Jaehwan could hear the faint sound of his steps walking away from his office, unleashing a deep sigh. The nightfall seems young as he stuggle to keep himself warm. The temperature remained unchanged and poorly low whereupon he strike a glance down to his watch saying 6:59 pm. He his brunette hair, while the other was dug into his pocket. He saw how people give him a little attention, yet he didn't mind them for a mere.

He was pondering for something, certainly for someone. Overthinking about the current occurence of his life from being graceful suddenly resulted into a hackneyed.

Just because of a girl that he adored.

Does he always need to understand their unpredictable misundertandings or fate was just being unbias to him?

Bull.

This aint good for him anymore. Yet he still never had enough of her. Until now, he doesnt have the courage to give up his love for her.

Could it be his fault alone?

He render his pride away for her, trying to break the walls she build. He dug the truth underneath the lies that she speak. It was not acceptable for Jaehwan at first, he was confused to himself. But not for her.

Out of the blue, the romance between him and Hana is gradually fading out. She started to decline their meet-ups and dates. Hana is avoiding him frequently. He can barely touch her as she keep on pushing him away mumbling a word that she's tired. But he apparently notice that she's not, pretending that she's busy for some big stuff that until now, he didn't receive any accurate explanation.

Since they stopped seeing eye to eye, Hana started to hate him.

Every stride he took is somewhat suffocating. Jaehwan dont know how to read Hana's thought on why she is showing the unlike side of her. She is currently showing an emotionless appearance, lifeless and does not have the sight of being graceful. Sure, he did not question her being so workaholic and such but in this kind of state, he thinks there is something off between them.

Hana is dead inside whenever Jaehwan talked to her.

"Hana you should take a rest, its almost 1 am. Take a sleep, okay?" Jaehwan could not help but to feel worry, she is been fully focus to her work within these days, taking more serious attention being an architect than him. He embraces her from behind, showing fondness. Jaehwan misses how Hana used to initiates back hugs and night embrace. But tonight, he bet he won't get any.

"Just sleep without me. I need to finish this. This is urgent." Hana simply replied, merely pushing and ignoring his touches.

"Is that really important than me?" he went serious the next few seconds.

But Hana paid no heed, like she did not heard Jaehwan at all. She is close to annoyed.

"Hana" he repeated, Jaehwan pulled away. "Hana, are you even listening?"

"Can't you see that I'm working on something?!" she stood up holding different papers and other materials along with her, directing to her room leaving him. Jaehwan only groaned, ruining his hair as he heard Hana, slamming the door loudly.

He don't know how to deal with her. But he never had enough. He will understand her, as what he promise.

Those circumstances did not just happened once, being lifeless became a daily emotion of her.

"Hana, is there any problem?" he abruptly asked amidst her dinner as he paid a visit to her apartment, taking her in suprise as he slightly squeeze her hand, tracing her soft skin. "I wanted to know if were still good"

For a moment, she did not response. She was probably thinking for the better words to say. Honestly, Hana was not feeling the intimate connection of them anymore. She could not define the accurate words. Yet, one thing is for sure.

She had enough.

"I am seeing another man, Jaehwan" Hana bluntly spoke, that Jaehwan feels like he choked on his own after she said those unpleasant and nasty words to him.

"That is the reason why I am always avoiding you, why I keep on declining your calls and ignoring your messages. I don't think I feel the same just the way you felt the affection to me anymore. Just find yourself a better woman Jaehwan. You dont deserve me" she abided her reasonings more further and even on her very last words, she did not look at him. She did not gave Jaehwan the gaze on her eyes that all she said was just pointless, a plain lie. He ached to hear the words that it was just an act and they could still save their dying relationship.

But it was not. She had enough.

"I" he leisurely retrieved his hand from Hana. Those words stab him a million times and she did not know it was killing him dreadfully. "I understand"

It replayed inside his mind. He wont easily lose the remembrance how she drop their relationship. It was all sudden and unforeseen. Later that night, he was having a trouble falling asleep. God knows, what is he thinking.

It is always been Hana, and he wont let her name slip out from his head, forgetting it just like that.

No, it will never happen. He will never get enough of her.

.    .    .    .    .    .    .

Week passed since they officially splitted up and cut the boundaries or whatever the status between them, the world seems so dark for Jaehwan. It might be easy for Hana to forget him, but it never been so easy on him. Cocksure, every click of the clock on his watch, his mind was always drifting to a vision of Hana's lovely smiles. How he used to hum her a song to sleep, how they used to shower kisses most of the time, how she used to capture derp faces of him that Hana never called it unpleasant but a perfect piece of work, how they used to utter fond words and morning cuddles and their sleepless night.

Just like that, gone. Everything was obviously not alright. He don't know what happen to them. He tried to save it, but sometimes the world was just unfair as it seems. To hell with that, he wanted to scream all throughout the universe, how he gave aversion everytime he saw Hana in the embrace of other men.

, it stung his heart.

