Oh my god, first of all!! Thank you so much!!??? 51 Subscribers after 3 chapters?! You guys are freaking insane!!! Thank you for all the awesome support, I love you!!
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„So, congratulations everyone, you’ve reached your goal because you are now officially 4Bang. Yesterday, Lee Seunghyun has signed the papers to leave the band immediately.“

There was an unsettling silence in the room, one you couldn’t quite decipher, yet you could. 

You knew the atmosphere was bad but what were they thinking? What were they feeling?

Were they upset?

Sad?

Perhaps even angry?

Did they blame themselves?

Did they blame Seungri?

Their faces didn’t tell, the only thing you could see was shock. That was the case for everyone, everyone except Jiyong.

Jiyong hadn’t even noticed how hot tears had started falling from his eyes and burned his cheek as they streamed down, neither had he noticed how he had began hyperventilating, not until Youngbae grabbed his shoulder and shook him harshly.

„Ji! Yah! Jiyong! Snap out of it!“

The leader had brought his hands to his face, covering it as he tried to breath. This couldn’t be real. His maknae left? He left?

The reality and gravity of the situation dawned on him in that moment and he began to violently cry and sob his heart and lungs out, leaning down with his face hidden on his knees. He knew he should stop and get a grip but he couldn’t. He really couldn’t.

Was that it? Was Seungri really out of the band? Would they not see each other anymore? Had the younger abandoned everything related to the band?

Had they really treated their maknae this badly?

Jiyong didn’t know what to do, his cries were slowly dying out to helpless whimpers and sniffles as his world seemed to be drowned in darkness. He hadn’t realized what impact Seungri had on him until it was too late. The younger brought light to Jiyong life, how many times had he called Seungri, crying and desperate, and told him he couldn’t take it anymore, telling him he wanted to finally end it and put a stop to everything he was going through? And how many times had Seungri come to his rescue, leaving everything behind just so he could rush to his leader’s side and be there for him? How many times had Seungri simply held him before concerts, after shootings and during recordings when he saw Jiyong slowly breaking down from the stress?

And now Jiyong was one of the reasons why the only person, that had saved his life several times in so many ways, was leaving the band. He couldn’t even be a proper friend when to him the other was so much more.

„Jiyong…“ Youngbae muttered, his own tears starting to spill. He was aware of the feelings the leader had for Seungri and seeing his best friend losing all hope was incredibly scary. „We… we will get him back.“ 

„Hm?“ The CEO shifted his eyes from Jiyong to Youngbae, watching as determination spread over his face.

„We are going to bring him back! We owe him more than just a lame apology, we will find a way.“

Hyunsuk only snorted and shrugged.

„Well, good luck with that. Seungri isn’t part of this company anymore and he did sound pretty damaged from what he went though.“

That only set Jiyong off again but there was nothing his friends could do to console him. Everyone knew Jiyong was attached to the maknae, how did they expect him to be okay after what had happened now?

„I can’t reach him, he either turned his phone off or blocked me.“ Seunghyun suddenly said strangely collected. You could see he was trying to hold his own tears back, just as Daesung, but he did a way better job even though everyone knew he was usually the first to start crying over everything. „Do you know where he is right now? How we can reach him?“

„I don’t know.“ YG answered casually.

„Seriously?!“ Seunghyun exploded, it was rare that he voiced his opinions in Hyunsuk’s presence, the rapper had too much respect for his boss but right now the current situation weighted down on him more than he’d like to admit. „Seungri left the band and you don’t even try to help us?! Do you just want to let it go like that?! Do you not care at all?!“

„First of all, I had my conversation with him already and it’s not like I haven’t tried stopping him, but he was determined. Also, secondly, even if I knew where he was I wouldn’t tell you. I wouldn’t help any of you because YOU are the ones who drove him away and it was YOU who hurt him so many times to the point he’d rather leave the band than endure it any longer. So if you really want to get him back then you better do it alone and do it fast, it’s the least you can and should do.“

That speech had an impact as the four kept quite, dealing with their own plaguing thoughts. They were ashamed and filled with regret, how could they have not noticed the suffering of their youngest member?

„We have always burdened him…“ Jiyong suddenly said, his voice sounding through the silent office. It was so quiet yet so loud. „We always expected things from him he couldn’t possibly fulfill and scolded him even when he tried his best. All we did was discourage him. We should have praised him more.“

A new set of tears began to form in the leader’s eyes before their trickled down his reddened cheeks. His face contorted into a pained expression that told you about sorrow and self loathing.

