They say nobody should ask time where it’s gone, rather, tell it where to go.

“All great love happens to people who have been able to gain control over their time.” Dara doze off while spooning me in bed. “It has been said that all human beings have been created in one respect…” she continued.

“Hon, you actually can still read silently you know. You don’t really have to read it aloud.” I said, trailing annoyance in my voice.

“Well, I’m just trying to grab your attention. You see, you came home so tired you even forgot to greet me a hello.”

“I’m sorry. I was just so tired and…”

“Ssshh. I understand. I love you.” She tenderly hugged me and I couldn’t help but to melt in her embrace as I turn around and hug her tight.

Time. You will never understand its worth until it’s gone.

I basically have always been drowned with what I do. As a singer in a band that is just slowly getting attention in the market, I am never allowed to waste a single second staring blankly at the night sky. But as I get weary with my everyday work, I surely still got one thing to be excited to go home to --- Dara.

I never understood what it is pay so much love and affection towards another person until Dara made me feel it. I know her importance in my life. But this creepy idea of making her feel important everyday is eating me alive. For what reason, I do not know.

Just as how time is so important to me, waking up to a broken alarm clock wakes up the beast in me.

“You son of a !” I cursed early at a dawn. It’s supposed to ring at 4:00AM but it’s only 3:45AM for goodness sake!

“Chaerin-ah, 15 minutes. It wouldn’t hurt to wake up earlier than it was intended to ring right?”

Though irritated, I slowly stood up, took a bath and prepare breakfast for me and Dara. I will wake her up again and we would both take minutes to prepare for work.

“Dara, honey, can you spare some time later to buy another alarm clock? The one we’ve got is already broken.”

“As you say so.” She sweetly answered as she pull me out from our unit to start the day.

“Are you sure it’s not a hassle for you to do this everyday? I can always manage to take the cab, hon.”

“But if it means someone else will open the door for you, assist you as you go to set and bid you a goodbye kiss, well that’s going to be one tough problem.” I chuckled as I gently squeeze her hand.

Realizing that this got to be my everyday life is also one daily reminder why I should spare time for this wonderful lady beside me. Dara, one of the greatest actress of her generation, being one of the most sought after artist, I probably couldn’t afford to let her mingle with any of her admirers for more than a minute, both men and women.

“Penny for your thoughts Chaerin-ah?”

“Y-yes? I-it’s nothing. I was just thinking how lucky am I to have you.”

When we finally arrived to her day’s location for her new web series, I kissed her goodbye and directly went to our studio to record our latest single. But as I drive my towards my bandmates, I was trapped in traffic after an accident happened just a block away from where am I.

“Bull.” I hissed and impatiently honked the car. I was too mad to even care for the collision that I just simply passed it by.

I then went home too tired. And suddenly I remembered the clock.

“Dara, honey, did you buy it?”

“Oh my, Chaerin-ah, dear, I’m so sorry, but I promise tomorrow, I will.”

I sighed but claimed to nod anyway.

The next day, the clock didn’t wake me up for it completely went broken and I just woke up with the daylight hurting my eyes. I angrily clenched my jaw but didn’t shout madly in any way when I saw my angelic girlfriend sleeping next to me.

It’s Sunday but I’m still bound to go to work.

I gently traced my fingers across her beautiful face. I couldn’t deny the fact that I’m still not used to wake up next to this goddess although we’ve been sleeping together for years now. She was like a living dream that I still can’t digest up unto this moment. A dream that I’m used to have but is slowly neglecting its importance.

Although I was still annoyed for nothing woke me up at four, I still managed to stand up and prepare for today’s recording and for the both of us.

For both Chaerin and Dara.

“It has always been us. For how long will I do things for the both of us?”

As we finished breakfast, Dara reminded me of the clock.

“Chaerin-ah, honey, would you mind if you’ll just buy your clock? I’m up to some catching up with MInzy and the gals today. I might go home late.”

“Where are you going? Who are you with besides them? What time will you go home? Will I fetch you?”

“Whoah. Silly, it’s Sunday. Have you forgotten? It’s March 16th. I told you about it weeks ago right? Minzy’s going to California on the 20th. So, we’ll be having some memento.” She sweetly told me and I just melted in her charm again.

“Ok, but don’t forget to message me in any way, ok?”

While I was driving my way to the studio, another accident took place.

“What a playful circumstance. Just the other day, there was an accident, and then, now!?” 

I stepped on the pedal but was caught off guard with what I just saw. Everything momentarily stopped. I heard nothing. The sirens didn’t even make a sound. The people looked frozen. I can clearly see the broken glasses, blood on the street and the panicking medical team. I looked at my watch and was surprised that it’s no longer ticking. I tried to close my eyes and a vision of Dara smiling at me calmed me down. And as I open them again, I started to see everything move in slow motion until cars honked to wake me up.

