chapter fifteen (*edited 2021)

Somin was awake when Matthew arrived home. She seemed to be in a better mood than earlier, so that made Matthew feel better about his modified plan.

“You’re back already?” Somin asked, her eyes following Matthew as he walked in.

“I told you I’d be back early, didn’t I?”

She nodded. And then tilted her head. “So . . . does that mean . . . food?”

Matthew chuckled. Somin had always loved food, and dieting fads never appealed to her like they did to many other people, especially during college. “Something like that,” he said. “Maybe we should go out? Just spend some time together.” Since we haven’t lately. “It’ll be fun.” It might help.

“You said I could pick!” Somin pouted indignantly.

Matthew sighed, knowing that he already lost the argument when she brought out the formidable pout. “I did, didn’t I? You know, you’d think I would know better by no—”

Somin protested by smacking him lightly on the arm. Matthew took full advantage of this moment—the first time in weeks that they’ve truly had some time for themselves—to be nothing short of extra.

He groaned, his face contorting in what he hoped looked like pain, as he clutched his arm. “Oh my god, Somin, you’re so violent—”

Somin gaped at him. “This lying little—”

“And now you’re swearing at me!” Matthew said dramatically. He covered his face with one hand. “You’re honestly such a bully, I feel so attac—”

“Can you not?” she said, grabbing onto his arm and looking around. “People are gonna think I actually bully you!”

“But you d—”

“I do not!”

“See? You won’t even let me finish what I’m saying—my opinion doesn’t even matter!” Matthew retorted. He couldn’t hide his grin at her expression—a hilarious combination of shock, disbelief, and exhaustion.

She blinked a few times, and then finally shook her head. “You’re too much,” she said with a sigh, and she sounded so much like a tired mother dealing with her rowdy child that Matthew laughed, and she smiled at the sound (though she still smacked him on the arm again).

“But seriously,” Matthew said, broaching the topic again as they got through the security check. “An amusement park? Of all things . . .”

“But you said my choice, remember?”

“Yeah, but . . .” Matthew sighed. It might have been different if it had been his choice—he might have had a valid point to make—but since it was her choice he really had no reason to complain.

Somin offered him a comforting smile. “I told you. I’ll be fine. Really, it’s just a sprained ankle, Matt—even you know I’ve been through worse.”

He wondered how her ankle could have gotten sprained in the first place.

But then he pushed that thought out of his mind, because this was supposed to be a time for just them; for them to finally relax and have a chance to get away from everything that was complicating their lives at that moment. So Matthew smiled, took Somin’s hand in his, and pointed to the roller coaster that they were approaching. “This one first?”

While Matthew was relatively ambivalent about roller coasters, Somin loved them. She loved amusement parks in general, so Matthew knew that there was no point in being surprised when she had first chosen to come here when asked where they should go. Matthew just enjoyed spending time with people he cared about, and if it was at an amusement park then that’s all there was to it (with the additional entertainment that the amusement park attractions provided, though).

“You were closing your eyes,” Somin said as she popped another fry into .

“Nuh-uh.”

“I saw you.”

“How?”

“Because I kept my eyes open.”

The fries were spicy, so Matthew pushed the soda toward her. “. . . Something got in my eye.”

Somin raised an eyebrow. “For the entire ride?”

Matthew started smiling against his will. “Maybe?”

Somin laughed, hitting his arm that was resting on the table. She had a habit of hitting people when she laughed, even though it barely felt like a tap. Or maybe Matthew was just desensitized. Her hand glinted dully in the sunlight, though, and that drew Matthew’s attention.

“Where’s that from?” he asked, lightly taking her hand. The ring was a dark grey color, and the metal—since that’s what it looked like—had a matte finish, hence the dull glint. He couldn’t remember ever buying Somin a ring, let alone one like this. He knew her well enough to realize that a ring like this wasn’t her style in the first place.

“Oh,” Somin said, and for a second her eyes blanked; her face paled; and in the next second she covered it up with a smile so convincing that even Matthew, who knew a microexpression when he saw one, doubted his eyes. “It was from . . .” She cleared , averting her eyes. Her voice was softer. “It was from Youngji. I started wearing it after she . . . I took it out of storage when we got home, after I came back.” She looked up at him, and her eyes were so compelling, so honest, that Matthew believed her.

But only for that second. He knew what he saw in that first moment; her initial, true reaction. He knew that she was most probably lying, and if it wasn’t an outright lie then at the least it was only a partial truth . . . or maybe it was the truth, and Matthew was just becoming paranoid. Whatever it may have been, it suddenly transformed the understanding smile on his face into a mask; made the following nod of acceptance into an act. And it made the unsettled feeling in his gut all too real.