„There are so many things he is incredibly good at! He helped us out all the time without complaining, he never ing complained! And all we did was bringing him down for being a nice person!“ For a second Jiyong just cried into the already dampened sleeves of his hoodie before he looked up at the three other members and said „I’m going to find him!“ and stood up to leave the room.

„Wait!“ Youngbae grabbed his arm, stopping him from moving any further. „We are one band, Bigbang is only Bigbang when it’s the five of us. We are all in this together so we will all bring him back!“

Jiyong looked at Seunghyun and Daesung who had stood up as well, giving him a small encouraging smile.

„He’s our friend, we won’t just let him leave like that. This time we will make sure he knows how much he means to us.“

The leader wiped his tears and smiled back, nodding.

„Let’s bring him back.“

YG watched as the four members left the room, completely ignoring his existence, and smiled.

They had apparently learnt their lesson but it was still sad that they had let it come this far.

With a sigh the CEO stood up as well, it was time to check on a few of his artists, he didn’t want another incident like this to happen. 

Seungri had been right after all, he should pay more attention to the people around him.

~

In the end they agreed to divide the roles, after all what was important right now was to contact Seungri in whatever way possible and it didn’t make any sense if all of them stuck together during whatever they did. They quickly discussed possible ways to find the youngest and eventually decided that Youngbae would drive to the gym Seungri often worked out at and if he wasn’t there would go to Aori Ramen to ask for any hints. Jiyong, being the one closest to Seungri was supposed to go to his apartment and try to keep calling him since he was most likely the one whose calls would be answered by the maknae if said one decided to answer at all. He also said he would call the other’s parents and sister to ask if they had any clue.

And lastly, Seunghyun and Daesung were in charge of calling possible close friends.

The two of them had stayed in one of the conference rooms of the YG company building to have some peace while going through the many contacts Seungri had, or rather the contacts they knew Seungri had. They didn’t know all three thousand something people, obviously.

At this point they were at it for over half an hour and they were sure that Seungri either made sure to not tell a single soul about his current mischiefs or that he purposely told his friends not to tell the Bigbang members about his whereabouts because apparently none of them knew anything.

„You know“ Daesung began as he ended another call for the nth time. „I feel really bad for thinking this but couldn’t it be that Seungri wanted to leave Bigbang anyways? Like, maybe he just used this as another excuse to finally go through with it since he didn’t really have a legitimate reason before.“ He peered up at the oldest of the group with the slightest guilt in his expression from what he was saying. „He never seemed happy with the band, don’t you think?“

Seunghyun stared out of the window behind the singer as he leant his head, that began to become heavy, on his hand. He would’ve never thought that one day the maknae would really do this and he would’ve thought even less that it would feel like this much of a loss. Maybe ’loss’ was the wrong word, but he didn’t know how to describe it. He grew so incredibly fond of the younger through all the years, how could he just suddenly not be a part of his life anymore?

„When Hyunsuk said he left the band, that was my exact first thought as well.“ 

Daesung looked surprised at his hyung’s confession, he had felt so guilty for his thoughts because they sounded like he was blaming Seungri, but hearing Seunghyun’s words consoled him the tiniest bit.

„And it took me a moment to be convinced otherwise, but I also realized that in the end I was wrong. If there is one thing I’ve learnt over the years it’s that Seungri gave up a lot for the band. Not just that but he also took and accepted one blow after the other for our sake as if it was nothing, which he didn’t have to. I also believe that the band never truly made him happy but I don’t think he would’ve wanted to leave, because even if he did he would’ve loved his fans too much. He goes to such an extent to make our fans happy, all the work he does behind the scenes, before, while and after concerts, do you think he would just leave that all voluntarily? Because I don’t.“

This was probably the most serious Daesung had seen his friend in a long time. And he agreed with what the other had just said. Perhaps what Daesung said about Seungri not being happy was partly true but to be honest he too knew how much Seungri cared and sacrificed for the fans and for the band. 

„You are right, so it really was because of us after all.“ The singer concluded sadly as he looked down at the switched off phone in his hands.

„But doesn’t this show you why he left?“ Seunghyun asked, equally upset, a little sad smile on his face. „If the first thing we thought when we heard that he left was that it was his own fault?“

And that unexpectedly hurt. It was the painful truth Daesung didn’t want to hear but he knew that it wasn’t just him that blamed Seungri at first, Seunghyun as well as probably Youngbae had done the same, which didn’t make it any better at all. The only person that blamed only himself was Jiyong, of that Daesung was sure. The leader would always protect his little maknae, he would do literally everything for the younger, especially now Jiyong was probably beating himself up over what had happened. He would never be able to forgive himself.

