost melts at the nickname, so he settle with holding Mark’s hand a little tighter.

“No, that’s what YOU say, .” Jackson plops down onto his bed and says, “I meant the way Jinyoung looks at you.”

“Hmm? What face do I make when I look at him?” Jinyoung asks, interested to know. It’s not like he can stare at a mirror AND look at Mark at the same time.

“You don’t want to see this,” Mark shakes his head and before guiding Jinyoung to sit at the foot of his bed. He’s planning to watch a movie on his laptop with Jinyoung tonight. Granted if Jackson doesn’t make so much noise.

“Like this,” Jackson answers, pulling a face as if he’s reaching an .

“Oh my god. I do not look like that!” Jinyoung screams. He looks over to Mark and asks, “Wait, do I?”

Mark rubs his chin and fake hums before replying, “Well, there was that one time…”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Jinyoung throws a pillow at Mark, sending them both into a giggling fit. And for the first time in a long, long time, Mark truly feels like he belongs.

And he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

 

A/N: Positive criticisms are absolutely welcomed! If there is anything that I should fix, please comment so I can maybe edit it and publish it under my own name. Thanks! J