I got a shock this morning. As Jiyong went to work and I was left alone, I heard the bell rung and I opened the door. To my surprise, my mom and dad and little sister were there. Jiwoong couldn’t come because he has something to do related to his job. So I have two breakfasts today because I can’t resist my mother’s cook. For the first time after such a long waiting, I sit on the dining table together with my family and enjoy the dish. I’m so happy.

“Is everything alright?” my mom ask, “You went to SM recent days?”

“Yes, I’m alright. Oh, about that... how could you know? I’m not telling anybody.”

“I have my eyes and ears around the world just to know about your latest condition, Taeyeon-ah. I’m your mother for 28 years, I know you very well. You won’t tell anybody about you, just for bad case, right? I let that happen these years because I believe you can handle it, but it’s different now. This...” she pointed to my belly. “Makes everything different. I want her be healthy as much as I want you too.”

“You call SM?”

“I call your members, Tiffany mostly. Almost everyday so she have to run or call the staff to ask about you for my sake. That’s make me feeling better. I owe that young lady very much. I heard you’ve been good again, I’m so happy. She is precious, Taeyeon.”

I’m smiling. I know how much my family likes this california girl. I thought, they would be happy to add Tiffany’s name under our family’s name. Not Tiffany Hwang but Tiffany Kim? Kim Mi Young, yes.

“SM ask about my plan, Umma. The contract will end next year, months after my due time. They think to make my last comeback before... before letting me go for my good?” I sound unsure.

“They told you directly?!” my mom shaking from her head to her toe. “After all this years they force you to work like a robot now with no heart they tell you to go?! To leave SM because you have no bright future, can’t bring them more money?! I can believe it!”

“Umma, what happened? Are you yelling at Taeyeon right now? Why?” my father come to the kitchen. His face shows us how worry is he. He come closer to me and support my back with his hand. “Taeyeon?”

“Yeobo, SM call her last week. And... and they asked her about her plan after giving birth? You know why, Yeobo? Because they want to kick her out! Because she is no longer precious! Because they can force her to work for them so they can showering their life with the money from her hardwork!!!”

“Umma...” I’m pleading. Althought all her words are true, I don’t like to see how my mother work her nerve. That’s making the hurt inside me a thousand time worsen than before. I know SM very well, I’ve been work for them a half of my life. Even the percentage of me kicked out by them is larger, but I want to think hard about that last chance. I, still, have a hope to finally stand on my feet in the future. I want to make my last comeback as a chance to make everything up.

“Taeyeon, is that right? What will you do now?”

“I’m not yet thinking about that, Appa. I told them to give me more time, beside... I’m anticipating the baby right now. It’s gonna be a big thing, the delivery... I’m, I’m nervous and a little bit afraid maybe?”

“Alright.” He said, bring me to his chest. “Yeobo, we can talk about that other times, okay? Let Taeyeon have a time to settle her feeling first. The baby is a top priority, okay?”

“I just... I’m feeling hurt. They resent you, Taeyeon-ah, as I mother I can’t stand to look at that without doing something.”

“It’s alright, Umma.” I tell her with a ruffle voice because I’m kissing my father’s chest right now.

= = =

“Your umma appa came over? Why don’t you call me, I can go home early to meet them.”

“It’s okay. They just... check me up.”

“You suppose to be happy after meeting your family, why you look upset and sad right now? Is there something happened?”

I shake my head. I’m doubting myself, I’m not yet telling Jiyong about the matter between me and SM, he didn’t asked either. Seems like he is in focus about Bigbang right now. I want to keep quite and let him work in peace, but it’s hard to keep it by myself. I think talk about it with him will help. He is working in the same industry as me, he is an outsider of my agency so he can be objective. He also know very well my condition, right? I just.. I don’t think this is the right time.

I glance at the clock. Almost eleven.

“I’m better sleep. Good night, Ji.”

“Okay. I’m in my room if you need anything.” I nods and leave him when he finally call my name. My full name. Somehow I feel a warm feeling inside me hearing the sound of his voice calling my name in that way. “Kim Taeyeon?”

“Yes?” I turn around to look him in the eyes.

