Nayoung spends the next few weeks alone, cooped up in her apartment when she doesn’t have work. She has her nose buried in her black journal that has one too many pages ripped out from countless nights of restless thoughts and rollercoasters of emotions.

Her mind often wanders to Jieqiong—how could it not? She stares at her empty notification screen with tired eyes, briefly wondering if she should be the one to send a text first.

(It’s ridiculous, really. They’re both grown women and yet Nayoung feels like she’s back in high school again.)

She isn’t sure who started to avoid the other first and she doesn’t particularly care, not when her her heart aches every time she looks at the couch, void of Jieqiong. Nayoung doesn’t realize how dependent she had been on Jieqiong for her happiness until the girl starts to avoid her. It hits her then that she shouldn’t be so dependent on someone else.

She shouldn’t have to need someone else to be happy. She should make herself happy, she knows this, but she just isn’t quite sure how.

Her boss tells her to take the day off because she looks like . Nayoung persists and says she’s fine but “Nayoung, you’ve worked your off so much this week that it even scares me; your boss. Just take a breather, okay?” and Nayoung exits the building with a sigh.

She heads home with her thoughts swirling around in her head at a thousand miles per hour. She misses having someone next to her. She wishes she wasn’t so alone; wishes Jieqiong isn’t her only friend (if she still even is her friend).

Her feet bring her to the park; the place they had met each other many months ago—but her feet freeze when she spots the familiar girl. The girl isn’t alone but instead is sitting next to another girl, a very pretty girl.

Nayoung wants to turn around before Jieqiong can notice her but it’s too late, Jieqiong’s eyes lock onto Nayoung’s and she freezes like a deer caught in headlights. When Jieqiong starts to lift up her hand to wave, something inside Nayoung cracks. She spins on her heels and walks away. She’s all too familiar with heartbreak and is quite upset that she feels her heart is broken.

You aren’t even dating her.

Nayoung’s heart doesn’t seem to care about the fact that she and Jieqiong are only friends. Nayoung’s heart just thinks about how Jieqiong has other people who care about her, all probably much better at making Jieqiong happy, whilst Nayoung only has herself. Jieqiong has friends and family and possibly a romantic partner who all care about her and Nayoung…

Nayoung has herself.

That night, Jieqiong texts her.

[Jieqiong] (11:24 PM): hi.

Nayoung stares at the message. She wants to ignore her, as revenge for Jieqiong avoiding her, but she knows that she can’t do that. Her heart wins over her mind when it comes to Jieqiong.

[Nayoung] (11:24 PM): hi.

[Jieqiong] (11:25 PM): how come u didn’t come say hi??? today at the parl

[Jieqiong] (11:25 PM): park*

Her thumbs fiddle around in the air as she thinks of a response.

[Nayoung] (11:26 PM): i didn’t want to bother you.

Nayoung knows that Jieqiong can easily read through her bull but she doesn’t exactly care. (She does care. She cares a lot more than she’d like to admit.)

[Jieqiong] (11:26 PM): you’re never a bother to me

Nayoung hates that she’s acting like this because she knows she’s making things difficult.

[Nayoung] (11:28 PM): yeah, i guess. goodnight

[Jieqiong] (11:28 PM): gn

She tosses her phone onto her bedside table and burrows herself into her blanket. Zhou Jieqiong has her feeling too many types of emotions.

x

Maybe it’s for the better.

Nayoung repeats that same sentence in her head over and over as she sets her homescreen and lockscreen as a blank white screen, repeats it as she throws her bedsheets and her pillowcases into the laundry in order to get rid of Jieqiong’s scent, repeats it when she removes all the animal documentaries on her Netflix account out of her list.

Maybe it’s for the better.

x

[Jieqiong] (5:47 PM): can i come over?

Nayoung’s eyeballs nearly pop out of their sockets as she sees the notification. She just got out of the shower, hair still dripping wet. Her thumbs shake as she types a reply.

[Nayoung] (6:02 PM): sorry for late response i was taking a shower. sure u can.

[Jieqiong] (6:02 PM): ok i’m outside

Nayoung almost drops her phone in surprise, hurrying to her apartment door.

She opens the door, wide-eyed. “What the hell? How long have you been waiting?”

“Since I texted you the first time.” Jieqiong admits sheepishly. She holds up the brown bag in her hand. “I brought Chinese.”

Nayoung scoffs in disbelief and moves to the side to let her in. In the air hangs a bit of tension, something that has never been there between the two of them before. Nayoung assumes it’s because of their two weeks of radio silence. Jieqiong slips past her and the scent of her familiar perfume invades Nayoung’s nose. She holds her breath as she shuts the door and follows Jieqiong to the kitchen.

“How are you?” Jieqiong asks as she sets the bag down on the counter.

