chapter ten

Matthew had been reluctant to let go of Somin’s hand even as the paramedics came. As much as he wanted to accompany her in the ambulance, he knew that space would be limited and he didn’t want to get in the way, especially since he didn’t think he’d be able to let go of her if she was that close.

He watched as the doors closed behind her and the ambulance sped away, and as worried as he was, a small part of him was relieved that he wouldn’t have to step inside a hospital quite yet.

He felt someone pat him once on the shoulder and glanced over to see Jae, who was also watching as the ambulance turned the corner and went out of sight. “She’ll be fine.”

But from his voice, Matthew could tell that Jae wanted to say something more and was restraining himself. The moment had to pass either way, Matthew decided, and he turned fully to face Jae. “What is it?”

Jae took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Protocol?”

Right. Matthew sighed, looking back momentarily to the point where the ambulance disappeared. Protocol . . . or their complete lack of, for this situation.

“We’ll let her recover first, of course,” Jae said quickly. “But after that . . .”

There really wasn’t another choice, especially if he wanted to stay on this case—he’d have to main impartiality as best as he could. “We should, well, go in order,” Matthew said. “First get her official statement on what happened.” He cleared his throat. “When she’s ready. And for the . . . for the Ahn case—”

“We’ll make a plan for that later,” Jiwoo interrupted. Matthew hadn’t noticed her approaching, but he was grateful for her interjection. He didn’t think he would’ve been able to finish his sentence. “Her involvement in the Ahn case happened while she was still, as far as we know, kidnapped. So we listen to her statement first—that might answer some questions.”

“Better than what I had in mind,” Matthew said, throwing Jiwoo a slight smile. The last thing he wanted was for Somin to have to go through an interrogation after all that had happened. Discussing her ordeal should have to be enough.

Jiwoo smiled back, and Matthew noted that it was the first time he had seen her show an actual positive emotion. Her smile lasted barely a second though. “I’ve dealt with a few cases like this before,” she admitted, folding her arms over her chest. “The statement usually answers everything, and she probably won’t have to deal with an interrogation.”

“Thank god,” Matthew said, breathing out a sigh of relief. They both started walking out of the cul-de-sac, toward where the other cop cars were parked, Matthew’s SUV being the most haphazardly parked of them all.

Matthew glanced sideways at Jiwoo. He knew little to nothing about her, and his curiosity was piqued—this was the first time she had volunteered any sort of information. “So,” Matthew began as they kept walking at a relaxed, unhurried pace. “The other cases you’ve dealt with. How did they go?”

Jiwoo gave a slight shrug. “Well, none of them were exactly like this . . . this is pretty one of a kind, I’d say.” Matthew chuckled at that, finally able to take a joke about it since it was over. “But sometimes they’d make the victim do—” uncrossing her arms and gesturing vaguely in the air— “strange things. It was pretty ed up, but the victim would go ahead and do it—all to stay alive, or protect any loved ones.” At Matthew’s confused look, she explained, “The kidnapper would threaten those close to the victim, whether they could actually carry out the threat or not. The victim wouldn’t know better, and it is a kidnapping case . . . the victim has the benefit of the doubt, and usually they’re excused.”

“That . . . that makes sense.” Matthew was relieved—then it all depended on Somin’s official statement.

Jiwoo seemed to know where his thoughts were going. She slowed down, coming to a stop before they reached the entrance of the cul-de-sac. “Matthew . . .” Her shoulders rose and fell as she sighed. “The statement won’t be pleasant.”

Matthew nodded. “I wouldn’t expect it to be.”

“No, I mean—what I’m trying to say is that maybe you shouldn’t be there.”

Matthew laughed, rolling his eyes as he did so. “I’m sorry, but there’s no way I won’t be there,” he said. His laughter died as he saw Jiwoo’s still serious expression.