Despite the vast wall and the barriers that was keeping them apart, even though, they can barely see each other, Jaehwan still wanted to protect Hana at all cost, making sure she arrived from her office safely. If she was eating her full meal everyday, if she was doing great. He knows that she's exceptionally succeeding being an architect. He know everywhere she goes, every little detail of her appointments or even if she gets drunk.

Jaehwan has always been there. Watching her. Being with her all the time.

He never had enough seeing the fragile lovely face of his woman whom he always adored, no matter what the distance of their relationship.

He was there, every little thing that she do.

"Here, let me help you" Jaehwan looked at ease as he effortlessly lifted two bags of full groceries. Hana wanted to stop him, but he only insist.

She just let him do it. Hana didnt stop him.

"Thanks" she softly mumbled, her tone so low that she is nearly whispering.

"No problem" he smiled as he helped Hana arranging those things into its place, smiling as he found his little happiness seeing Hana as she didnt kick him out to her apartment.

"If there's anything you need, dont forget to call. I'll always be there for you" he added.

It might be absurd if he was acting like he still had a chance but it is the only way to keep him and Hana in touch. It seems like Hana hated him seeing everyday, to drive her home when Jaehwan saw her catching a full taxi. But she didnt complain, not at all. But to be with full heed, she promise herself not to fall for his charms anymore.

She had enough. And that is enough for her to cut her feelings for him.

Hana always think love wont fade away that without ado, but now she prove herself wrong. It just suddenly came to a point that she is hurting Jaehwan more every moment she shove him away and they can barely meet-up. She was weak, she admit that. But she suppose, love needs time. You need to be patient in dealing that thing, that infact, she proved that her love for Jaehwan is unreal. She was desperate for it, at first.

Recently, she finally understood.

"What the hell" she cursed, considering Jaehwan was standing stoic outside her apartment. "You waited for me again? You might be late for work waiting for me" she wrinkled her eyebrows.

"I wanted to drive you for work securely" he said. "Its worth the wait though, I need to see you"

"Jaehwan you dont need to" she firmly said. "Besides I can go to work alone"

He went closer, snatching the heavy flat cases containing papers she was struggling to carry. "What if you cant catch a taxi on time, you will be late, and these are heavy, you need someone to accompany you" he explain somehow gaining the victory as she started to walk behind him towards his car. Until now, she couldnt handle her persistence and stubborness and she was worrying about herself that she was missing Jaehwan all of the sudden.

No, probably a bad idea.

Shoving the mere thinkings, she was sent to her work safely anyway.

During lunch, he often sent food, leaving a note to stay healthy. She knew he was acting too much like they are still together but she couldnt hide the obvious smile from her face.

How cute of him.

After every work, Jaehwan wont forget to drive her home that it became his daily duty.

"Jaehwan, you need to stop doing those nonsense things for me. Were already done" Hana didnt know what made her to say like that but she need to be frank to him.

"Were just friends right?" he stole a glance at her while driving.

"Of course" she bitterly replied.

"Then let me do this. This is my way of surviving"

"You're crazy" she commented after she earn a chuckle from the other.

Just a little chat, a glance, a small smile and her presence could make Jaehwan's heart leap out in grateful. Seeing Hana is enough for him to sleep at night, somehow and temporarily healing his deep wounds.

But sometimes he was pretending. Pretending that he was gladly hearing a news from Hana getting a new man. Its okay, even though it feels like a salt was being poured into his wound. She was happy anyway. He was just forcing himself to smile, the truth about his downcast is somewhere hiding inside his lies. He was forcing himself to get attached to her because he loved her. Jaehwan adore Hana as much as the sun gives its undying love for the moon only to beam at night, how the earth loves the downpour. Every 11:11 of the time, he wished he could rewind the moment they met and where they sang along to the start of their forever.

Jaehwan won't forget that.

.     .     .     .     .     .     .


"Hey love~~" Hana accepted the call from Jaehwan, rolling her eyes due to the use of words. For the hundred times, she didnt allow him to call it to her. But tonight, she suppose Jaehwan is not with his sober state.

"What is it now?"

"Nothing. I just need to hear your heavenly voice" he released a faint sound of chuckle.

"You are drunk, arent you?" she predicted. Before Hana will know the answer, she wont be mistaken that he is indeed drunk. She only encounter twice a drunk Jaehwan before, but at this moment it aint good to hear his voice being husky regarding the alcohol that who-knows how long hes been drinking. She hated herself how she felt worry to him.

Jaehwan did not response the next few seconds so she repeated her question. "Jaehwan, hey, are you drunk? Where in the world are you?"

"Hmmm?" he responded like he wont be staying awake any longer that afterwards he chuckled by himself.

He is indeed drunk.

"Where are you huh?"

"Outside your apartment. I was waiting for you to open it"

Hana prepared herself to uncork the bad languages to scold him for being drunk at this late hour and hearing his lame and dumb reasonings want her to kick him for not telling her earlier that he was outside.

"Are you out of your mind? You could freeze to death outside! Are you trying to kill yourself?" that was the first thing that she utter right after she open the door for him. Instead of expecting a crooked and wide drunk grin of him, the expression he made made her stop from her harsh reproof.