By the time they returned home, the sun had already set, and the incident with the ring was forgotten, pushed to the back of Matthew’s mind. He had decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, to believe that he was just being irrationally paranoid, but also ignored the small voice in his mind saying that he was only believing what he wanted to believe—it was easier, after all. As they stepped into their apartment, Matthew’s phone rang. He checked the caller ID.

“One sec,” he said, showing her the screen briefly. “Gotta take this.” Stepping to the side, he answered and brought the phone up to his ear. “Jae? What’s up?”

“Hey, we found some things about Hongbin. Nothing concrete, but just some things that seemed off. They’re in the shared folder, you should be able to access them through your email.”

“. Well, I just got home—any key points? I’ll get my laptop now.”

“The main thing that got our attention,” Jae started as Matthew went to the bedroom for his laptop, “is that Hongbin has nothing from the accident on his medical records—”

“You got his medical records?”

“Yeah, we said he was a suspect. Whoops. But at this point he is, isn’t he?”

Matthew made a sound of agreement as he continued searching the bedroom.

“Anyways, Somin has the accident covered in her medical records—we didn’t have to say she was a suspect to get hers, don’t worry, we used her status as a kidnapping victim. So Somin has the accident covered, and even Jaehwan and Hyeri, who passed away, have the accident covered—as a cause of death, though. When everyone else involved has the accident on record, why doesn’t Hongbin?”

Matthew frowned. “He wouldn’t . . . if, like he said, he was never involved in the first place.” Then he sighed in frustration. “Just—hold on, stay on the line.” Putting his phone on mute, Matthew called out, “Somin, have you seen my laptop anywhere?”

There was some shuffling in the other room. “No, where’d you leave it?”

“I’m 110% sure it was in our room.”

“Then I’m betting that -10% that you left it at work,” Somin replied, and as disbelieving as Matthew was that he’d leave his laptop at work when in the middle of such an important case, he didn’t want to put it past himself to pull such a stupid stunt.

Matthew ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. He’d have to shower anyway, he thought as he unmuted his phone. “I can’t find my laptop, I think I left it on my desk. I’ll be at the station in a half hour, I can—”

“Man, are you ing kidding me?” Jae interrupted. “I called since I thought you’d flip out for being out of the loop once you got back and checked your laptop. If you don’t have it, then that’s great, take the rest of the day off like you were meant to.”

Matthew huffed. “Jae, you can’t say you have new information and then not expect me to—”

“You know what? Watch me. Spend more time with Somin, fool, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And then Jae hung up. Matthew thought about calling him back, but knowing Jae, he had probably turned his phone off or put it on silent by now. Or maybe just blocked Matthew. Instead, he headed into the living room, where Somin was sitting on the floor in front of the TV stand searching through a pile of DVDs.

“Movie?” she asked. “If you’re not busy.”

Matthew smiled, it dropped quickly, replaced by an expression of apprehension. “As long as it’s not another Disney movie, I’ve watched each of them at least four times, Somin!”

They ended up watching a Disney movie.

.

.

.

.

Somin loved amusement parks. They were full of the most pointless activities, from roller coaster rides to arcade games. As entertaining as these activities were, they were also great distractions, and that was what made Somin pick the amusement park. She was tired, of course—as she seemed to constantly have been since returning—but the only alternative was going somewhere more private, somewhere with fewer distractions.

She could imagine how a dinner date would have gone, and it wasn’t ideal. Knowing how tired she was, she knew she would let something slip; and if she drank anything alcoholic, then, well, there went J.Seph’s plan, along with Matthew’s safety.

Fortunately, it was easy to forget about the more immediate matters at an amusement park, making it easier to pretend like everything was fine—reducing the opportunities that Somin had to screw things up.

But of course she had to forget to take off the ring. The stupid, ing ring. What a thing to forget, the easiest to keep hidden, really.

It had been easy to forget its presence, like it had been with the cuff. If only she’d been able to talk about what really happened that week after Youngji’s death . . . she would have attended those made up medical conventions gladly, compared to the alternative that she had gone through.

But she forgot about the ring, and even though she hadn’t yet screwed up the mission, she had definitely screwed with Matthew’s trust. He didn’t seem to outright push her away as a liar, but she saw his face as soon as she tried to bull her way out of the grave she had dug herself by forgetting the ing ring.

As intelligent as J.Seph might have been in his illegal businesses, he was terrible at picking reliable spies. The thought actually caused her to laugh out loud, and she stilled immediately, glancing to the side where Matthew had fallen asleep halfway through the movie. On a usual movie night she would’ve woken him up, forcing him to complete the movie with her, but today she had barely been paying attention to the movie herself, let alone force Matthew to pay attention to it too.