“I don’t know if you usually deal with kidnappings,” Jiwoo started, maintaining eye contact with Matthew. “At least ones in which the victim is found alive, since from the case files I’ve seen in your office it seems like you only deal with the aftermath. Here,” she said, tilting her head toward where Somin was found, “we have a live victim.”

“I know what people can do,” Matthew said, equally serious. “At least she’s alive.”

“But now she’ll be the one telling us what happened. It won’t be just a case report where we read about what happened, or the perpetrator tells us.” Jiwoo’s voice had an edge to it, like she was trying hard to keep her volume down. “She—the victim—is telling us herself.”

Matthew suppressed a shudder. He didn’t need to be reminded that Somin was a victim. “Yes, I know—”

“Maybe, but you don’t understand.” Jiwoo let out an exasperated sigh. “There are more emotions involved, dammit!” It was another first—Jiwoo raising her voice. Matthew was too taken aback to interrupt. “When you read a report or hear it from who did it, you don’t know how the victim felt. As much as you can try to imagine it, you will never know exactly how the victim felt.”

Jiwoo pushed her hair behind her ears. They could feel the wind more, now that they were far from the tree coverage around the inside of the cul-de-sac, and the front parts of hair had escaped her ponytail. “Your other cases might have been more horrific, more brutal, but it’s different when you hear the victim talk about it. When you hear what she went through straight from her . . .” She took a deep breath, calming herself down. Her voice was back to normal when she spoke again. “It’ll be hard to control your emotions if you’re right there.”

Matthew rubbed the back of his neck. “I . . . I understand, don’t get me wrong.” Though he’d admit that he had never thought about the effects of victims relating their experiences directly; now that he had, he could feel uneasiness settling in the pit of his stomach. “I just—I don’t think I’d be able to stay away even if I tried.”

Though she pursed her lips in dissatisfaction, Jiwoo nodded. She started walking again, and Matthew kept up with her. After a few moments of silence, Jiwoo said, “I don’t blame you. I wasn’t able to stay away either . . .” Matthew listened, not prodding for more information. “And I don’t regret it. But I wasn’t prepared.” She glanced at Matthew. “Just . . . take a stress ball.”

Despite the topic, Matthew felt the urge to laugh at the unexpectedness of that. He toned it down and gave an appreciative smile. “Will do.”

As they finally reached the cul-de-sac entrance, Matthew noticed someone he had forgotten he needed to talk to.

“Hongbin!”

Jiwoo left to talk to Jae while Matthew walked to where Hongbin was sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, head in his hands. Hongbin looked up as Matthew approached. He looked like he was in no condition to stand, so Matthew took a seat next to him on the sidewalk.

“Sorry about the call,” Hongbin said after a few beats of silence. “I must’ve worried you, I don’t think I said anything about her being—of her being alive—”

“Hongbin, it’s fine—”

“I realized what it must’ve sounded like only after you hung up.” He let out a nervous laugh.

“Hey, it’s fine. She’s back, that’s what matters.” Then Matthew cringed as he remembered that Hongbin couldn’t say the same about Youngji.

Hongbin didn’t seem to think too deeply into it like Matthew had. “Right,” he said. He laughed again, the sound more airy and loose. “I felt my heart stop, I swear, when I saw her on the ground like that. She . . . she looked d-dead.”

Matthew froze. He mentally repeated Hongbin’s call. “Wait . . . you found her?” Hongbin seemed to stiffen slightly, and Matthew wondered if his tone was too accusatory. He should be thanking Hongbin, not scaring him. He softened his tone. “How did you—how did you know?”

Hongbin relaxed a little, and Matthew felt slightly guilty. “It was all chance,” he said quietly, looking at the asphalt road in front of them. “I don’t sleep much nowadays . . .” Hongbin didn’t need to explain; Matthew could guess why. “So I heard a car driving by. It was way too loud, probably going way over the limit . . . I didn’t hear it coming back this way, so I thought maybe someone—the driver got hurt. ’Cause the exit is usually this way—” gesturing toward his house— “and the other way is longer and kinda convoluted.”