„But I never was angry at Seungri for not being in the same place as us.“ Daesung added. „He was always treated differently from us, even I, who hasn’t had the best treatment either, have to admit that he had it way worse, if anything it’s a surprise he didn’t leave earlier. But it’s sad that we lost the carefree and happy boy Seungri used to be when he joined us, he changed so much. He matured so quickly.“

„He had to, otherwise he wouldn’t have survived the bull he was faced with. I would bet my entire fortune that at least eighty percent of what we saw of him the last five years were a facade.“

There was nothing the younger could add. He had never really talked about Seungri before like this but now that he did… to him, the maknae appeared in a different light and all Daesung could think was ’Why didn’t I protect him?’. They were supposed to be like brothers, especially with them both being treated unfairly more often than not, yet he was one of the reasons the maknae had suffered to the point he thought it would hurt less to leave.

„We should continue…“ He said, picking up his phone again to search for the next contact. „I have to apologize.“

„We all have to.“

~

Jiyong had rang the bell to Seungri’s apartment numerous times but unsurprisingly no one opened the door. The leader couldn’t tell whether he was being ignored and Seungri was at home or if the latter actually wasn’t there. And it drove the older insane.

The guilt he felt was messing with his head and the only reason he could stay focused was that he knew if he didn’t he wouldn’t get his maknae back, and to him there was nothing worse than that scenario.

But aside the guilt there was also pain, he was hurting, not for himself but for the younger. It always took a lot to anger Seungri and the band had overdone it, not just slightly but immensely. The youngest of the group had always had to bear so much, he seemed so strong and mature at times that Jiyong occasionally forgot that he was only human, a boy that had to grow up too fast and endure too much, yet stood tall for over ten years until he broke. And Jiyong let it happen. Him, the leader and the one closest to Seungri was one of the reasons the other left and Jiyong knew that even if he could get Seungri back, never in his life would he be able to forgive himself for the pain he inflicted on his little maknae; The one he vowed to protect from the moment, the evening, they had watched their favorite drama together for the first time. He could still see the younger’s sparkling eyes, wide in surprise, as Jiyong took his hand when the two main characters on the tv screen rejoined after their difficult adventures. Seungri had been so happy to be finally recognized and back then Jiyong couldn’t help but reciprocate the smile the younger showed him. The leader’s heart had skipped a beat and stuttered then, only to find himself totally smitten with Seungri ever since.

And now he might have lost him forever. The person he had saved a special smile for and who had captured Jiyong’s heart in a matter of seconds when he let his guard down.

Jiyong would never forgive himself.

There, it happened again. Every few minutes his mind just wandered off and left him motionless, it was a wonder he made it to Seungri’s apartment, driving. But if he was being honest he didn’t trust himself behind the wheel at the moment, not that he really planned on going home anytime soon.

The leader had already called Seungri a thousand times, to no avail, and reached out to the other’s parents and Hanna, but apparently they didn’t know anything. Again, Jiyong wasn’t completely sure if they told him the truth or just tried to cover Seungri, but it didn’t matter because one way or another he wouldn’t get any information. When he gave Youngbae a call all he was told was that he couldn’t find any clue about the maknae and soon after Seunghyun texted him saying they didn’t have any new information either. So Jiyong just sat down in front of Seungri’s door.

If he wanted he could just enter the apartment, he knew the code, but that didn’t feel right, he couldn’t just intrude Seungri’s privacy when he made it clear that he didn’t want that. Instead he would wait and while he was at it he also just let his tears fall, because - who the cared? 

Bringing his knees to his chest, the rapper sobbed again. Just like this morning, when YG had called the band to his office, Jiyong broke down like he barely ever had in all his life. He had been angry at Seungri for keeping just what kind of life he was leading, with being such a successful businessman, from him but what right did he have to know anyway? It made Seungri happy and that was all that counted. That’s what Jiyong should’ve considered from the very beginning because it wasn’t just about himself, every single person and their feelings are valuable and important, so why did he and the other members use their maknae to their own amusement when it was hurting Seungri?

What was he supposed to do? Did Seungri hate him now? What if he never spoke to him again? 

As the thoughts stung the idols heart, all he could do was pray for at least another chance to show the most important person in his life just what he meant to him, another chance to tell that he…

…loved him. Dearly. 

~

Seungri sighed heavily, the situation he was in was weighing on him and pushed the air out of his lungs. He was stressed. But honestly, he also felt really good. He knew what he did would hurt the other four a lot and Seungri did feel bad about it, especially for Jiyong because he knew that the older would be scared to death. However, he also wasn’t stupid and he kind of wished he would’ve done this sooner, perhaps he could’ve saved himself a lot of pain. Or maybe he should’ve just told them he was their CEO and that he was able to do many things to make their lives a living hell