Nayoung fights the urge to narrow her eyes as she leans back on the granite counter. “I’m fine.” she answers shortly, examining Jieqiong’s reaction. The younger girl blinks and stiffens, her eyes averting towards another part of the apartment instead of settling onto Nayoung.

“That’s good.” Jieqiong nods. The bag of food is left untouched as she sits down at the counter, the stool squeaking as she turns it. She stares down at her lap. “We should talk.”

“Okay.” Nayoung nods. When the words leave , Jieqiong looks up, as if she had been expecting a different answer. “Let’s talk.”

The air is suffocating between them and Nayoung truly wants to dig herself a hole to go hide in. Jieqiong’s eyes aren’t as light as they usually are and everything about her screams that she’s tired.

“For two weeks.” Jieqiong starts off, voice trembling. “We didn’t speak. At all.”

Nayoung just nods slowly.

Jieqiong releases a deep breath. “Why?”

It’s a good question, one that Nayoung has thought about constantly over the torturous couple of weeks. Deep inside, she knows the answer, but her mind blocks what her heart wants to say.

“I don’t know.” Nayoung answers. This irks Jieqiong, who furrows her eyebrows in frustration and stands from the stool.

“Yes you do.” she says lowly. Nayoung frowns as Jieqiong comes closer to her. She feels her back dig into the edge of the counter, trying to get as far away from the girl as possible. Jieqiong notices this and stops her advancement.

“Look, if you know the answer, why are you asking?” she asks, not meaning to sound so passive-aggressive but coming off that way despite her intentions.

“Maybe because I’d like to hear if from you personally?” she asks in the ‘are you serious?’ type of way, cold eyes staring into Nayoung’s.

Nayoung has never seen Jieqiong so serious or angry at her.

It hurts her in more ways than one, but she doesn’t let it show.

“I think it was a mistake for you to come here.”

Jieqiong takes a step back—stumbles back, open in shock. Nayoung tightens her jaw and turns her head to avoid the look of hurt in Jieqiong’s eyes.

“It’s for the better.” she mumbles.

“What is?” Jieqiong asks, her voice taking on a desperate tone. “Nayoung, please—at least explain to me what you mean.”

“That we stop talking to each other.” Nayoung pushes her body off of the counter and walks away from the kitchen and into the living room, trying to get some air, trying to get away from Jieqiong. (This proves to be beyond difficult considering the fact that all Nayoung wants to do right now is hug the girl.)

“But I came here to talk to you about…” Jieqiong trails off, voice cracking as she stares at Nayoung’s back with teary eyes. Nayoung brings herself to turn and look at the girl in the eyes but immediately regrets it as she spots the tear sliding down the girl’s cheek. Jieqiong sniffles and straightens her back, wiping the tear from her face. “Fine.”

A look of confusion flashes over Nayoung’s features for the briefest second.

“If you aren’t going to put any effort into fixing what we had, then I won’t.” Jieqiong says quietly, wiping at her cheeks, anger riddling her words.

“What did we have?” Nayoung asks in a heartbeat, eyes searching Jieqiong’s. She needs an answer, something solid, something besides the blurry lines that she’s gotten used to.

Jieqiong’s bottom lip trembles and she bites down on it. She shakes her head.

“I don’t know.” she answers, teeth gritted together. “But it was something good, I’ll tell you that much.”

Nayoung wants to reach out, wants to take hold of Jieqiong’s shaking hands, but Jieqiong is too far from her (both figuratively and literally). Nayoung thinks that Jieqiong’s going to leave (and probably never come back), but she stays standing in her spot, head down.

“Is it because of Eunwoo?” Jieqiong asks quietly—so quietly that Nayoung nearly misses it—and she lifts her gaze to settle on Nayoung, her forehead wrinkled. Nayoung quickly averts her eyes, and it’s enough of an answer for Jieqiong, who releases a deep breath. “I told you.” she says, outstretching her arms in disbelief.

“I told you that I didn’t like her like that.”

“You said you didn’t know.” Nayoung responds. “That wasn’t a no.”

“It wasn’t a yes, either.” Jieqiong retorts, anger rising in her tone. She walks into the living room and stands in front of Nayoung, leaving a good amount of space between them. “Nayoung, isn’t it obvious that I like you, that I have feelings for you? Was me spending every night next to you not proof enough?”

Nayoung wishes Jieqiong would’ve told her that in better circumstances, without tears rolling down her cheeks.

(The straightforward confession still makes Nayoung’s heart flutter, though.)

“I didn’t want to assume.”

“Dammit, Nayoung.” Jieqiong hisses. Her eyes are contradictory to her tone, her gaze softening despite the tension. “What are you so afraid of?”

The question hits Nayoung like a bag of bricks. Jieqiong stares at her, really stares at her, awaiting an answer.

Nayoung gulps down the lump in .

