You Love Her

3/4

6th July 2015, 18:51 pm

Butterflies had well and truly set up shop under her ribcage – regardless of how much she tried to deny it.

It’s only been a couple of weeks, Yoona thought, annoyed with herself, as she gave her reflection a once over in the mirror.

Woman up a bit and stop acting like such an hat - its just dinner, is what she told herself, but she’d never admit that the evenings spent without Jessica after having fixed up her car were painstakingly slow and stagnant, because she knew it was stupid. Missing someone after only a week of spending time with them, how ing sappy can you get?

So, after having stomped down her irrational, rose-tinted feelings, she pocketed her phone, pulled on her shoes and strode on over to Jessica’s house, head held high, as the sky slowly transitioned to an inky, night blue.

She rang the doorbell and cleared . The door unlocked and Jessica’s welcoming smile had her insides feeling like a useless pile of fluttery mush.

“Hey,” she said, gesturing Yoona in. “Come inside, dinner’s ready.”

“Great,” Yoona smiled back and followed her to the kitchen, much like she had the last time she’d been here.

“I hope you don’t mind pizza,” Jessica laughed, gesturing to the small glass dining table where a pizza box, two plates, two glasses and a large bowl of salad had been laid out neatly. “I thought I’d try and cook something, but I failed miserably.”

Yoona barely stifled her laughter, as Jessica held up the deformed remnants of what Yoona could only assume was a frying pan.

“Oh my god,” she wheezed, her sides sore from laughing too hard. She took the poor, unrecognizable cooking utensil from Jessica’s hand to inspect it closer. “I’ve not even been here for five minutes and you’ve already managed to impress me.” She smiled once her laughter had died down. “This,” she said, raising what used to be a pan a little higher in the air. “I did not think this was humanly possible…until I met you.”

“Oh get off it.” Jessica chuckled, shoving Yoona gently and taking the half-melted object from her grasp and dumping it back into the sink. “It was an accident.”

“Clearly.” Yoona said, a little wry, taking a seat at the table. “I don’t think it’s possible to melt a pan like that on purpose.”

“I’d like to see you try and cook.” Jessica remarked, taking cutlery out from a drawer and bumping it closed again with her hip. “It’s not as easy as it looks.”

“Deal.” Yoona confirmed as Jessica handed her a knife and fork. “Next time we have dinner, I’ll do the cooking.”

“Agreed.” Jessica nodded. “But who says there’s going to be a next time?”

Yoona gulped at the little smirk Jessica gave her. “Uh…” Her usual charm and wit melted away for a moment, stunned. She cleared to attempt an answer but Jessica tossed another question her way before she could respond.

“You want a drink?” she asked, both of the large, silver fridge doors hanging open.

“Uh, yeah, sure. What have you got?” Yoona’s ears felt hot.

“Wine?”

She wasn’t a wine drinker herself, but, honestly, she’d take anything - especially if it was from Jessica. “Wine’s good.”

“Red, white or rosé?”

“Rosé please.” She sat back and tried her best not to admire the other woman, going gracefully about the kitchen, with her pretty eyes and pretty hair cascading down her back in gentle waves. She closed her eyes for a moment, attempting - forcefully - to push away the fuzzy feeling glowing in the pit of her stomach because she has a ing boyfriend, Yoona.

“You okay?”

She snapped her eyes open and found Jessica standing at the other side of the table, wine bottle unscrewed and brows furrowed in concern.

“Yeah- sorry, just, uh, resting my eyes.”

Jessica gave her a funny look before laughing lightly and pouring the light pink alcohol into both of their glasses. Finally, she sat down. “Well, you are strange aren’t you?”

“You’re one to talk, Miss Frying-Pan-Destroyer.”

Jessica popped the pizza box open. Yoona watched her attentively. “Oh please, you’re not exactly a cooking Casanova yourself.”

Yoona smiled, heaping two thick slices onto her plate. “Ah, but I beg to differ.”

“Wait.” She paused. “Let me get this straight.” Her face turned thoughtful as she chewed. “Not only are you an office worker, but you’re a mechanic and a five star chef?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘five star’ but I know my way around the kitchen.” She sipped down her wine and set it back down on the table. “My parents owned a restaurant when I was a kid. And then, after college I worked in a bunch of different restaurants – in the kitchen, out the kitchen, waitressing and bartending. Anything to make money.”

Jessica leaned her head into her palm and gazed at her with interest. “I’m starting to get the feeling that you’re a jack of all trades.”

“Kind of, I guess. I mean, you could name any job and I’ve probably done it.”

“Estate agent.”

“Done it.”

“Musician.”

“Done it.”

“Bungee jumping instructor.”

“That one was brief, but still done it.”