Besides, Matthew looked so peaceful when he was asleep. His dark circles were more visible without his smile and cheerful attitude drawing attention away, but overall he looked so much more relaxed. Since Somin usually fell asleep first, it wasn’t often that she got to watch him sleep. It was calming; just watching him sleep put her at ease, because in a way it meant that the situation was safe enough for him to be able to sleep.

Her parents had told her that he didn’t sleep for a full three days after her accident, until he practically collapsed from exhaustion. Thankfully he had been staying at his parents’ house that night, so they were able to get him checked up and then make sure he actually got sleep every night, if only for a few hours. He had gotten better with fixing his habit as time passed, but he still always slept after Somin, as if he couldn’t fall asleep until she did first.

That showed how tired he must have been today. Maybe the amusement park was a bad idea; as distracting as it was, it was also draining. Combined with the fact that he must have not been getting sufficient sleep the last few weeks, especially the two weeks she was gone . . . Somin frowned deeply as she watched Matthew’s chest rise and fall with every breath he took. She was the reason he couldn’t get sleep. Not only now, but even before; the cause of his anxiety, the root of any worry Matthew had had for the last few years, was generally, in some way, related to her.

Work was tiring for him, of course. As an interior designer, Somin’s career was also tiring and stressful in its own ways, but she doubted it compared to his in terms of sheer stress. Witnessing the aftermath of the cruelty that people were capable of inflicting upon each other . . . she shuddered at the mere thought. Yet Matthew dealt with it efficiently, letting none of the cases truly affect him even as he maintained a caring, optimistic attitude—until the situation, whether it was a case like it was now or not, pertained to Somin.

Somin, who was now working for J.Seph in a way. Somin, who had the audacity to feel comforted by J.Seph's presence, whether it was when he helped her get warm or when he saved her from the drunk men threatening her . . . or even when she was just hearing his voice, pleased, over the phone—

Somin suddenly felt sick to her stomach as the suffocating feeling of guilt overwhelmed her. Nearly tripping over her blanket in her hurry to get up, she ran to the bathroom and barely managed to lock the door behind her and make it to the toilet as the wave of nausea crashed into her and she vomited into the toilet.

The sound of the flush didn’t drown out the insistent knocks at the door. “Somin? You okay?”

“Fine,” Somin called out, but felt disgusting so she quickly went to the sink to rinse it out. She ended up brushing her teeth and rinsing again, this time with mouthwash, even going to the extent to wash her face before she opened the door.

Matthew had clearly woken up as soon as he realized she wasn’t next to him; his hair was disheveled, and he hadn’t taken a moment to smooth it down like he usually did after he got up from bed. She didn’t know what time it was or how many hours he’d been asleep by that point, but his eyes were slightly puffy.

“Are you okay?” he asked as she stepped out of the bathroom.

Somin nodded, but she couldn’t force a smile onto her face to corroborate. “Fine.” He looked at her, not even pretending to believe her. “It must’ve been the food from the amusement park,” she said at last. “I just felt really sick . . .”

“Hey, relax,” he said, putting his arms around her to pull her close. She hesitated before snuggling into his chest like she usually does, but the slight resistance seemed lost on him as she felt him yawning. Her mind flashed to when she was in a similar position before—only she was cold, and she could feel the stiff material of his suit through her thin pajamas. She had been terrified—no, not really. She had felt grateful.

“Just . . .” He moved one of his arms from around Somin, reaching up to rub his eyes. The movement snapped Somin out of her memories. “Do you want applesauce? A banana?” Somin shook her head. “Sleep it off, for now. Shouldn’t start by taking medication . . .”

They slowly shuffled back to the living room, neither letting go of the other. “Should I stay home tomorrow?” Matthew asked as they settled back onto the sofa.

Somin shook her head before she realized that it was dark. “No, I’ll be fine, don’t hold back work because of me.”

“I’m serious, I can—”

She cut him off. “Especially when it’s about me.” She hoped her voice sounded light enough to convey that as a joke. “I’m telling you, I’ll be fine. Now you go to sleep, sleepyhead,” she said, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his forehead.

By the time she leaned back, she could hear him snoring; he was already fast asleep.

She blinked the tears back, and after an hour of trying, she gave up on sleep for that night.

i literally wrote this whole thing on my phone ahdjsjfks what have i done O.O i'm not even exaggerating the struggle - "somin" autocorrects to "sink". SINK. and my phone just never learned i-

*takes a deep breath* okay i'm calm. anyways, hola hola is an actual bop and the whole album is lit. if you haven't listened to it yet then WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE you should listen to it asap lol