“We’re friend afterall, you can talk to your friend about your matter. Don’t bottle it up, it will make you feeling and uncomfortable.”

“Okay.” I’m smiling but still make a way to my room.

It’s pass 1 am and I still can’t sleep. I’m lying to my parents about the time to concern about the baby without thinking about anything else. How could I put aside my contract issue with SM? SM is my second home for more than ten years. I’m learning about so many things there, growing up from a teenage to a woman. Gather myself from a zero to I am right now. Even if it is true that SM is an evil, still, without them I won’t be here right now.

So at 1.43 am I leave my room and knock on Jiyong’s door.

“Yes, baby.” He said in response, too fast than I expected. “Get in.” He said again. His voice sound deeper though. That husky voice is one of the things that I like about him. He is indeed a great singer.

“Am I waking you up?”

“No.” He quickly rise up. Leaning his back to the head of his bed. “I can’t sleep. Come over and let’s talk. I know you come to talk.”

“Why is it sound like you’re all waiting?” I murmur, making my way to his bed.

We let the light off and I slowly reach his bed. I sit on the edge but he pull me to get in. He covered my bare feet with the comforter and we’re sitting side to side on his bed. We keep the silence for a brief minutes before he finally asking me about the matter I wanted to talk. Doubtly, I tell him about the meeting I attended with SM staff and direction not a long ago. He’s listening in silence, only makes nods several times.

I sigh frustratedly, bring all his concern to me now. I’m so coward to meeting his eyes so I let my head down. A long silence after I finished my words that make me finally lifting my head up. And he’s still there, staring at me, waiting for me to finally take a look at him. I try to read him by looking at his eyes but the dark won’t help me.

“Tae,” he called, grabbing my hands under the comforter. “You want hear my comforting word or the truth?”

“The truth, please, even if it is hurt.”

“What they said.. is true. At this state, it’s hard to make you back like you in the old days. I said it’s hard not impossible, okay? But you need an extra effort to put everything back to their places. The wedding, the pregnancy, you know everything very well, Taeyeon. If you see someone who finally making their way to stand like the old self of them, be the old themself again after such a drama or long hiatus, let assume that they didn’t go through any kind of drama like you did. They married and having kids normally, not scandalious like you, like us.”

“I’m not going to holding you back if you really want to try. But like in the first place, I’m offering you the life which is not perfect but less drama and hurt if you put your faith on me, if you believe me. The decision is yours anyway. I’ll support you whatever your decision is. But let me ask you one thing, what’s the motif? Why you want to make your comeback, I know you’re not dumb, you know very well the situation and the chance in your pocket, right? Is it pure only your desire or something else?”

I want to stand on my own feet, Jiyong. So I don’t need to depend myself on anyone, including you. I’m so afraid, I’ve been falling for you by carrying the baby, trapping here with, seems like, no way to escape. And if I let this cimcurstance keep going,I’m afraid I’ll falling for you for real.

I’m smiling, can’t let my words spoken.

“Can you tell me the worst part if I’m making my comeback?” I’m not answering but back with different question.

He telling me everything. He doesn’t scare to hurt me by telling the truth. He knows very well that I like a bitter truth than a white lie. At least, he is objective and realistic like what I expected. I’m agree to all his words like I know the answer before he told me. I’m just.. making sure myself by hearing it from others. And choosing him is a nice shoot. Now I’m sure I can’t make my comeback. I’m sure, I won’t back be that Taeyeon again forever.

“So what do you think if I make the last comeback as a goodbye for my fans?”

“That’s good. I like that idea, I’ll help.”

“Jiyong.. about the decision, my decision you mention before...”

“You don’t have to answer it now. It’s okay.”

“No, I want to tell you right now. I want be honest this time, so let’s be honest to each others, okay?” He nods and I’m smiling in relief. “I believe you, Ji. You got my faith since the very first time. At first, of course that’s because the ego of me. I think taking your offer would be the best escape, the best shortcut to settle the matter. I was an evil not a human. I’m still thinking about the advantage I’d got, not in the blink of eyes thinking about it as it is for the baby’s sake. But I’m changed now. I love her, not motherly yet which is strange but I thin