The sweet-talker, caring and lively Jaehwan was quitely emitting tears, streaming from his red eyes.

And it tore her heart.

"Im sorry for waking you up" Jaehwan maintain to clear his voice to be grateful but his eyes were telling her that he was hurt and empty. Smiling, he attempted to act sober but failed as he suddenly crashed into the floor. Hana gasped as he was knocked out, she could smell the strong alcohol that he intake earlier and her heartbeat started to pound in the highest. Struggling, he laid him down to the nearest sofa holding him tight. He was not fully asleep as she heard Jaehwan groaned and twitch as she held his cold and red cheeks.

"Jaehwan, I told you to take care of yourself" she made him lay on her chest as he switched to the other side, embracing her tightly, like he dont want to let her go. "You idiot, you have work to finish tomorrow, right? and now you are fully drunk and messed up!"

"I'm broken alright. No one can heal me" he mumbled as Jaehwan continue to close his eyes, feeling a little better as she began to hug him back. She was just doing this just to calm him but it is something that a hug wont heal his inner longing.

Yet those words hit her like a plane that crashed into her. Why is she feeling like she wanted to bring them back again. Damn, what is happening?

"What are you saying?" she acted like she wasnt affected. "You're just drunk"

"I miss you Hana. Please dont leave me. Dont shove nor ignore me" It was apparent that he is completely not in his self but she suddenly felt the urge to fill the emptiness he was having.

Back when yesterday's was just young, collecting the beautiful memories. Those summer nights, midnight memories, sharing same bed and sheets, both half . It was one of the wonderful night they will never ignore and throw out. Kissing and capturing each others lips, words to satisfy them. It was too beautiful to be forgotten.

"No one can heal me, except you" Whether if it is true or lie, Hana dont know if all the words he showed and unleashed are all accurate and nothing but covered with truth. He is drunk, Jaehwan will probably will never realize this moment when he wake up tomorrow.

"Hana, I still love you. God knows I still need you" Soon, she started to be out of words. Caressing his touchable hair while Jaehwan enjoyed how he could feel Hana's heartbeat between her warm embrace.

"Jaehwan I already had a boyfriend. I hope you understand that"

Instead of hating her statement, he continued with his own. "I missed how I used to sing for you" she heard him laugh and at the same time, a tear stream down to her chest from him eyes again. "To make you feel better"

For a moment of realization, Hana felt her hands were held by him, Jaehwan looked up at her, turning her head to face him using his free hand. A sudden feeling scattered into her core the moment she was looking at his eyes. She was lost and Hana could deeply see herself through the reflection of his trembling eyes. It was indeed aesthetic.

He was about to kiss her lips when she immediately turned sideways, dissapointing him. Jaehwan end up pressing his lips to her cheek.

Blinking for a couple of times, he realized this wasn't the girl he used to love, the girl who always make him beyond special. He always thought she will be the woman he's going to spend for the rest of his life. His Hana.

He supposed, she forgot about her Jaehwan already. 

Out of the blue, Jaehwan hugged her back much tighter yet comfortable and started to sing, laying his head on her chest once again.

" I had a dream
We were sipping whiskey neat
Highest floor, the Bowery
And I was high enough"

She is explicitly lying if she wont acknowledge and praise his soulful voice. Jaehwan singing to her is just something unexplainable. Hana, without knowing, was starting to miss his soft and husky voice. She will miss this. She will miss the guy that could make her happy. Who taught her to be grateful with the maze-like life.

Hana suddenly ached to hear him sing every night, cuddling with him. But sadly, this wont be back soon.


"Somewhere along the lines
We stopped seeing eye to eye
You were staying out all night
And I had enough"

She wanted to scream and yell to herself. A guy like him that is almost perfect for a man you want to live forever was sitting beside her but eventually  she didnt choose him to be with her forever.


"No, I don't wanna know where you been or where you're going"

Every lyrics of the song was something like it was written for them. A song of their romance. Their love story. She began to question herself, 'did he really deserve to be like this? because I dont think he deserve to be left out by me'

He keeps on telling Hana, that he loved her yet Jaehwan didnt receive any response that could make him happy. It was just a bittersweet one.


"But I know I won't be home
And you'll be on your own"


His voice was perfectly sync with the midnight sound and their beating hearts. She couldnt explain more.

She dont know what to feel anymore.


"Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?"

Hana doesnt want to hear this painful words.


"Who's gonna rock you when the sun won't let you sleep?"

She regret it. If only she chooses the best decision. If only she could still make it right.

"Who's waking up to drive you home when you're drunk and all alone?"

If only she didnt let go of Jaehwan.

"Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?"

Then certainly, Jaehwan is the man who's gonna walk her through the dark side of the morning.

"It ain't me" he ended it without a tune but whispering it in her ears causing tears to stream down from her eyes more. The feeling was torturing yet painfully beautiful.

How stupid of her, she finally realized the main point. It was too impulsive of her. Afterwards his song ended, her realization open up into a hopeful one.

Hana blunted to herself that she never had enough of him.

Never even once.


.     .     .     .     .     .

song [ it aint me - selena gomez]