He shrugged. “I decided—‘Why not? I’m gonna sleep either way, so I might as well make sure no one got hurt while I can.’ So I left to check it out, and I passed the cul-de-sac just to look farther but I didn’t see anything . . . on the way back I just felt—I just wanted to see the place again. Where this—this whole mess—” He rubbed his forehead. “Where it began. And there was Somin.”

Matthew was listening with wide eyes. “Wow,” was all he managed. There were so many what ifs. What if Hongbin had still been able to sleep, like he would have before Youngji’s death; what if he didn’t hear that car noise; what if he had decided it wasn’t worth checking out; what if he hadn’t walked far enough to notice Somin . . .

Though it was almost spring, the weather still felt like winter. It was cold, especially at night, and left outside with the elements . . . he didn’t want to imagine what would’ve happened to her.

A car pulled to a stop in front of them. Matthew looked up, and the window rolled down. It was Jiwoo. “I’m heading to the hospital,” she said.

Matthew stood up. “I’ll follow,” he said.

Jiwoo rolled up her window and drove off, and Matthew glanced at Hongbin, who just shook his head. “I’ll stop by later . . . I think I need to sleep on this.”

With that, Matthew headed to his SUV, ignoring the annoyed looks from the officers that were forced to park farther away due to his inability to park normally.

The hospital was just as uncomfortable as Matthew remembered it. He knew they were generally white for various reasons, but in his mind the color was harsh and unforgiving rather than calming.

He followed the signs on the wall to find the ICU, and finding no one that he recognized, he went to the nurse that was at the front desk near the entrance doors. He was glad he said he was Somin’s significant other—the wording was more formal than ‘boyfriend’, and this nurse seemed to be particularly stringent about hospital policy so she might not have let him through.

Matthew quickly found his way to Somin’s room, but once right outside he hesitated. Jiwoo’s words echoed through his mind, and suddenly he was afraid of what he could see. While it had been dark outside and he had just barely been able to see her face, the bright lights of the hospital wouldn’t let anything hide.

The moment passed, and Matthew gathered his thoughts enough to push the door open. Jiwoo was already there, and she turned around at the sound, standing up from the chair next to the hospital bed.

“They let you in?” Matthew asked.

Jiwoo nodded. “I said I was her sister, and that I called ‘our’ parents.” She had a small smile on her face, but it fell shortly. “I did call her parents, though.”

Her parents. Of course.

“I’ll call Jae,” Jiwoo said, effectively excusing herself from the room. She gave Matthew a careful look. “I’ll be around the lobby if you need anything.”

Matthew nodded, and then he was left alone. He finally looked toward the bed.

The Somin that was there on the bed was very different from the Somin that was at the party two weeks ago. Her dark circles were much more pronounced, and her face was noticeably gaunt.

He picked up the chart hanging on the end of Somin’s bed to check her weight. 42 kg. Much too thin, he thought, looking back at Somin. Putting the chart back, he walked back around and sank into the chair beside the bed.

Careful not to disturb any of the tubes or wires, Matthew took her hand, clasping it between his as gently as he could, and slowly the mental defense he had put up began to crumble. He stopped looking at the whole situation like an officer, and finally, he let himself be just Matthew.

For two weeks, he had had no idea where Somin was, or what she was going through, especially after the man that had taken her was found dead. Then they had found her fingerprints in a crime scene, and for the near week after that, Matthew could only guess at what Somin was being forced to do . . . still, he was grateful. Not only for the fact that she was found, but that she was found alive, and that she was in a state from which, with enough care, she could be brought back.

But she was in a hospital bed again, something he had promised her she’d never have to go through after the last time. And this time, he had practically put her there, since he just stood by while she had been taken. Had he done something, anything, then she wouldn’t have been here; she would have been at their apartment, and she would have been with him. Healthy. Safe.