“What is this?” I hissed and started the engine.

But something caught my eye while driving.

My watch.

It stopped ticking.

After our recording, I went home and tried to digest everything that happened today. Tomorrow, I’ll be prepping up for a heated voice rehearsals for  our gigs at three clubs, four parties and reservations for the next week.

“Chaerin-ah!”

Still exhausted, I only uttered, “Hmmm?”

“Honey, open your eyes.” As she shower small kisses all over my face.

“What is it, hon?” I snake my arm around her and she gladly hugged me back.

“Look, a nice clock with your favorite rilakkuma on it!” she excitedly told me.

I forced a smile and just hugged her. “Thank you honey, that better wake us up on time tomorrow.”

We both laughed and her hearty laughter slowly punched me right in the face.

How dare you to not act excited when she was doing these little things that make up the big things in you!?

That’s why she’s the actress and I’m just a plain band singer, right?

“Dara! What kind of clock is this one!”

“Why are you shouting? What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing! But there is something wrong with this clock! This one’s new but the time is late, didn’t you even check on it before placing it at the bedside table?”

“Chaerin-ah, it’s so early for some shouting, it’s just a small thing, why make it a big problem?”

“My problem here is the clock that you didn’t even bother to fix.”

“That’s just a clock Lee Chaerin. You also have a phone, you have a tablet that you can always set for an alarm!” she dozed back.

“That’s not the point here Dara. Will it always be like this? Still my fault with every single thing that’s broken. And it’s creeping me out! It’s creeping me out that it always has to be ME FOR YOU!” I managed to blurt out while recounting the days that I had to wait for hours staring from blocks away while waiting for her take to finish, while I had to silently watch her from afar while she’s mingling with her co-actors and fans, when I had to keep mum feeling out of place while she’s having dinner with her co-actors, when I had to bring her to her set and drive her back safely after, when I had to sacrifice my breaktime for myself just to make sure I answer her calls, when I had to wake up early to prepare her breakfast or even sleep late to make sure she sleeps soundly.

“For how long Dara? For how long will I sacrifice for you and for this relationship?”

“What’s with you Chaerin? If this is just an effect of being too tired from work, please let’s take some break. I’m out of here.” She raised her hand and took her phone to dial.

“And where are you going?”

“I’m going to Pop’s.”

“And we’re not going to talk about this?”

“We are not, Lee Chaerin. Not until you’ll calm your nerves down. Just call me when you’re ready.”

“Whatever!” I slammed the door and went straight to our unit’s mini bar.

It has always been like this.

And I’m slowly getting tired for how things are turning out.

When will she realize that I’m just waiting for her to return the favors for me?

We have been accepted by the people around us, even her fans cheered for her when she announced her coming out. She established a strong following and she’s probably the main reason too for my band to be known. I have been tagged as Dara’s girlfriend but I just do not know if people really admired my music.

I have always felt I am just behind her shadow.

That’s why I do a lot of things for her.

So what’s with the whining?

My conscience is really bugging me for what I did that I’ve been rejecting a couple of rings from my phone.

I drowned myself to bottles of vodka and as I walk towards our empty bedroom, I felt a little uneasy but forced myself to lie anyway.

“I miss you…” I said, almost a whisper as I cry myself to sleep.

April 2nd, 2016 19:35

“H-hello?”

“Hello Chaerin-ah?”

“Mom?” I looked at my phone’s caller ID and was surprised to see my ssantoki.

“Why are you using Dara’s phone? Where is she?”

“Dara…”

“Why? What happened?”

The person across the line cried helplessly.

“Dara… My Sandara… Dara’s gone… She’s gone…” she said in between sobs.

“W-what!? What are you saying Mom?” I said, still in shock, and I suddenly shook uncontrollably.

“She had an accident while driving here. She badly suffered a severe head injury. I was-I was calling you since last night but you were not answering. Were you that busy? Where were you?”

“…” my heart started to beat wildly and I recounted what happened last night.

“M-mom… L-last night?”

“Yes Chaerin, last night. We were calling you.” Mom said still crying.  “She was bleeding badly….she was terribly injured and…And the doctors, nurses here just couldn’t do anything to prolong her life. Her bones were broken, they said. Her rib almost pierced her heart…she was placed on a ventilator but it was too late..”

My tears started to fall. My vision started to get so vague and I felt my body weaken.

"She was proclaimed brain dead and we were asked for a consent if ever we’ll still agree for this only life support she got…Chaerin-ah…we no longer want her to suffer…”

How cou