“A lot of things, I guess.” she whispers, avoiding Jieqiong’s eyes. She goes to sit down on the couch, her knees too weak for her to stay standing. Jieqiong follows her silently. “I’m scared that—I don’t know—that we wouldn’t work out?”

Jieqiong lets out a small laugh, a beautifully heartbroken one. “We were working pretty fine before this.” she gestures everywhere and nowhere with her hands.

Nayoung hates herself for being so insecure. Maybe if that one part of her brain would shut up; the part that’s telling her Jieqiong deserves better and that she will find someone better, they could be dating by now.

“I’m sorry.” Nayoung murmurs, wondering what to say next—panicking because she doesn’t know what to say next. “When I saw you with Eunwoo, I felt… I… I don’t know; empty? , I don’t even know how to explain—”

“Hey.” Jieqiong’s voice is so soft and her eyes? Softer. She offers a small smile, barely lifting the corners of her lips. “Breathe, Nayoung. I’m here and I’m listening.”

Nayoung is truly in awe at how she could possibly be blessed with the angel that is Zhou Jieqiong.

A deep sigh leaves her lips.

“I felt defeated.” she says. “And I know you’re not some kind of trophy or object that I own, that’s not what I meant, I just—seeing you with her, it got me thinking that there are plenty of other people, good people, that you can be with instead of me.”

Jieqiong frowns. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

“I made you cry.” Nayoung replies instantly. “You should never have to cry. Ever.”

The frown on Jieqiong’s face loosens up into a small smile. “I’m human, Nayoung; I have emotions and you can’t control them. I’m not going to say that everything is okay because you really hurt me by ignoring me like that but… I hope that we don’t have to become strangers after this.”

Nayoung turns her body so she’s facing Jieqiong. She folds her hands over her lap and gulps.

“I do like you, Jieqiong, a lot—I know you probably already know this, but I wanted to say it outloud so you really know.” Nayoung confesses. “I’ve been running away from my problems ever since I was little, much thanks to my messy family situation. And… And I’m not trying to excuse my behaviour… I’m just… trying to explain it.”

Jieqiong stays quiet, listening intently.

“I used to have this annoying mindset that nothing good lasts forever… So, when you showed up in my life, for the first time I believed that this one good thing could maybe last forever.” Nayoung says. “And before I knew it, I starting gaining feelings for you. It happened so gradually… so quietly, that when I realized it—my feelings—we were already so close and so far along in our friendship that I was terrified to say anything, I didn’t want to make my old mindset true, didn’t want you to leave. And then Eunwoo showed up and you told me about your past with her and then the mindset came back and I thought that I’d never be good for you and… and then my defense mechanisms kicked in and—”

Nayoung is out of breath when she feels a hand come to  rest on top of her clasped ones.

“Nayoung.” Jieqiong whispers, bringing up her other hand and wiping at the tear on Nayoung’s cheek that Nayoung didn’t even know escaped.

Nayoung stares into Jieqiong’s eyes, the only light in the apartment coming from the kitchen making everything dim. She exhales shakily.

“I can’t promise to never hurt you again but I can promise to try.”

The only reason Nayoung notices the tremble of Jieqiong’s bottom lip is because they’re so close together. Nayoung doesn’t remember Jieqiong moving so close to her.

“Promise?” Jieqiong murmurs quietly, nose grazing Nayoung’s.

Nayoung nods because that’s the only thing she can do.

“Say it.” Jieqiong orders gently.

“I promise.” Nayoung whispers, sighing when she feels Jieqiong push forward to connect their lips.

Soft lips slide against each other for only a couple seconds before Nayoung feels Jieqiong grinning and their teeth clink because Nayoung smiles, too. She pulls away and leans her forehead on Jieqiong’s as the younger girl giggles.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” Jieqiong smiles. Suddenly the gloomy atmosphere from a few minutes ago vanishes and Nayoung’s heart is skipping beats for an entirely different reason.

Jieqiong lightly punches Nayoung’s shoulder. “I’m still mad at you, though.”

“I know.” Nayoung nods. “I’ll do my best make it up to you.”

“Okay, let’s eat the Chinese food I brought, then. It’s probably cold by now.” Jieqiong gets up from the couch only for Nayoung to grab onto her wrist.

“Wait.” she says, tugging Jieqiong down and capturing her lips. Jieqiong smiles into the kiss.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get tired of that.” she whispers as they pull away.

Nayoung grins and stands, sliding her hand down and interlacing her fingers with Jieqiong’s. “Me neither.”

a/n: 

tada! i would've loved to actually create a much longer, much more 'slow-burn'-ish story but i've already had this in my drafts (along with Many other stories) for so long that i decided to just upload it LOL.

thank u all for reading and please leave some sort of feedback whether it be in the comments or in my curiouscat! (curiouscat.me/PR1STINS)

[p.s there's a little extra something something i have that i'll upload maybe in a couple days :>]