She must have been scared, those two weeks. While Matthew was busy dealing with her case and others, she was alone, or with some monster that could have done anything to her—

Matthew took in a shaky breath, gently squeezing her hand, as if to confirm that she was, in fact, here. She was alive.

He began to speak, despite knowing that she wouldn’t be able to hear him. He had to tell her, he would tell her again and again.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry for letting this happen to you. I’m sorry for not being able to keep you safe. I’m sorry . . . for not being with you when you needed me.

“I don’t know what you’ve gone through, but you’re so strong, for making it through this, and even though I wasn’t able to protect you, I’ll help you heal, and I’ll never leave your side. I promise.” Matthew laughed brokenly. “I know you might not think much of my promises after this, but . . . this one I’ll keep, no matter what it takes.”

He was choking up, so he had to pause. After a moment, he released a small breath, and kissed her hand softly. “I love you so much, Somin.”

As Matthew looked at her face again, he felt his emotions threaten to overtake him, but he quickly pushed those thoughts out of his head. She was not here because of him; she was here because some bastard did this to her. He couldn’t afford to sink into depression by blaming himself, because even though he wasn’t able to protect her, now was not the time to wallow in guilt—he had to help her get through this, first through all the police procedures and then through all the other aftereffects she probably had.

He heard someone clear his throat behind him, and he jumped slightly, turning around to see Jiwoo standing in the doorway. He didn’t know how long she had been standing there, but before he could do something awkward like ask her, she spoke up. “Her parents will be up here soon, along with her sister—I guess Hongbin already called them before I did. Just thought I’d tell you before they ran in here.”

Matthew nodded, standing up. He knew her parents, so him being there shouldn’t be a problem, but he also knew they would want some time alone with Somin. He didn’t want to take that away from them.

“You headed to the station?”

Jiwoo nodded. “Analyzing security cams from around there.”

“I’ll come with you.”

The security footage only confirmed Hongbin’s story—there was a car driving recklessly through the neighborhood, and though it did seem to take the back exit that Hongbin had called ‘convoluted’, the driver must’ve been the one to drop Somin off at the cul-de-sac. But that brought up more questions than answers.

“We won’t find anything,” Jae said as Kevin replayed the footage. “The video’s too blurry to get a read on the number plate, so no way to identify them.”

“Blurry or not,” Jiwoo said, “the plate was probably covered. So no way to identify them period.”

“But they had to be involved somehow, if they found her in the first place. Otherwise, what are the odds? And why leave her like that?” Matthew said, rubbing his eyes. It was too dark in the room for them to be staring at a computer screen, but none of them were willing to leave the computer to turn on the lights.

They watched the footage again, a silence falling over them, the same scene playing of a black SUV careening around the corner as it turned too fast and continued to race down the street.

It vaguely reminded him of the black car that the man, Lee, had been driving when he had kidnapped her. And then that turned out to be the same vehicle in which he was found dead, parked in the same location—

Matthew’s eyes snapped open. “. It’s all connected.” He stood up, running a hand through his hair.

“What do you mean?” Jiwoo asked carefully, at the same time that Jae asked, “To what?”

“Her kidnapping. Finding her. They’re connected. It’s a ing game.” Matthew pulled at his hair, angry with himself for not seeing it sooner.

She was found in the same location. Even Hongbin had been saying that, Matthew realized, when he had called. The same ing location.

And then there were the fingerprints. It must have been on purpose, not only to connect Ahn to this case, but also to serve as a message that Somin was alive. Playing a game.

This was all a game, and any relief that Matthew had had since Somin was found became quickly tainted by an overwhelming sense of unease and apprehension.

She was back, yes. But he had a sinking feeling that she still wasn’t safe . . . and he had promised her that he would keep her safe.

He was not about to break another promise.

42 kg = 92.5 lb

Somin’s usual weight (according to the internet??): 45 kg = 99.2 lb

(even if these are wrong we're gonna go with these ok? ok)

thank you to everyone who's reading!! seriously, i'll never stop thanking you <3