“Hmm…Brain surgeon?”

“Ah. Now, that one’s still on my bucket list, I’m afraid.”

Jessica’s eyes twinkled a little, and Yoona knew she was doing something right for once. “Wow.” She breathed. “Seems like you’ve done it all.”

“No, that’s not true. I still have brain surgeon on my list, remember?”

Her laugh sounded like subtle, soft musical notes to Yoona’s listening ears. “Oh yeah, nearly forgot about that one.”

They shared a smile over the table, and Yoona found that the depths of Jessica’s eyes were a place that wouldn’t mind residing in for a while. “But what about you?” She asked after a moment.

“What about me?”

“What do you do?”

“Oh,” Jessica wiped gently with a napkin. “Interior design. I work for this company in town called ‘Tailor Build’.”

“Been there long?”

“No, only since I moved here.” She took another bite of pizza. “It’s not as big of a company as the one I was at before. But, the pay is good, the people are nice and there’s room for me to progress there.”

Progress. For some reason the word resonated with her. Sitting opposite this woman, Yoona wondered exactly what kind of progress she’d made since she dropped out of college.

She ate more food to distract herself. “Where was your old job?”

“Seoul. Right in the middle.”

Yoona raised her brows. “Wouldn’t it have been better to stay there, you know, in a bigger company, where you’re more likely to meet people who can boost your career?”

Jessica shook her head gently. “Maybe…but I realised that I was just a tiny cog in a massive machine.” She glided her finger slowly around the rim of her glass. “There was no sense of purpose anymore. At least here, I can see directly what impact I’m making for the projects I work on.”

Yoona nodded, lips uplifting a little. “That…that makes sense.”

A sense of purpose would be nice for herself, Yoona thought.

* * *

She drank down the rest of her wine and smacked her lips. She felt warm. “You sure you don’t want me to help-“

“Oh, sush. You’re my guest. Just go make yourself comfortable. What’s a few empty pizza boxes anyway?” Jessica smiled, ushering her into the lamplit living room.

“Alright, alright. Sorry for trying to be helpful.”

“You’re going to get thrown out soon with that attitude, Im.” Jessica reprimanded jokingly, her voice carrying in from the kitchen. Yoona listened idly to the sound of running water and the clatter of dishes for a moment. She surveyed the cream carpet, and the warm, homey accents of the room’s décor. Jessica sure was good at her job.

Sipping down more wine, she threw herself onto the squashy couch and was nearly swallowed by the soft cushions. She looked around, examining the wall art and picture frames placed purposefully about the room.

“I never knew one could find walls so interesting.”

She turned her head to find Jessica standing in the living room doorway, wine glass in one hand and a bowl of pretzels in the other.

“It just so happens that your walls are the most enthralling I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m flattered.” She remarked and placed the pretzels and wine onto the coffee table.

“I can’t get over how nice this place is.” Yoona complimented as Jessica folded comfortably down next to her.

She gave thanks and plucked a pretzel from the bowl. “Just so we’re clear, though, that hideous painting above the fireplace wasn’t my choice.”

Yoona looked over at the painting more closely, and indeed it was rather ugly. “I’m guessing that was the boyfriend’s contribution to home decoration then?”

Jessica snorted, “Bingo.” and Yoona thought it was really rather cute. “I let him have it because he let me do the rest of the house – not that he had the choice.” Jessica smiled fleetingly at the painting.

Yoona watched her, a little too intently, before a photograph caught her eye just over Jessica’s shoulder. “Is that him?”

“Hmm?” she followed Yoona’s line of sight and clocked onto what she was looking at. “Oh, yeah. That’s him.”

She watched as Jessica reached out to nab the photo frame from its place atop the chest of drawers. Yoona scooted toward the other woman to examine the photo more closely, their legs brushing. The picture exhibited a darker haired Jessica, posing in front of the Eiffel Tower on a picturesque summer day, with a man by her side, his hand at her waist. He was average height, Yoona surmised, broad shouldered, with sharpish features and jet black, neatly styled hair. He wore his sunglasses tucked into the neck of his shirt and – neither him nor Jessica bared their teeth in their smiles. Yoona thought that he was exactly the kind of guy she expected Jessica to be with.

“That’s us.” Jessica said. “Me and Theo.”

“Theo.” Yoona repeated, feeling strange to finally have a name and a face to the ominous shadow that was Jessica’s boyfriend beforehand.

“That’s where we fell in love.” Jessica said quietly, staring at her past self.

“In Paris?”

“Las Vegas, actually.”

“Oh.”

“We were on a business trip.”

“You work together?” Yoona raised a brow. He didn’t look or sound like an interior designer.

