it was silent (and cold, too). everytime he breathes, air slipped straight into his lungs like knives, very flat and very cold.

he sat on one of the chair that was provided by the hospital right outside of the emergency room hours ago, his left leg is ticking against the cold and silent floor, nervously.

he doesn't know what to do. so he wait.

waiting for someone to come and expain grown-ups stuffs he didn't understand -yet.

' -' is the word that constantly repeating inside the fifteen year old boy's head like a broken record. his parents have reminded him not to swear multiple times but in this state, his head is all blank and he doesn't know what to do or what not to do, it's hard.

even if he does know that he shouldn't be swearing, he would still be swearing because someone he cared so much about is dying and he doesn't know what to do.

so it.

an older man suddenly came out of the room and placed one of his hand (the right) on the younger's shoulder from behind, trying to ease the tension but what it only does is fastening the child's steady breathing, shocked. he hadn't realised his hyung had just came out and saw him ticking his cold feet against the  floor, "y-," alex gulped, "you're here?"

the older nodded softly, "yeah."

the younger stood up before placing his right hand at the back of his neck awkwardly, "how is he?" he asked without hesitation.

the older man took a seat and saw that the child is still standing. he gestured a move by patting the seat next to him, signing that he should take a seat.

alex has seen this in movies. where the doctor or someone older would ask the younger ones to take a seat next to them, before teling them the bad news or otherwise, they would start to rebel and cry.

alex weren't one of those kids.

he doesn't need anyone to be bulling him, telling him things that his friend is now 'in a better place.' he doesn't need that.

all he needed right now is someone to inform him that junseo is still alive and breathing.

that's all he wanted and needed.

eventhough that, he took a seat since yonghyun is older than him, not wanting to be rude.

yonghyun immediately, slightly smiled when he saw alex followed his instruction, "he's fine." the older told. earning a sigh of relieve from alex.

he never thought that he would actually stayed up late- didn't sleep at all, that night because of an accident.

an accident that could take life away in an instant.

but it didn't take his life away and he's forever grateful for that.

he's glad.

"but," the older continues. "he would need to, uh," he's playing with his fingers and alex could clearly see his little movements.

something happened.

"he would need to stay here longer. probably a year."

oh no.

alex couldn't believe his ears. "a- a year?" he swallowed before continuing his questions, "why?" he sighed, "that's not important right now, alex. did you told your parents that you and junseo were in an accident?"

alex kept quiet.

yonghyun knew alex didn't tell his parents.

and he also knew why.

alex sneaked out of his house again.

"jesus ing christ." yonghyun swore under his breathe in a very low voice so that alex didn't hear him (although he is very much aware that the fifteen year old could hear him.)

"you swore." alex mentioned, head hung low. his head is getting lower and lower each time yonghyun said anything because he knew it's his fault.

all of it were, really.

"i know," yonghyun replied. "it's very hard not to when i, for the thousandth time, told you just one thing not to do. i told you not to go anywhere without informing your parents, why are you still doing it?"

from texting junseo that they should go out with each other, to stealing someone's motorcycle and at the very end, they end up getting hit by a car that was driven by a drunked 30 year old man.

and it all started with just a text that written, "are you sleeping? let's hang out tonight ;)" sended by alex himself to junseo.

which was replied with a, "haha, why r sending me a winking face that's so gay. sure, let's hang out."
alex knew that it's not entirely his fault, it was junseo's too. but, if he hadn't sended that text, none of this would've had happened.

"alex are you hearing me?" yonghyun snapped alex back into reality. causing him to slightly jumped out a little of his chair, but it was soon replaced with a quick, 'what is it again?' look that is clear to see on the boy's face.

with a small sigh escaping the elder's lips, he started to repeat what he just said when alex were deep in his thought.

"don't do it again." a hint of disappointment is in his tone although how hard he's trying to hide it, alex could still hear it in the elder's voice.

and his nervous feelings turned into a guilty one.

"i'm sorry." alex apologised. he knew that yonghyun is only scolding him because he's scared. scared of losing someone he loved.

again.

most people thought that if you love somebody, you would've wanted to marry them. but they don't know what love really is.

love is just a simply a word that says; i love you and that mean i cared about you. alot. i could literally live with you for the next 1000 years and would still misses you when you leave me even for a slight second. i care about you. i don't want you to get hurt, i don't want you to be thinking about death too much because it's not good, i would've wanted you to live a happy life, even if that happy life doesn't consist of me being there. be healthy. because i love you and i care so so much.

love could be a relationship between lovers. or it could be in between siblings. family.
or it could be in between two strangers who isn't blood related and is not lovers and they just simply love each other (not enough to be marrying each other, though).

"i know that i am in no place of telling you this as we weren't blood related or whatsoever, but i'm saying this as someone's who's much older than you and have had more experience."

"but for god sake alex, please don't ing do that again."

he swore. again.

"don't sneak out of your own house, don't get hurt, stop using your phone after 12 am, don't text anyone after 9 pm, don't do anything after 1 am and just go to sleep, wake up at 7 am and help your parents, eat your breakfast, be healthy, go to school, be nice, learn good things, have nice friends, pass the exams, go to a good college, learn more good things, have nicer friends, finish your education, get nice jobs-" yonghyun started crying.

it's sad.

this. is sad.

if only he weren't so careless, he would still be living. would still be by yonghun's side.

hm.