“No,” Jessica chuckled and shook her head, placing the photograph back in its rightful place. “After university, I struggled to find a job, so my dad offered me a temporary place in his company as his assistant.” She leaned her head back and looked at Yoona gently. “That’s where I met Theo. He worked in the sales department, and was charted as the No.1 salesman. My dad was actually the one who set us up. He said to me, ‘Sica-yah, I have the perfect boy for you. He’s hardworking, handsome and loyal, I promise.’ ”

Yoona grimaced slightly, imagining her own father setting her up, but then she remembered that her father never, in a million years, would ever take such an interest in her life.

“My thinking was that, my dad’s given me a job, so going on a date with this guy is the least I can do.” Jessica went on. Yoona thought that maybe the wine was making the shorter woman’s tongue loose. “But, it turned out that Theo was a good guy, and my parents obviously approved, so I started dating him, and after a few months, my dad sent us on this trip to Vegas for a business conference and…I guess the rest is history.”

“You fell in love in front of a fake Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas.” Yoona reiterated, wrapping her head around it, watching Jessica’s face and thinking that the other woman deserved the real Eiffel Tower.

“It’s a little cliché, isn’t it?”

Yoona smiled, small. “A little. But I’ve heard worse.”

“What about you? What’s your relationship status?” Jessica questioned, shifting and draping her legs over Yoona’s lap. Yoona stilled for a moment, suddenly feeling Jessica’s body heat, and cleared .

“Me?” she hummed. “I’m single as a pringle.”

“But…what about that girl that was at your place the day we met…? What was her name again?”

“Hyuna?” Yoona scoffed a little. “I can assure you, Hyuna and I are definitely not dating. Never have, never will.”

Jessica frowned a little and Yoona wasn’t sure why. “But I’ve seen her car parked outside your drive quite a few times.”

“Watching me, are you?” Her natural flirt came forth before she could stop it.

“Maybe.” Jessica challenged, biting her lip slightly.

Yoona’s mind went blank. What the is happening? She cleared again. “Hyuna and I…yeah…we’re just friends…” She moved her head back in an attempt to put some space between them.

“…with benefits, I’m assuming?”

“There are a couple of benefits, I’ll admit.”

“How comes you guys aren’t properly dating then?” Jessica inquired, little pretty flecks of curiosity showing in her soft brown eyes.

Yoona shrugged, “We just…aren’t.” She really didn’t know what else to say on the matter.

“C’mon,” Jessica urged, nudging Yoona’s shoulder. “There must be more to it than that.”

“Well,” She blew air from between in her lips. “Hyuna actually used to be my boss.” Jessica’s eyes widened and Yoona smiled, amused. “I managed to bag a job in an estate agency called Foxton’s, working as Hyuna’s assistant. We got on immediately, became friends, and worked normally for about a month. And then, one late night in the office, we decided to crack open the champagne because the company had sealed an important deal. We both drank a little too much, and thus…we ended up…spending the night together.”

“No way.” Jessica gawped. “You had , with your boss, in her office?” She gulped down another mouthful of wine. “Is there literally anything you haven’t done?”

“Maybe.” Yoona laughed, suddenly a little embarrassed. Her ual escapades weren’t things she often dished details on. “Anyway,” She went on. “I continued working as her assistant for a while, we built a good friends-with-benefits relationship, she paid me well and she even helped me get my house for a cheaper price. When we realized that we couldn’t keep our relationship purely professional, and I’d had enough of the estate agency world, I decided to leave Foxton’s and pursue work elsewhere. Obviously, though, we kept on seeing each other.”

“And there’s absolutely no romantic feelings there?” Jessica questioned. Yoona couldn’t help but wonder why she was so interested.

“None. We’re just friends with good ual chemistry.” She answered as nonchalantly as possible. “Hyuna’s tied down to her job, and I’m not even sure what I really want, so a relationship would be out of the question anyway. It’d never work.” She downed the rest of her wine and leaned her head back to stare at the ceiling. The room started to sway slightly. Yoona was closer to drunk than she thought. Feeling eyes on her, she lolled her head to the side to find Jessica gazing at her.

The other woman leaned her head into her palm. “You’re full of surprises, Im Yoona.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Yoona smiled, observing as Jessica, too, drank down the rest of her wine, watching the stretch of the tendons in her neck and imagining what they’d feel like under her lips.

“You should. I like it.”

“I like you.” She blurted, but tried to play off her alcohol-induced word-vomit off as nothing, averting their eyes. She pretended not to see the flush that overtook Jessica’s cheeks.

Slowly, the shorter woman took the empty glass from Yoona’s hand, and clinked it down onto the table along with her own, before settling back down onto the sofa; shoulders, arms, thighs pressed warmly against one another as they sat side by side. Yoona thought that some kind of feeling was weighing heavy and close in the air between them; it was warm, a little tense and very much intimate. Her heart was racing; running away from her feverishly.

She chanced a look at Jessica only to find the woman gazing right at her; deep, brown eyes searching plainly for answers that Yoona wasn’t sure she had. She was slightly startled at how close their proximity had unknowingly become, but she made no effort to separate herself.

“What would you do if I told you that I’ve been interested since the moment I knocked on your door?” Jessica whispered huskily, her hot breath ghosting over Yoona’s lips.

“I’d say: it goes both ways.”

Ever so slowly, the gap between them lessened, and then, they kissed. Lips, teeth and tongue; hot, wet and warm as their mouths danced the waltz under the caramel lamplight. Jessica’s soft lips held the faint taste of wine and promises, Yoona thought, letting the alcohol and the sweet scent of Jessica’s perfume cloud her mind.

How’s this going to end up?, she wondered fleetingly, Jessica’s arms lacing around her neck. Surely, not well, her mind answered when she opened her eyes and found herself hovering over Jessica, hands planted among the couch cushions to keep her balanced.

Once more, lips connected to lips. Yoona sighed into the kiss as Jessica’s nimble fingers ran through her hair, grazing at her nape delicately. it, she thought, teeth grazing down the shell of Jessica’s ear, hands slipping under her shirt. It’s not like you haven’t slept with girls who have boyfriends before, right? What makes Jessica any different? The other woman moaned softly and Yoona’s last strain of self-restraint snapped suddenly. Her hand glided along the smooth surface of Jessica’s thigh, under her skirt, and was mere seconds from passing beneath white-laced , before the sound of the front door opening made everything still.

“Jess, I’m home!”

She didn’t think it was possible for Jessica to look so scared.

* * *

27th October 2016, 13:01pm (Present)

Her eyes are unfocused as she stares absently at a random area of the tabletop.

“We want to give the opportunity to a member of the sales team. A successful pitch could mean great things – if you are chosen of course. Just keep in mind, the supervisors will be keeping an eye out.”

She’s barely listening - her mind keeps straying to darker, Jessica-scented places. It’s been four days and she wonders if she’ll ever get over it. There’s nothing to get over. But of course there is, there really is so much to get over.

“Miss Im?”

Her eyes flicker to the gentleman addressing her from the front of the conference room. “Huh?” Everyone is staring at her.

“I said, congratulations for achieving the most sales this month.”

“Uh, thank you, sir.” She bows in her seat to a light round of applause from her colleagues and mutters more thanks to those around her. The meeting resumes, but she feels a set of eyes staring intently at her still. She looks over and catches Sooyoung gazing at her in concern from across the large table.

“You okay?” the taller woman mouths. Yoona pushes on a tired smile and nods. None of this concerns Sooyoung – she doesn’t even know about Yoona’s 1 year and 4 month escapade concerning her next-door neighbor. Yoona doesn’t want to drag her friend into her mess.

“Right, and that’s everything for today.” Her manager announces. “Let’s make the rest of this Friday count.” He says, earning a collective groan. “Supervisors can you hang back for an extra word?”

Yoona stands from her seat, silently grateful that Sooyoung would have to wait back with the other supervisors. She heads back to her cramped cubicle and slumps down into her swivel chair.

Logging onto her computer, she thinks of running. There’s nothing left here for her anymore; she hasn’t spoken to her parents in years, Sooyoung has a new girlfriend that she loves, and Jessica’s going to get married, and there isn’t anything Yoona can do but settle for being left behind in the dust.

She could easily book a cheap flight going anywhere, maybe make up an alias, drown in the nameless faces and just pretend for a little while that she has purpose, that she isn’t 28 years old and has no idea what she’s doing. She ran from home at 18, escaped the shadows of her uncle’s death at 20, booked a flight to Japan, went from country and country, and didn’t come back until she ran out of money at 23. What makes this time any different? Jessica makes this time different.

“Yoong?”

Her eyes flicker to Sooyoung who seems to have materialized out of thin air, a file tucked under her arm and expression curious. “Uh…yeah?”

“You were totally spacing out.”

“Oh, uh…yeah, sorry.” She scratches at the back of her neck. “Just thinking about something.”

“Right, well,” Sooyoung attempts to straighten up, slipping back into her professional skin, as another supervisor makes his way past and casts a perfunctory smile at the both of them. “I put your name forward.”

“For what?”

“For the pitch.”

“Oh.” Yoona sighs. “Why’d you-“

“Because it’s a great opportunity, and you’re more than capable.” Sooyoung gazes at her meaningfully. “You’ve achieved the highest sales every month for the past three months, and you’ve only been here since June.”

She rubs at her face in exh